CHAPTER 4

It was a few moments before she finally pulled back, gripping my hand in hers as she dragged me into the white marble foyer.
"Come in" she began "you and I have some catching up to do."

I mentally shuddered, and desperately wished Duo was here. He could talk the ear off a rock, and could keep anyone distracted for hours on end, but since
he wasn't I had a problem. What was I going to say? Hi, I've been trained excessively in tactics, computers, and the use of weapons for the last 10
years of my life; I think not. Come on, think Yuy think. Taking a deep breath I stated quietly
"mom?" Now that was weird.
"Yes"
"do you think you could call me Heero? Everyone at the orphanage did." Oh great, lie #1
I watched as she gazed steadily at me for a time, if you're sure Heero she stated trying out my name. I breathed a sigh of relief. I could never go
back to being her little son, her Odin. I'd seen too many things, and besides the most important people in my life called me Heero, not to
mention, it would be my tribute to the peace leader, I carried his name, and helped to bring an end to all wars. Besides Odin was my first mentors name
hmm I'd have to ask if there was any connection.I followed my mother, expression schooled into its familiar mask of indifference, even as I felt my eyes scanned the long pale blue corridor of the house, committing every inch to memory planning escape routes, and checking for dangers. The habit so fully ingrained in my subconscious I don't think I could stop it even if I tried.

"Here we are Od...Heero" she told me, leading me up to an open door. I stepped inside, taking in the bare walls, single bed, night table, lamp,
desk and chair. I looked back at her for a moment, it was my room I assumed, but it was strange not having another bed, and even weirder that
there wasn't any sign of black clothing, posters of rock bands, or other clutter through which I normally had to pick my way.
"Do you like it?" I hear her ask, a sense of desperation in her tone. She wants me to like it; she wants me to be happy. I nod,
"hn" I state, my general phrase of agreement, then step inside taking my suitcase with me; I put it on the bed, then proceed to undo the latches,
pulling out first my laptop, then the rest of my few personal belongings. I take no notice as my mother moves up beside me to look at the paintings Duo
gave me, as I set about re-charging the computer. I was careful to leave the pictures of my friends at the apartment, I knew too many influential people, and didn't want to let my family know until I knew more about them.

Wow, these are rather interesting pieces my mother commented causing me to turn to look at the piece that Duo had painted. It was of a painting to help
us remember the good times during the war that particular one was of a secluded sea side. I smiled, that was the place that Trowa and Quatre told
the rest of us they were together, not that we didn't already know something was happening between them.
"They were done by my room mate" I stated
"Oh, he's quite talented"
I nodded in agreement, as I finished putting away my clothes. An awkward silence grows between us as I say nothing, as is my habit. We just stand there staring at one another, I taking in her regular Asian features, and small boned hands and feet, she was delicate like a bird. I knew that I was built similarly, but I had filled out a bit since the war, and was now around 5'11 in height, and could look down at the top of her head.
"HONEY I'M HOME!" A masculine voice boomed from down below. I watched my mother smile in delight as she stated,
"come on your father is home." Together we exit my room and head down that pale blue hall. As we near a room at the end, pictures soon appear on the
walls and I pause, stopping to look at the happily smiling faces of my family. Didn't they miss me? I wonder as they're smiling faces dance before
my eyes, didn't they wonder what had happened to me? I shake the question away, now was not the time, besides they must have had a good reason not to
come looking for me after I disappeared, didn't they love me?I stepped into the light of the room and watched as my father turned, his
dark blue eyes instantly met mine as we studied each other. He was an American, his skin that same tawny gold that Duo's tanned to in the summer,
and his hair a dark brown, he was also broader across the shoulder than I was.
"Odin" he stated
"Heero" I shot back.
"he's Heero now" my mother spoke up
"well Heero then you've grown up quite a bit since I saw you last"

I stared at them, if they hadn't seen me it was they're own fault.

"Well its not like I wanted to leave" I remarked watching the hurt fleet across
their faces.
"About that Heero we're so sorry"
Sorry? You're sorry that I disappeared and spent the last 13 years of my
life in a living hell?"
"please Odin we'll explain"

"GOOD! Cause I want to know how I got separated from you" I shouted eyes, flashing dangerously as I held up my finger to illustrate my point,

"and why you didn't look for me? Didn't you care that I was missing? Didn't it matter to you?" I watched as my mother cringed at my words, but I continued my verbal assault. Still yelling, I rid myself of some of the hatred I harboured towards them as I shouted out the pain of what I'd gone through during my training; the hours of torture sessions, mechanics, hacking, languages and worst of all, the separation of mind from body, body from soul, until I was only an instrument, and
extension of a tool.
"oh Heero, my baby… we did look for you" my mother wailed tears streaming down her cheeks. I felt not the least bit guilty, I just wanted to hurt them, hurt them as I had been hurt. God was I ever screwed up, I hated them, yet I need to know that they could love me.
"Odin! Stop it! We'll tell you!"
Odin How I despised that name, I was not Odin, my name was Heero. Quatre, Trowa, Wufei, and Duo they didn't know the person named Odin, they only knew
me. Heero, and there was no was I was going to become Odin someone that my friends didn't know.
"DON'T CALL ME ODIN!" I roared "MY NAME IS HEERO! H-E-E-R-O, Heero."

 Still breathing heavily I moved over to the couch plopping down on the back as I stared at them with
my murderous glare.
"tell me about how I got separated from you" I demanded crossing my arms in front of my chest as I gazed between them.
Heero, can't we talk about this later, your brother will be home soon. My father stated his eyes shining with pride over this other son.
"no, I need to know" I growled "mother?"

"oh, God, James just tell him." she muttered moving to sit down in an armchair.
"fine" he agreed "Heero. When you were four you're mother and I sent you to live with you're uncle, my brother, Odin Lowe. You were with him for about six months when we lost contact. Then the war broke out, and we didn't know what to do the family was so busy with other affairs"
"you were too busy to look for me? Your own son?" I summarized anger boiling up within me, oh how I wanted to punch him into next Thursday
"no.. its just that we knew you were with you're uncle and we just assumed you were safe.. And then after the war ended we decided to renew our search
for you.. it was safer then, and more chance of finding you when the orphanages weren't being bombed, and we thought that maybe you'd still be living with you're uncle."
"both Odin's are dead and I don't even know if I want to be you're son anymore"
"what?" my mother gasped just as I registered the sound of a door opening and closingI don't know if I want to be your son! I've lived without you for 13 years,
and I can live the rest of my life with out you!" I stated, even as a tall raven-haired dark eyed youth entered the room. I glared darkly at them, watching them cringe slightly as I spat,

"See you have a son maybe I'll just go away and let you live you're life as you were, but know you know that I am alive!"
I turned on my heel to storm down the hall,

"HEERO! WAIT!... don't leave me"
I heard my mother call after me, as the youth demanded to know who I was. I ignored them all storming out of the house, before I began to run I just had to get away, far, far away from there.

My feet pounded on pavement, as I raced further from the house. I needed to think, and to talk to someone I could trust. I had thought that seeing my family was what I wanted, but now I wasn't so sure. I knew that people made mistakes, and that I should probably forgive them. It wasn't their fault that the war had started cutting off all forms of communication. It wasn't their fault that I as too young to contact them, or that my uncle had died, leaving me to fend for myself, until Dr. J had claimed me for his project. God but I wish they had looked harder, then maybe, just maybe I wouldn't have had to live the life that I did…


I slowed to a walk as I passed through a white arch and into a secluded grassy expanse of the estate. It was a graveyard, something I was all too familiar with, but this time it was my relatives, that were buried six feet under ground. These people that I had never known were my own flesh and blood, and I moved past them as they lay in eternal sleep. Too caught up in my thoughts I spared them not more than a passing glance until I saw a particularly intricately carved grave stone.'Odin Lowe may our son return home' it read, and beside it lay another

'Mary-Jane Lowe, beloved daughter and sister, may you rest in peace' My sister she had died the year I'd disappeared, two losses in one year, and the construction of a double grave to mark where she lies, and where I was supposed to have lain. I felt the salty water spill over from my eyes, as I realized that my parents had already given up on me. Finding my family was not like what I'd dreamed it would be, but it was appropriate that they'd built a grave, as Odin was never going to be the one coming home. I gazed around me, eyes lighting finally on a large obviously new statue

I read the inscription and gulped, scrambling back in a panic. I acted on impulse pulling out my portable vid-phone frantically dialling the first number that popped into my mind,
The phone rang, then rang again before the answering machine played

"Hey, you've reached the end of the line, and now you gotta get off... cuz only deaths around since Heero went away *beep.*

"Duo no baka" I muttered as I hung up; only to dial yet another number
"Drat" I muttered as the phone rang, and rang before lighting up to revel a blonde framed face
HEERO! she squealed
I gulped, "hey Relena" I watched her become more serious and composed as
she asked,
"Are you alright?"

I simply shook my head.

I was definitely not all right; I had killed my own grandfather.