Note: [#] denotes a, well, note that I feel would mess with the flow of the chapter, so I'll say it at the end of the chapter.
By the next morning, Ratigan had fallen asleep on Kim's abandoned divan, and was probably going to sleep all day, dreaming of adventures with Kim long past, when a familiar beeping permeated the once tragic, yet tranquil atmosphere, waking Ratigan from his tortured reverie. Walking over to the sound of the repetitive beeping, which was the top dresser drawer, and after digging through her various long-unused cargoes and pants, pulled out the Kimmunicator, long since useless to Kim.
Pushing the button, he said "You'd better be worth it for getting me up at-" before realizing he was complaining to Wade, Kim Possible's webmaster friend. He just hoped that Wade had woken him at an early enough time so he wouldn't feel too much like a heel. "So, um, what's the sitch, Wade?", he asked sheepishly, trying to make up for the whining.
"Oh, hey, Ratigan", Wade said, obvious ignoring the previous carping and kissing-up. "D'you wanna chat?"
Ratigan knew Wade was trying to snap him out of the dark blue funk that had lurked inside him like a deep haze[1] ever since Kim died, but decided to keep his arrogant, humorous personality presented at all times to avoid making Wade suspect he was really falling apart at the seams. "I don't know", he said, aloof as he usually would be. "I think I might be able to take time out of my busy schedule to chat for a minute or two."
"And what would that schedule be?", Wade inquired, before adding "And don't try that 'faking confidence' thing. I had to deal with it enough with Ron a few minutes ago, so I kinda think I've earned the right to not have to deal with that from anyone else."[2]
"Oh, you know: Lazing around, annoying Ron or anyone in my vicinity, missing Kim, sleeping, coming up with plots to make my life a little more interesting, eating fine cuisine . .", he listed off-hand.
Wade couldn't resist a crack at the former World's Greatest Criminal Mind. "Bueno Nacho?", he inquired.
Ratigan started to develop a slight reddish hue to his face that, at first glance, would have been attributed to anger by anyone, but after a moment's thought and the fact that his smile practically screamed "embarrassed", would they realize that the reddish hue was, in truth, attributed to embarrassment. "They're still looking for the person who stole the last seven Grande-Sized naco platters", he admitted with a modest chuckle, which was unusual for him.
Wade was amazed and a little disgusted to say the least. "Now that's what I call stress-eating."
Ratigan chuckled. "Yeah, I was sick for a week."
"This might explain the general lack of the other flu symptoms, then.", Wade commented. "So, how's it going on your half of the world?"
"Oh, you know, same as usual. You should have been there when Bonnie said her goodbye at Kim's funeral. Of all the people to respond like that, I never would have believed it to be Bonnie."[3]
"Yeah, I know", Wade said, smirking. "But, other than that, is everything diamond?"
Ratigan sighed. Despite Wade's reputation to be a bit of a pain, he was helpful in times of crisis. "Not really."
Wade shook his head. "Listen, Ratigan, I know you're torn up over Kim's death, but there's nothing you can do now short of traveling back in time, but you'd run the risk of altering the course of time."
"I know. I've been hearing that ever since she died, but I still can't shake this strange feeling…"
"What kind of feeling?", Wade asked.
"You probably know what I'm talking about. That weird feeling that not all the pieces fit into this puzzle. Put in the terms of the common man, 'Something is rotten in Denmark'."
"Well, it does seem kind of freaky", Wade admitted. If you must know, I picked up a strange energy reading from Dementor's European lair."
"That is weird", Ratigan said. "I thought all Dementor's things were deactivated and/or destroyed."
"That's what I thought, too. Anyway, I'll get back to you on that, 'kay?"
"Very well, Wade", Ratigan said, deactivating the Kimmunicator.
"Ratigan", a voice said that appeared to come from everywhere, and yet from nowhere. "Ratigan?", the voice reiterated. It was Ron.
"Ron?", Ratigan asked. "Where are you?"
"Down here", the voice replied. Ratigan looked down. There was a naked mole rat by his feet.
"Very funny-", he started to cajole the naked mole rat, when an annoyed squeak was heard by the level of the dresser. He looked up, and there he was. "Rufus? But who-?"
"I told you, it's me. Ron." Houston, we have a problem.
* ~ * ~ * ~ *
1: A synonym for "fog" the option
showed was miasma, which I've never
heard used before. Don't you just love Microsoft Word?
2: Those who read Get Fuzzy will recognize this as a parody of one of its
lines. Those who don't, well, you need to find the book "The Dog Is Not A Toy"
for details.
3: I just had to add this, Rocinante. Please don't hurt me!
