I don't own anything.in fact I am typing this in a cardboard box since I own nothing. In fact, why do I even own a computer to type in if I own nothing? *Sigh* what a tragic life I lead. Thanks to my abundance of reviewers I've had so far! Ha, actually, I've had two but I feel special, so you guys rock! Tally-ho, pip pip, let's get on with the bloody thing.

A Day in the Life of.A Mary-Sue writer.

9:00: Awaken, by opening my beautiful ebony coloured eyes, fringed with long dark lashes and filled with emotion. Remember that this is the holidays. Am filled with feelings of gladness and joy. Am able to work on Fan-fiction, in which I shamelessly write myself in and cause Legolas/Aragorn/Frodo/Borimir/Farimir/Merry/Pippin/Gandalf (Hey, whatever's your cup of tea) to fall in love with me. Splendid.

9:30: Have shower, after brushing thick, slightly wavy, hair-like-a-river- of-gold-that-cascades-to-my-waist out of my delicate facial features. Get dressed and look in mirror. Ahhh, I am so good looking. Glide gracefully downstairs to feast upon the meal which breaks the fast. Remember that I am meeting my not-so-fortunate-in-the-looks-department-as-I-am friend. Dash around the house, collecting my belongings, and run for the train, all whilst looking impeccably beautiful.

10:00: Meet best friend, poor girl. Her hair is nowhere near as pretty as mine is. Neither is the rest of her, come to think of it. I am definitely the prettiest, but when I tell her she takes offence. Just telling the truth. Roll ebony eyes, expressively outlined with dark eyeliner when she insists on going on and on and on about her stupid story in which she is a delicate elf, who falls tragically into Middle Earth, looking for her parents and falling in love with Legolas. I tell her she's wasting her time. She can't write real literature, not like my stories.

6:00: Spent day shopping with unattractive friend. Go home to family that doesn't love me/understand me/exists (they could of died when I was a baby.tragically of course, although then that would open up a whole new Harry Potter can of worms. Hmmm, note to self: write tragic Harry Potter stories in which I find myself in Hogwarts, with Draco/Harry deeply in love with me.) And eat dinner.

7:00: On fanfiction.net, hurray! I have reviews! Three people who just love my new story, "The Mysterious Dark Beauty who glides around middle earth and everyone falls in love with her, but is not a Mary-Sue, is a real and deep Fanfic." And two reviewers who think it is a waste of space. Huh. They just do not know good literature. Tolkien wouldn't be spinning in his grave; he would love my story. I write some more, in which I suffer from a terrible disease, dying slowly (but still keeping my good looks) whilst my one true love, Legolas, finds a cure. Or maybe that was Aragorn, or Frodo, or Merry/Pippin.

9:00: On phone to unattractive friend. Sigh. I did just see her all day. She is panicking about something. Something to do with a dangerously ill relative, bout to die. Wasn't really paying attention really, I was going over my already perfect nails. Actually, I might use that as a plot for my new fic I also thought about when on phone. The Lord of the Rings cast get moved into today, and I have to help them fit in. Maybe there is a dying relative somewhere. Ahhh, my brilliance amazes me.

10:00: Bedtime. I don't want to miss out on any beauty sleep, not that I need it of course! Put on my stunning bedtime garments (I wonder what they call them in Middle Earth?) and pull my river-of-gold hair into a cheekily ruffled ponytail, which only enhances my face even more. Go to sleep and dream up new and more exciting Fanfics, each with a totally different plot line and each with the LOTR cast falling in love with me. But it's not a Mary-Sue fic, oh no, I am a writer.

What did you guys think? *Looks not very subtly at the review button* I know it's a bit short but hey, the next one will be better! And longer! And all new and improved! Anyway, coming soon to a monitor near YOU. A day in the life of.A Tolkien Bookie!