Disclaimer: No, I don't own Beyblade.
The girl who writes these words was once known as Saiyan-Chang, SC to nearly everyone. I am now under the name MyHeartBleeds, because it does. I still want you to call me SC.
This fic is a one-sided Lee/Mariah once again, the aforementioned pairing being incest of the cousin/cousin variety. It is also a Mariah/Ray, and a few hints of Lee/OC. Sue me.
I have been writing this Lee/Mariah pairing for quite some time, and now I feel like being depressed and screwing with people's minds. It is a slight AU, as V-Force and G-Rev never happened, and this is also something that never happens in my series of fics. It's just something I feel like venting into, okay?
Enjoy the fic … the warnings are suicidal tendencies, OC being angsty *GASP*, people being disowned, and all round depression. Like I said, enjoy.
~MyHeartBleeds~
~*~
Lee Ren
Worthless … a shame on our family … nearly a rapist …Rain. It's raining.
I remember the rain.
It didn't really rain back home. Back home, it was this rosy coloured fantasy, where everyone was friends, and people got together, had kids, and never never argued or cheated on each other. Kids ran through the streets, never got beat up or raped, and went back to their happy smiling families. That was our village, and I realised when I was kicked out it was all fake, plastic, a stupid façade that people put up to make everything seem perfect and shining, like we were all those people in books … I was disowned for being human, for not playing the game. I was disowned because …
I'm not on the streets, not anymore. The BBA put me up for a while, but I know it's only because I can play that stupid game, playing with pathetic spinning tops, like the child I used to be. I'm not a child anymore, and I know that Mr Dickenson knows what I did, what I am, and he always watches me, like I'm about to charge at the next girl I see and take her for every shard of dignity she has too. I did that a few times … but I NEVER raped a girl. I always stopped if she said no … except once, when I was still 'pure' and the girl in question was only thirteen years old.
All 'innocent' fun in other circumstances. But this girl was my cousin. And her name was Mariah.
Your face has probably screwed up in disgust about now. Of course you know who Mariah is; she's famous, isn't she, like I used to be. She's the Barbie girl of the White Tigers, isn't she? She's Ray's slut as so many fangirls put it so eloquently. But Ray's never touched her as I have, for she doesn't want anyone to touch her skin as intimately as I did, doesn't want anyone else's hands to roam where mine did, searing it, burning it, marking every single inch of it and ripping every single façade away. For a second, she was human, like me, just another face in the crowd.
Then my skin burned.
I used to think that I was the centre of everything, and that everything and anyone would make time for me. I was just a foolish, love-sick, obsessed …arrogant bastard, always thinking that I had to come first, me me me, always the first person on everyone's list, or there would be hell to pay. Oh, did I SWEAR? Oh, I have soiled my mouth with such filthy language, I think I'll have to shove a bar of fucking soap in my mouth to clean it away, and wash it out with bleach so the dregs and remains are obliterated.
…
I sound really childish. This is what happens when stupid little guys get so damn wrapped up in their own problems that all hell breaks loose around them, and they simply try to self-destruct. I did that. That's what the branch of rooms are for where I stay now; in other words, I stay in the rooms for the mentally fucked. Up the hall is a guy who's father basically forced him into this 'sport' and when he lost, his father went ballistic, and he kicked the shit out of him. He ran away from home, and his team got him a room here, just until he sorts himself out. A few doors down is a girl who got pregnant by her boyfriend a while ago, and he and her parents don't want to know.
We're the people who no one cares about. We're the dregs of society, and though the people here are actually trying to help us, they remind us how we're a 'danger to ourselves' by locking the doors after a certain time, and check on us like retarded two year olds. Some of the newer, younger workers are nervous around us, eyes flitting to any scars that we have, and now that my bandages have been taken away, their eyes pop from their heads as they see the criss-cross of red, dark mauve and lumpy white along tanned arms that aren't so muscled anymore. I'm one of the people that the workers and other 'residents' don't approach. Once, a few weeks ago, a woman in her twenties started here, and she talked to me like I was a person, not like a time bomb that had to be held at arms length. She seemed mildly curious how people never seemed to talk to me, as I was such a 'nice young guy' as she described it.
Someone told her what I was here for, when they were on their break. Her eyes grew wide and the expression froze on her face. I never saw her again.
~
I haven't been watching where I've been walking again. I haven't seen most of these buildings before, but I can't really stop someone and ask where I am. I'm completely drenched now, and it's getting harder to walk in this cold. We can just go into a shop or a café around here, but more likely than not a person or two will remember who I used to be and start hassling me. We might as well just go back to the rooms; someone's supposed to be visiting me sometime today. Probably just a shrink or something, but I might as well go anyway; I waited up for you, didn't I?
~
I said that I was disowned for being human, and I was. I fell in love with the wrong person, and all hell broke loose, since EVENTUALLY she told her parents what I had done. They, to put it simply, fucking freaked, and ran over the road to where I used to live, baying for my blood. The second that my parents realised what they were talking about … ah, that was one of the longest few moments of my life, then my father just started yelling at the top of his lungs up the stairs for me, my mother silently crying while she looked at me as to say 'Why?'
They thought I had just gone on some teenage kamikaze trip, hearing about what was happening, what I was doing. I had been getting in so many fights, mostly against brothers and cousins of certain girls; I really did begin to self-detonate, and I just didn't CARE anymore. Kevin had already ranted at me for basically fucking his cousin and that being the end of it (if I actually went out with each and every girl I fucked, I'd probably get in shit for bigamy) and the green haired monkey-boy didn't speak to me again. Gary was still partially on my side until the last day, but everyone turned against me then anyway, looking at me like I was a piece of shit ground into the floor. Good, because I know I am anyway.
But Ray and Mariah … my best friend and the cousin I loved in a 'filthy and unnatural way' to quote my father … they really hated me. Ray had grown distant from me a while ago, so I didn't care, but seeing hate flicker in Mariah's eyes really did make me want to … well, cry. A stupid little word for that feeling I had; I thought my chest was going to burst open, and then I'd be dead.
Dead.
I know it's not the best topic SC, but you've thought about it too. About how death is simply like passing into darkness again, and passing into another void. I don't know what's there; I don't believe there is a 'God' or 'Heaven' or 'Hell.' I supposed it's just black after you die.
Once someone called me and Ray yin and yang. Yin, darkness. Yang, the light. They got it right of course … I'm the darkness, with all my morbid thoughts of blood and death, and forbidden love. He's the light, with his thoughts of justice and fair-play, and all the shit that's supposed to actually MATTER. The light always seems so … fairy-tale for me, yet me, the one with the thoughts of reality, lost this time.
We're nearly there now. Don't get scared by the people there; they're nice. A little screwed up, but that means you should blend right in, right? I'm joking!
…
…
Oh FUCK. Do you see those people over there? Next to the desk.
Shit. Shit. Ray. Mariah.
How did they find me?
Something's happened, hasn't it?
~
Authoress notes: Shite, I know. Review if you like. Just … yeah.
~MyHeartBleeds~
~SC~
