Hi folks! Firstly, massive grovelling apologies to people hoping for continuations to my fics. I'm hoping to add more to LaFt and OotP the Musical soon... I'm really missing being able to sit down and write for ages. I do have some of my original scribblings updated on fictionpress.com if you'd like to read. This little filk I confess is not new - it used to be on my profile, but lots of people liked it so I thought I'd restore it. It's a parody of 'If you give me your attention' from Gilbert and Sullivan's 'Princess Ida' but you don't really need to know the tune. Tom Lehrer did a parody of the same song about a Mathematics Professor.

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am:
A fixated Harry Potter fan – all other kinds are sham.
Each little fault off-canon, each canonical defect,
In those erring fanfic writers, I endeavour to correct.
To the sex-life of Professor Snape, I open people's eyes
And tales of Draco's soft side I will cunningly devise.
I put in my own characters – as good as you could choose–
Yet ev'rybody says that all I write are Mary-Sues!
And I can't think why!

All J.K. Rowling's books I've read much over twenty times;
I've written tons of songfics, all were set to LeAnn Rimes;
My stories are in NetSpeak so they're so easy to read,
But I never seem to get all the reviews for which I plead.
My plot twists are exciting though they may seem quite contrived;
HG/SS Timeturner fics I've practically revived;
I get a great big sugar high, write 'Hogwartz all go's madd!'
Yet ev'rybody says that all the fic I write is bad!
And I can't think why!

I'm sure I'm no obsessive; I'm as laid-back as can be;
Letters to J.K. I've written only thirty-three!
I spent just six weeks in mourning for the characters now dead;
I don't have to read the books, I talk to Harry in my head…
Listen when I say I am not of that crazy bunch;
Whenever I read fanfic, I sometimes stop for lunch;
My 'Gryffindors are sexy' scarf I made myself, for free
Yet ev'rybody says that Harry's taken over me
And I can't think why!

And she can't think why!
She can't think why!