Darth Revan's Flying Circus
"Part 2"
(Revan, Carth, and Bastila are walking down the long path outside the Leviathon in the spacesuits)
Bastila: Remember Carth, anger is evil. Revenge is evil. In fact, if you just kill Saul for any other reason than you had no AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
(Suddenly, a small piece of debris flew by, taking Bastila with it)
Revan: Oh great, now whatta we do?
Carth: I got some Pazaak cards..
Revan: ALRIGHT!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Meanwhile, fade to bridge of Leviathon)
Saul: Hmm, does my butt look fat?
(Debris with Bastila flies past window)
Sith Officer: Sir, I think a Jedi just flew by us.
Saul: How can you tell that's a Jedi? Inside a suit, it could be anyone.
Sith Officer: The suit had breasts. There aint a female Sith aboard the ship.
Saul: Yes...blast that Malak and his punishments.. just because he's gay doesn't mean I am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Next scene, Canderous is leading the party towards the Ebon Hawk)
Sith Soldier: AHHHH!!! WOOKIE SWINGING A TWI'LEK!!! Run!!!
(What is shown is Zalbaar using Mission like a two-handed flail, swinging her around by the tentacles, smacking the Sith across the rooms)
Juhani: Just what the hell are those two doing?!?
Jolee: Err....either he's using her as a weapon...or that's some bizarre Wookie mating dance ritual. I pray it's not the latter.
Canderous: Too many soldiers!! Zalbaar...stop swinging her around! OWWW! You're hitting us more than you are th-OW!
Jolee: I've got an idea, EVERYONE, cover your noses. T3, mane a slight fire with your flamethrower.
Juhani: Oh my...Mission: He isn't doing what I think he's doing, is he?
(Pulling from his pockets some brown stuff, then lighting them from the flamethrower, Jolee then throws them at each of the Sith. Seconds later, they errupt in fire and explode)
Canderous: Good job Jolee! Using lit bantha fodder was a smart strategy.
Jolee: Bantha fodder? Oh...yes, right, bantha fodder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back to Carth and Revan, whoe are looking at Revan's watch)
Revan:: It's been almost two hours.
Carth: Guess we better just continue without her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Later, after Saul is dead, Carth is frozen, and Revan is fighting Malak)
Malak: Joining with the Lightside? BAH! The Darkside is stronger. And you know why?
Revan: At the risk of making this game far too short, and pissing off the players by killing you here, why?
Malak: Because good men are dumb. And you? You let Griff live!!
Revan: Well...yea. I regret that...
Malak: Anyways...TIME TO DIE!!
(Malak freezes Revan in place, preparing to strike her:)
Malak: I'LL FINALLY KILL YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!
(Suddenly, Bastila and said debris come crashing through the walls, slamming into Malak and carrying him off with them. And Carth rushes in.)
Carth: What the hell happened?!
Revan: Er.....I killed Revan....yea, that's it. I used "Force Explode" on him. Blew the little tosser to pieces. Damn near killed me. Pity Bastila'll never know.
Carth: Well, let's get out of here then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Later, after escaping the Leviathon, and now aboard the Ebon Hawk)
Juhani: So Bastila's gone? And Malak's dead?... Shouldn't we celebrate?
Carth: No, first things first. You all need to know what I learned from Saul. Our friend here is actually-
Mission: A man?
Jolee: A woman?
Carth: NO YOU IDIOTS. Our friend is Darth Revan!
Canderous: So?....
HK-47: Zzzzzzzk.......KKKKzzzzzz...Sshkkk...
Mission: What's wrong with HK?
HK-47: Wait a moment....yes. Yes. I see. All memory is restored. I now remember my first master.
Revan: Well who was it then?
HK-47: One moment. His name was...Anakin Skywalker.
Director: CUTTT!!! Ok, whose idea was this?!
(Lights begin flashing, old Star Wars music plays. A red carpet comes out of nowhere. A pudgy man with glasses walks down on it)
George Lucas: Oh, that was mine.
Director: What?! Why in the hell would you do that?! Anakin wasn't even born yet. I mean, it makes no sense.
George Lucas: Doesn't matter. I made the movies, I control the franchize.
Director: Screw this, I quit.
Carth/Revan/HK/T3/Zalbaar: Yea, we quit too.
George Lucas: Fine, I can replace you. I CAN REPLACE YOU ALL!!!! STUNT
DOUBLES!!
(In walks Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, C3-PO, R2-D2, and Chewey)
George Lucas: Ok, places...ACTION!
Everyone: Anakin Skywalker?! GASP!
(Suddenly, the debris carrying Bastila and Malak comes crashing through the spaceship, dropping off Bastila as it continues on it's merry way. Bastila takes a moment to look around, noticing all the new people)
Bastila: WHAT THE $^#%&$%@& IS GOING ON HERE?!
George Lucas: CUT! That's a rap, people.
To Be Continued..
"Part 2"
(Revan, Carth, and Bastila are walking down the long path outside the Leviathon in the spacesuits)
Bastila: Remember Carth, anger is evil. Revenge is evil. In fact, if you just kill Saul for any other reason than you had no AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!
(Suddenly, a small piece of debris flew by, taking Bastila with it)
Revan: Oh great, now whatta we do?
Carth: I got some Pazaak cards..
Revan: ALRIGHT!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Meanwhile, fade to bridge of Leviathon)
Saul: Hmm, does my butt look fat?
(Debris with Bastila flies past window)
Sith Officer: Sir, I think a Jedi just flew by us.
Saul: How can you tell that's a Jedi? Inside a suit, it could be anyone.
Sith Officer: The suit had breasts. There aint a female Sith aboard the ship.
Saul: Yes...blast that Malak and his punishments.. just because he's gay doesn't mean I am.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Next scene, Canderous is leading the party towards the Ebon Hawk)
Sith Soldier: AHHHH!!! WOOKIE SWINGING A TWI'LEK!!! Run!!!
(What is shown is Zalbaar using Mission like a two-handed flail, swinging her around by the tentacles, smacking the Sith across the rooms)
Juhani: Just what the hell are those two doing?!?
Jolee: Err....either he's using her as a weapon...or that's some bizarre Wookie mating dance ritual. I pray it's not the latter.
Canderous: Too many soldiers!! Zalbaar...stop swinging her around! OWWW! You're hitting us more than you are th-OW!
Jolee: I've got an idea, EVERYONE, cover your noses. T3, mane a slight fire with your flamethrower.
Juhani: Oh my...Mission: He isn't doing what I think he's doing, is he?
(Pulling from his pockets some brown stuff, then lighting them from the flamethrower, Jolee then throws them at each of the Sith. Seconds later, they errupt in fire and explode)
Canderous: Good job Jolee! Using lit bantha fodder was a smart strategy.
Jolee: Bantha fodder? Oh...yes, right, bantha fodder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Back to Carth and Revan, whoe are looking at Revan's watch)
Revan:: It's been almost two hours.
Carth: Guess we better just continue without her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Later, after Saul is dead, Carth is frozen, and Revan is fighting Malak)
Malak: Joining with the Lightside? BAH! The Darkside is stronger. And you know why?
Revan: At the risk of making this game far too short, and pissing off the players by killing you here, why?
Malak: Because good men are dumb. And you? You let Griff live!!
Revan: Well...yea. I regret that...
Malak: Anyways...TIME TO DIE!!
(Malak freezes Revan in place, preparing to strike her:)
Malak: I'LL FINALLY KILL YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL!
(Suddenly, Bastila and said debris come crashing through the walls, slamming into Malak and carrying him off with them. And Carth rushes in.)
Carth: What the hell happened?!
Revan: Er.....I killed Revan....yea, that's it. I used "Force Explode" on him. Blew the little tosser to pieces. Damn near killed me. Pity Bastila'll never know.
Carth: Well, let's get out of here then.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Later, after escaping the Leviathon, and now aboard the Ebon Hawk)
Juhani: So Bastila's gone? And Malak's dead?... Shouldn't we celebrate?
Carth: No, first things first. You all need to know what I learned from Saul. Our friend here is actually-
Mission: A man?
Jolee: A woman?
Carth: NO YOU IDIOTS. Our friend is Darth Revan!
Canderous: So?....
HK-47: Zzzzzzzk.......KKKKzzzzzz...Sshkkk...
Mission: What's wrong with HK?
HK-47: Wait a moment....yes. Yes. I see. All memory is restored. I now remember my first master.
Revan: Well who was it then?
HK-47: One moment. His name was...Anakin Skywalker.
Director: CUTTT!!! Ok, whose idea was this?!
(Lights begin flashing, old Star Wars music plays. A red carpet comes out of nowhere. A pudgy man with glasses walks down on it)
George Lucas: Oh, that was mine.
Director: What?! Why in the hell would you do that?! Anakin wasn't even born yet. I mean, it makes no sense.
George Lucas: Doesn't matter. I made the movies, I control the franchize.
Director: Screw this, I quit.
Carth/Revan/HK/T3/Zalbaar: Yea, we quit too.
George Lucas: Fine, I can replace you. I CAN REPLACE YOU ALL!!!! STUNT
DOUBLES!!
(In walks Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, C3-PO, R2-D2, and Chewey)
George Lucas: Ok, places...ACTION!
Everyone: Anakin Skywalker?! GASP!
(Suddenly, the debris carrying Bastila and Malak comes crashing through the spaceship, dropping off Bastila as it continues on it's merry way. Bastila takes a moment to look around, noticing all the new people)
Bastila: WHAT THE $^#%&$%@& IS GOING ON HERE?!
George Lucas: CUT! That's a rap, people.
To Be Continued..
