Author's Note: Whew…it's about time. In the summer, I have so much more time to write. But now that school's started, I've been having troubles prioritizing. ^^ Forgive me?

Disclaimer: I don't own FFX or any of its characters.

Disorientation Begins

            Without the sun to fuel the forest's greenhouse effect, the temperature dropped considerably; but the sun's absence couldn't remove the damp, muggy humidity that hung so thickly it was almost tangible. Lulu found herself cursing her weighty skirt, which trapped the moisture against her skin. She stopped herself from wishing for a shower, though, knowing on some level that she should be stronger. As a guardian of a summoner, it was expected that she dedicate her life and services to the protection of Yuna, and she shouldn't let small aggravations distract her.

            Likewise, Lulu forced herself to ignore the heavy fatigue that settled over her muscles. It took all her willpower to complete the simple act of walking, and that fact terrified her.

            'What's wrong with me?' she wondered silently. 'I just woke up. Why am I still tired?'

            She chose this time to look around at all her companions, gauging their energy levels. Rikku and Tidus were lively and awake as usual; Kimahri and Auron bore the same aura of strength they always held, and Wakka and Yuna held their shoulders straight, no real sign of over exhaustion visible.

            Lulu was now rightfully worried, and she attempted to rationalize her vexing problem. The leaves and underbrush swished as the company walked through it. With a group so large there was no point in trying to be stealthy; they had found that out much earlier on.

            'It must be the dreams,' she concluded, no other answer presenting itself.

            But that didn't explain why she felt drained. It felt like all her strength had been sapped from her, when she hadn't done anything more taxing than walking today, and she even had a lengthy nap during their break.

            The mage took a deep breath, larger than usual, the dank air making it harder to intake sufficient oxygen. Up ahead, Tidus was growing restless, moving from side to side as he walked, pushing a hand through his blonde hair, and sighing audibly over the crunch, crunch of the leaves.

            Before someone could comment on his fidgeting, he said, "Shouldn't we have met a fiend by now? We've been walking through this forest for hours, and how many fiends have we seen? None. Nada."

            "And that's a bad thing?" Rikku asked, placing her hands on her hips.

            Auron turned his stern look on the girl. "It can very well be a bad thing."

            "Something must have driven the fiends away," Yuna said, calling over her shoulder, as she was leading the procession.

            "Another larger, stronger fiend, most likely," Lulu pointed out, liking how her voice came out strong and steady, in stark contrast to how she felt.

            "Then why haven't we seen it before now?" Tidus wondered.

             "We should count ourselves lucky that we've gotten this far without confrontation," Auron told him, shifting the collar of his red jacket absently.

            "Well, what kind of fiends live in this area? I mean, what could this stronger fiend be?" Rikku inquired, turning around and walking backwards so she was facing the majority of the group. Lulu wondered what she would do if she tripped.

            Auron said, "Nothing that could clear a whole forest."

            When Rikku looked ready to ask another question, Lulu spoke up. "Most likely it is foreign to this area, which is why the other fiends ran away—they were poorly adapted to defend themselves." Ah, the comfort of logic.

            "So how can we expect to defend ourselves?" Rikku asked, throwing her arms up and turning around. Before someone could snap back at her, Yuna said:

            "We're almost out of the forest; the trees are starting to thin out."

            Tidus smiled. "Ah…so the whole thing's become a moot point. And Rikku's dumb questions were just getting interesting."

            "Hey!" Rikku punched him in the arm, smirking when he winced.

            "We won't need a fiend to fight if we keep beating ourselves up," Auron growled, shooting a glare at the two rowdy guardians. Lulu had to admit Rikku and Tidus often made her patience wear thin. But Auron was harsher with the two, whereas she would choose to ignore them.

            "Hey, lighten up, old man!" Tidus exclaimed.

            Despite the way he was looking at the two younger guardians, Lulu couldn't help but wonder if Auron had directed his statement towards her, too.

            'But how do I stop my dreams?' she mused helplessly.  She prided herself on her strength and independence, and loathed this newfound susceptibility.

            "Free at last!" Rikku proclaimed as they finally left the consuming pressure of the trees behind.

            "Hey, Lu….why don't you use a fire spell and annihilate that Yevon-forsaken forest?" Wakka joked with a bright smile, glancing over at Lulu from over his bronze shoulder. She shook her head, but humored him with a wry smile. In her pessimistic weariness, she wondered if she had the power to conjure even a weak fire spell.

            The moon cast a silvery light in the open field beyond the forest. Without the shelter of the trees, a calm, nightly breeze shifted the long grasses, making soothing whispering noises in the otherwise quiet field. The slight breeze dried the beads of perspiration that had formed on Lulu's forehead, and she swiped at them with her hand, before her skin started itching. Without the hindrances of the forest floor's undergrowth, the mage was able to walk easier, not stumbling every other step.

            Walking through the tall grass, Lulu wanted nothing more than to collapse onto the spongy foliage and sleep. But the idea, though seductive, was idealistic. If she slept, she'd no doubt dream, and as long as she dreamed, she'd never truly find rest. The thought was frustrating at best but worst-case scenario?

             She didn't want to think about it. She didn't want to consider how her fatigue could be the downfall of Yuna's pilgrimage. Pride and loyalty refused to allow her to resign herself to that fate.

            When she fell asleep naturally, she was wreaked with emotionally draining dreams. Fine. She was a mage. There were other methods.

            At the group's next rest stop, Lulu decided she would cast a Sleep spell on herself, sending her into a deep state of unconsciousness.

            She vowed to get some rest.

@-^---     ~*~*~*~     ---^-@

            Twenty minutes later, Lulu wasn't sure she could last until their next rest stop. She had to force her overtaxed muscles to move her legs forward, and each step caused a burning in her legs, from lack of oxygen to her muscles. However, her fortitude remained; she concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other.

            "Halt." The commanding voice of Auron brought a stop to the company's procession. Lulu's plaited hair swirled as she turned to narrow her eyes at the older guardian.

            'He isn't going to confront me about my fatigue,' she assured herself silently.

            "Hey, what's going on, man?" Tidus asked, putting his hands behind his head and walking towards Auron.

            "Hush!" he told Tidus, slashing his arm through the air in emphasis.

            The group held its collective breath, listening to the night surrounding them. The land seemed to be holding its breath, as well. The tall grasses they were standing in, once alive with the wind, were still. There was no sound at all.

            "It's quiet," Rikku noted, and Lulu bit back a retort about stating the obvious.

            Wakka frowned. "And we haven't seen a fiend yet."

            "I had hoped that once we left the forest, things would return to normal," Yuna admitted, and Lulu noticed that the summoner's knuckles were white as she clutched her staff.

            "In the forest," Tidus spoke up, "we thought that another fiend was scaring off all the smaller fiends, right? Maybe that's still the case."

            "But we've put a lot of distance between us and the forest," Yuna said, looking troubled.

            Lulu tried focusing on the conversation, but her vision began to get blurry. She blinked forcefully, but that only made her dizzy. Her companions' voices faded in and out.

            "So what's going on?" Tidus asked, and the mage struggled to concentrate on his voice.

            "There's only one explanation." Her vision dimmed, so she used her hearing to recognize the deep voice as Auron's. She focused on his unique cadence.

            "The fiend must have followed us," he said.

            Her legs gave out.

            "Lulu!" Yuna cried.

            She fainted.

            The pungent smell of crushed grass assaulted Lulu's olfactory sense. She blinked her eyes open wearily, finding her face smashed against the ground. She raised her body into a seated position, squinting against the glaring sunlight. She was still in the grassy field, but it was midday, and her companions were nowhere to be seen. She stood on shaky legs, brushing off bits of leaves that clung to the folds of her skirt. She remembered collapsing when the group had stopped to talk.

            "Yuna!" she called, gazing around at the barren field. "Wakka! Auron!" Her voice echoed hollowly.

            'They wouldn't have left me,' she told herself. But empty land stretched on for miles, and not a single person was in sight. She paused, suddenly considering something. If the last thing she remembered was collapsing…

            'I must be dreaming,' she determined.

            ~No!~ came a startlingly sharp command. ~This is real. It feels real. Feel the grass, the sun, the wind. No dream is so vivid.~

            Lulu found herself believing this voice of reason within her. She gazed around at the still grass. It did feel real. Terribly real.

            "Yuna!" she tried again, beginning to walk through the empty field, not quite knowing where she was headed. She paused to collect her bearings once more.

            She had collapsed when it was still nighttime…just approaching midnight. But now, the sun was high in the sky, signaling the noon hour. She had been out for an awfully long time. Again, she wondered if she'd been dreaming.

            ~Does this feel like a dream?~

            'No. It doesn't.'

            ~Then it's real. You must believe what you feel.~

            She hesitated at taking this advice, considering she never quite used her feelings as a judgment. She always tried to remain objective, no matter what the circumstances. She flirted with the idea of abandonment once more. Could the company have left her behind because she was holding them back? Lulu wasn't exactly an optimistic person, but she had trouble believing someone like Yuna would desert her.

            Did something happen to them?

            Lulu couldn't see any real signs of a battle or struggle nearby.

            "You look perplexed," said a familiar female voice.

            Lulu whirled around to face her companion. "Yuna! Where have you been?"

            The young summoner had a blank countenance, and was looking at the mage dully. "I wanted to simply leave you, but the group decided it was best if I at least came to say goodbye."

            "Goodbye?" Lulu echoed warily. Yuna's normally bright, calm voice was now flat and monotonous. "Are you alright, Yuna? You don't look or sound well."

            "We don't need you anymore, Lulu."

            Lulu struggled to find her voice. "We?"

            "My guardians and I. We know you've been struggling, and you're bringing us down. We've decided you shouldn't come with us anymore." Yuna turned to leave, and the mage finally found her voice.

            "I don't believe you." On shaky legs, she confronted Yuna. "You must be an imposter. The real Yuna would never abandon a companion—no, a friend—so callously. I don't believe you."

            The summoner smiled without a touch of joy in her expression. "Oh, you are deluding yourself. You can't accept the fact that you're not needed, and you're afraid to admit that you have needs as well. But my pilgrimage has no room for weakness, Lulu, and you are weighing me down. It's time you gave up."

            Confused and hurt, Lulu lashed out. "I have never given up, and I don't plan to."

            "You are worthless—" 

            "NO!"

            "We have no use for you—"

            "No!"

            "Give up!"

            "No…"

            "Give up, Lulu…"

            Full of despair, trying desperately to grasp to some semblance of control, Lulu fell to her knees and gazed at the ground, gathering her strength.

            'I know Yuna. She would never do this. Never. This is a dream. This is—'

            ~Real! Look!~

            Obeying the phantom voice, Lulu's eyes rose to the spot where Yuna had been standing. There, in her place, stood Sir Auron.

            "Why can't you believe Yuna?" he asked rhetorically, not waiting for an answer before continuing. "You've known for awhile now that your strength is diminishing. You're getting weaker exponentially, and you've been afraid of compromising Yuna's quest. Why is it so hard to believe that Yuna herself might come to realize the threat you pose, and increase her chance of defeating Sin by cutting you loose."

            Auron's calm, rational explanation broke through Lulu's conviction.

            ~He's right. He's right.~

            'He's right. He's right.'

            She didn't stop to wonder how he knew that she was questioning her abilities; she just accepted it as fact. And she wasn't at all surprised when he knelt beside her and folded her into his arms.

            "It hurts, doesn't it?" he asked in a low voice. His breath against the delicate shell of her ear sent a rush of chills down her spine. "It hurts that they would abandon you in your time of weakness. How does it feel? Is it gut wrenching? Or is it a sharp pang to your heart, like a sword cruelly stabbing and sadistically twisting? Does it ache? Does it burn?"

            His words caused alarms to go off in her head. His voice no longer held the seductive quality, and she shoved violently away from him, falling out of his embrace and onto the ground.

           

            She blinked from her quick fall, surprised that the sun was no longer shining. The moonlight illuminated her companions, who were gathered in a circle around her. She frowned, confused.

            "Everyone came back?" Lulu asked. How long had she been out? The sun was shining when she pulled away from Sir Auron, but it was nighttime once more.

            "What do you mean, came back?" Tidus inquired, reaching a hand to scratch at his blonde hair.

            Confusion muddled Lulu's senses, and she fought for recognition of reality. "But everyone left. I…" she trailed off, unwilling to give her thoughts away. Had she imagined it? Was she delusional? Was this a hallucination? A dream? "How long have I been out?"

            "Only a few moments…we've been trying to wake you," Yuna said, her voice filled with compassion. The summoner leaned in close to Lulu, placing a hand against her cheek. Lulu flinched.

            The mage tried to ignore Yuna's hurt expression. 'So it was all a dream,' she thought to herself. Letting out an almost inaudible sigh, Lulu buried her head in her hands. This was real.

            Her disorientation unnerved her, but she tried not to let it show. She stood on shaky legs.

            "What's everyone standing around for?" she questioned, hiding her weakness with false enthusiasm. "We'd better get moving again." Lulu could feel everyone watching her, scrutinizing her every move.

            After an awkward pause, Yuna said, "Actually, it's probably in our best interest to rest here for the night. We can get a fresh start in the morning."

            "That's a great idea!" Tidus agreed, a bit too readily. "Especially since we've been traveling all night. We need to break our nocturnal habits."

            "Yeah! And I'm really tired." Rikku stifled a fake yawn.

            Disgusted with the way they were trying to protect her, Lulu walked away from the group, picking up her discarded moogle doll. She picked at the moogle's soft skin, trying to organize her tumbling thoughts. Her inability to discern fantasy from reality was severely threatening. The situation she struggled desperately to control wasn't improving. Rather, it was worsening. She felt someone approach her, and her spine stiffened, but she acknowledged the familiar gait. Wakka.

            "Hey, Lu," he greeted softly. She offered him a nod, but didn't attempt a smile. When she didn't say anything, he continued. "You've been actin' kinda weird lately. Anything you wanna talk about?"

            "I'll be fine," she told him. After his uncertain look, she added, "But thank you."

            He smiled, his teeth flashing white against his tan skin. "Well, if you ever need to talk, you know where to turn, ya?"

            She let out a small sigh of relief when he walked back towards the group. Her relief was short-lived when she felt, rather than heard, someone else approaching.

            "You claimed you could handle it," Auron said. She was surprised to find him closer than she had anticipated. She turned to face him, and blinked rapidly as they stood nose-to-nose. She backed up, ashamed at the way his intimidation worked, but unable to react any differently.

            "I am handling it," Lulu declared, keeping her head held high. He didn't answer, simply stared at her coolly. She swallowed. They would have stayed in this stalemate all night, by Auron seemed to come to a realization within himself, and his entire demeanor changed.

            "It's not enough, is it?" he asked, his voice low. She shook her head.

            They were out of earshot from the rest of the company, but they were still within sight, even with the faint moonlight.

            "Tell me what's happening," he implored, and Lulu faintly noted that she had never seen him act this way before. He reached a hand out and used the pads of his fingers to delicately trace her jaw. "Let me try and help you. As strong as you are, you can't handle this." His hand fell away, but her face still felt warm.

            He didn't push any more, and finally, she answered, "I can't stop them."

            "Stop what?"

            "The dreams."

            He looked at her closely, his face inscrutable. "What kind of dreams." She looked at him blankly. "Tell me about them."

            "It's…" she paused, gathering her thoughts. "It's like…jumping from one emotion to the next. Happiness, fear, lust, love…I'm jerked from one situation to the next, and awake feeling as though I haven't rested at all."

            "Is this a recent development, or has this always happened?"

            She shook her head. "Just recently." In a sudden display of emotion, she growled, "I hate this!"

            Slightly miffed at the unusual outburst, Auron asked, "Why?"

            Lulu looked at him, her claret eyes wide and unblinking. "Because I can't stop them."

@-^--- To Be Continued ---^-@