Comfort Part III

Revelation-a: an act of revealing to view or making known b: something that is revealed; especially: an enlightening or astonishing disclosure

"What did you say?"  Remus asked in shock.

Hermione looked at him, fear in her eyes.  "The Anima Uigumus.  What is it Remus?  I heard…no I guess I felt…" her eyes brightened, her face full of concern. "You were dying, a dark spell, Sirius…"

Remus opened his mouth. She couldn't have.

"Please, it is okay.  Whatever it was.  I just want to know…"

"Hermione, you…can't." A noise outside the door made them both jump. "Molly," Remus said urgently, as they got up.  Remus waved his wand at the mess on the table and floor and dishes flew into the sink, as the broken bottle was swept into the ashbin. "We will speak later, alright," he told her softly as Molly opened the door.

"Remus, Hermione?  Good morning." Molly told them as she bustled into he kitchen.  "Wasn't expecting anyone this early."

"I couldn't sleep," Hermione said, trying to make her voice sound normal.  Her heart was still beating fast and she felt Remus' echoing hers.

Molly tutted. "Seems there is a lot of that going around these days." She looked sharply at Remus.  "I think Remus never sleeps and it's beginning to show dear." 

Remus chuckled, going over to the stove to put a pot of water on. "Ah, well, if I can't get by on good looks then I will just have to charm my way through life."  His voice was light and teasing, but Hermione still felt the underlying anxiety he had.

Soon the kitchen was buzzing as the dishes began washing and bacon sizzled in the pan.  A fresh tablecloth was spread and the dishes set.  Molly looked at Hermione and pursed her lips. "You might want to get dressed child," she told her.  "You never know who may show up."

"Yes, of course," Hermione said blushing. She had forgotten she was still in her nightclothes.  She looked at Remus who nodded his eyes telling her that he would speak to her later. 

&&&

Hermione waited patiently for Remus all day, the minutes passing like hours, the hours like days.  If it was not for the fact that she could 'feel' him, the anxiety, remorse that he carried like a heavy sack on his shoulders, she might have been persuaded to put it to the back of her mind.  Instead she found herself pacing the floor in the room she shared with Ginny.

She wished she could have gone to the library, to research the spell.  It was one thing to know what it was called, it was quite another to know what it did.  Soul bond.  Simple enough to interrupt the words, though she had never came across the spell in her studies.

"Hermione."  Hermione jumped, her body twitching as Ginny spoke her name.  She hadn't been aware that someone had entered the room.  "What is the matter with you?  You are as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rockers."

"Just having an odd day."

"Well, I suppose we all do from time to time.  The meeting has just let out. Here." She thrust a note out.  "Lupin asked me to give this to you."

Taking the note, Hermione's hand trembled slightly as she unfolded it. "You do have the case of the jitters today," Ginny said sympathetically.  "Would you like me to get you some tea or something?"

Hermione scanned the note. "No thank you.  I have something I need to discuss with Remus."

"Oh?" Ginny cocked her head. "Wouldn't mind sharing would you?"

"Sorry." Hermione shook her head.  "I can't, not right now."

"Fine," Ginny said as she flopped on the bed.  "I am getting use to being left out of all the excitement."

"It's not like that Ginny," Hermione assured her.  "It is about a spell I was curious about."

Ginny gave her a look 'right'.

Sighing, Hermione left the room, her heart racing as she went downstairs.

&&&

"I …cast the Anima Uigumus Albus."

Albus looked sharply at the man sitting across from him in the small study, then nodded.  "I suspected it would come to this now that Sirius is dead.  You found a willing person then?"

Remus swallowed hard and adverted his eyes. "Yes and no.  They were willing but had no idea what I had done."

"Remus Lupin!  Are you telling me you used that magic on an unsuspecting person?""

"Afraid so." His shoulders slumped.  Forgive me."

"I am not the one that you should ask forgiveness from."

"I know. But there is something more."  Remus looked Albus in the eye.  "The spell seems to have been reciprocated."

"How?" Albus asked weakly. "If they were unaware that you were casting the spell…" A look of understanding crossed his face. "Remus," he said his voice soft, "you need to tell me exactly what you were doing when you cast this spell."

"Sir?"

"What were you and this 'other' person engaged in?"

Remus flushed. "Well…we were…."

Shaking his head, Albus looked at Remus sadly. "You were in the act of intimacy with this person.  And it was a woman."  Remus nodded, looking at him quizzically.  "It would only work if you were with a female, that is why I knew you and Sirius were safe from this happening."

"I am confused."

"The bonding son," Albus said. "Although young people will deny it, when one engages in love making spirits are shared, given to each other.  It is a deep spiritual act and one not to be taken lightly.  When you cast the spell your spirits were already joined thus the spell reacted on both of you."

Remus paled and had to put his face down between his knees as the nausea overwhelmed him. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Remus, you must tell the woman what has happened, so she can be prepared.  She will be able to feel your emotions, your pain, everything."

Raising his head, Remus felt worse than the lowest scum.  "Dear Merlin Albus.  You will never be able to trust me again. I am so very sorry."

He felt the hand squeeze his shoulder.  "You will always have my confidence Remus.  I realize that this was done in desperation.  Surely this woman will adjust, if she loves you."

"That's just it Albus, it is not that kind of relationship."

"A prostitute?" Albus sounded shocked.

Remus gave a bitter laugh. "That would be the best scenario, but no. It was Hermione Granger."

&&&

Hermione sat in the small room listening to the explanation that Remus had given her.  Dumbledore had taken over and filled in the parts when Remus became overwhelmed, the knot in his throat stealing his words.

Sitting there, she looked at the two men in disbelief, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. When at last they were finished they looked at her waiting.

"I…well, I… don't know what to say," she said timidly, her eyes looking at Remus for strength.  He tried to give her a small smile.

"I realize this is a tremendous thing to deal with Hermione," Albus said gently.  "Think about it and do not hesitate if you have any questions or need to talk about it."

"Thank you sir," her throat felt hot.  I am bonded to Remus, to share his feelings, emotions everything with him?  It was overwhelming.

Remus felt her anxiety and fear, cursing himself for causing it. He looked at her with his heart in his eyes, begging her to forgive him.

Albus cleared his throat and they both looked at him. "Hermione, I am sure you would like to talk to Remus alone.  All I can say is this, he knows what he did was wrong, beyond casting the spell, and though I do not condone what has happened, I understand.  I trust you will be able to deal with this for you are an intelligent, mature young woman."

"Yes sir."

"And Remus, remember no matter how mature Hermione may seem she is still a child."

Remus blinked.  Surely Albus did not think he would take advantage of her again, though the spell would make their feelings for each other magnified.  He wasn't even sure what feelings she had for him or he for her.

After Albus had left, they sat in silence listening to each other's breathing.  Remus finally broke the silence. "I cannot ask you for forgiveness Hermione," he said softly.  "I do not deserve it.  But believe me, I am sorry and would give anything to change what has happened."

"Remus." The words slipped slowly off her tongue. "There is nothing to forgive. Honest."

Swallowing hard, Remus looked at her. "You do not realize what is in store…"

"Perhaps not, but I have a good idea.  I felt you all day Remus, the turmoil, the torment you have put yourself through." She hugged herself.  "It was horrible, I wanted…I wanted so desperately just to find you, to tell you it was okay…" she looked at him shyly, "and to wrap my arms around you."

"And I felt your fear, the anxiety of the unknown.  I wanted to take that from you, to replace it with peace," he said softly. "Hermione you must be aware that these feelings we share they will…" he blushed, "Well, it would seem that we are closer than what we truly are.  We are not lovers, not in love, but it will be hard to acknowledge that when we will feel each other so intimately from this spell."

He felt her hurt before the look crossed her face as she bit on her lip. "Of course.  I understand."

"Damn, I said that badly didn't I?  Hermione, I love you, as I do Harry, Ron, Ginny.  Do you understand?"

"Its alright Remus, I can separate loving someone from being in love, though I haven't had any experience with the latter." She gave him a small smile.

"Hermione…"

"Please don't tell me you are sorry again.  I cannot stand it."

"Very well. It will be like this while we are close, feeling each others emotions, sometimes even our thoughts.  Distance will help."

"Distance?"

"Yes.  For example," he leaned over and placed his hand over hers, "when we touch, we can feel everything the other is experiencing. When we are apart it lessens.  After you return to school you will not experience what you are now.  Only extreme emotional responses…" he sighed, "such as when I turn into a werewolf."

She looked at him, feeling his apprehension. "Oh. Is it very painful?"

"I am afraid it is.  Hermione, I would spare you this if I could.  That is why I never allowed Sirius to cast the spell on me.  I couldn't bear the thought of another having to go through that and yet I have sentenced you to the hell."

Hermione lifted her chin and Remus smiled at the resolute look on her face.  He could feel her determination that she wouldn't let it get to her. Opening his mouth to dissuade that notion, he thought better of it.  No use worrying her about that now, she had enough to think on. "It is late and perhaps we should call it a night," he suggested gently.

"Yes," she agreed. Remus felt the surge of fear and uncertainty flowing through her once more as she got up to leave.

"Hermione," he placed his hand on her shoulder, willing himself to remain calm, "I will try to stay away from here as much as possible the next month, to make it easier on you.  All I can suggest tonight though is maybe a hot bath," he grimaced, "and I would say a drink though I fear that is what started all of this."

She brushed his cheek softly with the tips of her fingers, giving him a small smile before she left.  'I am a damn bloody fool,' Remus thought, plopping back down on the chair and putting his head in his hands.  He knew he was going to have to stay calm for her sake when he was beneath this roof.  But how does one stay calm when you have just damned an innocent soul?