Chapter four of "Quality Time" since the holidays are almost up-this story's running short! I'm probably going to stop at…well I'll let you guess.
Shakhanna- Noooo! I haven't seen that fan art pic! Can I get a link-link?
WTF-this is just something to get the creative juices flowing. Like I said, I have some more serious stuff I want to do.
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Texas Chainsaw Massacre 24: The revenge of Leather face.
Never mind that it came out before the remake (A/N: GO SEE IT! GREAT MOVIE!) Never mind that it basically seemed to consist of the plot of Jason X-with an added dog, two love scenes between scantily clad scientists and their overseers, and a large "space cow"
William Birkin loved it.
"YES!"
A head went sliding away down a gangplank. He was particularly pleased when Leather face speared various victims with his chainsaw and a three-clawed "pronged" weapon that was supposedly used to clean up space dust. He grinned-ignoring the tugging on his shoulder.
"Honey…"
Sherry watched the screen with wide eyes as a snippet of dialogue took place:
Matt: Hank. Don't go in there alone.
Hank: Oh damn it Matt, I know you slept with Sandra, and I know you sent her out to die. I'm going in there to end this.
Matt: No. Hank. Leather face was cloned using an embryo from a dead chicken-he'll peck you to death.
Hank: Go fuck yourself. And stay away from Michelle. If you have another foursome with her and Trisha, Leon, and Ada then I'll cut off your head.
This raised many new questions for the inquisitive two year old. Like her parents, she had a deep love for all things scientific, the pursuit of knowledge. Now, she must find out what the words,"Slept with" "Foursome" and "Fuck" meant.
"Daddy." Sherry whispered, "What's a foursome?"
"William." Annette grabbed her husband by the shoulders and turned him to face her, "This story has no plot, no dialogue, and gratuitous sex."
William blinked, "So?"
"So." She whispered, "ITS JUST LIKE YOUR BACHELOR PARTY!"
William froze and turned away from the screen. The things that had gone on at that party would haunt him for the rest of his days…
"So." Annette said quietly, slipping close to him and whispering in his ear, "Unless you want me to reveal to you, in detail, what happened involving Sushi, The duck, and Wesker's shotgun-"
"ACK!" William acquiesced, "But…honey Leather face was just about to-"
"Mommy! Those adults are hugging and kissing! And there's two more that are also hugging and kissing and what's-"
Annette grabbed Sherry in one arm, grabbed her husband's shoulder with the other hand, and dragged them forcibly from the theater.
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"I thought she said that it was on the Right?" Annette peered about intently, scanning the marquees overhead, "Right and then first door?"
"The first door on the right was TCM 24." William said mournfully, "In space no one can hear you scream…"
"You can go see it tomorrow." Annette peered at another Marquee, "What's this?"
They opened the door a crack, peering in expectantly.
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"Well. That was odd." Annette pulled herself out of the room, dazed, "Very odd."
"How could daddy be up on the screen and down here with us? And why was Raccoon all infested with zom-zom-zom-"
"Zombies dear." Annette said quickly, "And those zombies were some of the WORST that I've ever seen! Poor form and color-not to mention that the idiot who made those zombies must have-"
Annette rattled on for quite some time as William led his wife and daughter away from the movie so aptly titled, "Resident Evil Apocalypse." As it seemed to be doing so poorly in the theater that even he- (Die-hard see it twenty-seven times buy it on VHS and later upgrade it to the next level) fan that he was of horror-was vaguely repulsed.
"Excuse me." Annette pulled a nearby theater employee to the side, glancing anxiously at her watch, "I'm looking for Santa goes to Hollywood-"
"First door on the left man." The employee glanced over at William, as if he was mental, then, looking down at Sherry-he understood, "Ah. Yeah-did you get lost?"
HE did not bother to explain the universal law that all persons, personas, and personages entering movie theaters would go insane and begin searching vainly for their films until they asked an employee.
"Daddy what's fucking?"
William counted to ten and cursed his brilliant genes. Were all of his offspring going to be cursed with inquisitive natures?
"Umm…" the employee looked nervously at the three of them, "I've got to get back to work-see ya."
He bolted back down the other way.
"To the left." Annette said, "Why didn't I think of it? To the FREAKIN' left-how could I have been so stupid?"
"Hi guys."
And Annette jumped.
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Now, many rumors have subsisted about Mr. Albert Wesker. He has a wife, he has two wives, and he has a son, a daughter, and then some. Since his family history is in such debate for historical scholars of all ages (AN: particularly those on Fanfiction.net -_^) we shall simply add yet another to his copious amounts of relatives.
Natasha Wesker.
Natasha's parents, family history, dislikes, and favorite color are unimportant. What is important is that-for the weekend Natasha's parents (Who-lets say work for Umbrella too) dropped her off with her favorite Uncle Al.
"Uncle Al, when you clothes-line a guy like you did that usher-do you," Natasha held out her arm to demonstrate, "Make a fist like this? Or do you just open palm it?"
"You make a fist-" Wesker held out his arm to demonstrate. Passers-by looked at him confused, "And then you DRIVE yourself foreward and-"
"OOOMPF!"
William went down like a sack of bricks.
"William!" Annette got down on her knees, "Darling are you alright?"
"Did somebody get the number of that pick-up truck??" he warbled.
He fainted again.
"Hi Will! Hows it going?" Wesker hauled his friend to his feet and punched him jovially in the face, "I see ya haven't been taking those self –defense classes-"
"I was kind of hoping that when I turned thirty I wouldn't have to be beaten up by the older classmen…"
"Albert what gives you the right to keep beating up poor William?" Annette hugged her husband around the chest defensively, "I mean besides kicking him in the groin that time at the company picnic-"
"I DID not kick him!" Wesker growled, "Dumb fuck couldn't catch a pass-"
"Why do you think I DIDN'T check that I was interested in secret service?" William moaned. A passerby handed him a cup of ice and walked off.
"That's right! You know my husband has no athletic ability whatsoever!"
"Hey!"
While the adults were arguing, poor Sherry toddled off towards Natasha, sniffling mournfully. Natasha, being a Wesker and DAMN proud of it, glowered at the weakling.
"What's the matter with you? "
Sherry looked up; "My mommy and daddy were going to take me to a movie, now they're arguing with your daddy."
"He's not my dad." Natasha looked thoughtful, "Although I have wondered cause he was pretty close to my mom-"
Sherry began to sniffle.
"Eeep! Okay, okay, look-lets uh-go find your movie?" Natasha glanced down to the left, "And then will you not cry? Please, please dear god don't cry…"
Sherry brightened, affixing Natasha with one of her mother's patented evil glares before following her merrily into the darkened movie theater.
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"…And THAT'S why I didn't let you out into the dog-pen."
William, now holding the cup of eyes to his injured neck nodded. Wesker folded his arms across his chest and stared Annette down lecherously. All men in Resident Evil take classes in how to do it properly, so she squirmed under his gaze.
"Makes perfect sense I suppose." He gasped, "But why did you clothes-line me?"
"Oh. I was showing Nat how to-" Wesker peered to his left then looked up confused, "Well shoot-she was here just a second ago-"
Natasha Wesker and Sherry Birkin were both missing.
"Sherry!" William and Annette cried simultaneously.
"Dammit." Wesker put a finger to his forehead, "Natasha must have led her off. I'm sorry-"
"Don't be sorry." William grabbed his friend and forced him to look into his face, "help me FIND her."
Now, they were on the left side of the theater-just in front of a movie which (Sadly) was not the one they were looking for.
Think kiddy movie
Think "Distraught parents"
And you get, Disney.
Yes, a new movie had been added to Disney's endless barrage of frozen, beaming, smiles. A new plotline, a new princess, a new storyline that would eventually be marketed to death, made into a sequel, and produced finally as a ride at one of their grandeous theme parks. It did not need a name, but since Raccoon had been chosen as a "Test" screening-it was filled with…evil.
The doors to the theaters opened and thousands of screaming parents and children descended.
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A/N: There's chapter four! The above is a salute to horror movies with cheesy plots, lots ' sex, and lots of boom! Either violence caused by the characters (Wesker and his random clothes-lining of poor William)
BTW-sushi would NOT be the food. But I'll leave that up to your imagination. The thought of William Birkin having an "American Pie" Bachelor Party amuses me to no end. (Imagines Wesker hiring Leon and Chris to strip) oh man…I need to quit while I'm ahead…*beats brain*
Anyway, Chapter five to appear like a random flash of lightning in a cow barn!
