Comfort

Part II

Desperation 1 : loss of hope and surrender to despair 2 : a state of hopelessness leading to rashness

****

Remus sat on the rug before the hearth holding Hermione, listening to her soft breathing as she slept.  Studying her face, he cringed inwardly once more as he realized how young she truly was.

 It was easy to forget at times that she was only fifteen.  She acted more like an adult, especially since the incident at the Ministry of Magic, not that it hadn't aged all the teenagers living under the roof of Twelve Grimmauld Place.

Harry always seemed pensive and brooding now though Remus couldn't blame him. He had lost so much and faced losing more, especially those he cared.  It was the price of war, the death and destruction.  Still, Harry lacked the maturity that the sleeping girl in his arms had. 

She was sensible, stoic, yet had never given into the despair that Remus had seen reflected in her eyes at times.  Hermione was a solid anchor for Harry, and the boy had better be damn grateful that he had such a solid support.  Even Minerva had told him if Harry ignored everyone around him he would still listen to Hermione.

'Hermione'.  Her name had slid off his tongue like a prayer as he had made love to her a few hours ago.  And she had been an answer to a prayer, though it was a prayer of selfishness, of desperation, of mistakes.  His mistake of casting the Anima Uigumus once again.

It had only been desperation that had brought Remus to a place that he had cast it, like he had on Sirius many years ago.

****

Seventeen years ago…

Remus' eyes opened and he flinched at the light that flowed into them, feeling as if it were scorching his brain.  His mouth felt as if it were filled with bits of dry leaves and he tried to remember if this was time of the full moon.

"He's awake Albus." Remus heard a familiar voice say. 

Dark sapphire blue eyes looked into Remus' gray ones, relief clear in them. "Bout time you came back to us Moony."

"Pad…foot," Remus choked out, his throat constricting. "What happened?"

"Remus my boy," Albus' face came into vision as he too leaned in to look at him. Remus noted the look of concern in the man's eyes.  "Truly glad you have awakened."

"Awakened?"

"You have been unconscious for three bloody weeks now," Sirius said huskily.

Three weeks?  What was he doing three weeks ago?

Remus groaned and put his face in his hands.  "It would seem I was a complete failure at my first mission.  What happened?" He looked up to see Dumbledore and Sirius exchanging dark looks.  "What?  Did I do something to jeopardize the Order?"

"No," Albus said kindly, patting the young man's hand.  "I think this can wait till you are stronger."

"I want to know," Remus said, a feeling of foreboding creeping up his spine. "What happened?"

"Very well," Albus said, sitting down on the corner of the bed, while Sirius sat next to Remus taking Remus' hand and holding it tightly. "I can only tell you what I suspect happen from what we know about your malady and what the menajere told me."

"Malady?" Remus looked questioningly at Sirius, who only shook his head.

"As you remember you were on your way to Romania where you were to meet with members of a clan of gramada vrajitoares to enlist their assistance in this war we fight.  Though outcast from society they are powerful magical women with ancient ways and knowledge."

Remus nodded, a frown line creasing his brow.  He couldn't recall if he had made it there or not.

"Apparently you were successful in your mission," Albus smiled, " for we received word from the menajere of the clan within hours after you left.  They agreed to help."

"Well that is something," Remus said with a dry laugh.  His head hurt terribly as he tried to remember.

"More than something my boy.  Voldemort would have sought them out.  I am very pleased that you persuaded them to our cause."

"Your silver tongue at work, Moony," Sirius teased, though his eyes were somber.

"However when you did not return Remus I was most concerned for I knew it was only a few days before the full moon and I sent Phoenix members to search for you.  It seemed you disappeared off the face of the earth.

"I can only speculate what happened to you from the reports given to us the clan.  They were the ones to find you, almost dead, floating in a stream seven days later. "

Sirius gripped Remus' hand tighter and he saw the man's eyes grow bright.

"The maenajere told me there was a man, a wizard, that lived in the Carpathian Mountains in a place called `the evil valley' who was more dead than alive and many assumed had died as no one had seen him in decades.  She however, believed him to be alive, especially when a young man or woman would be found like you floating in the stream, though unlike you they were dead, their bodies withered, their mouths opened in a silent scream, like someone had sucked their very souls from their bodies."

Albus paused, his bright blue eyes staring intently into Remus'.  Remus swallowed and shrugged his shoulders.  "If that is true, perhaps my soul was too tainted to interest him," he said with a small smile.

"If it is true, and I do believe it is," Albus said softly, "for there are dark incantations that steal the soul and the description of the bodies points to a particular spell, the Animus Ereptor.  It is used to prolong the caster's life, to drain the essence from another.  It is not a quick spell and takes many weeks as the victim slowly dies from the loss of their essence.  Nor does it give the caster the lasting benefits he so desperately wants. No matter how young the victim is the results are the same.  Only one day for each year the victim would have lived."

The look Albus gave Remus made him want to crawl beneath the covers and pretend this was a bad dream.  "For each year the victim would have lived," Remus echoed softly, his voice quivering.  His lycanthropy made him almost immortal through the regenerative powers it invoked.  He could live for several hundred years, perhaps even a thousand.

Sirius hung his head, his grip on Remus' hand deathly tight, threatening to cut off the circulation.

"I can only guess that this wizard captured you Remus, to be his next victim.  However as he probably needed several days to prepare, you changed into a werewolf while in his prison and he knew.  He knew that you were the answer to what he sought for so long."

Remus felt like he was about to vomit, "Then why did he let me go?"

" I do not think he let you go," Albus said,  "You were bruised, with many scratches and deep cuts on your body.  None of the other victims were like this.  They were untouched.  I believe you found a way to escape."

"Well then, that's that," Remus said brightly.  "If he stole part of my essence it will be replaced, you know, because of the regener…." His words froze as he saw Albus' solemn face. 

"If were only that simple," he sighed.  " The spell will continue to work no matter the distance between the victim and the caster.

"How much time do I have?" Remus asked quietly.

Albus looked very tired. "I cannot answer that.  What I do know is the spell can only be cast every fifteen days.  It is a taxing ritual and the caster must regain strength to do so.  When evoked the spell can only steal up to ten years at a time from the victim."  He gave Remus a sympathetic look.

"Bugger me," Remus said, understanding the implications.  Though he knew his regenerative powers were not that fast to restore ten years of life back to him, it would however keep him alive for a long time, allowing the bastard to drain him for years.

"So that's it then," he said resolutely.  "I just allow this wizard to drain me dry and fade into oblivion.  Pity.  I suppose I will be a nuisance as I will be incapacitated most of the time."

"Moony!" Sirius snarled, looking at Remus, tears in his eyes.  "Don't talk that way!  I will find the son of a bitch and tear him from limb to limb!"

"Sirius," Albus said sternly. "You know we tried to find this man.  The clan promised they would search but warned us not to get our hopes up.  The wizard is more lich than human, able to travel in the shadow realm, evading detection."

"Well then," Remus said brightly, a small smile on his lips. "Don't suppose either of you would have a silver dagger or a noose handy?  Could thwart his plans…" Both men glared at Remus. "Only joking."

"Don't," Sirius said, his voice tight. 

Albus stood up.  "I do not want to get your hopes up Remus, but there may be a way to stop this.  I have several people looking into it."

Remus nodded, too tired to speak.  Albus gave him a smile. "Rest.  I will tell the others you are awake, they will be pleased, especially James and Lily.  Sirius are you staying?"

Sirius nodded.  Albus patted Sirius' shoulder and left.

Remus looked at the man sitting beside him.  "Don't be so downhearted Padfoot," he said fondly, ruffling Sirius hair.  "If anyone can find an answer Albus will."

Crawling into the small bed, Sirius laid his head on Remus' shoulder.  Remus held him while he cried.

****

Several days later Remus had finally been able to rejoin the group at the Order's headquarters.  They had just finished a meeting and he, James and Sirius were discussing finer points of the mission that James was to go on.

Sirius looked at Remus sympathetically.  The mission was originally Remus' and he knew the Remus was feeling like useless baggage.

James stopped talking as he noticed Remus starting to sway. "Are you okay Moony?  You are positively gray around the mouth."

James' concerned face seemed to be wavering in front of him. "I think so." Remus began to sweat as waves of nausea flowed over him.  His vision blurred more and he reached out to grab the table but missed.

"Remus!" He vaguely heard Sirius shout as Remus clutched as his chest, his heart feeling as if was going to explode.

****

A week later Albus met with the two men with an answer, though it was a dark answer.

"The Anima Uigumus is a spell created on the basis of a spirit-bonding spell that has been used for many centuries in marriage ceremonies.  This spell however was symbolic more than anything, for it allowed the couple to be more sensitive to each other during lovemaking. 

"The Anima Uigumus however allows the recipient to feel everything the other is experiencing, be it pain or pleasure, as their souls interchanged.  It was deemed too powerful, too destructive and was banned from use."

"Interchanged?"

"You will give part of your soul to another.  They will be able to keep the magic at bay from the Animus Ereptor, to stop the one using it from stealing the essence from you."

Remus gave a dry laugh.  "That sounds horrible Albus.  Surely it is not possible."

"It is.  But I must warn you it is not something to be done lightly.  The spell is irreversible and there is no breaking the bond once it is created, except by death. Albus' face was grave as he continued.  "And because of the bond, when one of the recipients dies, the other will soon follow as part of the soul will forever be lost."

"Albus you are speaking of dark magic," Remus said.  "I will not resort to that."

Sirius took Remus' hand, his dark eyes bright as he looked into Remus'.  "You can and you will Moony," he said a tremor in his voice.  "You heard what Albus told us.  Because of your curse you will not die quickly.  Can you live with this bastard stealing your essence month after month, leaving you little more than an invalid?"

"If I must," Remus said wearily. 

"Well I cant!  And I will be damned if I let that martyr attitude of yours win.  You will agree to this and I will be your recipient. I would die without you anyways," Sirius finished, his voice softening.

Anima Uigumus.  Exchanging a part of each person's soul and upon death the other would eventually succumb to death, as it no longer had access to its own soul.

 In the end Remus had agreed, casting the Anima Uigumus on Sirius though he would not allow Sirius to cast the spell on him.  He couldn't bear the thought that Sirius would feel the pain Remus went through when he transformed into the beast each month.  No one deserved that hell.

Albus had found a small loophole.  Remus could cast the spell on Sirius, giving Sirius part of his soul and taking a small part of Sirius' soul to fill the empty spot. However Sirius would be safe from death if he did not repeat the spell.  Only Remus would be in jeopardy of dying that way.  When and if Sirius died…

****

Remus sighed heavily.  At least Hermione would not face that, for she had only been the recipient of the spell as Sirius had been.  Should he die, she would experience pain, as the part of his soul would be ripped from her, yet baring any dark magic that would perhaps trap it, the part of her soul he had would return to her.

Though he would be able to feel her no matter what the distance, she would not be able to feel his emotions unless they were touching.  Like they were now.

Like he had Sirius.

She had been willing.  When he had last sobered enough to realize what he had done, had taken the virginity of a young girl whom he had the utmost respect, he had seen it in her eyes.  She had told him that she was willing to anything, anything at all to help him, to comfort him.

In a daze of remorse, in desperation, he had cast the spell.

Hermione lay there trying to quieten her racing heart. Her mind raced as she tried to sort out what she had just 'heard' through her heart.  Remus shifted so that he could look down at her and his eyes widened in fear as she asked him with a trembling voice, "What exactly is the Anima Uigumus?"

****

Anima Uigumus-soul bond

Animus Ereptor -soul stealer

(Romanian) gramada vrajitoares-mountain witches

(Romanian) menajere-matron