The Paladin Project 14 - Family Ties

Faith moved through Eagles Nest's corridors, her set face giving no clue to her inner emotions. She'd been heading into the gym for a workout, something to blow away the cobwebs when she'd heard Angel and Xander talking. God, the pain she'd heard in his voice when he'd spoke about the night she'd nearly killed him. In LA he'd made light of the incident but today she'd heard the unvarnished truth. She'd caused him so much hurt, he could never love her, not the way in which she wanted.

She stopped at her dorm door, reached out with a trembling had, and shoved it open. Once inside she allowed her mask and tears to fall. Wiping her eyes she made for her bed.

"Oh pull yourself together girl."

Her heart thumping she turned to face the slender raven-haired with severe features stood by the door. "M.ma."

The woman's face twisted into an all-too familiar sneer. "You cheap harlot. You were a wilful child, then you grew into your sinful whore's body, eager to fornicate with any man who'd look your way!"

"Maybe if I got some attention off you I wouldn't have!" Faith interrupted. She wasn't going to let this Jesus-freak put her down, not like she had for the first fifteen years of her life.

"Pay you attention?" the woman laughed, it was a harsh, bitter sound. "Why would I want to do that? Be reminded of my greatest disappointment? It was bad enough having to have you in my house, much less spend any time with you, and be reminded of the demonspawn I gave birth to."

Faith flinched as ever word of her mother's struck home. "That's not true," she whispered, "I've made mistakes -."

"Made mistakes," her mother snorted, "you ran away with that British woman, after I provided for you, you ungrateful hussy. Then you became a murderer, even worked for another demon. You're a despicable creature."

"No," she shook her head, "that's not true. Angel thinks -."

"Angel?" her mother laughed. "Another demon, a vampire thinks you're worthwhile. Well that's alright then, maybe you're not the Jezebel I always thought you were! As if a fine upstanding young man like Xander Harris could ever be interested in you! You try and kill him, and then you expect him to love you?"

* * * Dawn grinned as she hurried down the women's corridor. She'd just finished archery training on the outside range, she loved training, the buzz she got everything. She knew she'd never be a Slayer but after years of just being ignored by everybody having people take the time to train her made her feel so wanted.

Her smile slipped as she heard the muffled sound of sobbing coming from a near-by room. Her brow furrowed in concentration she followed the sound to its source and stopped. "Faith." Dawn found herself in a quandary. On the one hand she really liked the dark Slayer, before she'd gone bad and since her return she'd been really cool to her. On the other hand Faith's legendary hot temper was even more volatile when she was in one of her moods. Finally she smiled. "A friend in need is a pain in the ass." After taking a breath she shoved the door open and walked into the room. "Hi Faith."

As soon as she entered the Slayer sprang off the bed, bolting into an upright position, wiping quickly at her eyes. "Jeez Pip," Faith blustered, "didn't Joyce teach ya to knock?"

Oh yeah," Dawn nodded, not at all thrown by the Slayer's bravado, "'course she was always telling me I didn't listen enough, so you know. What's up?"

"Nothing."

"Oh yeah 'cause bad ass bitches are always just bursting into tears for no good reason," her tone hardened, "talk."

The Slayer glared at her. "How about I kick your nosy ass back into the corridor?"

Dawn didn't flinch. "How about I go and find Angel and tell him, oh and anybody I pass on the way about your blubbering?" she countered.

Faith paled at her threat. "Y..you wouldn't."

"Try me," she challenged. Judging it was time to ease off on the pressure she sat down on the bed beside the older woman. "So what's the sitch?"

Faith smiled wanly at hearing her use one of the Slayer's catchphrases. "I had a visit from the First."

"Oh," Dawn paused for a second and winced. Shortly after transferring her own loyalties to Xander she'd been visited by the First in the guise of her mother, berating her for choosing Xander over Buffy. It had shaken her but she'd rather be on the side of right than blindly following family. "What happened?"

"All my life I've figured I'd be alone. First 'cause my ma made it damn sure I knew how worthless was." Dawn heart ached at the matter-of-fact note in her friend's voice. "Then 'cause I knew guys would look at me and say 'Faith Walker," Dawn blinked, she realised she'd never known Faith's surname, "there's one hot slut, she'll do anything you want, but don't get serious she's not worth it. And then I was a murderer, what decent guy would want me then? And then I got out of prison and there was Xand," Faith paused for a second. "I never really noticed him first time I was in Sunnyd."

"But you slept with him," Dawn interjected.

"Me sleeping with a guy didn't mean a lot back then trust me," Faith replied, her tone bitter. "He treated me way nicer than any guy I'd been with before - he was respectful, sweet, and polite, the sort of guy every girl wants but I knew he'd be repulsed by me eventually so I sort of ignored him. Then he turns back up in Sunnyd and he's this bad-ass capable of kicking your sis' ass and giving orders to major-leaguers like Blade and Angel. Then he give me a fucking pardon," her friend patted her wallet instinctively, "and it's like wow this hero gives enough of a shit to do this for me." Faith glanced down at the carpet. "For the first time in my life a decent guy thinks I'm worth making an effort for. Right that I started to fall for him. But I knew I didn't have a chance -."

"Why not?"

The Slayer started at her softly asked question as if she'd forgotten she was there. "Here's a newsflash for you Dawn," Faith's crooked smile had none of its usual energy or warmth, "girls like me, from the wrong side of the tracks, we don't end up with guys like Xand. If they're lucky they get knocked up by a grease monkey or a truckie by the name of Cletus who's banging the local barmaid on the side. If they're not, they end up crack whores doing johns for $10 a pop."

Dawn winced at the grim picture drawn by her companion's words. "You're better than that."

"Whatever," Faith shrugged. "I never had your or B's chances. That's the reason I hated your sis so much by the end, she had so much but was always pissing about what she hadn't got."

"You were talking about Xander," Dawn interrupted, unwilling to allow the Slayer change the subject.

"Yeah," Faith nodded. "I figured Xman's out of my league but maybe we could be buds maybe some day he'd notice me as more. So I tried, I really did, and things were going pretty good, we were swapping jokes just like we did back in the day. And then," Faith's face fell, "he just changed was like totally cold. I hadn't a clue what the fuck I'd done or how to fix it. Then I went to the gym to take my frustrations out on the punch-bag. I was just outside when I heard Xman arguing with Angel. Angel was bawling him out for believing the First about me. I was about to go and rip the prick's head off when he starts talking back to Angel, telling him how scared and helpless I made him feel when I strangled him, how he'd felt a connection with me but how he could never completely trust me. I knew then, I knew Xand could never love me."

"Oh Faith I'm sorry."

The Slayer didn't appear to hear her muttered sympathy. "I headed back to my room and when I got here my ma's waiting here." Faith laughed harshly. "You know the dumb bitch got knocked up with me when she was just sixteen, the first time she went all the way with a guy. Her family turned her out and she turned into a regular Bible-Thumper. Every fucking thing I did was a sin against god, any fucking excuse to hit me, lock me in the cupboard for a few hours, only thing I had to occupy me was the bible, toys were sinful." Dawn paled, no wonder Faith was such a mess. "She told me what a useless slut I am and that's where you came in."

Dawn stared at her friend for a few seconds before coming to a decision. Standing she grabbed hold of the Slayer's hand. "Come on we're going to see Angel."

Faith's eyes widened. "Uh, uh," the Slayer shook her head, "no fucking way."

"Then I'll bring him here," Dawn snapped right back, "and if anyone asks I'll tell them you need Angel because you're babbling like a baby."

"You're evil."

Dawn grinned. "The First's got nothing on me. Now move it."

* * *

Angel turned from discussing Xander with Wesley to the door as it opened to reveal Dawn herding a bemused and distressed looking Faith behind him. "Dawn, have you heard of knocking!"

"You know Faith said much the same thing," Dawn said calmly, "and what would you be doing alone in a room with Wes anyway? Although," a mischievous glint entered the teen's eyes, "given that vampires are notoriously asexual and Wes went to English upper-class boarding schools-."

"I say!"

Angel's hid his amusement both at Wesley's out-raged face and Dawn's instinctive command of situation, reminding him of her sister without her accompanying immaturity. His amusement died at the teen's words. "Wesley go and get Xander," Faith flinched at the name, "it's time we cleared the air."

Once the Watcher had left Angel turned to Dawn. "What's this about?"

The teen didn't look at him choosing instead to stare at Faith. "Are you going to tell him or shall I?"

"Dawn," Angel blinked at Faith's almost whining tone. Dawn raised an eyebrow, Faith pouted. "Fine."

Angel grew more and more angry as the brunette talked, her voice a lifeless monotone. Finally she'd finished. "Have you listened to nothing I've told you?" he scolded. "You can't define yourself by your past or what others think. Define yourself by your actions."

"My actions tell me I'm a murdering slut."

"Oh bloody hell you dozy bint!" Angel glanced away from Faith to an angry- looking Wesley and a pale-faced Xander standing in the doorway. "Your actions tell me a quite different story! You were Chosen, one girl out of millions by a power beyond our understanding - doesn't that mean anything to you? During your time as a Slayer you have slain a number of Master Vampires, helped save the world from the Sisterhood of Jhe, and prevented Angelus from killing us all. That's quite a list of achievements for an apparently worthless tart. Pull yourself together girl!"

"Faith," the Slayer's eyes flickered up towards Xander. If Angel had been human he'd have held his breath as he waited for his friend to speak. "What both Wesley and Angel said was right. You've done a lot of good stuff in your life," the man paused as if collecting his thoughts before crouching down in front of the brunette, "and the way I figure it if the First's so set on pushing us apart that seems like a good reason for us to be friends. I don't want anything more than friendship, there's too much history between us, but if you wanted I'd be honoured to have such a brave, strong-willed woman as my friend."

There was a pause and then Faith nodded. "I'd like us to be friends too."

"Good," Xander straightened. "Then I better get back to work." After giving the Slayer a quick hug and whispering an apology in her ear, Xander walked out.

After a moment Dawn rose. "I got Rocky Boxing yesterday, want to go a few rounds Faith."

The Slayer stood, a smile playing on her full lips and something approaching her usual energy in her eyes. "Sure Pip, on a PS2 is the only time you'll last a few rounds against me."

Angel stopped Dawn as she followed Faith out of the room. "You did good work today Dawn."

If the teen's answering smile had been a single watt brighter he'd have burst into flames. "Thanks Angel."