Thank you so much for the reviews! We're glad you're enjoying this. Jus to clear up something Okita's cat Buttons was not eaten. J
Mibu Times-Dispatch
by
BarbaraSheridan and Miss Behavin
Vol 3
To the Citizens of Kyoto from Chief Kondou:
We of the Shinsengumi take our appointment as the Defenders of Kyoto very
seriously and I assure each and every one of you that we are a well-disciplined, highly moral group of men despite the recent actions of one of our former administrators Serizawa Kamo and his minions.
Vice-Chief Hijikata and I extend out most sincere apologies and assure you that a thorough investigation has been completed and appropriate punishment handed down.
Aku Soku Zan
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Editorial: A Fond Farewell
It is with deep regret that I must resign my post as editor of this newspaper as well as resign my commission in the Shinsengumi, due to irreconcilable differences in the running of this organization.
Chief Kondou has agreed to step in until a new editor can be found. My best to you all.
Yamanami Keisuke
Editor-in-Chief
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Notice:
Company commanders are reminded that copies of the Internal Regulations MUST be
posted in each company's quarters. You are encouraged to go over these regulations on a weekly basis and I strongly advise you to emphasize
Articles 1 & 2
Article 1: Everyone shall behave according to Bushido at all times.
Article 2: Desertion shall not be permitted.
---Hijikata
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Dear Ayu-nee,
My life is a mess and I can't stand it! My parents were killed a few years back and I've been living with my older brother who is the worst! He makes me sleep in a closet. He's always lecturing me and shoving me on the ground and accusing me of doing something bad even when I'm totally innocent. I thought things would change when he got a new job in the finance office of a local paramilitary group and I decided to apply too, to show him that I really am grown up. What a mistake that was! The job is a dead end and what's worse is my boss! The man is an absolute demon and nothing I do is ever good enough to suit him!
If that's not bad enough the guys here treat me like I'm some kind of a freak just because I'm a little short for my age. They tease me constantly and act like I'm some kind of personal pet. I do have one friend among them but he's always busy working, he hasn't been feeling well and even though he doesn't say anything I think he's having problems with his "significant other".
Oh, wait, Ayu-nee it gets even worse! There's this guy (my age) who works here too and for some reason I can't stop thinking about him. He does a lot of undercover work and sometimes he has to disguise himself as a woman and when he does he's so freakin' kawaii I can't stand it! Lately I've been having this dream where I'm walking down the street and he's dressed like a girl and he grabs me and drags me into an alley and....
Well, let's just say that the past few nights I'm kind of glad my brother makes me sleep alone in a closet.
The bad part is that it's hard trying to explain why I need clean sheets every day...
Can you help me? Will things ever get better? Do those dreams mean I'm-----gay?
-----Don't call me Puppy-kun!
Dear Pup,
This is quite a complicated set of events and I do sympathize. However, I think the best advice I can give would be in person and I encourage you to send me a note c/o this paper to arrange a private meeting.
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Full Page Notice:
Attendance is Mandatory for Captain Harada's lecture tomorrow
evening--My Brush with Seppuku and What it Means to You.
There will also be a quiz on the Internal Regulations.
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This Just In:
Yamanami Keisuke, formerly with the Shinsengumi was found dead this morning of
an apparent suicide. No details are available and an official investigation is under way.
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Official Notice:
All members are Strongly Encouraged to attend the memorial service for Captain Okita Souji's cat Buttons tomorrow noon at Mibu Temple. While special dispensation will be granted to those members scheduled to be on patrol such members are expected to offer their condolences to Captain Okita immediately following the end of their shift.
-----Hijikata
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Addendum to Official Notice:
All rumors circulating in the compound concerning the demise of Captain Okita's cat Buttons shall cease immediately as it is upsetting my Souji. The cat was not eaten by anyone. It was merely caught in the crossfire of Captain Harada's skirmish with Ishin scum while it attempted to jump up and play with the
fuzzy ball thing on his uniform.
----Hijikata
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Dear Editor:
It has been brought to my attention that I have been slandered in your publication. I refer to the recent letter by one Mr. (Or Miss) Katsura concerning my runaway adoptive son and kenjutsu pupil Kenshin Himura.
I have never abused Kenshin in any manner. I rescued the boy from slave traders and gave him a stable home as well as instruction in the great Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu--- Instruction which he clearly did not appreciate as he ran off before his training was complete.
I'm certain that those of you with teenagers can understand how it is when your child falls in with the "wrong crowd"--- in this case a bunch of older left wing political extremists . I tried my best to talk sense into the boy but he refused to listen so that I had no choice but to let the little shit choose his own path and learn from his mistakes.
As far as allegations of my alleged "sake addiction" I will have you know, Katsura K. that I drink no more t han the average citizen. And since when is it a crime to enjoy a cup of fine sake to help one relax? Again, those of you with teenagers can surely appreciate this simple pleasure I allow for myself.
Should anyone be in contact with my son please tell him that I have not permanently closed the door to him he has only to seek my guidance and I will be there.
Sincerely,
Hiko Seijuro
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Advertisement:
The AOIYA restaurant and Inn is now open for your dining pleasure. Come sample our Grand Opening Lunch and Dinner Buffet Specials!
We would like to assure you that contrary to certain false rumors currently being circulated by our competitors *cough* Ikeda-ya *cough* we are a legitimate business and not a front for a subversive shinobi organization.
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Note from the Interim Editor:
Since many readers have requested a personals advertisement column we have decided to give it a trial run beginning with the next issue. Ad placement is free and there will be a nominal fee for private reply boxes at the barracks post office. We respectfully ask that you keep your ads as "clean" as possible as this is a family newspaper.
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Dear Ayu-nee:
I am a member of one of the most respected units of a local law enforcement agency and while I take great pride in my unit I am concerned with the way our Captain treats us. He is a rather intolerant man whose personal code of Aku Soku Zan leaves no room for even the simplest human error. I hesitate approaching his immediate superior as they seem to be cut from the same mold. Can you offer any advice? Transferring to a new job is out of the question, I'm afraid.
Nervous
Dear Nervous:
Perhaps your Captain is under a bit of stress. I know that the crime rate has been steadily rising and it's quite possible that your superior's superiors are giving him a hard time. Please hang in there and keep me posted.
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Employment Opportunity
There is an opening for a skilled, non nonsense swordsman in the Third Unit.
Send letters of application to Shinsengumi Headquarters Attention Captain Saitou.
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Official Notice:
Interested citizens who may have come to earlier meetings concerning the latest Shinsengumi Recruitment Drive are encouraged to come back for the next round of information sessions.
It seems that Captain Saitou slightly overstated the dangers associated with our organizations. The probability of being slaughtered by a single Ishin hitokiri is far smaller than the good captain may have led you to believe and while our Internal Regulations are rather stringent they are by no means an automatic death sentence for even the slightest infraction.
Future meetings will be overseen by Captain Nagakura of the Second Unit and a nurse will be in attendance should we have anymore fainting incidents.
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Dear Ayu-nee,
It's Plum again, I've been holed up here in the middle of nowhere with the boy wonder for weeks
now and he's been looking at me like he wants to...you know, play house "for
real"...Ewwwwwwww. What do I do now?
Plum Crazy but not in Kyoto
DearPlum,
Just sit the young man down and explain gently but clearly that you're flattered by his attention, but that you're not interested in him that way. Remind him you're only doing your job. 'm sure he'll understand.... It's not as if he's violent or anything, right?
P.S. Perhaps if you have a brother he might help set this young man
straight.
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Dear Ayu-nee, It's Red, remember me :-)
The job thing has settled down a bit and now I'm on an out of town assignment, the problem is y roommate. She's an older woman and I think Im in love with her, well maybe not love but efinitely lust, *blush* She's really hot in a dazed sort of way and well, I'm not as experienced as ou might think so how do I , um, you know, do it?
Red
Dear Red,
I've referred your letter to you to my colleague Capt Harada who offers this advice:
"Loosen her up with a bit of sake, some candelight and a nice meal. Talk a little about "chick tuff"--- you know, family, gardening, etc and then make like it's no big deal and sit by yourself
while she goes off and combs her hair or reads a book. If she comes and sits near you just follow our instincts and do what comes naturally. If Shinpachi can score with this plan then anyone can!
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Employment Opportunity
Wanted Laundry supervisor, preferably male (or a female not prone to fainting at the accidental ight of 100+ naked men.)
Apply Shinsengumi HQ
