A/N: Alright, this chapter may seem a little confusing, cause I'm not going
to put it into separate POVs. Casey and Shane's POV will be mixed
together. Well, they'll have different paragraphs of course. And I'm
gonna try to make it so you can tell the difference. But just a warning.
The song I used is "Everytime" by (oh God help me) Britney Spears. I hate
the girl. I seriously do, I just love the lyrics to this song. Yeah, so
I'm like anit-Britney. Lol But anyways, here's the next chapter. And
yes, it's extremely short. I think the next one will be A LOT longer. So
that should make up for the shortness of this chapter.
***********
'Notice me
Take my hand'
I was almost totally moved into my new apartment. It was empty and lonely. For the first time EVER, I was on my own completely. Moving out of the Hardyz area was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But how could I live there knowing that Jeff had broken up with me, so he could have Beth back.
'Why are we
Strangers when'
She had moved out. I couldn't believe it. Going to work with Shannon was going to be difficult. How could I look at her now? How am I going to walk down with her? She broke my heart. I thought I had finally gotten over the only girl who could do that to me, but I had thought wrong.
'Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?'
Luna was checking out the two bedroom apartment, making sure it was up to her standards. I had left Misfit with Matt and Amy, cause one of them was always home so they could be with Nichole. It was just too difficult taking care of an animal on the road. "Oh God. I can't keep you here," I said aloud unzipping the protective cover that held my wedding dress. I looked into my full length mirror in my room, holding it up against me. Tears just ran down my cheeks, my heart was fully broken in two. The phone rang and I jumped. For some reason I expected Jeff to be on the other end, begging me to come back. But I guess I knew it wouldn't be.
"How are you doing?" Amy asked as I set the dress down on the bed.
"As well as could be expected, I suppose," I said wiping my cheeks.
"What's the matter?" she asked worriedly.
"I have my wedding dress. Ames, I can't keep it. There's no way. What am I going to do with it? Resell it?"
"Oh you can't do that!" she sighed. "Look, why don't I keep it here?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
'Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
Oreo jumped in my lap, knowing I was upset. My house was once again empty and quiet. No little laughter, no giggling, no kisses. "Why Oreo?" I asked. "Why is it that every girl I love breaks my heart?" He rubbed my arm, almost comforting me. My cats were all I really had now.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
Sleeping was a task I knew would be difficult. Sleeping in my own bed, my own home, all alone. There were no arms to hold me, only soft whimpers of a sleeping Luna. But what made things worse was that everytime I closed my eyes, I saw them together. Beth and Jeff kissing or hugging, or even worse, have sex. How could I sleep with those visions in my head? I couldn't sleep, not even slightly. I had to get up and move around. I walked into what I had designated my computer/art room and logged onto AOL, playing The Crow soundtrack as I did so.
'I make believe
That you are here'
I was wondering the house late at nite. And I could almost hear Shannon calling me to come to bed. I grabbed my lap top and signed onto the internet. It was late at nite, so I figured no one would be on, but I saw her name pop up on my buddy list. I smiled slightly, though I didn't really want to speak to her. I didn't want to hurt anymore than I already did.
'It's the only way
I see clear'
I went to IM Shannon, tell her about Jeff and I, but her away message was on and was a bit upsetting. 'I'm sorry I can't be here right now. I'm too busy wallowing my tears in a pint of Ben and Jerry's.' Ben and Jerry's was sounding good to me right about then, until the thought of it started to make me sick. My depression state was setting in. "Guess I won't be eating for awhile," I spoke almost gagging from the thought of food. I looked down my buddy list and saw Shane's screen name, GreenLantern74. I thought about IMing him, but I figured that if Shannon was upset about something, he'd be too busy tending to her. I put my own away message up and decided to work a bit on the website.
'What have I done
You seem to move on easy'
"She's away wallowing her tears in Ben and Jerry's?! What the hell?! I'm the one she broke up with!" I yelled to no one. I wanted to be mad at her, but in the end, I couldn't be. I saw that SugarAngel, Casey was on, but she had an away message up. I wandered why she wasn't sleeping with Jeff, but figured she just wasn't tired. Until I read her away message. "How do you heal from a broken heart? Keeping yourself busy I suppose. Which is exactly what I'm doing," I read. Broken heart? What the hell was going on?!
'And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
Hours passed, and I could see the sun starting to rise. I couldn't believe I had stayed up all nite. But then again, I could. I was dead tired, but scared to sleep. Scared they'd show up not only when I closed my eyes, but in my sleep as well. How was I going to get passed this one? Especially when I was pretty much on my own. I didn't want to really involve Amy and Matt, because I didn't want to them to feel like they were stuck between us. So they only knew the basics, unless Jeff told them otherwise. Shane and Shannon were having their own problems so I didn't want to burden them. And Trish was healing from a massive concussion.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
I had finally gotten to sleep around 6 in the morning. That had to have been the toughest nite since the break up. I don't even know why. Maybe things were finally setting into my thick skull. Maybe I was finally realizing that Shannon wasn't coming back. I had talked to Matt briefly and he had asked if I talked to Casey. When I told him no, he was extremely shocked. "Well, if she hasn't come to you, she must be sitting alone in her apartment hysterical. Cause she hasn't really talked to Amy and I either," he had said. He didn't explain anything really, so I was left wondering what he meant by 'in her apartment'. That kind of worried me. What if something bad happened between her and Jeff? I wanted to be there for her, but how could I if she didn't come to me.
'I may have made it rain
Please forgive me'
"Jeff, I'm so sorry for whatever I did! I need you back! Please, you're my everything!" I cried leaving him a message on his machine. I tried later, but Beth had answered and I couldn't stand that. So I hung up instantly. This was all just too much for me to handle in too short of a time.
'My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry'
I held my head in my hands as I cried. I had hurt her so much by going to that damn party. I could control myself, I admit it. I did kiss one of the girls, but there was nothing else. Nothing further. She wouldn't ever find out about that either. I kept it in my pants and she has a fit. But I loved her so much. I admit it, I was weak. So weak. And I hated that women could make me weak like that and hurt her. I was so sorry and I couldn't even tell her how sorry I truly was.
'At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away'
I left the house after calling to make sure Gil was going to be able to take care of Luna for me. Driving to the airport by myself was difficult. I was going on my first flight, in a long time, by myself. Jeff wasn't going to see me off, Shannon, Amy, and Matt had left from Charlotte, and so it was just me. I assumed Shane was going at another time. So I didn't bother talking to him about it.
'And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
As I walked through the terminal, I hoped that Shannon wouldn't be on that flight with me. I hoped that she had found another flight to Edmonton. Or even better, not going period. I sat down, waiting for them to call my flight, not seeing anyone I knew. Fans came and went, asking me to sign something for them, and of course I did so. That's how I was. And then I saw Casey racing by to get to the gate, only to be stopped by the stewardess telling her that the flight was delayed a half hour. Casey sighed and started walking towards me. I smiled at her, even though I was sure she hadn't noticed me sitting there, lonely and by myself.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
I was so relieved that I hadn't missed my flight. As I walked away from the gate, I saw Shane sitting there, by himself. But I just figured that Shannon was in the bathroom, until I only saw his bags. He flagged me down and stood in front of him, a small smile on my face. "Where's Shannon?" I asked, his face forming a sad frown.
"There is no Shannon," he replied.
"What do you mean? Is she not coming today?"
"I honestly don't know."
"How do you not know your fiancée's schedule?" I laughed lightly.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now," he sighed. I nodded at him and sat across from him, silently waiting for the plane to arrive.
***********
'Notice me
Take my hand'
I was almost totally moved into my new apartment. It was empty and lonely. For the first time EVER, I was on my own completely. Moving out of the Hardyz area was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But how could I live there knowing that Jeff had broken up with me, so he could have Beth back.
'Why are we
Strangers when'
She had moved out. I couldn't believe it. Going to work with Shannon was going to be difficult. How could I look at her now? How am I going to walk down with her? She broke my heart. I thought I had finally gotten over the only girl who could do that to me, but I had thought wrong.
'Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?'
Luna was checking out the two bedroom apartment, making sure it was up to her standards. I had left Misfit with Matt and Amy, cause one of them was always home so they could be with Nichole. It was just too difficult taking care of an animal on the road. "Oh God. I can't keep you here," I said aloud unzipping the protective cover that held my wedding dress. I looked into my full length mirror in my room, holding it up against me. Tears just ran down my cheeks, my heart was fully broken in two. The phone rang and I jumped. For some reason I expected Jeff to be on the other end, begging me to come back. But I guess I knew it wouldn't be.
"How are you doing?" Amy asked as I set the dress down on the bed.
"As well as could be expected, I suppose," I said wiping my cheeks.
"What's the matter?" she asked worriedly.
"I have my wedding dress. Ames, I can't keep it. There's no way. What am I going to do with it? Resell it?"
"Oh you can't do that!" she sighed. "Look, why don't I keep it here?"
"Are you sure?"
"Of course."
'Everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
Oreo jumped in my lap, knowing I was upset. My house was once again empty and quiet. No little laughter, no giggling, no kisses. "Why Oreo?" I asked. "Why is it that every girl I love breaks my heart?" He rubbed my arm, almost comforting me. My cats were all I really had now.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
Sleeping was a task I knew would be difficult. Sleeping in my own bed, my own home, all alone. There were no arms to hold me, only soft whimpers of a sleeping Luna. But what made things worse was that everytime I closed my eyes, I saw them together. Beth and Jeff kissing or hugging, or even worse, have sex. How could I sleep with those visions in my head? I couldn't sleep, not even slightly. I had to get up and move around. I walked into what I had designated my computer/art room and logged onto AOL, playing The Crow soundtrack as I did so.
'I make believe
That you are here'
I was wondering the house late at nite. And I could almost hear Shannon calling me to come to bed. I grabbed my lap top and signed onto the internet. It was late at nite, so I figured no one would be on, but I saw her name pop up on my buddy list. I smiled slightly, though I didn't really want to speak to her. I didn't want to hurt anymore than I already did.
'It's the only way
I see clear'
I went to IM Shannon, tell her about Jeff and I, but her away message was on and was a bit upsetting. 'I'm sorry I can't be here right now. I'm too busy wallowing my tears in a pint of Ben and Jerry's.' Ben and Jerry's was sounding good to me right about then, until the thought of it started to make me sick. My depression state was setting in. "Guess I won't be eating for awhile," I spoke almost gagging from the thought of food. I looked down my buddy list and saw Shane's screen name, GreenLantern74. I thought about IMing him, but I figured that if Shannon was upset about something, he'd be too busy tending to her. I put my own away message up and decided to work a bit on the website.
'What have I done
You seem to move on easy'
"She's away wallowing her tears in Ben and Jerry's?! What the hell?! I'm the one she broke up with!" I yelled to no one. I wanted to be mad at her, but in the end, I couldn't be. I saw that SugarAngel, Casey was on, but she had an away message up. I wandered why she wasn't sleeping with Jeff, but figured she just wasn't tired. Until I read her away message. "How do you heal from a broken heart? Keeping yourself busy I suppose. Which is exactly what I'm doing," I read. Broken heart? What the hell was going on?!
'And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
Hours passed, and I could see the sun starting to rise. I couldn't believe I had stayed up all nite. But then again, I could. I was dead tired, but scared to sleep. Scared they'd show up not only when I closed my eyes, but in my sleep as well. How was I going to get passed this one? Especially when I was pretty much on my own. I didn't want to really involve Amy and Matt, because I didn't want to them to feel like they were stuck between us. So they only knew the basics, unless Jeff told them otherwise. Shane and Shannon were having their own problems so I didn't want to burden them. And Trish was healing from a massive concussion.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
I had finally gotten to sleep around 6 in the morning. That had to have been the toughest nite since the break up. I don't even know why. Maybe things were finally setting into my thick skull. Maybe I was finally realizing that Shannon wasn't coming back. I had talked to Matt briefly and he had asked if I talked to Casey. When I told him no, he was extremely shocked. "Well, if she hasn't come to you, she must be sitting alone in her apartment hysterical. Cause she hasn't really talked to Amy and I either," he had said. He didn't explain anything really, so I was left wondering what he meant by 'in her apartment'. That kind of worried me. What if something bad happened between her and Jeff? I wanted to be there for her, but how could I if she didn't come to me.
'I may have made it rain
Please forgive me'
"Jeff, I'm so sorry for whatever I did! I need you back! Please, you're my everything!" I cried leaving him a message on his machine. I tried later, but Beth had answered and I couldn't stand that. So I hung up instantly. This was all just too much for me to handle in too short of a time.
'My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry'
I held my head in my hands as I cried. I had hurt her so much by going to that damn party. I could control myself, I admit it. I did kiss one of the girls, but there was nothing else. Nothing further. She wouldn't ever find out about that either. I kept it in my pants and she has a fit. But I loved her so much. I admit it, I was weak. So weak. And I hated that women could make me weak like that and hurt her. I was so sorry and I couldn't even tell her how sorry I truly was.
'At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away'
I left the house after calling to make sure Gil was going to be able to take care of Luna for me. Driving to the airport by myself was difficult. I was going on my first flight, in a long time, by myself. Jeff wasn't going to see me off, Shannon, Amy, and Matt had left from Charlotte, and so it was just me. I assumed Shane was going at another time. So I didn't bother talking to him about it.
'And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby'
As I walked through the terminal, I hoped that Shannon wouldn't be on that flight with me. I hoped that she had found another flight to Edmonton. Or even better, not going period. I sat down, waiting for them to call my flight, not seeing anyone I knew. Fans came and went, asking me to sign something for them, and of course I did so. That's how I was. And then I saw Casey racing by to get to the gate, only to be stopped by the stewardess telling her that the flight was delayed a half hour. Casey sighed and started walking towards me. I smiled at her, even though I was sure she hadn't noticed me sitting there, lonely and by myself.
'And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby'
I was so relieved that I hadn't missed my flight. As I walked away from the gate, I saw Shane sitting there, by himself. But I just figured that Shannon was in the bathroom, until I only saw his bags. He flagged me down and stood in front of him, a small smile on my face. "Where's Shannon?" I asked, his face forming a sad frown.
"There is no Shannon," he replied.
"What do you mean? Is she not coming today?"
"I honestly don't know."
"How do you not know your fiancée's schedule?" I laughed lightly.
"I'd rather not talk about it right now," he sighed. I nodded at him and sat across from him, silently waiting for the plane to arrive.
