Disclaimer: see chapter 1

Chapter 18

Casually, I turned the page of the book Frodo had lent me. It was another collection of songs and poems. Enchanted by the vast stories displaying themselves on the pages, a knock on the door jolted me from my peaceful frame of mind. I sat up in my bed and looked to the door.

"Come in," I said.

The door opened and Rosie came in quietly, shutting the door behind her. "I'd like to talk to you about yesterday," she said, sitting on the end of my bed.

"I gave you my apologies. I should have known better than to leave like I did. Please, I meant no harm. I just miss my siblings from time to time-"

"Mira, please listen," Rosie interrupted. I looked up at her, trying to clear my mind from my confusion. "I wanted to speak with you and give you my apologies. I over reacted last night. Sam and I never expected such actions from you, but we were discussing it a few minutes ago and your actions were within reason. Yes, you should have told us you were leaving, but Sam realized that you still have a family out there and you long to be with them from time to time."

I stared at her, slightly in shock.

"We decided that you may go see your family once ever two weeks if that sounds reasonable to you. You've been working so hard around here anyway that we thought it would do some good to have some time off."

"Thank you very much, but I'm afraid I won't be seeing my family that often anymore."

"Why do you say that? What happened while you were over there?" Rosie scooted closer to me, taking my hand in hers.

"It's nothing really. I know that I do not need to see Lily for a while." My sorrow flooded back to my memory and I tried to hide it, glancing down at my lap.

"At least take a day for yourself every now and then." Rosie stood up and neared the doorway. "If you feel the need to talk to anyone, please talk to us. I know I wish for you to be happy here." She exited the room slowly, closing the door behind her. The events of last night becoming clearer in my mind discouraged me from reading and I curled under the covers, falling into a restless sleep.

~*~

A few weeks passed. I busied myself around Bag End, taking on more tasks than was actually necessary. I wanted to rid myself of the longing for Lily. I rarely stopped to talk to Frodo, but the few chats we had were nice. I told him what my father had done after he persisted many times.

Near the end of April, I kept to myself most of the time, my day filled with housework and saving the evenings to read. Rosie insisted that I have a day or two off, but I forced myself to work. Work that I thought would never become a burden became a drudgery and I started to feel hollow.

May first, I was working in the kitchen bright and early as always. Sam entered the kitchen, nearing me.

"Now, there'll be no need for a filling meal this morning, Mira," he said. I turned to face him, a smile shinning upon his face.

"I know, Sam."

"You will attend the festivities, won't you?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"You've been working yourself too hard these days. It is a holiday after all."

I sighed, sitting myself down at the table.

"Please join us. It is a very nice day out and it wouldn't be right for you to stay cooped up in here all the while."

"All right. I'll go with you."

Sam smiled and walked out of the room to tend to other things. I stood back up and returned to preparing a light breakfast for the May Day festivities.

After breakfast, Sam and Rosie were preparing to leave for the celebration. I joined them in the front hall as Rosie was gathering some final things and tending to Elanor. I waited for them to prepare everything so we could leave. As I sat on the bench in the front hall, I glanced down the hall to see Frodo walking towards us.

"Are you coming, Mr. Frodo?" Sam asked.

"Yes. Nothing could keep me inside on a day like this," Frodo said. "Besides, I need a break from writing. It's becoming very difficult."

"It'll do you good to get some fresh air and not be cooped up in here," Rosie said.

Frodo smiled and nodded.

"All right. I think we've got just about everything," Sam said, He opened the front door and we all walked out towards the big grassy field next to the lake.

The spirit of the celebration made everything cheerful. Half the Shire was already there. Bright ribbons hung on maypoles as the children danced around them. It warmed my heart to hear the laughter of children as so many of the young ones ran around freely chasing each other.

Hobbits everywhere were dancing and laughing with one another, drinking merrily for the holiday. A pain stung my heart as I realized they were enjoying time with their families and I could not. Again my loneliness caught up with me.

After Rosie and Sam had found a spot to sit and had begun to filter amongst the others and when Frodo seemed thoroughly engaged in a conversation with some one else, I slipped off, making my way to the edge of the forest where I would hide as a child. My feet carried me quicker than I imagined they could, and soon I found my favorite tree. I began to climb it, finding a crook in the branches that made it just perfect to sit in. I leaned my back against the main trunk, letting my legs dangle down the sides of the branch.

As I sat there for some time, I imagined my self in so many of the stories and songs in the books that Frodo had given to me. I wanted to be like the content ones with family, knowing some one loved them. I felt the tears come to my eyes as memories of my mother came back. Her warm smile and loving embrace comforted me, filling my heart. Then the slow, subtle loss of light to her eyes as her spirit fled her body came to mind. Why did you have to leave, mum? I asked myself over and over again, remembering the look upon her face.

"Mira?" some one called. I stiffened and waited for another call. "Mira, are you here?" I looked down and saw Frodo standing next to the tree straight ahead of me. He raised his head and met my eyes. He said nothing, but walked to the tree I was sitting in and started to climb up.

"I'll come down if that would be easier for you," I said, moving my self into a spot to move down. Frodo continued his climbing until he came up to the height I was at. He positioned himself on a branch so he was facing me.

"What made you leave?" he said softly, staring directly at me. I turned so my back was flat against the trunk and avoided his eyes.

"I cannot face them."

"Face who?"

"Any of them."

"Why?"

"Because being out there grieves my heart. I see all of them out there, happy to be with their family, being loved. But I know I cannot regain that. It's gone forever and nothing will bring it back." As I spoke, I felt a tear leave my eye and make it's way down my cheek. "It's childish I guess. I'm nearly out of my tweens yet still acting as if I were ten." I tried to laugh it off, but nothing could hide my sorrow.

"It's not childish. Do not feel that your emotions are unreasonable."

"And what would you know of this?" I snapped at him in my unnerved state.

"I know enough to be able to say that you should not hide everything, otherwise it will eat you alive."

"I already feel empty."

"You do not know of what you speak." His tone was rather cold and distant. I glanced at him as he started to finger the light chain that was around his neck and disappeared beneath his shirt. He came back to reality and shook his head, climbing back down the tree. I followed him, curious of what he meant.

"Frodo, wait!" I called after him as he made his way back to the celebration. Frodo stopped and held still as I caught up to him. "Please tell me what happened to you." In my self-pity, I had forgotten the troubles that haunted him.

"I fear that you may not be able to hear it."

"And why not?"

"I was once an innocent like you, and I wish that no misfortune even a hundredth as terrible as I have experienced will ever fall upon you." Frodo turned back to the field and walked slowly. I saw the burden that now lay upon his heart with each staggered step he took.

"Then tell me what you can. I want to listen. As you said, no one can hold in their feelings or else it will eat them." I ran up to him, reaching him and them grasping for his arm. He turned towards me and there was a new pain in his eyes.

"I have far surpassed that, there is no going back." Frodo began his trek to the field again.

"I know that I have helped you," I called after him. He froze in mid step as he shifted his weight to his other foot. Slowly he turned around.

"And what makes you believe that?"

"Every time I used to talk to you or walk with you around the Shire, I would see some part of your soul, even the tiniest part, light up. Sam sees it as plainly as I do. You can heal and I will try my hardest to help you."

He stood still for some time, searching my eyes for something. He loosened up a bit and then shook his head. "It will not work." His head dropped and he began to move towards the field again.

"How do you know?" I watched him continue to the fields, as if a new burden were laid upon his shoulders. Every ounce of my soul wanted to run after him and help him, but he had to want to be helped,

I returned to the celebrations, ready to join the festivities. Forgetting everything that had happened, I enjoyed it.

That night, as I read my book, I could not help but think of Frodo and his actions. I did not know if my actions could help him, but I hoped that if tried, they would relieve him of some of the memories that plagued him.

~*~

okay, so thanks for the reviews. Yeah, the last chapter got smushed down to the next page very quickly. I might be slower in getting chapters up because of school and such, but I'll try to keep writing rather frequently.