Disclaimair: some quotes are taken directly from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenyx. All the credit goes to J.K. Rowling.
It is morning now and I'm finally back at the camp.
We captured two more Death Eaters last night. I know these two very well because they attended Hogwarts with me.
One of them is Blaise Zabini while the other is Marietta Edgecombe. They were in Slytherin and Ravenclaw. It may sounds strange but not only the notorious Slytherins are involved with Voldemort.
In the course of the years, I have seen friends turned into terrible Death Eaters and enemies of the past becoming my most precious allies.
When I was younger, I used to think that the world was simply divided in what was white and what was black, in what was right and in what was wrong, but now the borders are blurred and I can't see a clear difference between good and evil anymore.
As I enter in my tent, I find Neville still asleep. I guess he returned from his guard duty only a few hours ago, otherwise he would be already up at this hour of the day.
Neville Longbottom is the only old friend that I still have.
Actually, I wasn't so surprised to find him, after many years of distance, right in this camp with me, because we have always lived a sort of parallel lives.
Neville arrived one year and a half ago.
Right after finishing school, he left England and moved to Holland where he completed his study on Herbology.
Through the years he became an expert on the matter, so much so that he was even offered a job at Hogwarts as Professor Sprout's assistant, but surprisingly, he chose to enlist himself in the Auror's army instead.
I believe that none of us who knew him would ever think that shy, sweet Neville would become a fighter, and a very good one for that matter. But this is exactly the case. That's why it's amazing to discover how much he has changed.
He also married with a muggle woman, Adeline, and one year ago he became father of a boy, Michael. Adeline and Neville met each other when he saved her life during an attack of Voldemort's army. They fell in love immediately and since then they've always been together. She understood his need to fight against evil and so when he decided to go and fight she let him with without further protests.
I believe that even if this situation is not ideal for them, they are happy just the same...and this sometimes makes me envy him, because if things had gone different when we were only children, maybe I would have been the happy one right now.
Neville still doesn't know that my destiny could have been his. Albus Dumbledore left the choice to me to tell Neville the truth about the prophecy.
I decided not to say anything to him, because in any case, nothing would change and in the end, I would just add another weight on his shoulder.
"The odd thing, Harry, is that it may not have meant you at all. The prophecy could have applied to two wizard boys both born at the end of July that year, both of whom had parents in the Order of the Phoenix, both sets of parents having narrowly escaped Voldemort three times. One of course was you. The other was Neville Longbottom" I remember Dumbledore telling me
I remember that day Dumbledore told me about the prophecy as it's just yesterday. That day greatly changed my life. And not only because it was the day I lost Sirius, but mostly because I discovered that whatever I'd do, whatever decisions I'd make, my destiny was already written since before my birth.
Sooner or later the day will come that Voldemort and I will finally it will confront each other and in that final battle, and in that very moment our fates will be decided, because...
"...Neither can live while the other survive"
Since then I have always felt like I am caught in a trap. Because I can't do a thing to avoid this fight and whatever will be the part I have to play, I'm ashamed to admit that I'm scared to think about what could happen to me and my world in the aftermath.
~*~
"Ehi Harry, finally you're back! Have you been out there all night?"
"Yes, I have. These two were difficult to arrest, lucky for us our trap worked out in the end. We captured them in a clear in the woods near Greenock. They were trying to evoke the Dark Mark to get reinforces but they hadn't had enough time. What about you? How was your guard duty, Neville?"
"It was okay. I didn't have any problems. It looks like we're still in a safe place, but I think that we'll have to move soon. With all the Death Eaters that got captured in the neighbourhood, eventually Voldemort and his followers will figure out what's going on. Who have you got this time?"
"Zabini and Edgecombe. Do you remember them? Edgecombe was with us in D.A. at Hogwarts."
"Was she the one that betrayed us?" Neville asks me, a little surprised.
"Exactly! We should have known since then that she wasn't one to trust."
I'm really tired, I keep on yawning and Neville notices this:
"Rest Harry, we'll talk later. I have still some hours of sleep to recover myself."
"Okay. See you later then, good night, Neville!"
"Good night, Harry."
~*~
It must be three in the afternoon when I finally wake up. I'm still tired, though. And it's not because of the constant late night guard duty I do; it's because of the nightmares that keep on haunting me whenever I close my eyes.
I've just called them nightmares when actually they were beautiful dreams, and the reason why I call them nightmares was because it made me remember the things I had abandoned, the things I would never, ever get back.
And who can blame her? I had hurt her too much. I had kept on doing that for fourteen years.
Even this night, or should I say morning, I dreamed about Ginny.
In the dream, we were still young and we were staying at the Burrow. She kept on saying how much she loved me, she said that she would never stop loving me that I would always find her by my side whatever might happen in our life. I kissed her passionately and I promised her that I would never leave her, too. Exactly the opposite of what I actually did.
Ginny.
The greatest mystery of my life.
The only woman of my life.
I never stopped loving her, and I don't think that I ever will.
Our love was not love at first sight, at least it wasn't for me. It was one of those things that grow in time. If I look back to the past, I can say that I always found her very cute since the first moment that I saw her. But unfortunately, she had this crush on me that prevented her to speak a word when she was face to face with me. And this gave me the wrong impression that she was a shy and close person.
But it was far from reality, really far.
Ginny is pure fire.
I don't think that there is someone who loves to give joy and happiness to the others more than her in the whole world.
She is obstinate, she never gives up. The only time I saw her surrender to something was when I ran away. Actually, I chose that moment to leave because I knew that she would be too weak and too tired with all the pain to hold me back. If I had waited just a little longer, I would have never been able to leave her and everything I loved behind.
Ginny possesses so much strength inside of her and she seems able to find it more when things get more difficult.
Once, she confessed to me that she felt like she had to owe something to Tom Riddle. She became stronger because she fought him when she was in such a young age. She never forgot that she had been almost in the brink of death that time, and because of that she always tried to live the best she could every day of her life, so that she wouldn't have to regret anything in the future.
Ginny and I, grew close during my fifth year at Hogwarts. During that year we begun to really speak to each other and so I was able to discover many things about her that I'd never imagined- her Quidditch skills, her talent for charms and hexes and above all else, her courage.
The odd thing was that our friendship begun exactly when it looked like her crush for me was gone. I remember when Hermione gave Ron a great shock when she told him that his little sister was already going out with a boy:
"What! But I thought Ginny fancied Harry..."
"She used to fancy Harry, but she gave up on him months ago... Not that she doesn't like you, of course," she added kindly to me.
With that, I realised why Ginny was finally speaking to me and why there hadn't been other incidents with elbows in butter dishes every time I came around her
At that time I didn't give much thought about the new love life of Ginny, given my own problems and also because I still had a sort of silly infatuation with Cho Chang, one of the most popular girls of the school. But during the next year, when I felt that I was falling in love with Ginny, the fact that she was not interested in me anymore, got me really worried. It was as if I always took her presence in my life for granted, and the thought that maybe I might lose her forever, scared and hurt me at the same time.
"It's time you tell her, mate!" I remember Ron trying to give me some piece of advise about his sister.
"Look who's talking! I don't seem to recall you saying anything to Hermione about your feeling, Ron..."
"I don't know what you're talking about! Anyway, we are not talking about me right now, but rather about someone I know that spends his days memorising every move of my sister... someone that never takes his eyes off her, someone...."
"Enough! I got it. However, even if I decide to tell her how I feel, I don't know how I could manage that..."
"Well you can try with, 'Hi Ginny, you know, I like you very much. Would you like to go out with me sometime?' "
"And she will reply with, ' Harry, what's got into you? You're only a friend to me and I don't want anything more than this' "
I let sadness overcome myself, and, disconsolate, I fell on the couch in front of the fireplace of the Gryffindor common room.
"Cheer up, Harry! After all, you went already through all this madness with Cho," Ron tried to encourage me.
"I didn't feel for Cho what I feel now for your sister," I replied, frustrated " I never felt anything like this before. Just thinking about Ginny makes me feel stronger. When she looks at me or smiles at me, I feel like I have the world on my hands. She makes me feel ready for everything, and then, at the same time, she makes me also feel so weak. The mere thought that someone else could be with her instead of me it's unbearable. I can't exist, I can't live without her. I don't know many things about the subject Ron, but I think that this is Love. I think I'm really in love with Ginny."
I turned my head towards Ron and I found him with a pleased grin on his face.
"What?" I asked curious, baffled by his reaction.
He nodded at someone behind me, so I turned my head and when I saw who he was looking at, I felt my heart burst inside my chest.
Ginny and Hermione were right there with their mouths agape.
Hermione then smiled at me with the same grin I saw on Ron's face.
Ginny, however, looked like she was petrified.
She was standing there with her arms hanging limply at her sides, motionless as though somebody just stunned her.
But her eyes were so full of wonder...
I had always loved Ginny's eyes. They were so beautiful, so warm, so luminous, and so full of life. It was always easy for me to lose myself in their bottomless depth. I used to tell her that she didn't need a wand, her eyes were enough to charm everything.
At least they were enough to charm me. But they were never as beautiful as they were in that moment.
I remember stepping closer to her and taking her hands with mine, and completely forgetting that we were not alone in the room, I confessed my love to her:
"I love you Ginny!"
"I love you too Harry!" she replied simply "You can't even imagine how much!".
Since then I always considered the kiss that followed our declaration of love as my first real kiss.
That evening, once we were alone, she told me that she never really stopped loving me.
"Michael was cute, and I have to admit that he always treated me well, and, you know, he was also the first boy who really noticed me..."
"I'm sorry...I was so stupid ..."
"It doesn't matters anymore," she raised her hand, silencing me, "finally I'm here with you and this is what really counts. I had to wait a long time for you but it was worth everything I went through." She lowered her eyes shyly. "I didn't hope anymore that you would notice me. I was satisfied to be at least a good friend for you. But I never stopped loving you, not even for a second. I've tried, at least this is true. I thought that if I go out with other boys, I could forget you or maybe I would realise that mine was actually only a silly crush, like everyone kept saying, and that eventually it would vanish with time... For a little while I had even quite convinced myself that this was really the case. But, as we begun to get closer, I realised that Michael wasn't the boy I wanted to be with. It was you, like always. When I left him, I did it not just because he was really turning into a royal prat, but because I couldn't keep leading him on knowing that I was still in love with you."
Not a single day passes by without me thinking of her. I always ask myself if she has changed in this four years. I wonder about stupid things, like how long her hair might be, if she is taller, if she's fatter or thinner...if she is still living in our house or she returned to the Burrow, if there is someone else in her life, if she's in love...if...
I left her without a word, as though there never was anything important between us, as though we didn't live together for almost two years, as though we never planned to marry each other in a few months.
But although I know that I have no right to do this after all I did to her, I can't stop hoping that one day I will find her again in our house and that she will still welcome me back in her arms.
I know, I am really the greatest selfish git in the world.
~*~
"Ehi Harry! Finally you're up! The leaders just finished the meeting. They decided that we have to move the camp tonight. It looks like we've been discovered."
Neville sounds happy to leave this place. We have been here for four months and I know that he can't stand being in the same place for too long. He told me that whenever he stays too long in one place he misses his family even more.
For my part, I don't mind these continuous changes so much. For the last four years, it's like I've been through all England.
"Do you know where we're going?" I ask him suddenly.
"No, I don't. The leaders will let us know our new destination as soon as they'll end the last arrangements they're making to increase our protection. But based from what I gathered, it looks like we're going south, towards London."
"What?"
London is too close to Ginny. I haven't been there since I left.
"I should have known that you'd react like this! It's because of Ginny, isn't it? Are you afraid to find her right in front of you?"
Thinking about seeing her again after all this time scares the hell out of me!
"Don't worry too much, Harry! London is large and the odds that you'll meet her are little. And for what we know, she may not live in the same place anymore."
"I don't think she's moved! She loved those places too much, after all she always lived round there, between the Burrow and London." I reply.
I can feel Neville' eyes on me, like he is trying to decide if he should tell me what he has in his mind or not.
"Harry," he tells me after a while, " I'm sorry to say this... you know that you're my best friend, right?"
"Yes, I know. What's the matter?"
"Well, ...I think...I think it's time for you to stop behaving like a coward!" he tells me sharply.
"I'm not a coward!" I say indignantly. "I never backed out from anyone or anything."
"You did that with Ginny and her family, and you know this very well! Isn't it the reason why the mere thought of finding yourself in the near them scares you?"
I can't even reply to him. Everything he's saying is true. It's exactly the same thing I thought about myself a billion times already.
"You are the bravest wizard that I have ever met Harry," Neville goes on, "but only when the matter is the fight. Once, you were the bravest man too, but now...well, if I have to tell you everything, I think...well, sometimes it seems that you don't have any emotions left in you...and I had always thought that those were your greatest weapons."
I lift up my head and I notice that Neville is still staring at me, as tough he's trying to decipher if his words had an effect on me like he was hoping.
When we were younger, he would never be able to say what he said to me today. He's changed so much! But unlike me, he's become stronger, while, I, in the other hand, have become the shadow of the man I used to be.
"I don't know what you're expecting me to say Neville. It's not like all the things you've just told me never crossed my mind. But the problem is that right now, I'm not strong enough to face them. Even you wouldn't face them if you were in my shoes knowing how much they suffered because of you."
Neville sighs, exasperated.
"Harry you should stop feeling like the victim in this story..."
"I don't feel like I'm the victim!"
"Yes, you are!" he yells.
This is the first time I see Neville so angry.
"I never understood the choice you made," he continues in a softer tone, "but it's not up to me judge you. The Weasleys were always good people. If you have returned home, I think that it would have been easy for them to forgive you. But now, you'll never know..."
He stops abruptly as tough he has just said more than he intended.
"What do you mean Neville?"
"I mean..." he stutters "I mean that..."
He never gets to finish what he was saying because Ernie McMillian enters suddenly in our tent.
"Guys, if you keep on shouting like that maybe you can draw here some Death Eaters," he say mocking us.
"What do you want Ernie?" I reply harshly.
"Ehi, Harry calm down! I come here only to inform you that we'll leave in an hour. Get ready and then come to the tent of the leaders. They're going to give us the directions for our new destination."
"Okay Ernie, we'll be there in an instant" Neville answers calmer.
"See you later then," Ernie replies stepping out from our tent and leaving Neville and I alone again.
During the next ten minutes we don't exchange even a single word.
Neville finishes packing his things first and sets off immediately. But he stops just before he goes on.
"Remember Harry! You can't keep on running away and hiding for all your life. You have still a chance to repair the damage you caused."
And with this, he leaves.
~*~
