Disclaimer: If, in a perfect world, I owned Dark Angel, I would be writing episodes for cash, not fanfic for fun…So no, if you're still wondering, I don't own Dark Angel, but I do own Justin, Dalianna, her family and all her X-siblings, but I'm more than willing to share. If you'd like to use them, please just ask. Thank you.
Timeframe: After "Freak Nation", end of Season 2
A/N: Hey, this is a really long chapter….Unusually long, so pop the popcorn, grab a pillow, kick back and let your imagination do the rest…
Chapter 4
Really Bad Memories
The next few weeks went by without much interruption. Dali became accustomed to life around Terminal City. She had lived some different lifestyles, from being in Manticore, to living with her family, being on the run with Justin, back at Manticore, and finally on her own…But this was different than any of those. The family atmosphere was there, but along with it, was an unspoken fear. An uncertainty of not knowing what was going to happen next.
Dali began to enjoy her surroundings, the children liked her a lot. The teens came to her for advice, and the adults respected her opinions. She felt as though she almost belonged…but there was still something nagging at her…something she couldn't quite put her finger on. She tried not to let it bother her, but sometimes, the feeling was hard to dismiss. Then at night, she would pretend that none of the events of the last year had happened, and instead of sitting in a room full of genetically engineered soldiers, she was sitting at home with her family, watching television or eating dinner.
One typical night, she sat watching some young X-8's playing a game of poker. Upon questioning them as to where they had learned such a game, they distinctly replied that Alec had taught them. Alec…of course, who else could be so irresponsible? she thought to herself. The children were clearly caught up in the game.
"Full House!" one young girl exclaimed. "Read 'em and weep boys! She proceeded to gather the stack of dollar bills and candy they had collected in the center.
"Not so fast," one of the boys stopped her, and laid his cards before them. "Royal flush…in diamonds." He took the money and treats from her and placed them in front of him, noticeably counting his rewards. The girl began to pout.
"I'm not playing any more!"
"Oh come on Danielle. Don't be such a baby," the other boy instructed her.
"Fine, one more round." The cards were dealt, and the children eyed each other, as the pile in the middle grew larger. The boy with dark brown hair eyed Danielle. She glanced at him, and was clearly surprised as she realized what he was doing.
"You're reading my mind! That's not fair!"
"Am not!"
"Are too! I just saw you."
Dali smiled to herself at the carefree way in which the children enjoyed each other's company. She wished she too could forget all her troubles and for once just be able to relax.
"Dali…Dali?" came a voice from next to her. She snapped from her thoughts as Alec approached her. "How come you always look like you're so deep in thought?"
"Because I usually am. Thinking that is…not something I suspect that you would be too familiar with."
"You know, you've been being smart with me from the very moment we met. Is there any specific reason that you don't like me?"
Dali pretended to be thoughtful. Then answered, "Nope, no reason."
"Whatever, I only came over here to let you know that Max is leaving to go over to Logan's and she wants to know if you want to come." Dali didn't need further coaxing, she shot out of her chair, and was waiting by Max's bike before the girl even got there.
"Can I drive?" Dali had asked the question every time she'd ridden the motorcycle, and had always gotten the same response.
"Hell no."
The drive went without incident, except for the drops of rain that began to fall as they climbed the steps to Logan's house. Inside, it was very warm or maybe it was just very cold outside. Logan had definitely done some redecorating since he'd moved in. There was furniture, and light, and even running water and heat. Max said Logan lived in a palace. Logan said he lived in a dump.
He greeted them at the door, pleasantly surprised as if Max didn't make this trip at least 5 times a week. If Logan wasn't with them at Terminal City, Max was at his place. Dali commented that they spent more time together than conjoined twins. Anyway, she found her way to the living room and sank into the couch as always. Max joined Logan in the kitchen.
"Hey, what's on the menu for tonight?"
"Italian pasta," he answered with a smile.
Oh, he has to know what that does to my insides…there's NO WAY he could be doing this accidentally. "As opposed to French pasta?" she answered with a coy smile of her own.
"As opposed to French anything. I was never really good with French cooking…burned the bread the first time I made it come to think of it."
Max laughed. "Logan Cale? Not being able to cook something right? We better check out the window to make sure pigs aren't flying."
Logan smiled at her and raised his hand until it was just centimeters from her cheek. "You have no idea how much I wish I could touch you right now…" he whispered.
"I think I do," she whispered back searching deep in his eyes. "Someday…someday soon…" Her voice trailed off, and he dropped his hand back at his side. No Max, you can't do this, not right now. There are more important things. But as she thought more about it, she realized that in all actuality, there wasn't. The sound of the back screen door slamming broke into their moment. Who's that? Max wondered, looking questioningly at Logan. He switched off the stove, and they both made their way to the back of the house, and looked through the screen. Dali sat outside on the stoop, gazing up at the stars. Apparently, the showers and clouds had given way to a clear dark blue sky, and brisk winds. Logan withdrew to the kitchen, and Max gave a sigh of relief and stepped through the door to sit down next to the girl.
"You wanna talk about it?" she asked.
"What?" the girl said innocently.
"Well, let's just say you don't have to be a mind-reader to realize something has been going on with you. What is it?" Dali turned back toward the stars.
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about."
"Well at least come inside to the heat, it's too cold out here." She helped her up and they both went inside and Dali sank back into the couch. Max rejoined Logan in the kitchen.
"Everything Ok?" he asked.
"No, but she won't talk to me. What's the matter with her?"
Logan smiled to himself. "I can remember many a time when there was something wrong with another genetically engineered soldier I used to know, and she wouldn't talk about it either."
"Anybody I know?"
"Maybe," he answered. "Just try to remember, without patience comes frustration. My mother used to tell me that. And nothing helps more than just lending an ear." Max nodded slowly and smiled.
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." She retreated to the living room and found Dali sitting on the long windowsill in the alcove. She took a seat next to her, and watched her intently. "Look, I'm sorry if I seemed nosy before. It comes with the turf. You know, saving the world and everything." When Dali didn't crack a smile, or even acknowledge her, she began to rise. Ok, can't say I didn't try.
"It's a long story. After the escape, my brothers and sisters and I got separated." The young girl's voice caught Max's attention, and she sat back down. "Just like you guys." She chanced a glance up at the older girl, and then turned her attention back towards the window. I do a lot of talking when I'm looking out the windows…Maybe I should try to find a new hobby. But she continued. "I ended up miles away from Manticore, hitching a ride on this bus. I didn't know where it was going, but as long as it wasn't going back to Manticore, I didn't care. About half an hour later, we turned down this kinda deserted road and passed a forest. I hopped off there. Remembering that we were taught that the best way to hide a trail from an enemy was to tread where other trails already led, I went through the woods, looking for what seemed like hours, hoping to come out on another side. Finally, I came to this clearing, and there was this big house with a car in the driveway. I had never seen a house before, but there was a man standing outside smoking a cigar. I didn't want to approach him at first; as far as I was concerned, he was the enemy, but before I could turn and run, he saw me." Dali saw the scene unfold as if it were happening in that moment…
The man turned toward her. "It's ok. I won't hurt you." Dali had simply stared at him, unable to move. "My name's Mark, why don't you come inside, it's warmer there." She hadn't taken her eyes off of him. "It's ok." He reached for her, and it was then she came to her senses and began to back away. "Wait," he tried one last desperate attempt. "Are you hungry?" Dali stopped in her tracks at that one.
Dali came back to the present. "A soldier always marches on his stomach, or so we were taught. So I went inside, and I met his wife." Dali smiled as she reached the next memory. "When she saw me, she got all concerned and wrapped me up in this fuzzy brown blanket and made me food…real food. Not that government gruel that they served us at Manticore. And they had a baby…a boy…his name was Dominic. I called him Shorty." Her eyes seemed to glisten. "And I stayed there. They became my family, and as much as I missed my brothers and sisters, I knew that if I wanted to stay alive, I might never see them again. So I left that entire part of my life behind…I guess in a sense I got a chance to start over. I thought I had found everything I'd ever need. Until Justin showed up." Another smile crept across her face as she relayed the memories of her past. "He moved next door about a year after the pulse. Well actually it was more like down the road. Houses were too far apart to have any real neighbors. Anyway, I remember, the first thing he said to me was 'I bet I can run faster than you.' Boy was he surprised when I flew right by him. From that moment on, he hated me. That is, until I saved him from nearly drowning in the river. Then we became best friends. We were inseparable. He taught me everything. It was like I was seeing the real world for the very first time." She turned to look at Max, who had been silent the whole time. "You know, supposedly, we're built to be super smart and able to do calculate large numbers in our heads, and disable a bomb like most people brush their teeth. But when you get outside Manticore, you find out that the truth is, we don't know anything. We knew only what Manticore wanted us to know. Nothing that was important; nothing about real life." She turned back to the stars. "Anyway, life was good. I finally had a friend, a family, and Manticore and everything about it was like a bad dream. Until about a year ago…" The memory played again and again inside Dali's head, like a really bad horror movie.
A family sat at the dinner table. The mother and the father laughing at something together. A young boy, about 10 years old, sat telling them a story. Justin joined in their laughter as Dali sat back in her chair, and simply enjoyed the company around her.
"We were all having dinner together, and just enjoying ourselves, when I had this urge to look up and out the window. There was a sniper, with a target that was aimed at Justin's chest."
"Get down!" Dali yelled as she pushed her friend's chair over knocking him and the young boy next to him to the floor. No sooner had they had hit the ground, when bullets came whizzing through the window, breaking glass, tearing through their dinner, and making random holes in the walls. In all the chaos, Dali's parents were hit and killed. The bullets stopped and there was silence. Silence except for Dominic's cries. Dali put her hand over the young boy's mouth and listened intently. "I know they're still alive and they're here somewhere, if I don't take them out, the Commandant will kill me when I get back to base." She heard the thoughts as clear as day. She stood up just as he rounded the corner. "Too bad for him, he won't get the chance," she declared. Quick as lightening, she was in front of him, kicked the gun out of his hands, knocked him to his knees, and swiftly snapped his neck. She went over to her friend and brother and stood the young boy up. "Are you ok?" she asked slowly. He didn't nod, but instead looked over at their dead parents bodies lying on the floor. Dali stood and walked gradually over to them and sat on the floor at their sides. Dominic came and sat in her lap, and Justin knelt beside them.
The memory ended with a jolt. "And for the first time in my life," Dali continued, her eyes quite moist, "I cried. I cried so hard I couldn't stop. Afterwards, we tried going to Justin's house, but they had already taken his parents out. So we took Dominic to stay with my Aunt Brenda and Uncle Jack over in Michigan. I tried to get Justin to stay there, they didn't mind the company, but he wouldn't. So I told him. I told him everything." She turned to Max. "Have you ever had to tell your best friend that you aren't human?" Max nodded slowly, not really knowing what else to say. "Something about telling secrets," Dali continued, "it's supposed to be a relief. It's supposed to make you feel better. But you don't. You just feel sad…sad, and…"
"Empty," Max finished her thought. "Like the whole world's crashing down on you. I know the feeling."
Dali turned back towards the window. "So we ran. We ran for months. Eating what we could, sleeping where we could. Once, we were lucky enough to stay in this motel. I got up to go to the bathroom…I just took my eyes off of him for a second…just for a second…" She broke off, unable to talk.
"They killed him didn't they?" Max asked, although she already knew the answer. Dali just nodded her head. "And you blame yourself?"
Dali looked over to her, a tear slowly making it's way down her cheek, followed by several others. "Every day," she whispered, "…every…day."
"You can't blame yourself," Max tried to explain, "It wasn't your fault." Dali's head snapped up.
"Have you ever lost someone to that place? No, don't answer. I can already see it on your face. Then you know what I'm talking about. You know how it feels. That empty feeling that you have. It's so dark, and so cold. Most people don't understand. They'll smile, and try to make you feel better. They ask if you want to talk about it…and part of you wants to. Part of you wants to talk, to scream, to cry, to do anything, to make that feeling go away. But you can't. It hurts to talk. It hurts to eat. It hurts to sleep. It hurts to think. So you do nothing. People will tell you that they know what you're going through, but they don't. Not really. And they'll tell you that it gets better with time. But it doesn't. Not really. That feeling…it's there all the time. Sometimes when you wake up in the morning, you don't feel it. And you think, maybe it's today. Maybe it's today that I'll feel better, that I'll feel normal, that I can begin to move on with my life. Then reality hits, and you realize it didn't go anywhere. It's still there, strong as ever, making its presence known. And you just feel…alone. Alone, and selfish. You feel selfish, because you wonder when is it going to stop? When will it get better? When is it going to go away? Then you feel scared, because you know that it won't…ever…Especially because you walked into their lives bringing danger, they didn't walk into yours." Unable to hold back the tears that she'd stopped earlier, she held her head in her hands. She didn't even look up as she felt Max's arms envelope her. Just knowing that she was there was comfort enough. They sat there for several long moments, until Dali's breathing became rhythmic, and Max realized that she must have fallen asleep. She called Logan to come help her, and together, they supported the young girl, and moved her to the couch. She began to shiver, and Logan brought a blanket down and covered her with it. Then he looked at Max.
"Should I even ask?"
"It's a long story," she answered.
"He motioned for her to follow him to the kitchen. "Then we've got a long night ahead of us…"
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As always, thanks everyone for the reviews. Chapter 5 coming soon.
---Hey everyone, I just wanted to thank you all again for the reviews!! If anyone read the first version of this chapter I put up, you probably noticed several typos, yeah, it was definitely like 2 am when I was writing it, and I didn't even notice, I just wanted to get it up as soon as possible, so I didn't bother to read and reread. Anyway, that's all taken care of, and you have my word that Chapter 5 will be up by next Wednesday. Happy Holidays everyone!
Angie731
