Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Chapter 13

For the first few days, I was nervous about staying with the Gamgees, and I was also nervous of how my father would react to my leaving. But he never came and I never wanted him to. I felt alone at first because my last confidante in Lily was gone, but Rosie tried to comfort me and became more of a friend than either an employer or a mother figure.

Merry and Pippin left after a few days' stay. The house seemed empty and dreary once their cheerful banter was gone. The nights grew longer and the days colder as the new year brought in its harsh chill. I began to feel the outrage of my father burdening my thoughts. Wanting to know if it was true or if my father was merely trying to keep me away from Frodo, I pondered over the argument several times. Each time I contemplated the same points, but a constant fear of Frodo kept me from asking him anything. Despite the fact that I had asked Rosie her opinion on how to pose said question, I could not bring my self to face him. Whenever I talked to him, he seemed to know more about me than I knew about myself.

One especially dreary afternoon in the middle of January, I convinced myself to ask Frodo. After lunch, I wandered to his study, pausing outside to gather up my courage, but once I knocked on the door and heard his voice summon me from within, it fled me and I was left trembling inside. Carefully, I entered the room and found him in his usual place scribbling away in his book. He did not stir upon my entering, nor did he say anything.

"Frodo?" I asked, my voice shaking slightly from fear.

"Yes, Mira?" he asked, still focusing on his book.

"I'd like to talk to you, if you wouldn't mind." With a sigh, he set his quill into the ink well and turned around to face me in his chair. "Oh, I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something terribly important," I said, taking a step back.

"No, it's quite alright. My mind needs a break from writing." He stood up and wiped his ink stained hands on his trousers. "I guess the weather's too unfavorable for a walk today."

"Aye, it is."

"Then, shall we stay here?"

"If you wouldn't mind."

"Then so be it." He crossed the room to sit in a comfortable looking chair in the corner. I found a chair near the smaller table near the door and pulled it out, sitting on it to face him.

I tried to think of ways to start the conversation other than stating exactly what was on my mind. Suddenly, one idea came to me. "I'd like to thank you again for the book you gave me."

"You're quite welcome."

"How did you remember that that was the last book I borrowed?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but it was my favorite book when I was a lad and the fact that you borrowed it stuck out in my mind."

"It's my favorite book so far."

"I'm glad you like it."

Even though he spoke with ease, I knew there was something troubling his mind. Through the weeks of our lack of contact, I saw him regress into the same person I had met the first day I came to Bag End. A constant sorrow filled his soul and it pained me to see it there. I looked up at him to see him staring off into the distance, his gaze hollow. I was scared to say anything. There was something about his state that frightened me.

"Frodo?" I asked, hoping to catch his attention.

"Yes?" he said with a start, turning towards me. I tried to form the questions in my mind, but when ever I would repeat the question to myself, it seemed wrong and I dared not to ask it. "Is something the matter?" he asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Not especially."

"I can tell something is troubling you."

"I'm not sure if I can say it though."

"Try, that is all I can ask."

I pondered for a second, then finally forced myself to face my fears and spit it out. "The night my father hit me, we were arguing and he said something that has troubled me for some time." my voice trailed off. It was as though I was in a different body listening to myself speak.

"What did he say?" Frodo asked, his voice softening slightly.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "He said that my mother loved you in her youth before she married my father."

I did not dare to look at him and instead stared at my hands squirming in my lap. Blood pulsed through the veins in my ears and it drowned the silence as I waited for Frodo to respond.

He sighed and rested his elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his forehead on his hand. "She did, but I did not return her feelings."

"Oh?"

"Yes. If this fact was the reason for your father's dislike of me, I am truly sorry. I meant no harm."

"It was, but I cannot blame you. You have no control over anyone else's emotions."

"While that is true, I still feel that I am the guilty party in your father's hatred." With anguish in his movements, he slowly raised himself from the chair and returned to his desk. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must continue with my book." He picked up his quill and returned to his writing.

Lost for words, I stood up and left the room, retreating to my room and pulling out the book Frodo had given me. I ran my fingers over the cover and opened it to my favorite song. Before I could read it, however, I heard a light knock on my door. I moved my gaze up to my open door to see Rosie standing in the doorway.

"There's someone here to see you," she said softly, smiling.

I set the book on my nightstand and followed Rosie to the front room where Lily stood, her cloak drawn closely around her. A smile crept onto her face as her eyes ran over me. I neared her and embraced her in a hug, feeling her warmth and enjoying it. She pulled away from me and I guided her to the front room and begged her to sit down.

"Please, stay for a while," I pleaded, wanting to talk to her.

"I cannot stay for long, but I will stay for a short while."

"Thank you." I sat down as she sat down in a chair next to me. "What are you doing here?" I asked, curious of the nature of her visit.

"I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine. How are you and the rest of the family?"

"Disappointed to see you go, but I understand why you left."

"And I appreciate that."

"We miss you."

"I miss you too." I was not sure what to say next, so my mouth said something before my brain registered it. "How is father?"

"At first, he was furious and bitter about the whole thing. His temper has gone, but I know he misses you too. I wish you would come home."

"You know I can't."

She nodded, fighting back tears. I went to her and hugged her. "Stop by anytime you need to."

"I will, but I must be going. Father said we were not to come over here because he thinks that you'll turn us against him."

"You know that's not true."

"It was nice to talk to you again, Mira."

"Yes, the same to you."

Lily stood up from her chair and I showed her out, giving her one last hug before departing. I was left to myself after that, although I did return to my chores when dinner came. That night, as I read my book, my mind drifted to my conversation with Frodo and how he seemed so distant. I wanted to ask him, I pushed the thought aside, knowing that my past attempts at asking him had not worked and my new inquiries would only bring up painful memories for him.

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as usual, thanks for the reviews. I'm glad that you guys are enjoying this and I'll try to have the next chapter up soon. Happy holidays.