Eleven

Duo

The tension in the dining room was oppressive. I didn't know what I should do, and so I did the only thing I could, I watched the people seated around the table. Taking in Heero's mothers open mouthed shocked expression, his fathers calculating look as he added up all the information Relena had just unwittingly divulged, before my gaze settled on Jeremy as he sat looking at his brother in what appeared to be awe. I watched as his father swallowed, his mouth opening slightly as if he were about to speak before it shut again as if he were weighing his words.

 Last of all, I let my gaze flick over to Heero, meeting his gaze, watching him try to suppress the emotions that were rushing through him, and I gave him another comforting smile. I knew he needed to know that at least one person in that room would stick up for him no matter what happened, and well, I sure as hell didn't care if I pissed these people off, so I volunteered. Besides, it would be just like our missions, he trusted me to watch his back, just like I trusted him, and well; this was just a different type of mission.

Finally Mr. Lowe stood, his back perfectly straight as he looked at the boy he had so willingly called his son with distrust, and a dislike bordering on hatred.

"What does she mean about you saving the earth? Everyone knows that the murderers did that" he stated, referring to Wing Zero.

I watched as Relena's mouth fell open as she finally processed what was going on around her, before I turned my gaze back to Heero.

"That's right father, Wing Zero and the Gundams did save Earth." He responded in a monotone

"So, what does she mean by you saving earth? Did you provide some information or something? Though I can't see how you did from the orphanage"

"I know father, I… I…" he trailed off, diverting his gaze to his mother drawing a deep shuddering breath, "I haven't been entirely honest with you"

I watched both of his parents frown as his brother watched on in a stunned silence,

"What do they mean about an orphanage?" I heard Relena ask, "Wasn't Duo the only one of you who spent any time in an orphanage before you…"

I quickly interrupted in an attempt to defuse the situation for now, "that's right Relena; I was the only one that lived in an orphanage, so why don't we discuss the rest of Heero's past later. Can't you see you're upsetting him?"

She blushed red as if she had just realized her lack of manners, "I'm sorry Heero" I heard her whisper looking at him with wide blue eyes.

Like that's going to help 'lena, you've just screwed this all over for him. I know his father isn't just going to let it drop... but hopefully we'll at least be able to get through dinner. 

"Yes, Dear" Ms. Lowe began looking pointedly at her husband, "we can continue this discussion after dinner"

Mr. Lowe looked as if he were about to protest, but just as quickly decided against it, and sat down again to devour his meal his expression thoughtful as he looked first at me, and then over at his son.

Heero

Oh shit! I didn't know what I was going to say to them later. I knew I'd have to tell them the truth whether I was ready or not, but oh god how I wish that I didn't! I couldn't believe Relena, how could she have done something as stupid as brought up my involvement in the war? Then again how was she supposed to know that my family was practically the only family in the entire Earth's Sphere that blamed the Gundam pilots and held a personal grudge against Wing Zero.

I ate slowly, trying to prolong dinner so that the time after would come less quickly, even though I was no longer hungry. I continued to scoop food into my mouth, chewing mechanically before struggling to swallow past the lump in my throat, each fork-full dropping down into my knotted stomach making me feel sick.

"Heero dear, are you finished?" my mother asked me a few minutes later when I had finally cleared the contents of my plate. I glanced at her, surprised at the calm she radiated. I nodded, forcing the words, "yes, thank you", from my mouth.

"come then Heero, let's go into the living room" I heard my father state as everyone stood, picking up their plates to deposit them upon the counter as they made their way into the living room beyond.

I was nervous. Even more nervous than I'd been when I'd made the call, more nervous than when I'd gone on my first mission. I was so unbelievably nervous that I felt as if my legs would buckle under my weight, and I would accidentally spew the contents of my stomach onto the floor.

"it's all right buddy, I'm here for ya" I heard Duo whisper as he gave my arm a light squeeze before he sat down upon the couch patting the space beside him, silently indicating that I should sit near him.

I did as he bid me, knowing that it was best to locate oneself near and ally, and on some other level instinctively deciding that it was the safest place for me.

I felt Relena sit on my other-side, and sandwiched between the two I felt my stomach calm slightly, enough so that I would be able to speak.

 

"Well Heero, tell us about your past, and lets have the truth this time," my father stated, his gaze piercing as he looked at me.

I nodded, swallowing once before taking a deep breath and beginning,

"My early life, I don't remember. Before Odin Lowe took me under his wing there is only a blank, but everything after him is clear…."

Duo

I listened patiently as he talked about his childhood. My eyes fixed upon his face, taking in ever slight motion as a way to gage his reactions to the various events. I heard the hitches in his breath as he spoke of his training, of his first mission, of the unshared guilt he felt over the death of the girl and her puppy. I noticed it all and felt angry that he had no one to help him get through it, and as I watched him I longed to does nothing more than wrap my arms about him, to hold him close and never ever let go.

When he got to the part about operation meteor I forced myself to look away from him to instead gage the reactions of the other people in the room.

Main reaction: Disapproval, and hatred. These people did not deserve him if they could welcome him so fully into their home, and then turn on him so quickly. It was not his fault the destruction of the shuttle, OZ had tricked us… tricked him… and I knew how horrible he felt for what had happened. After all, I had been the one who had woken him from his nightmares. It was I who had listened to his pain-filled whimpers as he thrashed from side-to-side both when we had shared rooms during the war and then after as roommates… I watched over him, and he watched over me. The more he talked, his eyes fixated on his lap, the angrier I became as his father's face transformed itself into a disgusted scowl, even as his mother listened in wide eyed horror. I knew those expressions, I had seen them too many times in my life to mistake them for anything else. They were the faces of the crowd as I was lead off to prison those short years ago, the faces of rejection and disbelief. Faces I never wanted my Heero to know. Yet this time I could not protect him, I could not block out his parents faces as his voice quieted with the completion of his story. Instead, I could only watch as his father looked at him, expression hard. His was the face of someone who was unwilling to try, while his mother's was one of infinite sadness. In her eyes, and muffled sobs I watched her grieve as she finally accepted the death of her baby Odin. I knew then, that his chances of forgiveness were small, and even though his brother looked at him with worshiping eyes, I recognized that Heero's welcome here, was running out.

"You ok?" I softly asked my friend already knowing the answer to be no.

Silently I glanced over at Relena, only to find her staring in wide-eyed amazement at the stoic man whom she had convinced herself she loved. It was only then that I dared to look at his face, the utter blankness of his features. It was as if I was looking at a stone statue, until he tilted his face upwards, eyes meeting mine. That was when I took over, my mouth opening to state,

"We are going upstairs, to give you time to think."

Before dragging my companion up, and out of the room.

Heero

I was drowning inside, struggling so hard to remain upright, to keep the tears at bay. Then it came, the numbness that I had grown so accustomed to during the war, oh how I embraced it, letting its nothingness wash over me like waves rolling over the beach.

I had told them the truth, seen the looks in their eyes, and I knew, knew that I was alone once again.

I didn't say a word as I gazed up into violet eyes, Shinigami, oh how I wanted him to be my God of death, to end the misery that was my life.

It hurt too much. The feeling of my heart constricting in my breast, made me wish I didn't have such a strong will.

I barely registered Duo speaking, moving on autopilot as his hand gripped my arm pulling me from the room.

Duo

He scared me, the call for death was still there when he looked at me.

I wouldn't do it, no matter how much I wanted to ease, his pain I knew that death was not the answer.

"No Heero" I whispered, my palm under his chin as I forced him to look at me. "No matter what happens with these people, we still need you." I told him, knowing he would understand what I meant by we.

Heero

I knew Duo was right… I knew that the other pilots considered me their family, as I had considered them mine. However, I couldn't rid myself of their faces.

Those hate filled eyes as they looked at me. My mothers tears, as she sobbed.

I knew that I couldn't stay here, I could tell that they didn't want me. I felt so lost, so incredibly lost, as I wished to be back in our apartment eating take-out and watching movies.

I gazed at Duo then, until I was forced to look away from the beauty of them. They were overflowing with his concern for me, and something else that caused my heart to beat a little quicker. Before I could stop it, I felt a warmth flow through my chest, and my eyes try to tell him something before I closed them. In the darkness behind shut eyelids, I shook my head from side to side in a silent denial.  

Duo

I watched him in silence as he contemplated my words, the darkness sliding away as he gazed intently at my face.

A silent question flitting over his features followed by a light sigh, and then his eyes closed.

His head shaking slightly from side to side, as if in denial of what I was begging him to understand.

However, I could resist no longer, encouraged by his brief but searching gaze, and the minute upturn of his lips.

In the stillness that followed my decision, I leant forward, telling him in a way that left no room for doubt exactly what I was feeling.  

I kissed him