Chapter 17 Wishful Thinking

Catch me as I fall

Say you're here and it's all over now

Speaking to the atmosphere

No one's here and I fall into myself

This truth drives me into madness

I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away

Buffy thought she was going to pass out. Even after all this time, the sight of someone else's blood still made her feel a little squeamish, and a lot guilty. Was there something different she could have done to stop it? If she had been a little faster, stronger, smarter better somehow, would they be in this position right now?

It shouldn't have happened she should've been able to stop it.

She may have had her differences with Faith but now things were as they always should have been.

The two girls in all the world with the strength and skill to hunt the Vampires. They both had a mission and a destiny. Buffy knew what Faith's was, but her own that night 6 years ago had changed her destiny didn't matter

They were going to save the world.

Buffy watched from her spot on the toilet seat as Janet worked on Faith's shoulder, trying to determine how much damage was done. Unable to watch any longer she got up and excused herself. Walking out of the bathroom, straight down the stairs and out the front door she plopped down on the top step and let the sun warm her suddenly cold body.

From the living room, Sam and Jack exchanged glances as Buffy wandered past not even sparing them a single glance. Jack rose to go after her but a light hand on his forearm stopped him, looking down at Sam she shook her head at him and went after the blonde herself.

As Jack sat back down he looked at Jacob nervously who had watched the silent exchanged with raised eyebrows and an unreadable look on his face.

"So Jack" Jacob crossed one leg over the other wrapping his hands around his knee. "How exactly did you end up involved?"

Sam opened the front door and stepped out into the bright sunlight, relishing in it for a moment, before sitting down next to Buffy.

"Faith okay?" A simple question to start off the conversation.

"Yeah," Buffy sighed. "Her body'll do most of the healing by itself, as long as you get whatever is in there out before the healing starts a Slayer'll generally bounce back from most injuries."

Sam nodded in understanding. "Are you okay?" Not so simple question.

"I have to be, don't I?" Buffy lay back across the porch stretching out with Sam following suit. "I mean, if I'm not okay who's gonna do this?" She turned her head to face Sam.

"Well," Sam started. "You've always had your friends to back you up. Now we're here. Do you think we're going to turn away from this just because it's getting a bit tough?"

"Of course not but"She trailed off having trouble putting the thoughts into words she could say. "There have been others who who have helped out. I've fought with them instead of Willow, Xander, and Giles but no matter what it always, always ends up just being the four of us." Sam could see the tears well up in her eyes "I don't want them fighting anymore."

"Why not?" Sam prodded gently. "Why don't you want them to fight?"

Buffy closed her eyes. "Because because I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost any of them when Giles went back to England. I got so lost and Xander took off after the non-event wedding he just got back but then"

Her voice dropped to a whisper. "When Tara died and Willow didn't cope at all she went to England with Giles. I knew that if anything ever happened to those three in a fight it would only be me to blame"

Sam didn't like interrupting but "What about Dawn?"

"If anything happens to Dawn I don't know I don't even want to think about it. Why do you think I" Buffy scrubbed at her eyes trying to wipe away the tears. "Mac and I stopped at the notary after we spoke with the Priest today. It's all done now it's Dawn's choice."

"So, now I want to know why you have two oil tankers parked outside the house?"

Jack really wanted an excuse to get out of here. Why couldn't someone else explain all of this to Jacob?

"They're to transport large amounts of liquid. I don't know why they got two, we only need one."

"Jonas Quinn had a suggestion regarding that." Teal'c had come into the room while Jack had been explaining how they ended up in Sunnydale to Jacob, but had remained silent much to Jack's chagrin.

"He thought it would be a good idea to use some other flammable liquid as well as the Holy Water. If we could locate a large enough amount of gasoline or oil, would it not assist in defeating the enemy?" He cocked his head slightly to the left while raising his right eyebrow.

Jack's eyes lit up with satisfaction. "That's actually a good idea." Looking down at his watch, he swore. "Damn it. I gotta get back to Carmel, pick up the hardware." Walking over to the window, he looked out and saw that Sam and Buffy were still deep in conversation. Turning around to the other two men, he asked "want to come with?"

"Hardware?" Jacob asked not really wanting to know but asking anyway. "There's no military base at Carmel is there?"

Jack looked down at his feet. "No, but we need the stuff now and don't have time to go through official channels"

"I really don't want to know, so I'll just stay here."

"Yeah sure, you betchya. You coming big guy?" He looked over at Teal'c.

Wordlessly the Jaffa bowed his head at Jack in agreement. As the two of them headed for the front door Jack called back to Jacob over his shoulder. "Ask your daughter about the rifle she has with her."

Janet checked the bandages covering Faith's shoulder one more time before sitting back on her heels. Ripping the gloves off she wiped her sweaty hands on a towel before reaching over and placing one on the girl's clammy forehead.

"Give it a couple of hours, I'll be good as new." Faith smiled wanly at the Doctor. "I'll sleep it off and be alright in the morning."

"I have no doubt about that," Janet murmured. "Now we just have to get you out of that tub and into a bed. Mac?" She turned to the Marine who had taken over Buffy's spot on the toilet. "Can you give us a hand here?"

Together the two Majors managed to wrestle Faith into an upright standing position. Unfortunately, due to the difference in heights of the three of them actually getting her out of the tub was more problematic.

Slowly they managed to get her out of the tub and together the three of them stumbled into the closest bedroom, which happened to be Buffy's. Finally getting the girls into the bed Janet once again checked her temperature and pulse. Finding that they were no better or no worse, Janet and Mac silently watched the girl slip into a deep sleep.

Letting out a sigh of relief Janet smiled wanly at Mac. "I'll stay with her for a while, but send someone up in about an hour to relieve me"

Mac turned towards her hands firmly on hips. "Nope, I'm going to get changed and come straight back and you are going to take a break."

Janet opened her mouth to protest but it would have been to empty air as Mac had walked out without giving her time to draw breath.

Hyperion Hotel

Los Angeles, California.

As the sun was just beginning its final descent into the western horizon, Rupert Giles sat atop the Hyperion Hotel sipping a glass of red wine, unsure of exactly what else he was supposed to be doing. He had done what Buffy had asked: gotten the Potentials and everyone else out of Sunnydale, but now

He supposed that he could return to England, eventually; help to rebuild the Watchers Council but It didn't hold the attraction it once did.

A noise from behind made Giles turn to see what it was, hoping that no otherworldly creature had decided to brave the Hyperion Hotel. There in the dim light stood an older and wiser Wesley Whyndam-Pryce.

It astonished Giles that the once awkward and bumbling and bordering on incompetent man was he was something else entirely. Giles was not even sure he could categorise this man in front of him. The man he had first met -- clean cut, three-piece suit perfectly pressed -- was gone. Now that man had been replaced by a world wise man, who had been thrown into the fire and come out stronger for it.

Like many before him, Wesley now knew what it was like to have to do things that no one else could. Although Giles did think that keeping a woman chained in his closet was going a bit far.

Giles turned back to the sunset as Wesley walked up and joined him silently. They stood together and watched for a few minutes before Wesley finally spoke up.

"It's a strange feeling. You've been told your entire life that you have a calling and that it is your duty and destiny to fulfil it. Only, one day you find that it's not, that everything you think to be true is in fact not."

Giles laughed humorlessly. "All of a sudden you find yourself in a situation that you have no idea how to handle. Standing in front of you is a young girl, who despite the life she has grown up with has been told of this destiny that she is required to fulfil. It's your job to guide her through her short life" He trailed off as an unbidden memory came to mind.

"Giles, I'm 16 years old I don't want to die!"

The two men took sips of their individual drinks.

"You know everything about what you're supposed to do, but the training never prepared you for what you would have to do."

In a moment of solidarity the two men both sighed and lapsed into thoughts of the two girls who had once been their charges.

"Is it true that you used to give Buffy cookies?"

For the first time in a long time Giles laughed, he really truly laughed.

Carmel, California

Bill Roach stood nervously, watching as Jack inspected the hardware. The man he had brought with him this time was just standing there hands behind his back, watching every move that was made.

An overgrown guard dog came to mind. Bill could see that if he even thought about making the wrong move that this giant of a man would be on him like a stink on shit. Therefore he was just going to stand there and if Jack wanted to know anything he could ask.

Jack could feel the nervous energy radiating off Bill and had to actively stop himself from laughing out loud at the looks Bill was throwing Teal'c. Jack wasn't sure who the poor man was more scared of, Teal'c who could easily beat him to a pulp or Carter who could talk his brain to a pulp.

Grinning he turned to face the younger man.

"Sweet." He then looked over his shoulder at Teal'c. "Let's load em up and ship em out Murray."

Bowing his head slightly the Jaffa silently started picking up the larger pieces of hardware.

Trusting Teal'c to get everything packed in the car without a fuss Jack turned back to Bill.

"How much?" Jack hoped he had enough for it all; there was some pretty heavy-duty stuff in the package.

Bill gave Jack a measuring look. "You helping out down in Sunnydale?" Bill could almost see the shutters come up over Jacks face.

"That's where we're staying, yes." Jack was wary now. How much did Bill know bout what was going on down in Sunnydale? Even though it wasn't exactly eyes only still he knew that every man and his dog shouldn't know what went bump in the night.

Bill nodded knowingly and smiled. "It's on the house, and tell the pretty little blond that Willie the Snitch still thinks she should model and is cheering for her." Turning on his heel, Bill walked through the door behind him. Jack stood there dumbfounded as the audible click of a lock turning over echoed through the room.

Shrugging, he started picking up the last of the gear and headed out to the car, and back to good old Sunnydale.