Chapter Four
Trowa blinked weary-eyed at the alarm. Half-seven... time to get up. They had all arranged the night before that they would get up early and practice the art of applying make-up so Trowa had wisely set the alarm. However, it was not so wise to try and wake the 'still suffering from PMS' Quatre from his sweet slumber...
He dragged himself out of the room, holding his face from where Quatre had slapped him for attempting to wake him, and headed for the nearest room to see if its inhabitants were up.
" Duo? Heero? Are you up yet?" he knocked lightly on the door.
No answer
He knocked harder but still received no reply. Instead of trying to wake them from outside the room, he decided to go in...
Lying with his head under a couple of pillows was Heero (Though Trowa had seen Heero asleep many times, he still couldn't understand why Heero tried to bury his head under any available thing that he could when he slept.) and lying next to him was of course, Duo. The covers had been kicked off of Duo's side and his 'I love man ass' tattoo could be seen clearly. Trowa had had no idea that Duo had a tattoo across the small of his back, despite all the times he had walked in on him changing, and he found it all the more ironic that it said 'I love MAN ass' when he was lying next to what was now a female. He walked up to the bed and held Duo's nose until he woke up, gasping for air.
" Not funny Trowa! What are you doing in here anyway?! He pulled the covers back over himself and clung onto them.
" You still love man ass?" he asked candidly, looking from Duo to Heero then back again. Heero was now awake and was death-glaring him.
" What does that mean?!"
" The tattoo, isn't it rather inappropriate?"
Duo looked at Heero, who pulled the pillows back over his head and moaned some inaudible comment. " It was appropriate at the time, and I was drunk, so back off! What are you in here for anyway?! If Heero and me wanted a playmate, we would have asked..."
Trowa's eyes widened. " That's not what I meant, or what I was implying! Who's idea was it that we get up at this time anyway? Remember, the whole 'lets get up really early and practice putting make-up on, the competition is only three days away' thing?"
Duo toyed with the edge of the covers. He couldn't be assed getting up so early, but it had been his suggestion so there was no way that the others would let him get out of it. " Sure... fine. Anything to get you off my case. You getting up Heero?"
Heero threw his arms over the pillows and held them down. " I want a word with you about last night..."
Duo went bright red. Nothing had happened last night, and that was precisely the problem... " Would you excuse us Trowa? We'll be down in a bit... go get Wufei and Quatre up..."
Trowa swallowed. Wufei AND Quatre? He wondered how many times he was due a slap that morning... " Sure, but don't be too late or I'll tell Quatre it was you two who ate the last of the ice-cream..."
Duo smiled weakly, remembering what Quatre had done with the scoop when he found out that there was none left... " Okay..."
Trowa backed off the bed and left Duo and Heero alone.
Heero emerged from under the pillows, his hair a mess and the make-up that he had forgotten to take off the night before smeared down his face. " I was thinking last night, after you went to sleep..."
Duo lay back down, moving his chest so that it didn't hurt to lie on it, put and arm round Heero and started to play with his hair while running a finger up and down his front. " What is it? I know that things didn't go very well but..."
" I don't think that this is going to work." Cut in Heero, very bluntly.
It took a couple of seconds for Duo to register what Heero had just said. " WHA?!?" he finally managed to scream.
" No, not like that Duo, I mean..." but Heero was cut short by Duo's incessant ramblings. " You bastard!" he shouted. " I thought you loved me! We come across one little problem like not being able to screw each other stupid cause I'm not able anymore and you say that's it?! I hate you Heero Yuy! How could you be so insensitive!?! You aren't exactly 'all man' either anymore you know, why are you making it look like this is all my fault?!" he broke off in floods of tears.
" Will you listen to me?!" Heero grabbed hold of Duo's shoulders and slapped him across the face. " I do love you, and I'm not trying to end us, I was just saying that unless we get some sort of... uh... 'aid', then our sex life is going to become non-existent!"
Duo went 'ohhh...' and looked off into space for a couple of seconds before returning back to earth. The 'non-existent' part seemed to be having an impact on him. " No... sex?"
Heero nodded his head slowly.
" No sex means... not happy..."
He nodded again.
Duo emitted a scream. " No! I NEED sex to live! Shit Heero, what are we going to do?!"
" It's simple," said Heero " We need to go 'shopping', like we did before. Remember, the ' Orgas..."
" Yes! Yes I remember! But we didn't really use them when we got them, and we couldn't carry them about when we we're on missions..."
" Which means we're just going to have to learn how to use them. And I want to start as soon as possible. I can't cut this, I've went three days without a good lay..."
They then done one of those 'everything's going to be okay... let me hug you' hugs that, unsurprisingly, ended in Duo throwing himself at Heero only to be pushed off."
" Hey! What was that for?!"
Heero stood up off the bed, and pulled on a shirt (picture 'that' white shirt that he wears in loadsa pics off the net, especially the one where the shirt is *just* covering him and he has a Popsicle ... anyone wants it mail me!) " Cause there is NO WAY I'm putting my hand down there until I have something to go down there with..."
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" Yuy! Give me that lap top!" Wufei stood in the living room, pointing at Heero who was busy looking up assorted porn accessory sites.
Heero didn't look up. " Get lost. I'm busy."
" Come on Yuy, I REALLY need on the net..."
" Is that the sound of Chang Wufei pleading?" asked Quatre sarcastically from where he was sitting across from the pair of them. " Sounds like being a woman has effected your way of thinking as well as your way of acting..." he smirked evilly, pulling on one of his pigtails.
" Shut it Winner! You have nothing to do with this!" Wufei now directed his finger at Quatre.
" Don't get him started Quatre. I'll let you on just as soon as I'm done."
Wufei screwed his face up. ' Why is it always me that's last?! I HATE this!' but all he said was " Fine, thanks."
At that moment, Duo came hurtling down the stairs and into the sitting room. " SHIT!"
Heero stood up and knocked over the laptop. " What is it?!"
" BLOOD! I'm BLEEDING!" he flailed his arms around making bizarre squealing noises that roughly translated in to 'NO!'
He sat back down again. " Oh that's just your period."
Duo fell to his knees " No! This isn't right! Quatre, what the hell is going on?!"
Quatre turned round and stared at him. " Nothing much. You'll just bleed for around a week, feel twice your normal size, lose control of your temper more than you normally would and just generally feel like shit."
Duo's face fell. " No kidding?"
" Nah, and the blood will get everywhere. And your hair will feel crap and greasy, and you'll get really, REALLY bad pains just below your stomach, round about here." He indicated the (you know where it is) area where he had been struck by dreaded period-pains.
Duo felt like crying. " But the competition is only two days away, and you'll probably be finished by then..."
Quatre smiled. " More than likely. Heh heh, I'LL be finished, YOU'LL just be starting..."
" Stop rubbing it in..."
They were both distracted when they heard Heero and Wufei bitch-fighting over the PC.
" Give it here!"
" No way! Its mine!"
Wufei grabbed hold of it, snaked his way past Heero ad bolted up the stairs where he ran into his room, locked the door and threw himself behind it. He lifted up the monitor and flicked the switch on. ' Now to find out who's in this competition and where they are appearing...'
He found the web site that gave the lists of entries and scrolled down it until he found where he and the others were. Duo was first, then Trowa, Heero, Quatre and finally himself. But it wasn't only his own and the other four's names that caught his eye.
" R. Darlin and D. Catalonia?!?"
Then he thought to himself. ' Its only Relena and Dorothy, and they aren't exactly a basket of fruit. Besides, they won't know that it's us, I hope...'
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The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful for the five girls. Duo suffered from a mental and physical breakdown due to the fact that he was bleeding and hadn't been screwed in three days. Heero spent most of his time looking up porn shops to look at the vast array of porno and porno accessories (in which he was paricularly interested in). Trowa kept himself to himself by practising zipping ones self in and out of a dress that barely fitted. Quatre, in the final throws of his PMS, underwent a stage in the day where he kept baking cakes, ranging from four tier, iced things the size of a wedding cake to little fairy cakes with strawberries ontop of them. All were surprised at Quatre's talent of making the perfect meringue. None of the others really seen Wufei for the rest of the day, assuming that he was in the middle of a pouting session, not that they really cared. He was being an ass-hole and they were all beginning to tire of him. At least this competition would sort things out...
Trowa blinked weary-eyed at the alarm. Half-seven... time to get up. They had all arranged the night before that they would get up early and practice the art of applying make-up so Trowa had wisely set the alarm. However, it was not so wise to try and wake the 'still suffering from PMS' Quatre from his sweet slumber...
He dragged himself out of the room, holding his face from where Quatre had slapped him for attempting to wake him, and headed for the nearest room to see if its inhabitants were up.
" Duo? Heero? Are you up yet?" he knocked lightly on the door.
No answer
He knocked harder but still received no reply. Instead of trying to wake them from outside the room, he decided to go in...
Lying with his head under a couple of pillows was Heero (Though Trowa had seen Heero asleep many times, he still couldn't understand why Heero tried to bury his head under any available thing that he could when he slept.) and lying next to him was of course, Duo. The covers had been kicked off of Duo's side and his 'I love man ass' tattoo could be seen clearly. Trowa had had no idea that Duo had a tattoo across the small of his back, despite all the times he had walked in on him changing, and he found it all the more ironic that it said 'I love MAN ass' when he was lying next to what was now a female. He walked up to the bed and held Duo's nose until he woke up, gasping for air.
" Not funny Trowa! What are you doing in here anyway?! He pulled the covers back over himself and clung onto them.
" You still love man ass?" he asked candidly, looking from Duo to Heero then back again. Heero was now awake and was death-glaring him.
" What does that mean?!"
" The tattoo, isn't it rather inappropriate?"
Duo looked at Heero, who pulled the pillows back over his head and moaned some inaudible comment. " It was appropriate at the time, and I was drunk, so back off! What are you in here for anyway?! If Heero and me wanted a playmate, we would have asked..."
Trowa's eyes widened. " That's not what I meant, or what I was implying! Who's idea was it that we get up at this time anyway? Remember, the whole 'lets get up really early and practice putting make-up on, the competition is only three days away' thing?"
Duo toyed with the edge of the covers. He couldn't be assed getting up so early, but it had been his suggestion so there was no way that the others would let him get out of it. " Sure... fine. Anything to get you off my case. You getting up Heero?"
Heero threw his arms over the pillows and held them down. " I want a word with you about last night..."
Duo went bright red. Nothing had happened last night, and that was precisely the problem... " Would you excuse us Trowa? We'll be down in a bit... go get Wufei and Quatre up..."
Trowa swallowed. Wufei AND Quatre? He wondered how many times he was due a slap that morning... " Sure, but don't be too late or I'll tell Quatre it was you two who ate the last of the ice-cream..."
Duo smiled weakly, remembering what Quatre had done with the scoop when he found out that there was none left... " Okay..."
Trowa backed off the bed and left Duo and Heero alone.
Heero emerged from under the pillows, his hair a mess and the make-up that he had forgotten to take off the night before smeared down his face. " I was thinking last night, after you went to sleep..."
Duo lay back down, moving his chest so that it didn't hurt to lie on it, put and arm round Heero and started to play with his hair while running a finger up and down his front. " What is it? I know that things didn't go very well but..."
" I don't think that this is going to work." Cut in Heero, very bluntly.
It took a couple of seconds for Duo to register what Heero had just said. " WHA?!?" he finally managed to scream.
" No, not like that Duo, I mean..." but Heero was cut short by Duo's incessant ramblings. " You bastard!" he shouted. " I thought you loved me! We come across one little problem like not being able to screw each other stupid cause I'm not able anymore and you say that's it?! I hate you Heero Yuy! How could you be so insensitive!?! You aren't exactly 'all man' either anymore you know, why are you making it look like this is all my fault?!" he broke off in floods of tears.
" Will you listen to me?!" Heero grabbed hold of Duo's shoulders and slapped him across the face. " I do love you, and I'm not trying to end us, I was just saying that unless we get some sort of... uh... 'aid', then our sex life is going to become non-existent!"
Duo went 'ohhh...' and looked off into space for a couple of seconds before returning back to earth. The 'non-existent' part seemed to be having an impact on him. " No... sex?"
Heero nodded his head slowly.
" No sex means... not happy..."
He nodded again.
Duo emitted a scream. " No! I NEED sex to live! Shit Heero, what are we going to do?!"
" It's simple," said Heero " We need to go 'shopping', like we did before. Remember, the ' Orgas..."
" Yes! Yes I remember! But we didn't really use them when we got them, and we couldn't carry them about when we we're on missions..."
" Which means we're just going to have to learn how to use them. And I want to start as soon as possible. I can't cut this, I've went three days without a good lay..."
They then done one of those 'everything's going to be okay... let me hug you' hugs that, unsurprisingly, ended in Duo throwing himself at Heero only to be pushed off."
" Hey! What was that for?!"
Heero stood up off the bed, and pulled on a shirt (picture 'that' white shirt that he wears in loadsa pics off the net, especially the one where the shirt is *just* covering him and he has a Popsicle ... anyone wants it mail me!) " Cause there is NO WAY I'm putting my hand down there until I have something to go down there with..."
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" Yuy! Give me that lap top!" Wufei stood in the living room, pointing at Heero who was busy looking up assorted porn accessory sites.
Heero didn't look up. " Get lost. I'm busy."
" Come on Yuy, I REALLY need on the net..."
" Is that the sound of Chang Wufei pleading?" asked Quatre sarcastically from where he was sitting across from the pair of them. " Sounds like being a woman has effected your way of thinking as well as your way of acting..." he smirked evilly, pulling on one of his pigtails.
" Shut it Winner! You have nothing to do with this!" Wufei now directed his finger at Quatre.
" Don't get him started Quatre. I'll let you on just as soon as I'm done."
Wufei screwed his face up. ' Why is it always me that's last?! I HATE this!' but all he said was " Fine, thanks."
At that moment, Duo came hurtling down the stairs and into the sitting room. " SHIT!"
Heero stood up and knocked over the laptop. " What is it?!"
" BLOOD! I'm BLEEDING!" he flailed his arms around making bizarre squealing noises that roughly translated in to 'NO!'
He sat back down again. " Oh that's just your period."
Duo fell to his knees " No! This isn't right! Quatre, what the hell is going on?!"
Quatre turned round and stared at him. " Nothing much. You'll just bleed for around a week, feel twice your normal size, lose control of your temper more than you normally would and just generally feel like shit."
Duo's face fell. " No kidding?"
" Nah, and the blood will get everywhere. And your hair will feel crap and greasy, and you'll get really, REALLY bad pains just below your stomach, round about here." He indicated the (you know where it is) area where he had been struck by dreaded period-pains.
Duo felt like crying. " But the competition is only two days away, and you'll probably be finished by then..."
Quatre smiled. " More than likely. Heh heh, I'LL be finished, YOU'LL just be starting..."
" Stop rubbing it in..."
They were both distracted when they heard Heero and Wufei bitch-fighting over the PC.
" Give it here!"
" No way! Its mine!"
Wufei grabbed hold of it, snaked his way past Heero ad bolted up the stairs where he ran into his room, locked the door and threw himself behind it. He lifted up the monitor and flicked the switch on. ' Now to find out who's in this competition and where they are appearing...'
He found the web site that gave the lists of entries and scrolled down it until he found where he and the others were. Duo was first, then Trowa, Heero, Quatre and finally himself. But it wasn't only his own and the other four's names that caught his eye.
" R. Darlin and D. Catalonia?!?"
Then he thought to himself. ' Its only Relena and Dorothy, and they aren't exactly a basket of fruit. Besides, they won't know that it's us, I hope...'
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The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful for the five girls. Duo suffered from a mental and physical breakdown due to the fact that he was bleeding and hadn't been screwed in three days. Heero spent most of his time looking up porn shops to look at the vast array of porno and porno accessories (in which he was paricularly interested in). Trowa kept himself to himself by practising zipping ones self in and out of a dress that barely fitted. Quatre, in the final throws of his PMS, underwent a stage in the day where he kept baking cakes, ranging from four tier, iced things the size of a wedding cake to little fairy cakes with strawberries ontop of them. All were surprised at Quatre's talent of making the perfect meringue. None of the others really seen Wufei for the rest of the day, assuming that he was in the middle of a pouting session, not that they really cared. He was being an ass-hole and they were all beginning to tire of him. At least this competition would sort things out...
