A/N: Sorry ya'll for the long wait. I was having some brain blockage
problems, plus I was having parallel parking problems, and mother/parent
problems. Plus one weekend I went out with my sister and her boyfriend to
see a concert, RA. They're excellent live, totally go see them. And if
you're in the Maine/New England area, go check out Emptyhead and Ransom.
Two totally awesome local bands, with some really hot band members. Lol
Then this past weekend I was in CT for my nephew, Luke, first birthday.
He's so adorable and probably the best little baby you can imagine. And my
sister is 8 weeks pregnant. So she'll be having another little baby soon.
I got my license, totally psyched about that. Now all I need is a car,
which I may be getting soon. Which means I'll have to become part of the
working world. Ick. But whatever. As long as I get money for moving down
to KY, everything will be just peachy. Lol And now I'm counting down the
days till my 20th birthday. 12 more days! October 20th BABY!!! WOOO Not
that anything special will happen. I have only one friend up here and the
other one in KY!!! DAMN IT!! lol OH! I might be goin to my 3rd WWE
house show this year, my second RAW one. They're comin up here again on
the 19th and if I can get the money together I may go by myself. I'll get
to see Shane-O. How sweet is that?! AND Randy Orton! Shane's not on the
card right now though, so that sucks. But Shane-O, in a street fight, what
he does best! Lol I really wanna go, but I dunno. Um, I think that's it.
Here's the next chapter!
*****************
I was lying awake again. His arms were wrapped around me. And his light snores filled my ears. I thought that this is where I wanted to be. But for the past week or so I had been completely miserable. I couldn't talk on the phone without him asking questions about it. I probably was the biggest fool to quit my job, leave my friends, and leave my family. God only knew when I'd see anyone of them again. I just hoped they realized why I was doing this. Maybe eventually he'd be able to trust me enough to let me go back to what I loved. Or maybe I'd be a prisoner for the rest of my life. Time could only tell the future. And that's what I was going to do, give this all time. I mean don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything and I'm glad he's giving me a second chance, but no way in hell did I think I was going to lose all my freedoms.
"God, what have I done," I whispered to myself. I felt him stir and heard him yawn in my ear.
"Good morning baby," he whispered.
"Morning," I sighed as he let his arms go. He stood and stretched looking down on me.
"You getting up?" he smiled.
"Why? I've got nothing to do," I muttered to myself.
"What?" he asked.
"I'll get up in a minute," I said. I rolled over in time to see him walk out of the room. I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what I had gotten myself into. Jeff had never been like this to me before. I didn't know how to go about anything. I didn't know whether to tell him I wasn't happy or to just let it go.
"Hey, don't forget to pack," he smiled pulling some clothes out of his drawers. I sat up and thought to myself, not sure what he meant.
"Pack for what?" I finally asked getting out of the bed and walking towards the closet. He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I couldn't help but smile. I had to admit it felt great to have his arms around me and to smell his strange, but pleasant, concoction of fragrances.
"For the tour baby. I mean we leave really late tonite for Miami," he replied kissing my neck before walking away.
"Jeff, you never told me about a tour. What tour?" I questioned.
"My tour. I'm starting a tour in a couple weeks. We're preparing for it in Miami. You'll get your beach sweetie," he smiled leaving the room.
"He never tells me any of this shit," I groaned shaking my head as I heard the shower start. I pulled out a pair of lounge pants and a tank top when I saw Shane's old Green Lantern t-shirt stuffed to the back of my underwear drawer. I pulled it out and smiled, hugging it to my body. I breathed in deeply and could still smell his cologne on the fabric. "I never thought I'd miss him this much."
"Miss who?" Jeff asked walking into the bedroom towel drying his hair. I quickly stuffed the shirt back in the drawer and turned around with a smile on my face.
"Miss you," I replied walking over to kiss him. "I'm gonna shower." I rubbed his arm softly as I walked by him.
"Casey," Jeff spoke. I turned around and looked at him. "I love you."
"I love you too," I nodded before continuing to the bathroom. After showering quickly, I started to pack, but didn't get very far when Jeff walked in and stopped me.
"Alright, I'm goin to the post office to get our mail. I want you to continue to pack and not answer the phone. Okay?" Jeff said.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," I sighed folding up a pair of jeans. He kissed my check and headed out of the house. When I heard him drive out of the driveway I quickly ran down the stairs and to the phone. I took a deep breath and dialed Shane's cell phone.
"Hey, it's Sugar Shane, the one and only. If you're a chick, totally leave your number and you'll be put on my list. If you're a dude, well, I may have time to get back to you eventually!"
"Um, hey Shane, it's Casey. Um, I was hoping to get you, but I guess you're busy. I wanted to call while Jeff was out getting the mail. I'm kinda on phone restrictions, don't ask. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I miss you. And I really truly do. Say hi to everyone for me. I love you so much Sugar," I said hanging up. Before Jeff got home I ran up to the bedroom and finished my packing.
"Casey, I'm back!" Jeff called. I heard him throw his keys on the table and start up the stairs. "You got something. But be careful opening it, it jingles. I have some phone calls to make, I'll be back up in a bit." He threw the envelope on the bed and left. I looked down at it, noticing there was no return address, but the writing looked familiar. Taking his advice, I opened it as carefully as I possibly could. I dumped the contents out on the bed and started to cry when I saw what fell out.
"Dear Casey. I know you said that this was mine to keep, but I figure if you're not in my life anymore than why should it? I need to get over you and quickly. You've broken my heart one too many times and I hope you're happy with Jeff. I don't need you and I now know that. My life doesn't revolve around you anymore. Letting this ring go is like letting you go. So, I'm saying goodbye forever. Sincerely, Shane Helms," I read the short note aloud. I picked up the chain and shook my head as tears trickled down my cheeks. This is when I realized that I had lost everyone and everything I had ever loved for one single person, Jeff Hardy. Was I unhappy? Yes. Was he worth it all? No. And was this relationship going to work out? Probably not.
****************
"Hey Paul," Shane smiled hanging his leather jacket up in the locker room. Paul looked up from his conversation with Randy, Stephanie, and Shane.
"Hey, how ya doin man?" Paul asked.
"Amazingly, fine," Shane said sitting on the bench.
"Have you spoken to her?" Steph asked.
"No, and I don't want to. I'm free of her. That's all that matters to me now," he smiled.
"Shane, that doesn't sound healthy man. She was a big part of your life. How can you pick up and move on like that?" Randy asked.
"I don't know, but I am. So I'd really appreciate it if we wouldn't talk about her," Shane said leaving the locker room.
"Well, I'm not over her. I really miss her," Paul said.
"Even though she was a pain your ass?" Shane laughed.
"Yeah, but it was all in good fun, ya know? She kept life interesting. Now I have no one like that," Paul said.
"Well, the girls really miss her in the locker room. You should see them in there. It's like deathly quiet. Casey always had the boom box goin and was dancing around with them all. Now they just sit there staring off into space. It's so eerie," Stephanie said with a shudder.
"Try being in love with the girl. I don't know what it was about her, but God. She was just special," Randy said.
"Yeah, special ed," Kurt laughed as he and Chris Benoit walked in.
"Yeah, at times," Shane joked. "But she was great wasn't she?"
"There was definitely something unique about her. She was friends with pretty much everyone, she loved being up front and center, her personality just exploded in everything she wore, she was an excellent wrestler to watch, and you could just tell that she loved it as much as the fans loved her," Chris smiled.
"Um, Amy, have you talked to Case?" Trish asked suddenly as she was tying up her boots.
"Yeah, just yesterday before we left," Amy replied as she watched Nichole closely in her stroller.
"How's she doing?" Trish asked.
"She says she's doing fine, but I don't think she is. I mean, I think she's happy to be back with Jeff, but I think she misses everyone and everything about the WWE more," Amy said.
"Then why doesn't she tell Jeff she wants to come back?" Nora asked.
"Because then Jeff will break up with her. Jeff is truly being an ass about things. She's like on restriction with everything. She can't talk on the phone without him right over her shoulder. She can't go out unless he's with her. He wouldn't let her come over before we left for fear that Shane would be there. It's all about Shane," Amy said.
"But Shane doesn't want her anymore," Stacy chuckled. The girls looked at her confused. "He's been telling the guys that he's over her now. He realized that he doesn't need her to get through life. He even sent her the class ring he always wore."
"Oh my God. That's horrible. I remember the shit they went through when Kim gave it to her," Amy said.
"I really miss her," Trish sobbed putting her hands up to her face.
"We all do, Trish. But now she's not the same. She's kinda changed," Amy said leaning over to put her arm around Trish comfortingly.
************
"There you are. I've been looking for you," Jeff breathed heavily after running along the beach searching for me. I sat up to look at him, pulling my sunglasses up on top of my head. He sat on the beach towel I was laying on and kissed my cheek.
"Well, you found me," I smiled at him.
"I wanted you to help me do up the set list," he said running his hand up and down my leg slowly. He looked up and down my body, studying every curve. He leaned over and kissed my chest. "You look gorgeous in that bathing suit."
"It's nothing special. Just black," I replied with a shrug. I was wearing a black, simple, classic bikini. Nothing really notable about it.
"Still, I love it," he smiled. "Anyways, you comin?"
"Um, yeah, sure," I sighed as he helped me to stand. I bent over to pick up my things and he ran his hand down my bare back and rested it on my ass. I just shook my head and stood, throwing my bag over my shoulder.
"Is something wrong?" he asked as we walked hand in hand down the beach.
"No, nothing's wrong," I replied.
"Why won't you talk to me anymore?" Jeff asked stopping.
"What do you mean? I talk to you all the time."
"No, you don't. Not really anyways. We don't talk like we used to. I want that back."
"Like we used to?"
"Yeah, everything was just so easy when we met. And now things are just like complicated."
"Well, complicated things have happened since then. What did you truly expect to happen?"
"I thought things would have settled down by now. We've been together for, what? Almost a month. Why are things still uncomfortable?"
"Because they are. Jeff, you can't expect these things to just be fixed like that."
"Why not? Any time we had a fight, things were fixed within minutes."
"You're comparing our RELATIONSHIP to our FRIENDSHIP. They were two entirely different things. As friends, we wouldn't have ever tried to get married. As friends, you wouldn't have cared who I slept with. As friends, we were just that, friends. A relationship is much more complicated than a friendship."
"I know. But even when we first started dating we were more like friends than anything else."
"Because I didn't fuck up then. Once I fucked up, it all changed. I changed, you changed, our whole relationship changed. Jeff, nothing is the same with us, and nothing ever will be!" I exclaimed storming off for the hotel.
*****************
I was lying awake again. His arms were wrapped around me. And his light snores filled my ears. I thought that this is where I wanted to be. But for the past week or so I had been completely miserable. I couldn't talk on the phone without him asking questions about it. I probably was the biggest fool to quit my job, leave my friends, and leave my family. God only knew when I'd see anyone of them again. I just hoped they realized why I was doing this. Maybe eventually he'd be able to trust me enough to let me go back to what I loved. Or maybe I'd be a prisoner for the rest of my life. Time could only tell the future. And that's what I was going to do, give this all time. I mean don't get me wrong, I love him more than anything and I'm glad he's giving me a second chance, but no way in hell did I think I was going to lose all my freedoms.
"God, what have I done," I whispered to myself. I felt him stir and heard him yawn in my ear.
"Good morning baby," he whispered.
"Morning," I sighed as he let his arms go. He stood and stretched looking down on me.
"You getting up?" he smiled.
"Why? I've got nothing to do," I muttered to myself.
"What?" he asked.
"I'll get up in a minute," I said. I rolled over in time to see him walk out of the room. I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling, wondering what I had gotten myself into. Jeff had never been like this to me before. I didn't know how to go about anything. I didn't know whether to tell him I wasn't happy or to just let it go.
"Hey, don't forget to pack," he smiled pulling some clothes out of his drawers. I sat up and thought to myself, not sure what he meant.
"Pack for what?" I finally asked getting out of the bed and walking towards the closet. He walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I couldn't help but smile. I had to admit it felt great to have his arms around me and to smell his strange, but pleasant, concoction of fragrances.
"For the tour baby. I mean we leave really late tonite for Miami," he replied kissing my neck before walking away.
"Jeff, you never told me about a tour. What tour?" I questioned.
"My tour. I'm starting a tour in a couple weeks. We're preparing for it in Miami. You'll get your beach sweetie," he smiled leaving the room.
"He never tells me any of this shit," I groaned shaking my head as I heard the shower start. I pulled out a pair of lounge pants and a tank top when I saw Shane's old Green Lantern t-shirt stuffed to the back of my underwear drawer. I pulled it out and smiled, hugging it to my body. I breathed in deeply and could still smell his cologne on the fabric. "I never thought I'd miss him this much."
"Miss who?" Jeff asked walking into the bedroom towel drying his hair. I quickly stuffed the shirt back in the drawer and turned around with a smile on my face.
"Miss you," I replied walking over to kiss him. "I'm gonna shower." I rubbed his arm softly as I walked by him.
"Casey," Jeff spoke. I turned around and looked at him. "I love you."
"I love you too," I nodded before continuing to the bathroom. After showering quickly, I started to pack, but didn't get very far when Jeff walked in and stopped me.
"Alright, I'm goin to the post office to get our mail. I want you to continue to pack and not answer the phone. Okay?" Jeff said.
"Yeah, sure, whatever," I sighed folding up a pair of jeans. He kissed my check and headed out of the house. When I heard him drive out of the driveway I quickly ran down the stairs and to the phone. I took a deep breath and dialed Shane's cell phone.
"Hey, it's Sugar Shane, the one and only. If you're a chick, totally leave your number and you'll be put on my list. If you're a dude, well, I may have time to get back to you eventually!"
"Um, hey Shane, it's Casey. Um, I was hoping to get you, but I guess you're busy. I wanted to call while Jeff was out getting the mail. I'm kinda on phone restrictions, don't ask. I just wanted to call and tell you how much I miss you. And I really truly do. Say hi to everyone for me. I love you so much Sugar," I said hanging up. Before Jeff got home I ran up to the bedroom and finished my packing.
"Casey, I'm back!" Jeff called. I heard him throw his keys on the table and start up the stairs. "You got something. But be careful opening it, it jingles. I have some phone calls to make, I'll be back up in a bit." He threw the envelope on the bed and left. I looked down at it, noticing there was no return address, but the writing looked familiar. Taking his advice, I opened it as carefully as I possibly could. I dumped the contents out on the bed and started to cry when I saw what fell out.
"Dear Casey. I know you said that this was mine to keep, but I figure if you're not in my life anymore than why should it? I need to get over you and quickly. You've broken my heart one too many times and I hope you're happy with Jeff. I don't need you and I now know that. My life doesn't revolve around you anymore. Letting this ring go is like letting you go. So, I'm saying goodbye forever. Sincerely, Shane Helms," I read the short note aloud. I picked up the chain and shook my head as tears trickled down my cheeks. This is when I realized that I had lost everyone and everything I had ever loved for one single person, Jeff Hardy. Was I unhappy? Yes. Was he worth it all? No. And was this relationship going to work out? Probably not.
****************
"Hey Paul," Shane smiled hanging his leather jacket up in the locker room. Paul looked up from his conversation with Randy, Stephanie, and Shane.
"Hey, how ya doin man?" Paul asked.
"Amazingly, fine," Shane said sitting on the bench.
"Have you spoken to her?" Steph asked.
"No, and I don't want to. I'm free of her. That's all that matters to me now," he smiled.
"Shane, that doesn't sound healthy man. She was a big part of your life. How can you pick up and move on like that?" Randy asked.
"I don't know, but I am. So I'd really appreciate it if we wouldn't talk about her," Shane said leaving the locker room.
"Well, I'm not over her. I really miss her," Paul said.
"Even though she was a pain your ass?" Shane laughed.
"Yeah, but it was all in good fun, ya know? She kept life interesting. Now I have no one like that," Paul said.
"Well, the girls really miss her in the locker room. You should see them in there. It's like deathly quiet. Casey always had the boom box goin and was dancing around with them all. Now they just sit there staring off into space. It's so eerie," Stephanie said with a shudder.
"Try being in love with the girl. I don't know what it was about her, but God. She was just special," Randy said.
"Yeah, special ed," Kurt laughed as he and Chris Benoit walked in.
"Yeah, at times," Shane joked. "But she was great wasn't she?"
"There was definitely something unique about her. She was friends with pretty much everyone, she loved being up front and center, her personality just exploded in everything she wore, she was an excellent wrestler to watch, and you could just tell that she loved it as much as the fans loved her," Chris smiled.
"Um, Amy, have you talked to Case?" Trish asked suddenly as she was tying up her boots.
"Yeah, just yesterday before we left," Amy replied as she watched Nichole closely in her stroller.
"How's she doing?" Trish asked.
"She says she's doing fine, but I don't think she is. I mean, I think she's happy to be back with Jeff, but I think she misses everyone and everything about the WWE more," Amy said.
"Then why doesn't she tell Jeff she wants to come back?" Nora asked.
"Because then Jeff will break up with her. Jeff is truly being an ass about things. She's like on restriction with everything. She can't talk on the phone without him right over her shoulder. She can't go out unless he's with her. He wouldn't let her come over before we left for fear that Shane would be there. It's all about Shane," Amy said.
"But Shane doesn't want her anymore," Stacy chuckled. The girls looked at her confused. "He's been telling the guys that he's over her now. He realized that he doesn't need her to get through life. He even sent her the class ring he always wore."
"Oh my God. That's horrible. I remember the shit they went through when Kim gave it to her," Amy said.
"I really miss her," Trish sobbed putting her hands up to her face.
"We all do, Trish. But now she's not the same. She's kinda changed," Amy said leaning over to put her arm around Trish comfortingly.
************
"There you are. I've been looking for you," Jeff breathed heavily after running along the beach searching for me. I sat up to look at him, pulling my sunglasses up on top of my head. He sat on the beach towel I was laying on and kissed my cheek.
"Well, you found me," I smiled at him.
"I wanted you to help me do up the set list," he said running his hand up and down my leg slowly. He looked up and down my body, studying every curve. He leaned over and kissed my chest. "You look gorgeous in that bathing suit."
"It's nothing special. Just black," I replied with a shrug. I was wearing a black, simple, classic bikini. Nothing really notable about it.
"Still, I love it," he smiled. "Anyways, you comin?"
"Um, yeah, sure," I sighed as he helped me to stand. I bent over to pick up my things and he ran his hand down my bare back and rested it on my ass. I just shook my head and stood, throwing my bag over my shoulder.
"Is something wrong?" he asked as we walked hand in hand down the beach.
"No, nothing's wrong," I replied.
"Why won't you talk to me anymore?" Jeff asked stopping.
"What do you mean? I talk to you all the time."
"No, you don't. Not really anyways. We don't talk like we used to. I want that back."
"Like we used to?"
"Yeah, everything was just so easy when we met. And now things are just like complicated."
"Well, complicated things have happened since then. What did you truly expect to happen?"
"I thought things would have settled down by now. We've been together for, what? Almost a month. Why are things still uncomfortable?"
"Because they are. Jeff, you can't expect these things to just be fixed like that."
"Why not? Any time we had a fight, things were fixed within minutes."
"You're comparing our RELATIONSHIP to our FRIENDSHIP. They were two entirely different things. As friends, we wouldn't have ever tried to get married. As friends, you wouldn't have cared who I slept with. As friends, we were just that, friends. A relationship is much more complicated than a friendship."
"I know. But even when we first started dating we were more like friends than anything else."
"Because I didn't fuck up then. Once I fucked up, it all changed. I changed, you changed, our whole relationship changed. Jeff, nothing is the same with us, and nothing ever will be!" I exclaimed storming off for the hotel.
