AN/Thanks to AprilGrey for beta services rendered and for the lovely reviews. Everyone has been great!!
Comfort XIII
Decisions-1 a : the act or process of deciding b : a determination arrived at after consideration : CONCLUSION
****
"What do you mean he kicked you out of class?" Harry said, his face flushed in disbelief and anger. "Why the bloody hell did he do that for?"
"Harry, keep your voice down," Hermione pleaded as several people turned to look at them. "I will tell you later. Just finish your supper, please."
Ron's mouth was still partly open. "That evil, greasy haired git," he said furiously, picking up his fork once more. "You should have dropped the class like I did."
Harry was still not eating, his frown deepening. "You should go to Dumbledore. He will sort it out."
"Harry," Hermione said reproachfully, "Dumbledore cannot do anything about it." She sighed heavily. "Listen, meet me in the Room of Requirement around eight, you too Ginny, and I will tell you everything." Although you aren't going to like, it she thought.
****
Her three friends sat looking at her, their expressions incredulous. Ginny was the first to react, standing up and hugging Hermione. "Oh, I am sorry-- that is about Snape being horrid to you, but I am glad if you are glad about the baby," she said hesitantly. "Does Remus know?" she whispered in her ear. Hermione had told them she was pregnant but not had said by whom.
Hermione shook her head.
"Well call me a Blast Ended Skrewt," Ron said whistling low. He looked intently at Hermione and blushed. "I would have never dreamt…you know…that…well, Hermione…I mean."
"Shut up Ron," said Ginny angrily. "You just never saw Hermione as anything but an easy out for your homework you mean. Believe me, there are a lot of boys and men that noticed she was a girl."
Harry looked suspiciously at them. "So who's the dad?" he asked pointedly.
Hermione shook her head. "Sorry, but I cannot say, not yet."
"Why? Are you ashamed of him?"
"No, nothing like that, it's just, well, I haven't told him yet and honestly I don't think you and Ron would understand."
Ron's eyebrows shot up. "Don't tell me you've been shagging someone in Slytherin…"
"Don't be dense, Ron," Harry said, still looking suspiciously at Hermione. "If you are almost two months along then you got pregnant during Spring Break."
Hermione nodded. "Yes."
"Then it is a Muggle boy," Ron said, looking pleased that he had deduced that. "Nothing wrong with that, Hermione. After all you are Muggleborn."
"Right," Hermione said, glad not to have to elaborate anymore.
Harry wasn't persuaded. "Then who have you been getting all the owls from? Does this Muggle know you are a witch? I mean, aren't we suppose to be secretive about things like that? And it isn't your owl, is it? It doesn't stay here."
'Why did you get so good at thinking things through now, Harry?' she thought. "You are correct, Harry, the owl is from a wizarding friend I know, but this has nothing to do with him," she lied, trying not to blush. "Listen, I have a lot to deal with right now so please don't tell anyone about this. Okay?"
"Sure Hermione," Ron said as he stood. He patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. "But I reckon old Snape won't keep this quiet. He will probably announce to the class why you are no longer there."
"Surely he won't," Ginny said reassuringly. Hermione looked at Harry and she knew he thought Ron was probably correct.
****
Sitting in the empty common room, Hermione gazed into the fireplace, her hands rumbling the parchment she held in her hands. She had made a list; reasons to get rid of the baby, keep the baby or to have the baby and give it up. The shortest was the reason to keep it. For some reason she was angry that it had turned out that way.
A small pop startled her from her reverie as a gold feather floated down landing in her lap. Picking it up, she read the parchment it had turned into.
"A friend awaits in the garden."
Hurriedly she got up, throwing the papers into the fire and headed out.
****
Hermione knocked softly on the door in the garden shed. A worried looking Remus opened it, grasping her hands and pulling her in. "Hermione," his gray eyes searched her face, "what has happened? Dumbledore said that it was urgent that we talk."
Relief flooded through her and she felt the tension of the last week ease. He was here! She felt tears prick behind her eyes. "Remus, can we sit down?"
He nodded, the concern on his face growing as he led her over to a chair. Pulling up another one, he sat before her, his hand on her knee, looking at her with apprehension.
How odd not to feel him, she thought. Taking a deep breath, she looked down at his hand. "I am going to have a baby," she said calmly, glancing quickly up at him. An odd expression crossed his face. Shock, she supposed, yet a look of wonderment before the inevitable look she was familiar with. The one of guilt.
"A baby?" his voice trembled, his hand on her knee gripping her. Remus closed his eyes.
"Are you upset?" she asked hesitantly.
Opening his eyes, he looked at her, and she saw that his eyes were bright. "I am…overwhelmed." Standing, he walked several feet away, running his hand through his hair as he stared at the floor.
"Remus?"
When he looked up at her, she noticed the tears in the corners of his eyes. "I am sorry, " she said hesitantly.
He walked quickly over to her. "Please don't say that. If anyone is sorry, then it is I. You could not have cast the Contracepteous spell because of the Underage Use of Magic Law. Forgive me, Hermione."
"Well then," she said shakily, "there is no sense in trying to cast blame or wish things were different. I suppose the question is what to do now and how will people react.
Remus looked at her suspiciously. "Speaking on how others will react, what did Dumbledore say?"
She told him what Dumbledore had said and then blurted out what Snape had told her. Remus' eyes flashed fire. "How dare he," he said angrily. "He has no right to treat you like that."
"It's okay…"
"No, it isn't Hermione." Remus strode over to the fireplace. Taking a jar from the mantle, he tossed some green powder into the empty hearth. A green blaze erupted. "Severus," he said loudly.
Hermione hurried over to him and put a hand on his arm. "Remus, you can't, please don't," she tried.
He patted her hand and repeated Severus' name. Hermione felt ill when she saw Snape's head appear in the fire. "Lupin," he said coldly, "I assume you want something."
"Yes. A word in private."
Snape's head moved and Hermione tried to conceal herself behind Remus. A faint sneer appeared on the professor's face. "Ah, I see you have come to console the poor child you sullied."
"Severus," Remus said warningly.
Snape stared at Remus a moment before a sardonic smile crossed his face. "Very well, Lupin. I will give you five minutes."
Remus stepped into the fireplace and smiled encouragingly at Hermione then said, "Severus Snape's rooms." With a pop he was gone. She stared at the green flames a moment feeling her stomach quiver.
****
Remus stepped out of the fireplace into Snape's private rooms. Snape stood beside a desk pouring amber liquid from a decanter into two glasses.
"Lupin," Severus greeted him calmly. "Care for a drink?"
"This isn't a social visit, Severus. I want to know who the hell you think you are to say such things to Hermione."
Picking up one of the glasses, Snape walked over to a sofa and sat down. He swirled the liquid a moment before taking a sip. A wry smile crossed his face when he at last looked at Remus.
"I am her Professor and concerned about her health and academic performance," he said quietly.
"Bollocks!" Remus said angrily, walking over to the desk "It gave you great pleasure to talk to her like that didn't it, Severus? Treating her like she was nothing more than a common trollop."
Snape raised his eyebrows. "I only told Miss Granger the truth. Something that no one else seems to be capable of. Certainly not the adult shagging her, who may have ruined her changes of a decent life in our world."
"How dare you!"
"How dare I?" Severus said coolly. "How dare I speak the truth? I believe you should direct that question towards yourself, Lupin."
Remus' face flushed brighter as he stared at Snape. Several silent moments passed as the two men locked eyes. Finally, Remus looked away, shaking his head.
"You are right, Severus," he said solemnly. Remus sat down in a chair and put his head in his hands. He felt something nudge his hand.
"Here." Snape handed him the other glass. Remus gave a short laugh.
"No thanks," he said sitting the glass on a small table. "It would seem I am irresponsible enough without adding alcohol to the mixture."
"Indeed. If you are looking for sympathy or a fight Lupin, you will not find it here," Severus said silkily. "This matter is of no concern to me other than the fact I do not want Miss Granger in my class, for her health of course."
"Of course," Remus said sarcastically. "I trust the reason she will not be allowed to finish out the term will stay between us."
Snape snorted. "Really Lupin, I am not a hen who likes to gossip."
"I recall a time when you took great pleasure in letting the fact that I am a werewolf slip," Remus said bitterly.
A wry smile crossed Snape's face. "My only concern was the students, Lupin."
"How conscientious of you, Severus. However Hermione's pregnancy should not be life threatening to any of the students."
Snape waved his hand. "It is no concern to me. I am sure that her mates will take matters into their own hands about spreading the news." He moved to sit down behind the desk. "If you are finished…"
"Oh course," Remus said with a sigh. "Thank you for your time, Severus." Standing, Remus walked over to the fireplace.
"Lupin."
Remus turned to look at the potion master. "Think about the girl for a change, why don't you?"
****
Hermione watched anxiously as Remus stepped out of the hearth. "How did it go?" she asked breathlessly.
"Well enough," Remus said with a small smile. "For a conversation with Severus that is." Hermione gave a weak laugh.
"Hermione, sit down. We need to talk."
Sitting down, Hermione watched Remus pace the floor a moment before he knelt down before her, taking one of her hands. "Hermione, I love you. I love you even though I know I do not have a right to… please just hear me out," he said as she started to speak. "You are young and have your life before you. I have nothing to offer you except myself and at times not even that.
"This pregnancy is a blessing and a curse. The bond has been lifted and perhaps the feelings you had for me will change, as they should. Shhh," he placed a finger on her lips.
"I will not presume to know how you feel or what you want, but can only tell you what Professor Snape has already spoken to you about. If you choose to have this child, with or without me as your husband, you will find yourself ostracized in our society. Witches do not have children out of wedlock in proper company and no witch has a half-breed's child.
"Whatever you choose, I will stand with you either as your husband, friend or what have you. But I will leave the decision to you." He smiled gently and tucked a curl behind her ear. "Do not answer right now, I know you have a lot to think about."
"Can I speak now?" Hermione asked defensively. Remus nodded.
"I know that it is my decision and I have been thinking a lot about it. I want…I want to wait a bit before I do anything. And I want to tell my parents no matter what I decide."
"I will tell your parents," Remus said firmly. "It is the proper thing."
"Remus, you can't. It is going to be hard enough without, without…" she looked at him pleadingly, not wanting to hurt him.
He felt a strong desire to accuse her of keeping him away from her parents because he was a werewolf, but he knew she wasn't thinking that. "Because I am your ex-professor and old enough to be your father," he said sympathetically.
"Yes. I want them to get use to the idea first. You understand?"
He pulled her into his arms, kissing her on the forehead. "Yes. I just want you to know you are not alone in this. If you need me…"
"I will let you know. I promise."
****
Term had ended and Hermione had felt she had done well with her studies considering the circumstances. To her great shock, Professor McGonagall had approached her the day of the sixth year's potions final and informed her that she would indeed be sitting in on the test. "Just wear these," McGonagall had said with a small smile as she handed Hermione a pair of gloves and a paper mask. "Professor Snape has kindly agreed that with these precautions you may take your final." Hermione had been so relieved she had given Professor McGonagall a brief hug and to her surprise found it returned.
Hermione had been at home for over a week before she found the nerve to approach her parents. She had asked them to sit down one night after dinner. Looking at her expectantly, they waited.
Swallowing hard and lifting her chin, Hermione stood before them. "Mum, dad…I am pregnant."
Her parents were silent, their eyes wide. They looked at each other. Hermione winced as she saw her father's face grow red, his eyebrows furrowing. He was a quiet man but she knew he had a temper when passionate about something.
"There you go!" he shouted rising to his feet. "There you go! I told you letting her spend so much time with those, those people…" He was shouting at her mum, who was pale and looked like she was about to cry.
"Henry," she said a note of anger in her voice.
"I told you!' he continued pacing the room now. "Spending every summer, every holiday with those boys, day in and day out."
"Dad," Hermione felt queasy knowing that he suspected Ron or Harry. "It isn't like that."
"And just how is it, young lady?" he asked, glaring at her. "You are knocked up. Don't suppose you did that by yourself now, did you?"
"No," she said weakly, "but it wasn't Ron or Harry."
He looked skeptically at her. "Then which one of the Weasley brood? You told me Ron has five other brothers."
Hermione blushed. "It was not a Weasley." She gave her mother an apologetic look. Her mum had kept her secret and Hermione knew she was regretting it.
"Who then?" Henry demanded. "I want a name and I want it now."
"I…I…Remus Lupin," she whispered.
"Lupin? What kind of name is that? And just who is this boy?"
Hermione swallowed hard, then saw her mother's face. "Professor Lupin?" her mother asked shocked. "Dear lord, Hermione."
Her dad rounded on her mum now. "PROFESSOR!" he roared. "That's it. I have had it. Young lady go to your room and do not come out until I say so."
"Dad…"
"Now!"
Her heart beating fast, Hermione ran up the stairs trying not to cry. She could still hear her father's irate voice.
"I want that man's head! Tomorrow we are going to contact that bloody school and demand charges be pressed."
"He is no longer a professor there," her mum was saying, "I am sure they have no control…"
"Someone has got to pay for this. She will not be returning to that nonsense. I told you it would come to no good. A catholic boarding school is just what she needs and they can take care of her disgrace in private…"
Hermione didn't try to listen anymore. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she made a decision. Gathering some things in a bag, she waited for night to fall.
****
The Knight Bus screeched to a halt. "Here you go, miss," said Stan. "Right to the front door." Hermione shakily grabbed her bag and Crookshank's carrier. She stepped off the bus and it disappeared with a loud bang.
"Hermione?" Remus was hurrying to her; the noise of the bus evidently had woke him. His hair was tousled and his robes halfway open. Hermione dropped her bag and clumsily threw her arms around him, the carrier hitting him hard causing Crookshanks to yowl.
"Hermione, why are you here?" he asked as he hugged her tightly, feeling her tremble.
"Mum and dad…they…it was horrible," she sniffed, straightening the carrier. "I couldn't stand it any longer and I didn't know where else to go."
"Oh love," Remus sighed, kissing her forehead. He picked up her bag. "Let's go inside. You are freezing."
Wrapped in a warm blanket, Hermione sipped the hot chocolate. Remus took her bag to the bedroom and released Crookshanks who was in an irritated state. With his bottle brushed tail flaring, he hissed loudly at Chadrick who had flown down to investigate the new arrival. The owl retreated to the safety atop a tall bookcase, hooting reproachfully while Crookshanks gave Hermione a dirty look and stalked off, sniffing and surveying his new surroundings.
"Warmer?" Remus asked with a small smile as he sat down next to her on the sofa.
"Yes. I think it was more nerves than chill."
She looked so woebegone that Remus felt angry. "Not very nice of your parents to put you through this in your condition."
"It is my condition that is the problem," she said defensively. "I can't blame them. It was stupid of me to become pregnant."
Remus flinched. "Lay the blame where it belongs, Hermione," he said quietly, trying to keep his voice from rising. "I am the one responsible."
Hermione said nothing as she clutched her mug tighter.
"So if you have decided, when are you going to," he hesitated, "get rid of the baby?" His mouth felt dry.
She looked at him with disbelief. "Get rid of the baby? Remus, you don't mean that, do you?"
Relief flooded over him. "No," he said very softly. "I just thought, that perhaps it is what you wanted. It would make things easier for you."
"I will admit that I never imagined being a mother, not now of course, but not even years from now, but this," she said her eyes softening, "is my baby. And I know it will be hard, but I know I will love it. I think I already do."
Remus reached over and cupped her chin. "Thank you," he said, a small catch in his voice. "I want the baby, Hermione, and you." He kissed her gently.
She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "Remus make love to me, please."
Smiling, he gently took her face in his hands. Placing feathery kisses on her lips, he pulled her into his lap. His hands trembled as he began to unbutton her shirt. This would be the first time without the bond. Would he be able to please her? He had no doubt of the pleasure she gave him but couldn't help the nagging thought that perhaps what she enjoyed so much in their coupling was the sensations flowing from him.
Holding her hand, he led her into the bedroom. Slowly he removed her clothing, kissing each part of skin that was exposed. Her eyes were bright and she smiled nervously as she helped him shed his own clothes.
He guided her to the bed, pressing her down. Staring at her, he felt the familiar twinge of guilt over how young she was. Kneeling he picked up her foot and began sucking her toes, causing her to giggle softly.
Licking up her calf, he continued upward, to her center. She moaned and spread her legs wider as his tongue delved into her. Hermione's hand tangled in his hair, urging him to continue as she twisted her body to bring him closer. Obligingly, he caressed her with his mouth, feeling her stir beneath him.
"Remus!" Her back arched as her body shuddered.
Remus kissed his way up her stomach, stopping to suckle gently on a nipple as he positioned his body over hers. "No," she panted. His eyebrow arched and he stopped. Hermione pushed on his shoulders and he obligingly rolled over. A seductive smile crossed her face as she rose to her knees. Kissing him, she sucked on his lower lip before trailing down his neck
His hands gripped the sheets when her tracing tongue skimmed across his manhood. Through hooded eyelids, he saw her glimpse up at him before she engulfed him with her mouth. Remus thought he would explode at the first touch of her warm mouth. She had touched him, had brought him to pleasure with her hand before but never had she…he moaned her name, as her hands began to touch also. "Hermione love," he gasped, his hands urging her to stop, enjoying immensely what she was doing but wanting to be inside her. Her cheeks flushed as she moved away.
Rolling over, he parted her legs and entered her slowly, watching as she closed her eyes. Slowly he moved within her, careful to keep his body in contact with her sensitive spot. He watched her face intently, smiling as she bit her lower lip as her body convulsed around him.
"Again love," he murmured his fingers finding the sensitive nerve bundle as he moved more urgently. Stroking her with his fingers it wasn't long until he felt her building passion once more. He felt her body grasp his and he surged into her, feeling her tremble as she came and with a deep thrust joined her as his seed spilled into her.
She was still trembling as Remus gathered her in his arms and kissed her sweaty brow. "Alright?" he asked concernedly noticing the tears in the corners of her eyes.
Nodding, Hermione buried her face in his chest and wept. Worried, Remus stroked her hair as he held her tightly, afraid that he had displeased her somehow. Finally she stopping crying and hiccupped. "Can you tell me what is wrong?" his voice was tight with apprehension.
"Sorry. It's just…I have never felt so…much love before when we had sex. Does that make sense?"
Relieved, Remus shook his head. "I know," he said very softly. "I do love you."
"And I you. It will be okay, won't it?"
"I will do everything in my power to make it okay," he assured her. They fell asleep, Remus' hand resting gently on her abdomen.
