Chapter Five
It was obvious that Wufei was taking the whole competition thing far too seriously, Heero had commented on the fact that he kept disappearing into his room and locking the door behind him, as if he was planning something... But Quatre (now recovered from PMS) had told them not to be ludicrous.
" He's just a little uptight, that's all."
" Do you think maybe he's making his own clothing?" asked Duo " You know, like in Cinderella or something."
" Yeah, and I'm gonna be the Fairy Godmother. And another thing, it was the mice who made the dress, not Cinderella."
" Not in the version I heard."
" Well I don't wanna hear what version you heard, she probably wasn't even wearing a dress in it..."
Duo smiled wickedly. " You seen that film too? Heero could get a copy of it for you if you want, he's been spending all of his time on porn sites anyway."
Quatre squinted. " Duo, shut up."
Duo pulled his eye anime-style but said nothing. His stomach was killing him and he felt really stiff and sore. ' Damn bleeding... so stupid and pointless...'
The little blonde stood up and stretched.
" Woah! Quatre! Blonde or not, you REALLY need to do your pits!"
" Wha? But I just did them two days ago!"
" Well you need to do them again."
Quatre strutted over to Duo and started grabbing his arms. " Really, well let's see yours then!"
" Heero! Get him off me! He's touching me again!"
Heero looked up from his laptop but went back to clicking away at the mouse a second later.
Quatre pinned Duo to the floor and lifted his arms above his head. " You can hardly talk! Look at the state of your pits! And your legs look like a brillo-pad!"
" That's just cause my hair is darker than yours! If your hair was as dark as mine, you would look just as hairy!" he grabbed onto a pigtail and tugged at it. " Get off of me you blonde jerk! The last thing I want is you waving your blonde about in my face! Its blinding!"
Quatre backed off. " There's nothing wrong with being blonde! At least I'm not the stupid one!"
" What are you saying, that I'm stupid?!"
Quatre pointed at him with a calm and almost mocking look on his face. " You are stupid, and you know it, because it is a fact."
Duo's PMS levels went through the roof and he launched himself at Quatre, knocking the table that Heero was sitting at and pulling the wire out the back of the laptop.
" Goddamnit! I took me AGES to fill that order form out! Now I'm going to have to do it all over again!" he stood up and looked down at the two fighting girls who had now stopped and were smiling pathetically at him.
" Quatre started it..." mumbled Duo.
" Did not..."
" Shut up!" Heero's eyes were on fire. " Now it's going to take even longer to order stuff. Hear that Duo? And it's all your fault!"
Duo pulled his hair over his face. " Quatre Rabarba Winner is found guilty of starting the argument that resulted in the loss of Heero's porn. I, Duo Maxwell hereby sentence him to... uh...wax Heero's legs and get them feeling all silky smooth. Case closed."
Quatre pushed Duo over. " You bitch! Who made you judge and juror?! I'm not waxing Heero's legs! He'll kill me!"
Heero death-glared the pair of them. " I don't need mine waxed, done them this morning. But you can both do each other. And I'm going to watch you do it, do you have any idea how long it takes to get that thing to get back on-line if it hasn't been shut down properly?!"
" Gees Heero, its only porn... its not like your going to die or anything..." Duo whined.
" Not porn, porn accessories. And I feel like I'm going to die, I haven't fucked in four days! And I'm going to have to wait even longer now because you two were playing like stupid little school girls!"
" Well, we are technically still little school girls..." said Quatre in a meek voice, like a kid that tells the truth even though it would have wiser to tell a lie.
Heero's death-glare darkened. " Shut it." he then walked over to where the two girls had fallen, grabbed Duo by the ear, Quatre by a pigtail and started dragging them up the stairs to the bathroom.
When they got to the top landing, Wufei poked his head round his door, as did Trowa.
" What's going on?" asked the tall boy/girl.
" These two hairy little school girls are going to wax each other, EVERY PART OF THEM. And I'm going to watch them do it."
" What? Even down there?"
Heero nodded. Trowa gasped slightly and Wufei smirked. ' Heh heh, nice to see Maxwell on the receiving end of it for once...'
Heero flung the bathroom door open and launched the pair of them into it. " Right. Strip."
" I'm not stripping infront of you!" exclaimed Quatre indignity.
" You'll strip, and you'll get waxing or you won't be able to go to this competition tomorrow..."
Quatre scowled. Duo was already down to his bra and little white cotton panties, his pants and top heaped at the door. Trowa and Wufei were hovering around behind Heero, who was standing in the doorway, ruling out all chance of escape. " Fine..." He gingerly lifted his arms and pulled of the fitted vest that he was wearing.
Heero then walked into the bathroom, rummaged around in the cupboard until he found the waxing kit and threw it at the pair of them.
" Aren't you taking this a bit too far?" asked Quatre shyly.
" I've just lost at least a week of sex, as far as I'm concerned you're getting off lightly. And you can start with the legs."
" Ooh, full frontal nudity." Smirked Duo, who was actually starting to enjoy himself. He had never really had a problem with 'baring all' infront of the other guys.
However, Quatre was not so at ease with the idea of getting naked.
Beside him, Duo was now naked. " Alright Quat-chan, want me to do you first? As Heero says, we'll do the legs first..."
Quatre's eyes grew wide as he caught sight of Duo pulling a thin strip of paper out of the box.
" And one more thing..." Duo almost burst out laughing. " It REALLY hurts your first time."
" How the hell would you know?!" demanded Quatre as he stood with one arm over his chest and the other over his crotch.
Duo folded his arms, emphasising his chest. " Quatre, I'm gay. Body hair doesn't go with all that leather and latex. Ask Heero if you want, waxing lasts longer than shaving."
" No you bloody won't. I'm not answering any questions like that. Hurry up and get started!" ordered Heero.
Quatre looked from Duo, to the paper he was holding in one hand, to the strange little bottle of something that was in the other. ' This is bad.' Duo was now walking towards him and his first reaction was to turn and try to get as far away from the wax yielding maniac as he could, but Heero caught him, threw him to the ground and pinned his arms above his head.
" Let go of me you bitch!" he squealed. But Heero held him down with a 'You're going to pay for depriving me of my porn' look in his eyes. It was apparent that although Heero was now female, he had lost none of his strength. " Come on! Can't we just shave? You can even nick me a couple of times! PLEASE!"
Duo kneeled infront of him, and started to wax him up.
" Argh! Where the hell have you been keeping that stuff?! Its bloody FREEZING! You're not meant to put it on the skin anyway!" said Quatre.
" Well we are making an exception for you and Duo."
Duo pulled away and stared at the bottle. " Funny, its not supposed to be..." he looked up and saw that Heero was telling him to skip the legs and 'get down to business'. Duo smirked evilly, moved the bottle slightly and squeezed hard.
" ARGH HOLY CRAP! STOP IT!"
When Duo was sure that there was enough on, he picked up the funny little spatula thing and started to spread it about going " Spreading wax all over Quatre, gonna shave his bikini line!"
Quatre started to kick wildly in an attempt to stop Duo, but Heero only asked Trowa and Wufei to hold his legs down. Seconds later, Duo waxed the paper, lay it down on Quatre, and pulled it away.
" FUUUUUCK! YOU BASTARDS! THAT REALLY HURT! OW, FUCK!"
Duo smirked again. " Well now you can do me. Come on Quatre, wax me up!"
" If you don't watch it, I'll wax the hair growing out the top of your head off!" he grabbed the bottle. There was something slightly unsatisfying about waxing someone who enjoyed it, when he didn't. At that moment, Duo quickly lay another piece of paper on the leg that was covered in wax, and ripped it off. " For the love of God stop it!"
Duo held the paper with Quatre's hair on it up to his chin. " Hey Heero, would I look good with a goatie? I could grow it, then get it done blonde. Cool huh?"
" Well it would be, except that you're a girl now. You can't grow a goatie!"
" I don't know, Quatre's got a bit of the 'ol stubble under his lip, see?" Duo went right up to Quatre's face and pointed at his mouth.
" Uh-uh. There is NO WAY you're waxing my lip... go to hell Duo."
All the time, Trowa and Wufei stood holding their sides for fear they may split with laughter.
" Come on Quatre, make me shine in a way that only you could..." Duo pulled at his hair and curled it round one finger with the 'It wasn't me' look in his eyes.
Quatre looked at the bottle, looked at Duo, and looked at bottle again. He had just been struck with a most evil thought...
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Wufei was in hysterics. He was right, Duo COULDN'T do any better than himself. At least his had started to grow back, and the competition was tomorrow. This couldn't have come at a better time, it was as if Quatre had done his work for him.
" Hold it still!" Duo shouted as Heero stood infront of him with a mirror. " I can't do it straight if you keep moving it about!"
" Sorry..." apologised Heero from between quiet laughs. " I'm trying..."
" God damn!" the eyeliner pencil slipped off to one side. " Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now Quatre?"
Quatre was sitting behind Heero making faces. " I have a vague idea.."
" Vague? Vague?! It would be vague if I had at least one eyebrow left, but you waxed both of them! This isn't vague, this is vivid!"
Wufei relaxed back into the armchair. Things were going better than he could ever have hoped. But there was still that matter of Relena and Dorothy. He hadn't said anything to the others. The idea had crossed his mind, but he had dismissed it. Maybe they would get stage fright if they went there and saw the two of them? Well, who wouldn't be frightened by Relena in a skimpy dress?
It was obvious that Wufei was taking the whole competition thing far too seriously, Heero had commented on the fact that he kept disappearing into his room and locking the door behind him, as if he was planning something... But Quatre (now recovered from PMS) had told them not to be ludicrous.
" He's just a little uptight, that's all."
" Do you think maybe he's making his own clothing?" asked Duo " You know, like in Cinderella or something."
" Yeah, and I'm gonna be the Fairy Godmother. And another thing, it was the mice who made the dress, not Cinderella."
" Not in the version I heard."
" Well I don't wanna hear what version you heard, she probably wasn't even wearing a dress in it..."
Duo smiled wickedly. " You seen that film too? Heero could get a copy of it for you if you want, he's been spending all of his time on porn sites anyway."
Quatre squinted. " Duo, shut up."
Duo pulled his eye anime-style but said nothing. His stomach was killing him and he felt really stiff and sore. ' Damn bleeding... so stupid and pointless...'
The little blonde stood up and stretched.
" Woah! Quatre! Blonde or not, you REALLY need to do your pits!"
" Wha? But I just did them two days ago!"
" Well you need to do them again."
Quatre strutted over to Duo and started grabbing his arms. " Really, well let's see yours then!"
" Heero! Get him off me! He's touching me again!"
Heero looked up from his laptop but went back to clicking away at the mouse a second later.
Quatre pinned Duo to the floor and lifted his arms above his head. " You can hardly talk! Look at the state of your pits! And your legs look like a brillo-pad!"
" That's just cause my hair is darker than yours! If your hair was as dark as mine, you would look just as hairy!" he grabbed onto a pigtail and tugged at it. " Get off of me you blonde jerk! The last thing I want is you waving your blonde about in my face! Its blinding!"
Quatre backed off. " There's nothing wrong with being blonde! At least I'm not the stupid one!"
" What are you saying, that I'm stupid?!"
Quatre pointed at him with a calm and almost mocking look on his face. " You are stupid, and you know it, because it is a fact."
Duo's PMS levels went through the roof and he launched himself at Quatre, knocking the table that Heero was sitting at and pulling the wire out the back of the laptop.
" Goddamnit! I took me AGES to fill that order form out! Now I'm going to have to do it all over again!" he stood up and looked down at the two fighting girls who had now stopped and were smiling pathetically at him.
" Quatre started it..." mumbled Duo.
" Did not..."
" Shut up!" Heero's eyes were on fire. " Now it's going to take even longer to order stuff. Hear that Duo? And it's all your fault!"
Duo pulled his hair over his face. " Quatre Rabarba Winner is found guilty of starting the argument that resulted in the loss of Heero's porn. I, Duo Maxwell hereby sentence him to... uh...wax Heero's legs and get them feeling all silky smooth. Case closed."
Quatre pushed Duo over. " You bitch! Who made you judge and juror?! I'm not waxing Heero's legs! He'll kill me!"
Heero death-glared the pair of them. " I don't need mine waxed, done them this morning. But you can both do each other. And I'm going to watch you do it, do you have any idea how long it takes to get that thing to get back on-line if it hasn't been shut down properly?!"
" Gees Heero, its only porn... its not like your going to die or anything..." Duo whined.
" Not porn, porn accessories. And I feel like I'm going to die, I haven't fucked in four days! And I'm going to have to wait even longer now because you two were playing like stupid little school girls!"
" Well, we are technically still little school girls..." said Quatre in a meek voice, like a kid that tells the truth even though it would have wiser to tell a lie.
Heero's death-glare darkened. " Shut it." he then walked over to where the two girls had fallen, grabbed Duo by the ear, Quatre by a pigtail and started dragging them up the stairs to the bathroom.
When they got to the top landing, Wufei poked his head round his door, as did Trowa.
" What's going on?" asked the tall boy/girl.
" These two hairy little school girls are going to wax each other, EVERY PART OF THEM. And I'm going to watch them do it."
" What? Even down there?"
Heero nodded. Trowa gasped slightly and Wufei smirked. ' Heh heh, nice to see Maxwell on the receiving end of it for once...'
Heero flung the bathroom door open and launched the pair of them into it. " Right. Strip."
" I'm not stripping infront of you!" exclaimed Quatre indignity.
" You'll strip, and you'll get waxing or you won't be able to go to this competition tomorrow..."
Quatre scowled. Duo was already down to his bra and little white cotton panties, his pants and top heaped at the door. Trowa and Wufei were hovering around behind Heero, who was standing in the doorway, ruling out all chance of escape. " Fine..." He gingerly lifted his arms and pulled of the fitted vest that he was wearing.
Heero then walked into the bathroom, rummaged around in the cupboard until he found the waxing kit and threw it at the pair of them.
" Aren't you taking this a bit too far?" asked Quatre shyly.
" I've just lost at least a week of sex, as far as I'm concerned you're getting off lightly. And you can start with the legs."
" Ooh, full frontal nudity." Smirked Duo, who was actually starting to enjoy himself. He had never really had a problem with 'baring all' infront of the other guys.
However, Quatre was not so at ease with the idea of getting naked.
Beside him, Duo was now naked. " Alright Quat-chan, want me to do you first? As Heero says, we'll do the legs first..."
Quatre's eyes grew wide as he caught sight of Duo pulling a thin strip of paper out of the box.
" And one more thing..." Duo almost burst out laughing. " It REALLY hurts your first time."
" How the hell would you know?!" demanded Quatre as he stood with one arm over his chest and the other over his crotch.
Duo folded his arms, emphasising his chest. " Quatre, I'm gay. Body hair doesn't go with all that leather and latex. Ask Heero if you want, waxing lasts longer than shaving."
" No you bloody won't. I'm not answering any questions like that. Hurry up and get started!" ordered Heero.
Quatre looked from Duo, to the paper he was holding in one hand, to the strange little bottle of something that was in the other. ' This is bad.' Duo was now walking towards him and his first reaction was to turn and try to get as far away from the wax yielding maniac as he could, but Heero caught him, threw him to the ground and pinned his arms above his head.
" Let go of me you bitch!" he squealed. But Heero held him down with a 'You're going to pay for depriving me of my porn' look in his eyes. It was apparent that although Heero was now female, he had lost none of his strength. " Come on! Can't we just shave? You can even nick me a couple of times! PLEASE!"
Duo kneeled infront of him, and started to wax him up.
" Argh! Where the hell have you been keeping that stuff?! Its bloody FREEZING! You're not meant to put it on the skin anyway!" said Quatre.
" Well we are making an exception for you and Duo."
Duo pulled away and stared at the bottle. " Funny, its not supposed to be..." he looked up and saw that Heero was telling him to skip the legs and 'get down to business'. Duo smirked evilly, moved the bottle slightly and squeezed hard.
" ARGH HOLY CRAP! STOP IT!"
When Duo was sure that there was enough on, he picked up the funny little spatula thing and started to spread it about going " Spreading wax all over Quatre, gonna shave his bikini line!"
Quatre started to kick wildly in an attempt to stop Duo, but Heero only asked Trowa and Wufei to hold his legs down. Seconds later, Duo waxed the paper, lay it down on Quatre, and pulled it away.
" FUUUUUCK! YOU BASTARDS! THAT REALLY HURT! OW, FUCK!"
Duo smirked again. " Well now you can do me. Come on Quatre, wax me up!"
" If you don't watch it, I'll wax the hair growing out the top of your head off!" he grabbed the bottle. There was something slightly unsatisfying about waxing someone who enjoyed it, when he didn't. At that moment, Duo quickly lay another piece of paper on the leg that was covered in wax, and ripped it off. " For the love of God stop it!"
Duo held the paper with Quatre's hair on it up to his chin. " Hey Heero, would I look good with a goatie? I could grow it, then get it done blonde. Cool huh?"
" Well it would be, except that you're a girl now. You can't grow a goatie!"
" I don't know, Quatre's got a bit of the 'ol stubble under his lip, see?" Duo went right up to Quatre's face and pointed at his mouth.
" Uh-uh. There is NO WAY you're waxing my lip... go to hell Duo."
All the time, Trowa and Wufei stood holding their sides for fear they may split with laughter.
" Come on Quatre, make me shine in a way that only you could..." Duo pulled at his hair and curled it round one finger with the 'It wasn't me' look in his eyes.
Quatre looked at the bottle, looked at Duo, and looked at bottle again. He had just been struck with a most evil thought...
~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- ~-~-~-
Wufei was in hysterics. He was right, Duo COULDN'T do any better than himself. At least his had started to grow back, and the competition was tomorrow. This couldn't have come at a better time, it was as if Quatre had done his work for him.
" Hold it still!" Duo shouted as Heero stood infront of him with a mirror. " I can't do it straight if you keep moving it about!"
" Sorry..." apologised Heero from between quiet laughs. " I'm trying..."
" God damn!" the eyeliner pencil slipped off to one side. " Do you have any idea how much I hate you right now Quatre?"
Quatre was sitting behind Heero making faces. " I have a vague idea.."
" Vague? Vague?! It would be vague if I had at least one eyebrow left, but you waxed both of them! This isn't vague, this is vivid!"
Wufei relaxed back into the armchair. Things were going better than he could ever have hoped. But there was still that matter of Relena and Dorothy. He hadn't said anything to the others. The idea had crossed his mind, but he had dismissed it. Maybe they would get stage fright if they went there and saw the two of them? Well, who wouldn't be frightened by Relena in a skimpy dress?
