Disclaimer: I don't own it.

The second entry in this story, from another point of view. We've seen it from Lee, the near-rapist's point of view, now we'll see it from the victim's point of view. There's a little normal point of view thing at the beginning of this chapter, and it shows who they're talking to. Forgive me for my moments of self-indulgence.

I may also say that this chapter is shit, because I simply got the characters wrong, and there isn't as strong an aura as the last chapter, as I don't know how Mariah would think. I've spent too much time thinking from Lee's point of view. Also forgive me for my low-standard writing.

~MyHeartBleeds~

~*~

It was … disturbing, to walk along the corridors where so many blank eyes stared at them pass. Lee and the authoress seemed to be unfazed, but Mariah shifted uneasily as she felt someone's gaze follow her down the corridor, Ray's amber eyes dilating as two boys sat in an alcove stopped talking as the group approached, staring at them all with empty empty eyes.

 They had both seen that look before, of eyes completely empty of emotion, empty of hope, happiness, or … anything at all. Ray had seen it in Bryan's eyes as he fell, fell so slowly, to the floor at the side of the beydish last year, Falborg shattered into so many infinitesimal pieces beside him. Mariah had seen it so many times in Lee's eyes as he simply began to self-destruct. But they both saw it now in the eyes of all the teenagers in the corridor they walked, including the two that led the way before them.

 The people no one cares about, Mariah thought in that small corner of her mind that let her think such morbid thoughts, keeping her eyes fixed on the floor from all those staring accusing glares. The people who give themselves up for lost.

 "In here."

 Mariah jerked her head suddenly as Lee opened a door identical to all those on the hallway, disappearing inside a second later with SC tailing closely behind, beckoning the two visitors in with a worn hand and a seemingly painful smile. She glanced out of the corner of a light amber eye to her best-friend, who uneasily shook too-long ebony strands out of his face and shrugged silently before taking her hand, intertwining their fingers, and pulling her through the door into what most people would call a 'living room.'

 Some living room. This wasn't somewhere where people could go when they wanted to relax. This room reeked of sterility and felt as though there was a video camera in every nook and crevice, watching your every movement. SC, the child authoress, was sat sprawled across an armchair, looking so much younger than them all, yet so much older. She grinned at them, her face a sickly white to match the walls, brown hair matted in a clumsy ponytail, and then her face drooped as she lay back again, staring at the ceiling as though it held all the secrets in the world for her.

Mariah stared over at her cousin, hunched in his sitting position on a chair furthest away from anyone as he examined his hands. Too long hair that had fallen out of the tying that he had always kept immaculate to stop himself looking even remotely feminine hung like a curtain in his face, and Mariah could barely make out the smouldering dark amber eyes underneath that curtain.

 I did this to him, she thought as she felt her fingers slowly untangle from Ray's, He's destroying himself because of me.

The air in the roomed seemed to crackle and hum with the silence that everyone seemed reluctant to break. Ray settled himself onto a rough, worn sofa against one of the walls and rested his head against the palm of his hands, but his eyes remained cautiously on Lee, narrowed as though expecting an attack.

He had changed so much. Mariah had almost taken it for granted to see the same person she had always known. No. Not always. The person before he had … touched her. She shuddered almost uncontrollably where she stood, and forced herself to look at him, take in every single detail.

 Skin once darker than hers, now nearly impossibly pale, tinged only with a slight breath of tan. A body had been cultivated to be so strong, wasting away so clothes that he had complained once about being too tight were hanging off, tying his belt nearly impossibly tight. Dark amber eyes that had once flashed with such raw emotion … empty and glazed, uncaring what happened, because the worst had already been done.

This isn't the Lee I remember. Her head was throbbing with pain as she tried to hold all her thoughts together, flicking her magenta hair out of her eyes automatically. She had come here for closure, for judgement; but she didn't want to hurt him anymore.

"Why did you come here?"

Finally, a voice to shatter the silence … Mariah stared back into those eyes that had lost everything, reached slowly into the bag that she had almost forgotten was there, and pulled out a small dark green book. She turned it over a few times in her hands and then walked over to her cousin who loved her and placed it in his hands, kneeling beside him as he stared at it.

"You gave me this," she said quietly, watching the sudden surge of emotion in his eyes well up before dying down once again. She hesitantly put out a quivering hand and lay it on top of his, "I want to talk about it."

Her voice was cracking from trying not to cry, yet Lee still managed to keep that glassy look of indifference on his face, though his hand was shaking under hers; she could feel it. She wanted to reach him, yet he seemed to be fleeing away from her even as he sat there in the silence.

"I'm sorry," Mariah choked out as a tear spilled out onto her cheek, trickling down in a thin crystalline line, and she slid her free arm around his neck, her right cheek pressed against his left, her shoulders shaking furiously as more tears spilled.

It happened too quickly.

Mariah shrieked suddenly as she felt something knock herself backwards, landing awkwardly on the floor as Ray stood, eyes flashing furiously as he pulled his best-friend back to her feet. SC stood, not as quickly as Ray had, and stared over at Lee, her eyes as glassy as his, face pale and taut. Lee's face was contorted, and there was a flash of the old Lee in his face and eyes as he clenched his fists and leaned all his weight back on one leg. He still had his old journal gripped in his right hand.

"Don't touch me." The look on his face, Mariah realised after a few moments, wasn't anger …  it was pain.

~

Mariah Zhao

The victim … lost her purity … as innocent as mortal sin …

The day that Lee was thrown away …

The fact that it was my fault made me feel so much worse.

Tell me about it, if you want.

One thing I remember about that day is that it was raining. It doesn't really rain in our village; I don't really know why. I suppose it's because the village is in a valley, but I never asked about it. It had rained on that night that Lee … touched me.

No. He didn't just touch me. I can't keep saying that. He nearly raped me.

I told Ray last October, when we were all staying in Hiwatari mansion, remember? He went so quiet and pale, staring at the floor, then he asked why I hadn't told him, why he had done it. I told him that it was because he had been depressed since Ray's sudden departure from our village, got drunk, didn't know what he was doing … Ray kept muttering that it was his fault after that. Maybe that was one of the reasons he was so supportive when I told him I was going to tell my parents; he felt guilty, too.

I should tell you what happened that day.

~

It was a pretty normal day when I finally plucked up the courage to do what I had planned to do for the last two years; the sun was shining (as usual) though it was still rather cold in the streets. The sky was cloudy, and it had been for a few days now, and my grandmother had chuckled that her sixth sense was forecasting rain. She used to tell me and Lee stories about the past of our village, making it sound so much more interesting than the monks in the temple ever did with their dragging dull voices that made my head nod ever so slightly until it touched the table. Even though Lee wasn't actually her grandchild (our mothers are sisters, and Grandmother is my father's mother) she let him sit beside me on her lap as she told us the stories of the old wars between the old tribes, his spiky hair tickling my face as he fidgeted, smaller than I was when he was a year older than me at five years old.

That was before I made him love me, I guess, though I don't know how long he has.

Yes I do.

He's loved me since he was eight years old. It said so in his journal. It started when we all made that promise.

… I'm missing the point, aren't I?

Ray and I had been walking around the village for most of the day, just us two; Kevin and Gary had vanished off somewhere, saying something about a family get-together, and Lee was at home, his mother saying he wasn't feeling too well. Me and Ray talked about a lot of things … life, beyblading, friends, authoresses, mad deranged fangirls/boys (as I put it) and the yearly tournament that was going to start in April in Japan, then move onto here. Ray wasn't really sure if he was going to be part of the BladeBreakers this time around; he was reluctant to leave town again without me, and Kevin had been nagging him whether he was a White Tiger or what. It made him feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, we were just sat next to the river that ran near the road to the temple, throwing pebbles in for fun. The silence was … nice, really. You know how there's different kinds of silences, right? Well, this was a good, happy silence, like we were both completely content with the world.

 Then I felt another edge to the silence. An awkward edge. Ray wanted to tell me something, but he was finding it hard to pluck up the courage to.

Another stone in the river. Splish splash splosh.

"Mariah," he said at last.

 Splish splash splosh. I know what he's going to say. I've heard it before.

"You need to …"

Splish splash splosh.

"You need to tell your parents about Lee."

Splish –

"I don't want to," I said quietly, watching the ripples as another pebble landed in the stream.

"Mariah, you can't let him get away with this," he told me, his frown creased from his frustration, "Please, just tell them, so –"

"What will they do?" I butted in, tired of this conversation that we had had so many damn times, "They can't do anything. What will they do Ray? Slap him on the wrists and tell him never to do it again?" I had made the white tiger falter, and I knew I had. His amber eyes were shadowed again as he tried desperately to find a solution to my 'problem'; he had seen me having nightmares, and he thought that the only way to make them stop was to finally reveal what Lee had done to me over two year ago, when I was thirteen.

"They'll do something about it," Ray gave up trying to think of what would happen if I did tell my parents. But he knew what would happen; Lee was already on shaky ground since he seemed to have gone on this total kamikaze trip, and if his parents found out that he had tried to rape me, he'd probably be disowned. And where would he go? To be honest, I don't think Ray had thought about that yet.

"I forgave him, Ray," I said stiffly, wanting more than anything to get off this subject.

"Saying something and meaning something are two completely different concepts," Ray argued, finally finding something to keep him from floundering, "You can't say you don't hate him coming near you because of what he did."

The argument seemed to last for hours, but then, it probably did. I didn't know why Ray was suddenly so desperate to get Lee out of the picture when they had been friends since … well, forever, really. I never really thought about it then. I wish I had.

Ray won. He convinced me that I had to tell my parents. I can't even remember what he said that made me finally decide, but it was probably a pretty pathetic reason because … I really did want to tell my parents.

We were stood in front of my front door, both completely oblivious to all the people chatting and walking around in the street behind us, only focusing on the hell that was gonna break loose. Ray patted me on the shoulder, face twisted in concern.

"You can do this Mariah."

"I can't." I felt so sick and weak.

"I'll help you."

He guided my hand towards the door, and closed my fingers around the doorknob. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes for a moment, then quickly turned it, walking through the hallway and into the kitchen as Ray shut the door behind us, walking quickly after me. My mother was cutting up vegetables … probably preparing our dinner, I thought vaguely, and she grinned over at me and Ray.

"Mao, the meal won't be ready for a while yet," she laughed, using my nickname as all my family and friends did, and then she raised her eyes to the boy stood behind me, "Ray, would you like to join us?" she asked my best friend. He shook his head listlessly, mumbling something about how his parents were speaking to an Elder that night, then he looked over to me, silently supporting me and willing me. I shook where I stood for a few moments, the silence only broken by the knife slicing through the green on the table, then I opened my mouth.

 "Mother, Lee nearly raped me when I was thirteen."

That was all I needed to say. I thought I would need to say more … but that was it.

The knife my mother was holding clattered onto the table, and for a few moments more the silence throbbed in my ears. Then she shot into the next room, her magenta hair, darker than mine, flying out behind her like a flag. Ray walked in front of me as I collapsed in a chair, listening to my mother begin to cry hysterically to my father what I had just said, and he took my hand in his, kneeling on the rough wooden floor in front of me.

"You did the right thing. You needed to do this."

We both jumped as the front door was rammed open, my mother and father running across the road to where Lee and his family lived. I got to my feet shakily, yet I was able to make my way quickly out of the door, Ray right behind me (we didn't care that we'd left the door open) and amidst the odd looks the people and children in the dirt street were giving us, walked into the house where my mother was screaming at my aunt and uncle what Lee had done. My mother had stopped crying, but her face was red with rage.

"Get him down here!" my mother yelled in her sister's face, pink cheeks still wet from the tears. I was sure Lee could hear all this; why hadn't he come downstairs to see what was going on? Leaving Ray in the living room with my mother raging, my father shaking his head, my aunt Mei sobbing that her son wouldn't have done this, and my uncle Yuan simply staring at them all, I walked into the hallway, peering upstairs, and nearly leapt out of my skin from shock.

Lee was sat at the top of the stairs, resting his chin on one hand as he stared down at me. There was something in his other hand that I couldn't see. He'd been listening, yet he didn't look frightened or anything. He simply looked like someone waiting for the inevitable, like someone at their last meal, and he said something to me, mouthing it so the adults couldn't hear.

I told you to tell. Thank you.

I didn't understand what he meant, so I took a step up the stairs, and jumped again as my uncle's voice finally thundered over everyone else's, making them all fall silent. Just like Lee, really.

"LEE YUAN REN! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Lee didn't flinch, didn't blink a dark eye. He just got up from his seat, and made his way in silence down the stairs. I jumped out of his path, backing against the wall next to the open doorway. He wasn't looking at me as he came, but as he passed me, he pressed something into my hand. I looked down when he had vanished into the next room; it was a small dark green book, plain and unmarked. There was a loose leaf of paper in the front, yet as I moved to take it, read it, Ray appeared at the door, whispering for me to come into the next room, and I shoved the book into my pocket before following.

Nearly everyone was standing, but my aunt Mei, as though automatically, shooed me and Ray onto some chairs, far away from where Lee was sat against the wall, surrounded by his father and my parents. He wasn't looking at them, not at me or Ray, and he kept a look of complete apathy on his face, which was rare for him; whenever he used to get yelled at, he'd be stood, shouting back at his parents and protesting everything. He had done that a lot lately, since his parents had found out about the fights and the girls. But now his face was blank and staring.

"Your aunt and uncle have just told me something very … interesting, Lee," his father said quietly, though not a whisper, staring down at Lee slouched in the wooden chair. When Lee didn't react, he continued straight to the point, "Mariah told her parents that you tried to rape her when she was thirteen. Is this true?"

There was a very nasty silence, and it was only punctuated by the rain that had begun outside, steadily getting heavier. For a moment I thought Lee wasn't going to answer, then he lifted his head slightly.

"Yes."

Aunt Mei let out a sort of moan, crumbling to sit in a nearby chair, cradling her head in her hands as she sobbed "No, not Lee, not my baby …" My parents seemed to be taken aback; they had obviously thought he would deny it all, and they seemed uncertain to what was going to happen next. Uncle Yuan simply ran a hand through his greying black hair – such a stupid meaningless gesture – and he turned back to face Lee, whose face was still as apathetic as ever.

"Why did you do it?"

Lee lowered his head again, "I was drunk – "

"Bullshit!" My mother yelled suddenly, then stopped, as though she was shocked with what she had said too; my mother was usually a very proper lady in comparison to my aunt Mei, and she never really cursed. She composed herself and looked over at me and Ray. I was busy listening to the rain outside.

Splish splash splosh.

"Mariah…"

Splish splash splosh. I'm not listening …

"Please tell me what he did to you."

Splash –

"No," I answered firmly.

"Mariah, please – "

"No."

"Leave her alone," Lee said from his seat. My mother turned towards him in a rage.

"Don't you DARE tell me what to do, you – you – " she seemed lost for words for a few moments, "You MOLESTED her, you bastard!!" she shrieked, her voice growing higher and shriller as my father took her by the arm.

"Calm down Xiang," he said to her soothingly, and my mother lost her angry edge again as she broke down, crying into his chest. She was wailing basically the same thing as aunt Mei was; 'No, not my baby … please not my baby …' Lee's father was watching Lee's face carefully, as though trying to memorise the marks just below his eyes, or remember the colour of his irises for a painting. But his face was slowing contorting with anger, anger at Lee's indifference and apathy when he, of course, was supposed to care that he was in BIG trouble (to put it lightly) and I wanted to warn my cousin who stared at the floor like nothing mattered anymore.

Too late.

Uncle Yuan swung at Lee, just trying to break the apathy, trying to let out the anger he had at a son he could no longer control. But Lee moved out of the way, ducked under the arm and struck a blow to his father in the stomach, winding him and making him drop onto one knee, and Lee quickly moved back again. Yuan stared up at his son in rage, and I shrank back; Lee had inherited his violent temper from his father.

"ENOUGH!!" he bellowed, disregarding that his fighting days were drawing to a close and Lee's were just beginning. He got to his feet faster than anyone I had seen after a blow from Lee, and he seemed ready for another, "I'm tired of having to clean up after you when you cause chaos!! You leave a trail of destruction wherever you go! Getting the Ki girl pregnant, having your way with nearly every girl in this village without a damn for the consequences, fighting anyone and everyone who happens to cross your path, and now you've finally been revealed as a fucking rapist."

"I am not a rapist," Lee hissed, finally speaking to defend himself, his dark amber eyes dilating in his anger.

"You're as good as, and you have brought shame on this family which we'll never be able to repair!!" my uncle roared over Lee's words, "Anyone else, anyone at all. But your own cousin, trying to deflower her as you've done with countless others – "

"I love her!" Lee shouted over his father, and successfully silencing him and everyone else in the room, be it yelling or crying. My mother stared at Lee as though he wasn't really, my father mirroring her expression. Aunt Mei looked as though she thought she was in a nightmare, yet she couldn't get up, and Uncle Yuan seemed fazed for a moment. I cast a glance at Ray, who had sat in silence all the way through the yelling and his face had gone rigid with shock.

"Get out." Lee blinked, as though not sure what he had just heard, yet his father had never looked so serious, "Get out of this house!" He lunged at Lee, who moved quickly out of the way, my mother shrieking when he came near her. He looked beseechingly to his mother, who simply stared as though still in her dream. He looked at me and Ray, but Ray didn't move a muscle, and I was too scared. I didn't know what was going to happen.

"GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE!" his father howled like a wounded lion, and he shot towards Lee again, forcing him closer to the hallway, "NEVER SHADOW THIS DOORWAY AGAIN! NEVER COME NEAR MARIAH AGAIN SPEAKING OF YOUR LOVE IN YOUR FILTHY AND UNATURAL WAY!"

Lee had been forced backward to the front door, which neither me or Ray had bothered closing on our way in, and his father shoved him out of the doorway, blocking it with his body. He said something more to Lee, but I couldn't hear, simply turning around to stare out of the small window behind me, Ray doing the same beside me.

He was walking through the rain, and I could see so many people staring at him as he walked the dirt street, quickly turning to mud under his feet. So many accusing eyes followed his progress, and I think I know what he was thinking.

There's nothing left for me here.

Tears filled my eyes as he moved down the street and out of sight. But I knew where he was going; he was leaving town, and this wasn't like when Ray left. We'd never find him, because we wouldn't try. We wouldn't whisper that he was a traitor, because we'd call him something worse, more loudly. Rapist.

My mother moved away from my father and slid her arms around me, rocking me back and forth as I cried, like I was a child again.

"Shhh … it's over now. You did the right thing Mao."

~

We laughed again, falling back under the stars onto the thick grass that cushioned the ground beneath us. I could feel him lying close near by, closer than I'd let another guy, but I didn't mind. He was my cousin, and it was hardly like he was going to jump me or anything. He turned over so he was leaning on his side towards me.

"Mariah, Madison's been stalking me again."

I rolled my eyes when thinking about Kevin's older cousin, shifting so I was on my side too, "That's your fault, making her think you had a crush on her. Otherwise she wouldn't have thought about you that way."

"It's not my fault that all the girls love me," Lee batted his eyes at me sarcastically, grinning. I spluttered, throwing my jumper at him.

"Lee, many girls can find faults, both physical and mental, about you."

"Like what?" he asked sincerely, sitting up, apparently interested. I sat up as well, not caring about the grass stains that had appeared on the white clothes.

"Well …" I screwed up my face, trying to say it without sounding nasty. He laughed and shrugged at me.

"Just point at the physical bits."

I lifted my hand, and shakily pressed it to the tip of his nose. He scowled and screwed up his face.

"Believe me, I know that one." He seemed to have changed his mind, " I don't like this, stop it."

"Shouldn't have suggested it then," I cackled happily, crossing my legs and gripping my sneakers, rocking back and forth. "Lee, is there anything wrong with me?"

"Nope," he answered immediately, lying back on the grass with his hands behind his head. I frowned sceptically.

"There can't be nothing wrong with me Lee."

"What can I say?" the black lion asked me, staring up at the sky, "We are all mere mortals. We bow to your brilliance."

"Don't talk shit Lion," I chuckled. He gazed sideways at me in mock shock, a smile creasing his mouth.

"The pure one uses such filthy language. Where'd you learn that?"

"From you."

"Fair enough," he admitted. We sat there for a while in silence, then I lay on my stomach, leaning my head on my hands as I stared at his face. "Lee, if you don't like Madison, who do you like?"

"Can't tell you that," he laughed, though somehow awkwardly. I whined for a few minutes for him to tell me, yet he just tapped his nose and kept staring at the stars.

"If you can't tell me who she is, tell me what's she's like," I finally said in exasperation. He lay there for a second before flipping over to lie on his stomach, leaning on his hands as well as though to mock me as usual.

"Well," he started, "She's pretty, really nice, and she's completely and utterly mad. Okay, I'm done," he finished, turning over onto his back again.

"Hey! That doesn't tell me anything!"

"Exactly, cause you'll tell Ray, Kevin and Gary if you figure it out, and even if it's wrong, you'll tell them anyway."

"Ohhhhh, you're no fun," I sulked, lying on my back as well and looking at the light dots Lee seemed to find interesting. They were … pretty, really. We all named a star after ourselves once, but me, Lee, Ray, Kevin nor Gary could remember which ones. But I was thirteen now, and I was better at remembering than when I was practically a baby.

" Lee, let's name a star," I said, sitting up again. He sat up as well, though grumpily.

"You never sit still, do you? You sit under the stars to relax, but you keep bobbing up and down!"

"Please?" I pleaded, and he sighed heavily, staring back up.

"Right, all the stars on that side are called Lee," he said, drawing an imaginary line down the middle of the sky and pointing to the left, " and all the stars on that side are called Mariah. Okay, we're done," he said, lying back down.

"LEE!"

"Okay, okay, fine!"

He turned a serious eye to the sky now. His mother had once told me that Lee turned his eyes darker than everyone else's in the village by staring at the night sky so much, and I understood where she got it from. After a few moments, he pointed to a large shiny star to the left of us in the sky.

"There's you."

"Where are you then?"

He pointed to a smaller star right next to it, "Right there."

"Has that got a long and mushy point to it?" I asked, prodding him in a muscled arm.

He snorted, "Of course. It means that I'll always be there for a certain irritating cousin of mine who is one of the most annoying people I know."

"Really?"

"Well, beside Kevin," he laughed.

I laughed too, then smiled softly, "Love ya Lee," I said as I hugged him, leaning my head against his chest. He looped his right arm around me.

"Of course. What's there not to love? Don't start," Lee abolished when he saw the grin on my face.

~

I was walking up to the temple, completely oblivious to the heavy rain that pounded my head and shoulder as I walked up the hill. I hadn't asked to come out, and my parents wouldn't yell at me anyway; they thought I needed my own space to recover. That would have been really helpful about two years ago Mother.

My heart was breaking, bleeding. I had let myself be persuaded to do something on a whim, when everything was perfect how it had been, and now it was only me and Gary who didn't insult Lee. Ray didn't insult him much, but Kevin was unstoppable.

"I knew he'd do something like this," Kevin had muttered under his breath earlier, "Knew it. Screwed up fuck."

Gary gave me a worried side-glance as Ray and Kevin went into another muttering conversation about Lee and what he had done. He patted my shoulder.

"Lion will come back. Have faith."

How can I have faith when it's been shattered so many times?

My body feels like it's been drenched through my skin, and the wind is threatening to whip me off my feet. Yet I don't care. Is this what Lee felt when he came down those stairs, simply gave up himself for lost?

I could feel myself becoming slowly light-headed as I tried to force my way up the hill that seemed to have no end, and I tucked my arms around myself, trying so hard to keep my body warm so I wouldn't fall into a sleep I might not wake up from. I couldn't go back, not yet; I needed to find the one person I could talk to now, the only person in this village who wouldn't condemn Lee so quickly, and I knew he'd be here. He hardly ever left.

Skin soaked and clothes drenched, I walked onto the temple grounds, where a few younger apprentices were hurriedly doing their chores of keeping the temple pristine, yet all anxious to get out of the rain and the gale. One of them, Bruce, raised an eyebrow at me as I passed, and when I paid him no heed, he simply shrugged and carried on with his chores as I walked, dripping all over the stone floor (he scowled at that), into the temple.

The cold corridors echoed the sound of my footsteps as I wandered almost obliviously through the hallways, not caring of the muttering of the elders that I heard as I passed them. They dubbed me unclean, a victim, basically as innocent as mortal sin … I had heard the girls in the street whispering about it and giving me sideway glances as I walked by with Ray, Kevin and Gary … some thought that it was my fault. Fine. Let them think that. I don't care.

I finally stopped in front of a set of double doors, and without pausing or having the 'courtesy' to knock, gripped the handles and swung the doors open, one slamming against the stone wall as I stalked into the huge room filled with so many books and texts. Sat in the middle of all this, his cane resting against the side of his chair, was Lee's grandfather, who looked up as I entered the room, his eyes shining as well.

"Mao, your presence has been missed inside these walls," he chuckled, laying down the manuscript he had been poring over moments before, "These corridors were empty of your boisterous games, and the apprentices are daring to roam the hallways once again. The mountain cat should try to return more often, to keep things in check." I saw him squint at me, as though doing a double-take, "You are troubled, child."

I sat in a carved wooden chair, quietly running one hand in the indents and dips that had been crafted so long ago, "Yes, I am."

"What has happened in the village? My ability to sense what is happening is waning in my old age, and those lazy apprentices complain when I try to send them down the road merely to walk back up," the corner of his mouth twitched, then he set into a more serious frown, "However, I do know that something concerning my grandson happened today, and I am becoming quite agitated by my inability to find out the details."

He didn't know. I hadn't expected that. How could I tell him that Lee had been disowned? I fidgeted in my chair, wringing my hands, then took a deep breath, steadying myself.

"Lee … my uncle told him to get out of the house this afternoon, and Lee left town."

The elder was silent for a few moments, then he shook his head.

"My son is sometimes rash, but I do not think he would disown his son without an exceptional reason, unless his temper got the better of him once again." He massaged his forehead with his hand, muttering something about how much trouble a bad temper caused. I winced, wishing I hadn't had to say this –

"He was kicked out because I told my parents he had tried to …" I couldn't say it and sighed in frustration, leaning my head on my hands. Elder Ren, however, went silent in the middle of his musing, and slowly reached around for his cane, forcing himself onto his feet as he frowned again.

"He regretted that a great deal, Mao."

I snapped my head up, my eyes growing round and wide through the magenta bangs that obscured my vision of the room, "You … you knew?"

The old man sighed sadly, "When he was a young boy, he came to me in this room and confessed to me that he felt very strongly towards you, Mao. I did not condemn him, and I merely thought that he was confusing his cousinly affection for you for something stronger. Yet as I watched him grow older and mature, I could see how he only saw you in his eyes," he glanced at me to see how I was taking this, then continued, "He staggered into the temple one morning when he was fifteen, looking haunted and empty, and he told me how he had tried to take you by force, and I had to watch my grandson cry as though he was still a child, for I did not know what I could do to fix this dilemma. He was lost, Mao, and he felt as though all the possible ways were blocked off."

"Why didn't he tell me?" I choked out suddenly, not wanting to hear anymore. I slid my hands up to block my pointed ears and shook my head desperately, "Why's everything going so wrong?"

Lee's grandfather waited in silence for me to finish my tears, then shook his head softly as I sniffled, wiping at my eyes.

"Have you ever seen my grandson's arms under the wrappings, Mao?" When I shook my head, his eyelids drooped, "He is consumed with the desire to atone for the wrong that he did to you, and I am afraid he is marking himself for his atonement." He was watching the gale and rain outside, "My grandson is a good person, yet he takes things to the extremities."

"What do you mean?" I asked him, wiping my eyes.

"Lee was once told by Yuan, my son, that someone in our family was disowned for loving someone he was closely related to, when he was very young and he had sought advice from his father about the beginnings of this … infatuation with you. This, more than anything, made my grandson fall down into a downward spiral, and made it seem that having anything closer than friendship with you was impossible, for Lee has always believed in the honourable and just, and his father made loving you seem the complete opposite of that," Elder Ren shook his head again, sighing.

I, however, was in shock, "But … even if his father hadn't told him that, me and him wouldn't have been able to get together anyway."

He turned to face me, "Yes, that is true. But there would have been a chance, and that would have been enough to keep Lee off this path of self-destruction that he has walked."

We fell silent for a few moments, only listening to the wind buffeting the steadfast stone walls and the rain battering the roof. Then I felt something in my pocket, automatically reaching down and pulling it free. It was a small dark green book.

Elder Ren chuckled when he saw it.

"So my grandson did not lie when he said that he would give you his journal."

"Journal?" I asked, uncertainly.

"He was given that book by an authoress a few months ago, Mao, and he has been writing in it ever since," I gave a watery sort of smile; SC had known, too, hadn't she? "He will have written a lot in that book, Mao, and it may help you understand my grandson more."

I looked up at the elder, my faint smile fading, "How often did Lee come up here to talk to you about me?"

He smiled faintly, "Nearly every day, usually just before sunset."

"What did he say about me?"

The elder lowered himself back into his chair, leaning the cane once again against it, "None of it was bad, if that is what you are assuming, Wildcat."

"No, no … I didn't mean it like that," I shook my head, "It's just … he said he loved me, in front of me, my parents, his parents, and … Ray."

"I understand, Mao," he nodded, "He cares for you a great deal, and there is no doubt in my mind that he will do for a very long time to come. But," he said, passing an eye over the rigid look my face had taken, "I understand how the laws of our clan, the reactions of your families and friends and, most importantly, the way you feel for young Kon and not for him, would make it nigh impossible for you two to be together. And he knew this, Mao, yet he could not release the feelings he had held for you for so long, so he simply seemed to destroy himself instead."

"You know I like Ray," I stared at him. It was a statement, not a question. He laughed wheezily.

"Not many would not notice, young Zhao." I blushed. "To current affairs, however … " He frowned heavily, as though thinking very hard, "You will meet the black lion again, that is certain. But I do not know when or in what circumstances it will be in. I think that you should retire here to one of the empty apprentice rooms until this storm runs it's course," the elder smiled and nodded at the book in my hand, "And take the time to read that. It will enlighten you a great deal, young Minx."

"Thank you," I bowed quickly to him, getting up from my chair and heading towards the door.

"Before you leave, I may say something."

I looked back at him over my shoulder, frowning slightly.

"Do not feel ill will to young Kon for supporting you so strongly today and trying to persuade you to condemn my grandson. He was worried for your safety, as he cares for you a great deal as well."

I walked over to the open doors, feeling a little perplexed by the elder's ability to know so much about what was going on around him, and as I was about to close the door behind me, I poked my head around the door.

"About the person who was disowned for loving someone he was closely related to … what happened to them?"

He smiled more broadly, "Last thing I heard, my son and daughter are quite happily living in Hong Kong."

Perplexed even more by this, I withdrew my head, closed the door and walked away down the corridor.

~

Sitting cross-legged on the bed in the plain room I had been given, I stared down at the book, turning it over a few times in my hands. The loose leaf was sticking out of the book at an angle, and I could see Lee's writing on the corners that were exposed. I didn't want to touch it. But I knew I had to.

I reached out slowly with my free hand and tugged the piece of paper out, turning it so I couldn't see the writing. I took another deep breath, probably the fiftieth that day, and flipped it over. The writing was a little scruffy and looked like it had been hastily scrawled; had he started writing this as soon as the yelling started?

To Mao, Wildcat,

                                    I know what's happening now. I can hear you all downstairs. I've been waiting for this a long time now, so I'm not really that scared. I'll just get in contact with SC or the BBA and try to get a place to live for a while, maybe rent an apartment. I can afford it; I've kept my share of the money that we were given for the Asian tournament in 2003, not to mention from all the media attention we got.

                                    There are a few things I've got to say before I leave though. I'm sorry for hurting you when Ray left town. I guess … I just got screwed up. I knew I shouldn't have done it, and that it was wrong. Believe me, I regret it and I wish I hadn't done it. But I can't take it back, so all I can say is I'm sorry …

                                    Another thing is, don't try following me. Your parents will probably curse my name for the rest of our lives, as will my father, so save yourself a lot of grief and don't try to find me.

                                    The last thing is … well … try to keep your life together. Look after Kevin, even though he's so mad at me, watch out for Gary and Ray, and ignore what people say about you, as they're all bound to start muttering about me and you. They can say whatever the fuck they like about me, but whatever they say about you is wrong. Just keep that in mind.

                                    I'd write more, but I don't think I have much time now. Thanks for forgiving me in Russia, even though I know you didn't really mean it. And don't worry; we'll meet again someday. Just not anytime soon, and I'll come find you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Love, Lee, Black Lion.

My grip tightened on the piece of paper, then I lay it on the blankets, moving to slide my fingers over the cover of the hardback book in my hands. I flicked it open and read the first few lines, written on a computer then glued into the book.

Ever since I can remember, our village was nameless. What do you expect? We were so isolated and cut off from the rest of the world that nearly no one even knew we existed, and I can remember how frustrated my best friend got about it. I never did. I never questioned it. It was just how it had always been, how I had always known it. I didn't want to change that really; it sort of gave my life a weird form of stability, a stability I guess I needed, though I never admitted it.

I frowned, then lay back on the bed to read; I had all the time in the world to read the journal of the cousin I had destroyed.

And all the while I listened to the rain outside.

Splish splash splosh.

Splish splash splosh.

Splosh.

~*~

Authoress notes: Once again, crap. The bold writing is the first paragraph of Thoughts of a Black Lion, which is essentially Lee's journal (which follows a path of angstangstangstangstangstangst and more angst. It's basically Disclaimer, angst and Authoress notes.) Read and review, I guess.

~MyHeartBleeds~