Chapter Six
" I've got butterflies..." moaned Duo as he sat at the kitchen table staring into the bottom of his mug.
" Nervous about the competition?" suggested Trowa.
" No..."
" Anything I can help with?"
" No, unless you want to go upstairs and screw the living daylights out of Heero. He kept me up all last night-deliberately as well, said I could 'power sleep' as he was going to keep me up seeing as he couldn't get any off of me..."
Trowa's eyes widened again. " You're right." He said at length. " I can't help."
Duo picked up a spoon from the table and started to push a Rice Crispy that had escaped from his bowl around the table. " I hate this whole girl thing..." he said with a sigh. " No sex, bad hair days, make-up thing... I mean come on! When I was a guy I didn't have a single split end! Now look!" he dropped the spoon and picked the end of his hair up, holding it up so Trowa could see. " Look, this one is split in four places... four! What the hell is that about!?! And Wufei is still in that bloody bathroom!" He stood up and grabbed the brush from the corner of the kitchen and proceeded to bang the roof as the bathroom was directly above. After he was satisfied that he had knocked enough plaster off of the ceiling he sat back down. "We need to leave here in two hours and I haven't even started to get ready!" Duo sighed heavily and let himself slid face-first onto the table.
The second he heard the click of the bathroom door lock, he shot away from the table and bombed up the stairs only to see the back of Quatre for a second before the door was shut and locked again. Duo squealed in frustration and fell down a couple of steps before steadying himself.
Heero was standing in his doorway. " What's wrong with you?"
" That fickle blonde... that's what!" The PMS was starting to gain control of Duo. " He's bloody in there, I bagsied the bathroom after Wufei, he has no respect for my bagsingness authority! Twat!" he pushed by Heero and threw himself onto the bed, giving Heero a nice view of his ass up his skirt.
He turned, and followed him into the room, shutting the door.
Duo was lying on his back. " You could have put a bra on..." he drawled, poking Heero in one of his breasts as he came into poking range. " You're falling out everywhere..."
" Not my problem. I haven't got changed properly yet anyway. There would be no point."
Duo sighed again. This was just going to be one of those days. His hair was in a state of disrepair, he was till bleeding, and he had been hit by all of the side effects that Quatre had warned him of. He had had the most horrific cramps for two days now and they hadn't got any better (_<. If anything, they had got worse. He grabbed his stomach and rolled over onto his side. " Owwie..."
" Owwie?" asked Heero " What the hell does that mean?"
" It means 'owwie', my stomach, or whatever the hell it is, is killing me! Its even worse than that time I ate that entire king burrito!"
Heero made a 'hmmm' noise, remembering how Duo had been in bed for three days after forcing himself to eat the mother of all burritos for a dare. " Anything I can do?" he asked
" Nuh-uh... I feel like shit... I wanna have a bath instead of a shower but there won't be enough hot water left by the time that little blonde chauvinist is done in there..."
Heero kneeled down and started to play about with Duo's loose hair.
" Cut it out Heero, my hair's bad enough as it is without you messing it up even more."
" Sorry, I was just playing about with it..."
Duo immediately picked up on the tone that was evident in Heero's voice. That ' come on, you can't resist me, and you're gonna have sex with me right now' tone that only Duo had heard. " You can forget it Heero." He said bluntly.
" Forget what?"
" This whole 'lack of sex' thing is really doing my head in Heero, stop making it worse... I'm not bloody doing anything. When was the last time you used that tone with me? You usually just jump me and fuck me stupid without a word. Not that I'm complaining or anything..."
" Well, this is what lack of sex does to a man..."
" Point one, you are not a man. You are a woman. Point two, you were never a man, you were a boy! Baka!"
Heero glared at him. " Thank you for you're confidence in me..."
Duo blushed. " No, no! You were always 'man-sized', you just weren't..." he broke off for a moment to think. " Oh you know what I mean! No one would ever call you 'sir', it was always 'boy'." he sighed. " Believe me, I wish you we're still man-sized, even boy-sized would do me... anything! I hate this!"
Heero walked up to him and to his surprise Duo grabbed him and threw him onto the bed beside him. " Let's see what's so great about this whole female thing then! You always heard them going on about how much better they are than guys so they must have something to show for it!"
" What are you doing Duo?!" exclaimed Heero as Duo started lifting up his little skirt and pulling at his panties.
" Get 'em off!"
" No! I said not until..."
" I'll improvise!" he ripped Heero's panties off and threw them into the corner.
Heero lay on the bed gasping. " Duo, we have to leave in a couple of hours... we don't have time for this..."
" I'll find time!"
" But I thought you weren't having any of this... and that..."
" Well I'm having it now!" he threw himself ontop of Heero and unbuttoned his skirt, flinging it in the same direction as his pants. " Spread 'em!" he forced Heero's legs apart.
After what seemed like an hour, Heero finally asked him what he was doing. " What the hell are you staring at that's of any great interest?"
" Uhhh..."
" What?!"
" You look like a... um... centre-fold..."
" Don't compare me to all your damned porn mags you slut!"
" You know all my porn mags are for gays! You've seen 'em yourself!"
" Oh shut up! If you're going to make something of this, hurry up!"
Duo hopped off of Heero and started heading for the door.
" Where are you going?! I warned you about this!"
" I'll be back in a minute..." Duo winked and disappeared through the door.
Downstairs Trowa was still sitting at the table. " Will you keep it down? I'm trying to read."
" Sorry." He apologised quickly. He strutted up to the fridge and threw the door open.
" What are you looking for Duo?" Trowa peeked round from the paper. " You've already had your breakfast. Don't go eating Wufei or Quatre's, they won't like it."
" Oh, it's not for me. It's for Heero." He continued to rummage around in the cold box and the bottom of the fridge. Eventually he stood up yielding a rather large cucumber. " Success!" he cried as he held it above his head and shut the door with his foot.
" A cucumber? Duo, what the hell is..."
" I told you, it's not for me, it's for Heero. You could call it 'breakfast in bed'..." he smirked as he saw the look of registration on Trowa's face as he pulled the paper infront of himself. " Okay, don't come up and knock to tell me that Quatre's out the bathroom, I'll find out. Infact, tell them all to bugger off if they don't want Heero to start his threats again..."
" You'll be late for the competition..."
" No we won't, I'll keep track of the time..."
" Alright, but don't start complaining when you're late and you get out."
Duo smiled again and disappeared back up the stairs.
In the room Heero was lying exactly the way that Duo had left him. He caught sight of the cucumber. " Duo, what the..."
" What? It's the best I can do at such short notice, or impulse, or whatever. But if you're gonna be like this I can just take it back down the stairs..."
" No! Don't you bloody dare!" He grabbed him and dragged him down until he was far enough to kiss him.
After Duo broke away, he sat with the cucumber in his hands. " This is gonna be cold Heero, it'll take too long to get it warmed up..."
" Do I look like I care? Just hurry up and do something!"
" Alright... just don't hit me or anything if you don't like it..."
" Fine, yes, great, just do SOMETHING!"
Duo pulled Heero up and dragged his top off. " I'm glad you never put a bra on, I can't get the hang of fastening and unfastening them."
" Neither can I."
" Well don't you turn into one of those feminist liberation freaks that strut around burning bras while shouting about their rights of equality through a megaphone..."
" Don't worry. I'm not."
" Good." He was sitting ontop of Heero's stomach with his legs behind him, still holding the cucumber. " So here we go..." he now turned round and (A/N: - gotta be careful here... I haven't a clue what goes on in Yuri fics, so its not like I know what's going on... I shall just leave it up to my perverted mind & gt;_ 'aimed it at its respective target' (You like?).
" ARGH! ITS FUCK'N FREEZING!"
Duo narrowly missed Heero's flying fist. " I told you it would be! Don't take it out on me!"
" But it's so cold!"
" Give me a second! I'm doing my best, I've never done this before, never mind with a girl!" he picked himself up off of Heero and sat between his spread legs. " Man you're tight, if you loosened up a bit this wouldn't be as uncomfortable."
" I have a cucumber in me, how the hell am I supposed to get comfortable?!"
Duo tried moving the rigid vegetable further up Heero but to no avail. " You've gotta loosen up a bit."
" I'm trying!"
At that second (and without any warning) Wufei opened the door. " Maxwell, Trowa said that you have the cucumber and... WHAT THE HELL?!?"
Heero 'argh'ed and saw Wufei standing in their doorway with a mint coloured face-pack on. Then Duo turned and saw him, squealed and fell forward shoving the cucumber straight up Heero who went; " Ahh! Fuck!" and arched his back up while making a funny screwed up face. He then grabbed onto Duo's hair.
" Do that again!"
" But Wufei..."
Wufei's nose had exploded and it turned the face-pack from a fresh mint green to a disgusting vile brown. " You sick bitches! That cucumber was for dinner tonight!"
" Then why were you going to use it for your face?!" screamed Duo as he tried in vain to ignore Heero's violent shaking and " Do that again! Do that again!"
" At least I wasn't going to use it as a sex toy!"
" If you don't like what you see then get out of here!"
Wufei didn't have to be told twice. Holding his nose, he slammed the door shut behind him.
" DO THAT AGAIN!"
This time Duo obliged.
Heero continued to make screwed up faces. " ARGH!"
Wufei stormed down the stairs, completely put off the ideas of salad and cucumber eye therapy for the rest of his life. " You should have warned me!" he shouted at Trowa as he went into the kitchen.
Trowa burst out laughing. " Well that's what you get for letting Quatre in the bathroom before Duo... poor girl's got to find some way to amuse herself..."
" I've got butterflies..." moaned Duo as he sat at the kitchen table staring into the bottom of his mug.
" Nervous about the competition?" suggested Trowa.
" No..."
" Anything I can help with?"
" No, unless you want to go upstairs and screw the living daylights out of Heero. He kept me up all last night-deliberately as well, said I could 'power sleep' as he was going to keep me up seeing as he couldn't get any off of me..."
Trowa's eyes widened again. " You're right." He said at length. " I can't help."
Duo picked up a spoon from the table and started to push a Rice Crispy that had escaped from his bowl around the table. " I hate this whole girl thing..." he said with a sigh. " No sex, bad hair days, make-up thing... I mean come on! When I was a guy I didn't have a single split end! Now look!" he dropped the spoon and picked the end of his hair up, holding it up so Trowa could see. " Look, this one is split in four places... four! What the hell is that about!?! And Wufei is still in that bloody bathroom!" He stood up and grabbed the brush from the corner of the kitchen and proceeded to bang the roof as the bathroom was directly above. After he was satisfied that he had knocked enough plaster off of the ceiling he sat back down. "We need to leave here in two hours and I haven't even started to get ready!" Duo sighed heavily and let himself slid face-first onto the table.
The second he heard the click of the bathroom door lock, he shot away from the table and bombed up the stairs only to see the back of Quatre for a second before the door was shut and locked again. Duo squealed in frustration and fell down a couple of steps before steadying himself.
Heero was standing in his doorway. " What's wrong with you?"
" That fickle blonde... that's what!" The PMS was starting to gain control of Duo. " He's bloody in there, I bagsied the bathroom after Wufei, he has no respect for my bagsingness authority! Twat!" he pushed by Heero and threw himself onto the bed, giving Heero a nice view of his ass up his skirt.
He turned, and followed him into the room, shutting the door.
Duo was lying on his back. " You could have put a bra on..." he drawled, poking Heero in one of his breasts as he came into poking range. " You're falling out everywhere..."
" Not my problem. I haven't got changed properly yet anyway. There would be no point."
Duo sighed again. This was just going to be one of those days. His hair was in a state of disrepair, he was till bleeding, and he had been hit by all of the side effects that Quatre had warned him of. He had had the most horrific cramps for two days now and they hadn't got any better (_<. If anything, they had got worse. He grabbed his stomach and rolled over onto his side. " Owwie..."
" Owwie?" asked Heero " What the hell does that mean?"
" It means 'owwie', my stomach, or whatever the hell it is, is killing me! Its even worse than that time I ate that entire king burrito!"
Heero made a 'hmmm' noise, remembering how Duo had been in bed for three days after forcing himself to eat the mother of all burritos for a dare. " Anything I can do?" he asked
" Nuh-uh... I feel like shit... I wanna have a bath instead of a shower but there won't be enough hot water left by the time that little blonde chauvinist is done in there..."
Heero kneeled down and started to play about with Duo's loose hair.
" Cut it out Heero, my hair's bad enough as it is without you messing it up even more."
" Sorry, I was just playing about with it..."
Duo immediately picked up on the tone that was evident in Heero's voice. That ' come on, you can't resist me, and you're gonna have sex with me right now' tone that only Duo had heard. " You can forget it Heero." He said bluntly.
" Forget what?"
" This whole 'lack of sex' thing is really doing my head in Heero, stop making it worse... I'm not bloody doing anything. When was the last time you used that tone with me? You usually just jump me and fuck me stupid without a word. Not that I'm complaining or anything..."
" Well, this is what lack of sex does to a man..."
" Point one, you are not a man. You are a woman. Point two, you were never a man, you were a boy! Baka!"
Heero glared at him. " Thank you for you're confidence in me..."
Duo blushed. " No, no! You were always 'man-sized', you just weren't..." he broke off for a moment to think. " Oh you know what I mean! No one would ever call you 'sir', it was always 'boy'." he sighed. " Believe me, I wish you we're still man-sized, even boy-sized would do me... anything! I hate this!"
Heero walked up to him and to his surprise Duo grabbed him and threw him onto the bed beside him. " Let's see what's so great about this whole female thing then! You always heard them going on about how much better they are than guys so they must have something to show for it!"
" What are you doing Duo?!" exclaimed Heero as Duo started lifting up his little skirt and pulling at his panties.
" Get 'em off!"
" No! I said not until..."
" I'll improvise!" he ripped Heero's panties off and threw them into the corner.
Heero lay on the bed gasping. " Duo, we have to leave in a couple of hours... we don't have time for this..."
" I'll find time!"
" But I thought you weren't having any of this... and that..."
" Well I'm having it now!" he threw himself ontop of Heero and unbuttoned his skirt, flinging it in the same direction as his pants. " Spread 'em!" he forced Heero's legs apart.
After what seemed like an hour, Heero finally asked him what he was doing. " What the hell are you staring at that's of any great interest?"
" Uhhh..."
" What?!"
" You look like a... um... centre-fold..."
" Don't compare me to all your damned porn mags you slut!"
" You know all my porn mags are for gays! You've seen 'em yourself!"
" Oh shut up! If you're going to make something of this, hurry up!"
Duo hopped off of Heero and started heading for the door.
" Where are you going?! I warned you about this!"
" I'll be back in a minute..." Duo winked and disappeared through the door.
Downstairs Trowa was still sitting at the table. " Will you keep it down? I'm trying to read."
" Sorry." He apologised quickly. He strutted up to the fridge and threw the door open.
" What are you looking for Duo?" Trowa peeked round from the paper. " You've already had your breakfast. Don't go eating Wufei or Quatre's, they won't like it."
" Oh, it's not for me. It's for Heero." He continued to rummage around in the cold box and the bottom of the fridge. Eventually he stood up yielding a rather large cucumber. " Success!" he cried as he held it above his head and shut the door with his foot.
" A cucumber? Duo, what the hell is..."
" I told you, it's not for me, it's for Heero. You could call it 'breakfast in bed'..." he smirked as he saw the look of registration on Trowa's face as he pulled the paper infront of himself. " Okay, don't come up and knock to tell me that Quatre's out the bathroom, I'll find out. Infact, tell them all to bugger off if they don't want Heero to start his threats again..."
" You'll be late for the competition..."
" No we won't, I'll keep track of the time..."
" Alright, but don't start complaining when you're late and you get out."
Duo smiled again and disappeared back up the stairs.
In the room Heero was lying exactly the way that Duo had left him. He caught sight of the cucumber. " Duo, what the..."
" What? It's the best I can do at such short notice, or impulse, or whatever. But if you're gonna be like this I can just take it back down the stairs..."
" No! Don't you bloody dare!" He grabbed him and dragged him down until he was far enough to kiss him.
After Duo broke away, he sat with the cucumber in his hands. " This is gonna be cold Heero, it'll take too long to get it warmed up..."
" Do I look like I care? Just hurry up and do something!"
" Alright... just don't hit me or anything if you don't like it..."
" Fine, yes, great, just do SOMETHING!"
Duo pulled Heero up and dragged his top off. " I'm glad you never put a bra on, I can't get the hang of fastening and unfastening them."
" Neither can I."
" Well don't you turn into one of those feminist liberation freaks that strut around burning bras while shouting about their rights of equality through a megaphone..."
" Don't worry. I'm not."
" Good." He was sitting ontop of Heero's stomach with his legs behind him, still holding the cucumber. " So here we go..." he now turned round and (A/N: - gotta be careful here... I haven't a clue what goes on in Yuri fics, so its not like I know what's going on... I shall just leave it up to my perverted mind & gt;_ 'aimed it at its respective target' (You like?).
" ARGH! ITS FUCK'N FREEZING!"
Duo narrowly missed Heero's flying fist. " I told you it would be! Don't take it out on me!"
" But it's so cold!"
" Give me a second! I'm doing my best, I've never done this before, never mind with a girl!" he picked himself up off of Heero and sat between his spread legs. " Man you're tight, if you loosened up a bit this wouldn't be as uncomfortable."
" I have a cucumber in me, how the hell am I supposed to get comfortable?!"
Duo tried moving the rigid vegetable further up Heero but to no avail. " You've gotta loosen up a bit."
" I'm trying!"
At that second (and without any warning) Wufei opened the door. " Maxwell, Trowa said that you have the cucumber and... WHAT THE HELL?!?"
Heero 'argh'ed and saw Wufei standing in their doorway with a mint coloured face-pack on. Then Duo turned and saw him, squealed and fell forward shoving the cucumber straight up Heero who went; " Ahh! Fuck!" and arched his back up while making a funny screwed up face. He then grabbed onto Duo's hair.
" Do that again!"
" But Wufei..."
Wufei's nose had exploded and it turned the face-pack from a fresh mint green to a disgusting vile brown. " You sick bitches! That cucumber was for dinner tonight!"
" Then why were you going to use it for your face?!" screamed Duo as he tried in vain to ignore Heero's violent shaking and " Do that again! Do that again!"
" At least I wasn't going to use it as a sex toy!"
" If you don't like what you see then get out of here!"
Wufei didn't have to be told twice. Holding his nose, he slammed the door shut behind him.
" DO THAT AGAIN!"
This time Duo obliged.
Heero continued to make screwed up faces. " ARGH!"
Wufei stormed down the stairs, completely put off the ideas of salad and cucumber eye therapy for the rest of his life. " You should have warned me!" he shouted at Trowa as he went into the kitchen.
Trowa burst out laughing. " Well that's what you get for letting Quatre in the bathroom before Duo... poor girl's got to find some way to amuse herself..."
