Darth Revan's Flying Circus
"Part 1"

(Boba Fett is seen, flying through the air with his jet pack, waving all around. Suddenly, he's blown to pieces by blaster fire. Scan down, a Sith trooper is sitting at the controls of a blaster cannon, giving thumbs up.)

Sith trooper: And now for something completely different!

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(Now in the droid shop on Taris. Revan comes in, dragging the defective T3- H8 droid in with her.)

Revan: Janice, this T3 droid you sold me is defective.

Janice Nall: Looks ok to me.

Revan: Ok?! It's dead, gone, destroyed, obliterated!

Janice Nall: No, just needs new batteries.

Revan: I'm telling you, this droid is no more. Why, it burst into flames as I left the shop!!

Janice Nall: H'okay, okay. How about this one? State of the art, top of the line even.

Revan: That's not a droid, that's a rakgoul!!

Janice Nall: Thinks he's a droid though. Just as good.

Revan: Look, all I want is a good, decant, working droid. Is that so much to ask for?!

Janice Nall: H'okay h'okay. Pick any droid you want. All them good, 'cept that one in the corner over there.

Revan: Why? What's wrong with that one?

Janice Nall: Thinks it's a Hutt. Tried to sell me into slavery on the exchange just last year.

Revan: That'd deal with that bratty Jedi Bastila. I'LL TAKE IT!!!

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(Fade to black. Showing scene at the bridge of the Ebon Hawk)

Carth: Oh my god! The Sith are attacking!

Bastila: REVAN!! Get your butt down to the blaster cannons!

::Blaster fire is heard. Seconds later, Revan steps onto the bridge, yet the blaster fire is still continuing::

Revan: Can't a person use the john without the Sith attacking the ship?

Carth: Revan? But if you're here...

Bastila: WHO'S FIRING THE CANNONS?!

(Fade to scene at the cannon bubble. HK-47 is there, firing away at the Sith)

HK-47: HK's log, 27/102. Sith have attacked. Now is my chance to get in on the action. Earlier today, had filled Revan's Diet Dr. Pib with milk of magnesia for weak bladder. Waited for chance, then hopped into the firing seat.

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(Fade to black again. This time, scene is on the Star Forge)

Malak: Ahh, Revan. I had been expecting yo-zzzzzzk!!!

(Malak's metal jaw and the little force box at his throat suddenly explode at the mere gesture of Revan's hand)

Revan: Blah blah blah. Stupid meatbag. HK, your turn

(Suddenly, HK-47 apears behind Malak, and without warning, freezes him in carbonite)

HK-47: Target neutralized, master.

Revan: Good job. Now back to the ship.

(Scene fades to Mana'an, where Revan and Hk-47 are at the endge of the city, HK holding the carbonite statue of Malak)

Revan: Ok, HK, unfreeze 'em.

(So it is done. Malak is unfrozen down to his waist. Everything below, however, is kept as it was)

Revan: Malak. I speak on behalf of Master Vrook when I say this; You have dishonored the Jedi order and yourself. You have killed millions upon millions in your lust for power and glory. You should have known your place. I'm sorry I failed you...well, no, not really. Anyway, for these many
things, you are sentenced to an old Earth mafia death, ie, dumped into water and left to drown. Fare thee well. HK, drop him.

(And with that, HK drops Malak over the side, into the deep, deep Mana'an ocean. Revan pulls a newspaper out from under a sleeve. A Selketh's head is sticking out of it. And then, Revan drops it in, and walks away)

Revan: Well, that was enjoyable. Let's all go out for Gizka burgers tonight.

To Be Continued..