Title: Alive Again
Summary: Sara and Warrick become closer after he saves her life.
A/N: Geez this chapter was tough. Not tough to write as I got it out in a few hours, but I was really worried about staying in character and accurately depicting the reactions of certain characters. You will be seeing a much stronger Sara in this chapter. Poor Sara has had a rough time of it but she is tough as nails. She is a survivor. And while I want her recovery to be gradual I thought we should see a bit of the old Sara come back. Rawr! Well I hope you guys like it. I'll try to update again tomorrow. Thanks again for the reviews! Do you guys ever get tired of hearing that? :)
Spoilers: Possibly anything all the way up to Early Rollout.
Rating: PG13 for language and some adult situations.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of it. If I did I wouldn't be living in this shoddy little apartment dreaming about winning the lottery. :)
Chapter Sixteen:
In the month since her attack Sara found herself often feeling frightened. She jumped at the smallest noises and flinched at the touch of the one man she desired. Anytime Warrick or one of her friends came near her she silently prayed they wouldn't make physical contact with her.
She hated herself for it.
Tommy Mortesen's visage haunted her thoughts during the day and he tortured her dreams at night. And now he was dead. Part of her rejoiced in knowing that she would never have to see him again. She wouldn't have to testify in court, she wouldn't have to look in his eyes as he laughed at her and she would never have to worry about him being released to come after her again.
However, even dead, Tommy Mortesen made her feel like something she wasn't. Weak.
Grissom had visited her yesterday and she had been genuinely happy to see him. There would always be a piece of her heart devoted to the man, yet she now found comfort in his friendship. He had come bearing gifts and the news of Mortesen's death. Grissom had been rambling about various cases when he let that bit of news slip from his tongue.
Sara remembered watching as his eyes widened and then the dead silence that followed. Grissom had tried to offer her comfort but she had asked him to leave her alone. He had nodded contritely before leaving the apartment. Grabbing her crutches she had stumbled awkwardly to the bedroom to await Warrick's return.
When he had finally come home, Warrick had held her close as she cried herself to sleep. She hated feeling so vulnerable. She hated being out of the loop. She hated the lack of control she now had over her life.
Grissom had purposefully refused to elaborate on the details of Mortesen's death. Warrick had been equally vague. She knew that she wouldn't get the information she wanted from either of them until they were ready to give it. Sara's instincts told her that something was amiss. Each time she woke during the day, Warrick had still been awake and she knew instinctively that something was eating away at him. By the time he left for work that evening he was hardly talking to her at all. He hadn't been angry or even mean, just distant.
Sara knew she would have to go to an outside source to get the information she needed. That left Nick and Catherine. Catherine was more likely to know something, but Sara had very little hope of pressuring anything out of her. Nick on the other hand wouldn't require much finessing.
She groaned as she reached for her crutches and pulled herself to her feet. She didn't think she would ever get used to these things and couldn't wait for her cast to be removed. Moving artlessly towards the nearest phone she dialed Nick's cell phone number.
"Hey Nick its me."
"Sara!" he said jovially on the other end of the line.
"Would you like to have lunch with me tonight if you are in the area?"
"Sure thing. Grissom has me on paperwork tonight so that won't be a problem. I'll be there in about an hour?"
"I can't wait," she said honestly and hung up the phone.
"Meow." Felix sat staring at her.
"Heya cutie pie. Are you following me around?"
The cat answered by following her to the kitchen.
*****
By the time that Nick arrived she had prepared a healthy lunch for both of them. And a bowl of tuna for Felix who insisted on helping in the preparation of the food. Of course his idea of helping was being in the way of everything she did. Every time Sara was about to rebuke the cat he would do something amazingly cute and she would just smile and pet him instead.
When Nick knocked on the door she yelled for him to come in. He opened the door and stared at her like he thought she was insane.
"Sara are you out of your mind?"
She furrowed her brow as she tried to figure out what he was talking about.
"Sara you have the door completely unlocked! Anybody could walk in here."
She sighed. "Thomas Mortesen is dead. Who is going to come after me Nick?"
"Oh. Warrick told you then."
"No Grissom did. Here come to the table I made us lunch."
Nick sat down and lifted the top of his sandwich to view its contents. "You know Sara not everyone is a vegetarian."
"Yes I know that. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't eat healthy."
He groaned. "You know there are healthy meats too," he grumbled as he took a bite of his tomato sandwich. A minute later he nearly jumped out of his chair.
"What was that?" he shrieked. "Something touched my butt!"
She grinned. "Oh that must have been Felix. Warrick got him for me."
Nick looked on the other side of the chair and saw a black and white cat starting at him.
"Sara why did your cat tap my ass?"
"Well so far he has been into noses but he must have liked what he saw."
Nick groaned. "You know I would rather find a decent woman."
Sara smirked. "Nick I want to ask you something. As a friend," she said seriously.
He narrowed his eyes. "Ok."
"There is something going on about about Mortesen's death that Grissom and Warrick won't tell me. I need you to tell me what it is."
"Oh. Oh. You mean you don't know. Well um he died in prison."
"Nick," she said warningly.
"Look Sara I am not sure I should be the one to tell you this. Warrick would kill me."
"I will kill you Nick if you leave this apartment without tell me what is going on! I am a grown woman and as far as I know I am still a CSI in the crime lab. I don't deserve to be treated like this," she stated harshly.
"Sara its not that we are trying to treat you differently. I just don't think I should be the one to tell you this."
"Damnit Nick don't do this to me! Just tell me what is going on!" she shouted.
"Shit. Ok. Fine. The man who killed Mortesen in prison is a friend of Warrick's."
Sara narrowed her eyes. "Ok that doesn't sound good. But what are you leaving out?"
Nick shifted nervously. "Warrick visited the prison a few weeks before Mortesen was transferred there."
Sara sat back in her chair and eyed Nick contemplatively. "So you are telling me that Warrick is being investigated for what? Hiring someone to murder Mortesen?" she said chillingly.
"No. Nothing like that Sara. There are just a few informal inquiries going on right now. We are all sure they are going to amount to nothing. I'm sure that is why Grissom and Warrick didn't say anything. I mean these are stupid charges. Warrick would never do anything like that."
"Nick I am not a child that needs to be protected. I am a grown woman. I don't like to be played with and I don't like being lied to."
"Sara I think you need to continue this discussion with Warrick," Nick said nervously.
"Your right. I'll see you later."
Nick got up leaving most of his lunch behind him and walked to the front door. He knew he would have to prepare Warrick for Sara's wrath but he also felt horrible that she was feeling left out. He realized that after she had been hurt, they had all gone out of their way to protect Sara from even hearing the name of her attacker. Nick didn't know what they should all do. Back off and give Sara space? Coddle and try to protect her? He just wanted to be comfortable with his friend again. He wanted them to be able to sit in a room together and not think about what happened to her.
*****
Sara was waiting for Warrick when he came home. She sat on the couch with her cast propped up on the coffee table. When he opened the door she remained quiet until he noticed her.
"Sara." His voice held no greeting, just resignation.
"Hi Warrick. I guess Nick must have warned you that I might be a little pissed off."
"Yeah he said a few things."
"I was thinking that we should have a talk," she said calmly.
He drew in a deep breath. "Yeah sure."
"You lied to me yesterday. You said there wasn't anything else I needed to know," she said coolly.
"Look Sara with everything you have been through I thought it would be easier for you if you didn't know."
"You don't decide what is good for me Warrick! You lied to me."
Warrick through his things down on a chair and went to the kitchen to get himself a drink.
"Warrick you aren't going to be able to avoid this conversation. Just tell me. Is it true?"
"Damnit Sara I am not avoiding anything. Is what true? Ask me."
"Did you visit the man who murdered Mortesen?" she asked sternly.
"Yes."
"And he is a friend of yours?"
"Yes."
"Did you ask him to kill Mortesen?"
Warrick sat down in a chair adjacent to the couch she sat in took a long drink of his soda. He didn't answer her. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees and settled his head in his hands. He remained silent.
Sara face finally expressed shock. She felt her jaw go slack. "Warrick an-answer me," she stuttered.
Warrick stared at the floor and made no movement at all. His silence was damning.
"Warrick..." she said quietly. She could think. She couldn't even hold on to her anger. Shock had settled in and she found any reaction difficult. She simply stared at him as if seeing someone she had never met take over the body of someone she cared about.
They sat together for a long while before Warrick finally looked at her. Tears stained his cheeks and Sara found herself surprised that he had been crying.
"Sara what are we?"
"I don't understand. What do you mean?"
"Are we dating? Are we together? Are we lovers? I've only made love to you once and I haven't been able to touch you in over a month. Ever since, ever since you were hurt you won't let me get close. What are we?"
Sara frowned and rubbed her eyes with one hand. "Warrick I just need time. What does this have to do..."
He stood up and walked to stand over her. "I'll tell you what this has to with what you were asking. I made a mistake trying to push you away when I saw you with Grissom. I realized my mistake that same day, but you were already taken from me again by that sadistic asshole Mortesen. Ever since that day I have felt like I am a visitor in your life Sara. And I blame Mortesen for that. We could have recovered from the Grissom thing. But can we recover from this? Can we move on after what has happened?"
Sara stared hard at him trying to control her anger. "After what happened you ask? Can we make it? Thats whats you want to know?! Warrick I am not even thinking about US right now! I am trying to make it through each fucking day without seeing Mortesen's mocking face looking at me! I look in the mirror and see the scars he carved into my body. My breasts. My ass. He left his mark on me for life! I am the one dealing with this not you!" she shouted at him.
"No Sara I am dealing with this too! I am trying to deal with it with you! I am trying to be a part of your life and you keep pushing me away. You don't seem to get it, I'm not going anywhere. I am here for the long haul. I..."
"I'm sorry Warrick. You have been great. This just has been difficult. I am just trying to put the pieces together," she said honestly.
"What do you want from me Sara?"
"I want the truth Warrick."
Warrick sighed with acquiescence. "You want the truth? Yes I did it. I asked my friend Cory Parks to take care of Mortesen and I would do it again in a damn instant. Is that what you wanted to hear Sara?" he said turning his back to her.
"Why?" she asked quietly as her anger completely evaporated.
He took several moments to answer. "Because I wanted to bring you peace. Because I wanted you never to have to face him again. Because," he turned around to face her again, "because I fell in love with you somewhere along the way and I would do anything to protect you. Anything."
To be continued...
