A/N: Alright, what did I do wrong this time? lol How in the blue hell
did I confuse some of you? If this story started in 2002 and it is now
2010, and the first story went over, oh, probably about 2 years, then that
would mean the second to the last chapter would be around 2004..............that
last chapter took place two years later, making it 2006. And now I think
I'm getting confused. Lol Anyways............Without You, took place during those
2 years I skipped. So how would Jeff and Casey be married if that was
their wedding? Their wedding got fucked up because of Casey cheating on
Jeff with Shane. Casey and Jeff were never meant to be together. You
can't have two people be pretty much exactly a like and have their
relationship work out. You need some sort of differences so that you can
learn from each other. That's what a relationship is. That's why Casey
and Shane are married. Because they have so many differences from each
other. They're learning from each other. That wedding at the end of
Runaway was a dream. She always dreamt about Jeff. So that was one of her
dreams. Oye, I have a funny feeling that didn't fix the confusion. Lol
But that's the way it works. I'm sorry about the couple of you bein
confused. I thought I had made it clear. And I had a hard time thinking
of how to follow up that one last chapter. This one isn't anywhere's near
as good as I had hoped or as good as the previous chapter, but I had to go
someplace, right? lol I think there's like 2 or MAYBE 3 chapters,
including this one, left to this series. Anyways, here's the next chapter.
****************
Jeff's music was playing the stereo and I sat on the couch staring off into space, holding the only thing that I could count on to not leave me, my Simba. I stopped crying awhile ago and now had a stoic look on my face. It had been a week since his death and I hadn't left the house, except that one day for his funeral. I kept wishing that I would wake up and this would all be just another one of my crazy dreams, but I knew it really wasn't. I hadn't had one nite's sleep, every time I tried to sleep, I could see him falling to his death and I could hear his last words playing over and over again in my head.
"Awe, baby, I hate seeing you like this," Shane sighed as he walked in front of me. He knelt on the floor and put his hands on my knees. "Let me take you out. Nero is with my parents. We have the whole day to our selves." I sat there quietly, just listening to Jeff's voice on the CD. He reached up and pushed a chunk of my brown hair behind my ear and moved up to kiss my forehead. "Baby, I'm here if you need me or want to talk. I love you." He stood and walked away, running his hand through his long dark brown hair.
"Shane," I choked out. He turned around and smiled at me. "I want to get a tattoo."
He started laughing and walked towards me. "Where the hell you gonna put it?" he questioned. "You have one on your ankle, one on your arm, one on your hip, and technically 2 on your back."
"It doesn't matter where I put it. I want it," I said angrily.
"Sweetie, what for?"
"Jeff. In memory of Jeff."
"You don't need a tattoo for that."
"I feel that I do. Why the hell are you fighting with me about this?!" I exclaimed.
"Casey, I just, God! I don't understand how you're feeling. I don't understand what's going through your head. I don't understand anything about you right now! You've blocked me AND Nero out of your life!" he yelled.
"Jeff understood me," I said softly.
"Jeff is dead. He's gone Casey. He's NOT coming back!"
"You think I don't know this?!" I cried as I stood up, throwing my Simba on the floor. "You think I haven't tried to get past this?!"
"Casey, I'm scared! I don't know what to do anymore!"
"I lost my best friend! And all you can think about is you?!"
"No! I'm worried about YOU!"
"All I want is one tattoo. To remember Jeff by!"
"Fine! Get the damn tattoo! But don't fuckin expect me to go with you!" he yelled. "God Casey! How the hell am I supposed to fight a ghost?!"
"What?!"
"For YEARS, I've been fighting Jeff for you! I knew how to fight a person, but I can't fight a ghost. You have loved him and never have been able to get over him! And now that he's dead, I can't fight him anymore. I don't want to lose you!"
"You never had to fight him to get me!"
"Yes I did! Casey, it was on going fight! And I thought I had won when you married me, but now that Jeff's dead, I'm not so sure that I've won. I'm afraid he has."
"Shane I've always loved you!"
"Maybe so! But Jeff always had this hold on you that I can't break through! And this hold has gotten stronger!" he yelled.
"I can't handle this anymore! Who the fuck am I supposed to run to when you and I have problems?! He's fuckin gone!! I have to leave. I can't live like this anymore," I cried as I started to run for the door. Shane quickly ran after me and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me back into the living room. I struggled against his hold, but he wouldn't let me free.
"No, I'm not letting you go," Shane cried.
"I'm leaving you Shane, I can't handle this anymore!"
"No, we can work through this. Casey, I'm not going to let you die," he cried, his grip getting stronger. I stopped fighting him and relaxed in his arms, letting his words soak into me.
'Die?' I thought to myself.
"Nero and I need you too much. I know you miss Jeff. But suicide is not the way to get him back."
"Shane, I was never going to kill myself," I said softly. He let me go and I turned to face him.
"But your words," he said wiping his cheeks.
"I have Jeff's house keys. I was going to move into his house. I wasn't going to kill myself. I swear that to you," I cried.
"I'm so sorry Casey," he said pulling me into his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. "I don't want you to do that either."
"Shane, what if this isn't going to work out?"
"Casey, we've made it through 2 years of marriage, a baby, and fights about work, I think we can safely say that we're gonna make this work," Shane smiled.
"I just miss him so much."
"I know you do. But Casey, he would have wanted you to move on. To get on with your life. To celebrate the fact that you're alive."
"I can't," I shook my head.
"Yes you can. I believe in you," he smiled. I looked up at him and I could have sworn I could see a faint speck of Jeff's emerald green eyes in his normal brown ones. I smiled slightly. "If it means that much to you, and if you think it'll be easier for you to get over this death, I'll go with you to get that tattoo."
"Thank you. Shane that means so much to me."
"I love you. And I don't want to lose you because I'm being an asshole."
"I love you too," I sighed as he kissed me.
*********************
I was in Jeff's house, although it felt like a dream. I felt like this wasn't happening, that I wasn't there, that he was still alive. I knew that wasn't true in the back of my mind, but the house just held so much of him. Shane had spent most of the morning convincing me to go with him and Nero sledding, instead of doing this. But I knew that this was part of the grieving process, or at least it was for me. Currently, I was sitting on Jeff's bed, packing up some of his clothes. I pulled out one of his homemade visors, and smiled. I put it on my head, and sighed deeply, wishing he was there to remove it and place it on his own head. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I continued with the packing.
"Sweetie, you know, you don't have to be here. I can do this by myself," Gil said bringing in an empty box.
"No, I want to be here. I have to be here," I said putting the visor in the new box.
"Ya know, you can take whatever you want. Any of his clothes, jewelry, whatever, it's yours," Gil smiled putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Thanks. Ya know I don't understand how you're so calm and colleted about all of this. I'm fighting the tears," I said.
"I guess I had practice when I lost Ruby. Once you lose one loved one, you can kinda get over another death, no matter who, a little easier. It'll get easier for you. I promise," Gil placed a kiss on my cheek and squeezed my shoulder. He stood and started to walk out of the bedroom.
"Dad," I said. He turned around, a beaming smile on his face. "Thank you for everything. You all brought me into your lives, and took care of me. If it wasn't for you, I probably would be dead by now." I started to cry and he walked towards me.
"You have so much life in you. I always, from the first day I met you, thought of you as my own. My own daughter. We've all been through a lot together. Stuff that only a true family goes through. You have one of the biggest families ever. The wrestling family, Mark's family, and this family. I love you just as much as I love my boys, um, Matt, well.............." he trailed off.
"Yeah, I get you. I wanted you to know that, I got a new a tattoo. One for Jeff. He'll always be a part of me, and would have without the tattoo, but now everyone will know that he's with me," I smiled pulling up the leg of my jeans to show off a purple, green, black, and blue written Imagi-Nation tattoo going around my right ankle.
"That's great. Ya know he was always proud of you. Of the person you were and who you've become. He always spoke about you in such a great light. He never had a negative thing to say, even when you two had your problems. It was a real connection. I'm glad you were able to be in my son's life."
I nodded and went back to the packing. Gil left the room and went into another to do other packing. I was standing at Jeff's dresser and started sifting through his jewelry. There was a black velvet box stuffed away, out of sight, which I picked up when I had moved some of the crap he had cluttered around it. I opened it and nearly dropped it on the floor when I saw what it was.
"He kept it?" I whispered to myself. I pulled out the small round piece of jewelry and slid it on my finger, it was the engagement ring he had given me, that I had given back to him, the nite of the fucked up wedding.
"Casey, when you're almost done, there's a tape here for you to watch," Gil said as he walked into the bedroom. He saw the look on my face and curiously walked closer. "What's the matter?"
"The engagement ring," I spoke softly.
"Oh my," Gil said shaking his head.
"What do I do with it?"
"Well, it was intended for you, so I would think you should keep it. I think it'd want it that way. I told you to take whatever you wanted. So wear this close to your heart," Gil said with a faint smile on his face.
"Yeah, I have a box of stuff, right there," I said pointing to the corner of the room.
"Good, he'd want you to have whatever you wanted. Um, but about this tape that I have. It's specifically for you, but I'm curious as to what it says. Would you mind watching it here?" Gil questioned. I shook my head and we headed downstairs. We relaxed on the couch and began to watch the tape.
Jeff appeared on the screen with a large smile on his face. "Is it rolling?" he asked.
"Yeah, go man," Shannon was heard in the background.
"Alright, um, Casey, this tape is for you. I know that I can't live forever with the way I wrestle. I know that something will eventually go wrong. When, where, how? I don't know. But trust in me when I say that it will. So if you're watching this right now, it means that I'm gone. I love you Casey. I love you more than life it self. I don't think you realize the importance you've had on my life. But trust me, you've done a lot for me. I know this seems a little cryptic, ya know, making a tape announcing my death. A little Tupacish, I suppose," he laughed.
"A little?!" Shannon yelled.
"Dude, you're just supposed to run the camera. Keep your little thoughts to yourself," Jeff rolled his eyes.
"Sorry dude."
"Anyways, I'm leaving you pretty much everything. The house is yours. You're little haven or getaway or whatever. It's yours. The dirt bike track, our little place, the studio, it's all yours. I really don't want my home, the home that I spent so much time into, being sold to someone who wouldn't appreciate all of it's little quirks. I'm also leaving you the dirt bikes. Well, all of them but one which will go to Shan, cause he's a little cry baby."
"I know how your gonna die man. I'm gonna slam this camera over your head!" Shannon threatened.
"Well, anyways, on to Nero. I love him Case. I really do. I'm so happy and proud to be his Godfather. I couldn't wish for anything better. He's going to be a great person when he gets older. I always carry his picture with me. I thank you and Shane so much for letting me be in his life the way I am. All I wish for, is for him to remember me. To not forget who I am. To remember that he had a loving Godfather. So please, please, speak about me to him. Have my Dad give you some of our wrestling tapes from over the years so that he's able to watch me. See me, hear me, whatever. I want to be part of his life, no matter what. And if all I can be is a tape, then so be it."
"He's pretty much predicting his death," I sobbed. "He was crazy. No body does that."
"Um, babe, you and I will go down in history as the couple that should have been. If there was ever two people that were meant for each other, we pushed that to its limits. You were my counter part. Everything that I was missing, you were it. And I hope that I was it for you. I always loved you Case. From that first punch in the hotel room," he paused to laugh. "To today. We had so many problems. I still don't know why we had those problems. Maybe we were too much a like. Whatever it was, we always were friends in the end. And I couldn't wish for anything better than to have you for my friend. I'm always going to be your rock. From life to death to everything in between. I'll be there for you. You know where I am. Remember that."
"Dude, wrap it up. The battery is dying," Shannon announced.
"Well, this is my goodbye to you. I love you Casey. I love Nero. I'll always be with you. I'll always believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself," Jeff nodded at the camera and the screen went black.
"Why would he make a tape like that?" I asked.
"He knew he wasn't invincible."
"But he knew he was gonna die."
"Casey, he was crazy in that ring. He put his body on the line for his fans. You do the same."
"Then should I be making a tape to say goodbye like he did?!"
"No, that's not it. He knew that if he did die, that chances are, he'd never be able to say what he said in this tape. He's had a hell of a lot more years of putting his body on the line than you have."
"Um, I think I'm gonna go," I said standing.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Um, why don't we pack up at a later time?"
"Alright sweetie. Give Nero my love?"
"Always," I smiled giving Gil a hug. I grabbed the stuff that I had packed up for myself and left Jeff's house. I couldn't go home though. I went someplace else, Jeff's cemetery.
I walked up to his grave sight and knelt down on the lightly snow covered ground. I brushed the snow off of his tombstone and sighed. "I watched your tape," I started. "I wish I hadn't though. I would give up everything you gave me just to have you back here in my arms." I began to cry. "But I guess it doesn't work that way, does it?" I bowed my head and let my tears hit the ground. I suddenly felt a strange presence around me, it sent chills up and down my spine. I lifted my head quickly as I felt a hand on my shoulder. He was kneeling there in front of me, though very faded, with a smile on his face and his green eyes sparkling just as much as they ever did, maybe even more. "Jeff?" I gasped.
"Shh, I don't have long to be here," he smiled putting his hand up to my cheek. "I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to worry. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have no pains anymore. They're all gone."
"That's supposed to make me feel better?" I questioned.
"Somewhat. I know what you're afraid of. Don't be. I'm here for you, always. I'm never going to let you fall. Don't be afraid of death. I wasn't. Just know that anytime you fall, I'm going to be there to catch you. I'm not going to let you die. I'm always going to be watching over you."
"I'd rather you were here instead."
"Babe, it wasn't meant to be that way. You'll always have me. I'm not gone. Not completely."
"I feel that you are."
"Everytime you feel a chill in the air, no matter how warm it is, that's me. Everytime you feel eyes on you, that's me. Everytime you feel a touch of someone, that's me. You have me. You never lost me," he whispered.
"I love you so much Jeff."
"I know. And that's why I'm still here. I'm the ghost that stays with you," he said. "I have to go. But you'll always be able to talk to me when you need someone. I'm always gonna be your rock." He winked at me. He pulled my face closer to his and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I believe in you. And believe in me you should. I love you Casey." And with that he disappeared as quickly as he appeared. I took a deep breath, smiled slightly, and left for home.
*********************
"Casey, it's great to hear from you," Vince said as we spoke on the phone. "I'm so sorry about what happened with Jeff."
"It's alright. I've moved on," I smiled. "I'm going to be alright. But um, I won't do anymore ladder matches, TLC matches, or anything like that. I just can't."
"I understand that. We've banned the use of ladders. There have been too many injuries that have been caused from them. We can't risk losing anymore of our roster."
"Vince, I have a baby. Nero means more to me than anything in this world. And as much as it kills me, I can't be wrestling like I am anymore. There's just too many risks involved. I can't leave Nero. I just can't do it."
"I thought this might come up. I think the best thing you could do right now, is to take some time off. Come back when you're ready. No rush. And when you come back, we'll have a brand new story line for you. Though it'll be a complete 360 from what you're used to."
"Alright, I think that's a good idea. Thank Vince."
"No problem. You'll always have a place in my business," Vince said before we hung up.
I sighed and walked into Nero's room. He was standing in his crib, a large smile on his face. "Jeff!" he exclaimed happily. I laughed as I picked him up. I looked around the room at all of the posters. Jeff was in every single one. Whether it be a Hardy Boyz poster, or a Bad Religion poster, or a Team Extreme old poster, a new Team Extreme poster, just him and me, or just him, he was there. And framed pictures of Jeff holding Nero were scattered around the room. Just a constant reminder to Nero that his Godfather was there and loved every minute he was with him.
"Yeah, Jeff," I said. "You want Jeff?" Nero nodded at me and I carried him downstairs. I placed him on his play mat in front of the TV and pushed play on the VCR. The TV came alive with a classic Jeff match and Nero squealed happily. I kissed the top of Nero's head and walked away. "You wanted him to remember you? Well, how could he not?" I laughed as I looked up.
****************
Jeff's music was playing the stereo and I sat on the couch staring off into space, holding the only thing that I could count on to not leave me, my Simba. I stopped crying awhile ago and now had a stoic look on my face. It had been a week since his death and I hadn't left the house, except that one day for his funeral. I kept wishing that I would wake up and this would all be just another one of my crazy dreams, but I knew it really wasn't. I hadn't had one nite's sleep, every time I tried to sleep, I could see him falling to his death and I could hear his last words playing over and over again in my head.
"Awe, baby, I hate seeing you like this," Shane sighed as he walked in front of me. He knelt on the floor and put his hands on my knees. "Let me take you out. Nero is with my parents. We have the whole day to our selves." I sat there quietly, just listening to Jeff's voice on the CD. He reached up and pushed a chunk of my brown hair behind my ear and moved up to kiss my forehead. "Baby, I'm here if you need me or want to talk. I love you." He stood and walked away, running his hand through his long dark brown hair.
"Shane," I choked out. He turned around and smiled at me. "I want to get a tattoo."
He started laughing and walked towards me. "Where the hell you gonna put it?" he questioned. "You have one on your ankle, one on your arm, one on your hip, and technically 2 on your back."
"It doesn't matter where I put it. I want it," I said angrily.
"Sweetie, what for?"
"Jeff. In memory of Jeff."
"You don't need a tattoo for that."
"I feel that I do. Why the hell are you fighting with me about this?!" I exclaimed.
"Casey, I just, God! I don't understand how you're feeling. I don't understand what's going through your head. I don't understand anything about you right now! You've blocked me AND Nero out of your life!" he yelled.
"Jeff understood me," I said softly.
"Jeff is dead. He's gone Casey. He's NOT coming back!"
"You think I don't know this?!" I cried as I stood up, throwing my Simba on the floor. "You think I haven't tried to get past this?!"
"Casey, I'm scared! I don't know what to do anymore!"
"I lost my best friend! And all you can think about is you?!"
"No! I'm worried about YOU!"
"All I want is one tattoo. To remember Jeff by!"
"Fine! Get the damn tattoo! But don't fuckin expect me to go with you!" he yelled. "God Casey! How the hell am I supposed to fight a ghost?!"
"What?!"
"For YEARS, I've been fighting Jeff for you! I knew how to fight a person, but I can't fight a ghost. You have loved him and never have been able to get over him! And now that he's dead, I can't fight him anymore. I don't want to lose you!"
"You never had to fight him to get me!"
"Yes I did! Casey, it was on going fight! And I thought I had won when you married me, but now that Jeff's dead, I'm not so sure that I've won. I'm afraid he has."
"Shane I've always loved you!"
"Maybe so! But Jeff always had this hold on you that I can't break through! And this hold has gotten stronger!" he yelled.
"I can't handle this anymore! Who the fuck am I supposed to run to when you and I have problems?! He's fuckin gone!! I have to leave. I can't live like this anymore," I cried as I started to run for the door. Shane quickly ran after me and grabbed me around the waist, pulling me back into the living room. I struggled against his hold, but he wouldn't let me free.
"No, I'm not letting you go," Shane cried.
"I'm leaving you Shane, I can't handle this anymore!"
"No, we can work through this. Casey, I'm not going to let you die," he cried, his grip getting stronger. I stopped fighting him and relaxed in his arms, letting his words soak into me.
'Die?' I thought to myself.
"Nero and I need you too much. I know you miss Jeff. But suicide is not the way to get him back."
"Shane, I was never going to kill myself," I said softly. He let me go and I turned to face him.
"But your words," he said wiping his cheeks.
"I have Jeff's house keys. I was going to move into his house. I wasn't going to kill myself. I swear that to you," I cried.
"I'm so sorry Casey," he said pulling me into his body. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his chest. "I don't want you to do that either."
"Shane, what if this isn't going to work out?"
"Casey, we've made it through 2 years of marriage, a baby, and fights about work, I think we can safely say that we're gonna make this work," Shane smiled.
"I just miss him so much."
"I know you do. But Casey, he would have wanted you to move on. To get on with your life. To celebrate the fact that you're alive."
"I can't," I shook my head.
"Yes you can. I believe in you," he smiled. I looked up at him and I could have sworn I could see a faint speck of Jeff's emerald green eyes in his normal brown ones. I smiled slightly. "If it means that much to you, and if you think it'll be easier for you to get over this death, I'll go with you to get that tattoo."
"Thank you. Shane that means so much to me."
"I love you. And I don't want to lose you because I'm being an asshole."
"I love you too," I sighed as he kissed me.
*********************
I was in Jeff's house, although it felt like a dream. I felt like this wasn't happening, that I wasn't there, that he was still alive. I knew that wasn't true in the back of my mind, but the house just held so much of him. Shane had spent most of the morning convincing me to go with him and Nero sledding, instead of doing this. But I knew that this was part of the grieving process, or at least it was for me. Currently, I was sitting on Jeff's bed, packing up some of his clothes. I pulled out one of his homemade visors, and smiled. I put it on my head, and sighed deeply, wishing he was there to remove it and place it on his own head. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I continued with the packing.
"Sweetie, you know, you don't have to be here. I can do this by myself," Gil said bringing in an empty box.
"No, I want to be here. I have to be here," I said putting the visor in the new box.
"Ya know, you can take whatever you want. Any of his clothes, jewelry, whatever, it's yours," Gil smiled putting his hand on my shoulder.
"Thanks. Ya know I don't understand how you're so calm and colleted about all of this. I'm fighting the tears," I said.
"I guess I had practice when I lost Ruby. Once you lose one loved one, you can kinda get over another death, no matter who, a little easier. It'll get easier for you. I promise," Gil placed a kiss on my cheek and squeezed my shoulder. He stood and started to walk out of the bedroom.
"Dad," I said. He turned around, a beaming smile on his face. "Thank you for everything. You all brought me into your lives, and took care of me. If it wasn't for you, I probably would be dead by now." I started to cry and he walked towards me.
"You have so much life in you. I always, from the first day I met you, thought of you as my own. My own daughter. We've all been through a lot together. Stuff that only a true family goes through. You have one of the biggest families ever. The wrestling family, Mark's family, and this family. I love you just as much as I love my boys, um, Matt, well.............." he trailed off.
"Yeah, I get you. I wanted you to know that, I got a new a tattoo. One for Jeff. He'll always be a part of me, and would have without the tattoo, but now everyone will know that he's with me," I smiled pulling up the leg of my jeans to show off a purple, green, black, and blue written Imagi-Nation tattoo going around my right ankle.
"That's great. Ya know he was always proud of you. Of the person you were and who you've become. He always spoke about you in such a great light. He never had a negative thing to say, even when you two had your problems. It was a real connection. I'm glad you were able to be in my son's life."
I nodded and went back to the packing. Gil left the room and went into another to do other packing. I was standing at Jeff's dresser and started sifting through his jewelry. There was a black velvet box stuffed away, out of sight, which I picked up when I had moved some of the crap he had cluttered around it. I opened it and nearly dropped it on the floor when I saw what it was.
"He kept it?" I whispered to myself. I pulled out the small round piece of jewelry and slid it on my finger, it was the engagement ring he had given me, that I had given back to him, the nite of the fucked up wedding.
"Casey, when you're almost done, there's a tape here for you to watch," Gil said as he walked into the bedroom. He saw the look on my face and curiously walked closer. "What's the matter?"
"The engagement ring," I spoke softly.
"Oh my," Gil said shaking his head.
"What do I do with it?"
"Well, it was intended for you, so I would think you should keep it. I think it'd want it that way. I told you to take whatever you wanted. So wear this close to your heart," Gil said with a faint smile on his face.
"Yeah, I have a box of stuff, right there," I said pointing to the corner of the room.
"Good, he'd want you to have whatever you wanted. Um, but about this tape that I have. It's specifically for you, but I'm curious as to what it says. Would you mind watching it here?" Gil questioned. I shook my head and we headed downstairs. We relaxed on the couch and began to watch the tape.
Jeff appeared on the screen with a large smile on his face. "Is it rolling?" he asked.
"Yeah, go man," Shannon was heard in the background.
"Alright, um, Casey, this tape is for you. I know that I can't live forever with the way I wrestle. I know that something will eventually go wrong. When, where, how? I don't know. But trust in me when I say that it will. So if you're watching this right now, it means that I'm gone. I love you Casey. I love you more than life it self. I don't think you realize the importance you've had on my life. But trust me, you've done a lot for me. I know this seems a little cryptic, ya know, making a tape announcing my death. A little Tupacish, I suppose," he laughed.
"A little?!" Shannon yelled.
"Dude, you're just supposed to run the camera. Keep your little thoughts to yourself," Jeff rolled his eyes.
"Sorry dude."
"Anyways, I'm leaving you pretty much everything. The house is yours. You're little haven or getaway or whatever. It's yours. The dirt bike track, our little place, the studio, it's all yours. I really don't want my home, the home that I spent so much time into, being sold to someone who wouldn't appreciate all of it's little quirks. I'm also leaving you the dirt bikes. Well, all of them but one which will go to Shan, cause he's a little cry baby."
"I know how your gonna die man. I'm gonna slam this camera over your head!" Shannon threatened.
"Well, anyways, on to Nero. I love him Case. I really do. I'm so happy and proud to be his Godfather. I couldn't wish for anything better. He's going to be a great person when he gets older. I always carry his picture with me. I thank you and Shane so much for letting me be in his life the way I am. All I wish for, is for him to remember me. To not forget who I am. To remember that he had a loving Godfather. So please, please, speak about me to him. Have my Dad give you some of our wrestling tapes from over the years so that he's able to watch me. See me, hear me, whatever. I want to be part of his life, no matter what. And if all I can be is a tape, then so be it."
"He's pretty much predicting his death," I sobbed. "He was crazy. No body does that."
"Um, babe, you and I will go down in history as the couple that should have been. If there was ever two people that were meant for each other, we pushed that to its limits. You were my counter part. Everything that I was missing, you were it. And I hope that I was it for you. I always loved you Case. From that first punch in the hotel room," he paused to laugh. "To today. We had so many problems. I still don't know why we had those problems. Maybe we were too much a like. Whatever it was, we always were friends in the end. And I couldn't wish for anything better than to have you for my friend. I'm always going to be your rock. From life to death to everything in between. I'll be there for you. You know where I am. Remember that."
"Dude, wrap it up. The battery is dying," Shannon announced.
"Well, this is my goodbye to you. I love you Casey. I love Nero. I'll always be with you. I'll always believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself," Jeff nodded at the camera and the screen went black.
"Why would he make a tape like that?" I asked.
"He knew he wasn't invincible."
"But he knew he was gonna die."
"Casey, he was crazy in that ring. He put his body on the line for his fans. You do the same."
"Then should I be making a tape to say goodbye like he did?!"
"No, that's not it. He knew that if he did die, that chances are, he'd never be able to say what he said in this tape. He's had a hell of a lot more years of putting his body on the line than you have."
"Um, I think I'm gonna go," I said standing.
"Are you going to be alright?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Um, why don't we pack up at a later time?"
"Alright sweetie. Give Nero my love?"
"Always," I smiled giving Gil a hug. I grabbed the stuff that I had packed up for myself and left Jeff's house. I couldn't go home though. I went someplace else, Jeff's cemetery.
I walked up to his grave sight and knelt down on the lightly snow covered ground. I brushed the snow off of his tombstone and sighed. "I watched your tape," I started. "I wish I hadn't though. I would give up everything you gave me just to have you back here in my arms." I began to cry. "But I guess it doesn't work that way, does it?" I bowed my head and let my tears hit the ground. I suddenly felt a strange presence around me, it sent chills up and down my spine. I lifted my head quickly as I felt a hand on my shoulder. He was kneeling there in front of me, though very faded, with a smile on his face and his green eyes sparkling just as much as they ever did, maybe even more. "Jeff?" I gasped.
"Shh, I don't have long to be here," he smiled putting his hand up to my cheek. "I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to worry. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I have no pains anymore. They're all gone."
"That's supposed to make me feel better?" I questioned.
"Somewhat. I know what you're afraid of. Don't be. I'm here for you, always. I'm never going to let you fall. Don't be afraid of death. I wasn't. Just know that anytime you fall, I'm going to be there to catch you. I'm not going to let you die. I'm always going to be watching over you."
"I'd rather you were here instead."
"Babe, it wasn't meant to be that way. You'll always have me. I'm not gone. Not completely."
"I feel that you are."
"Everytime you feel a chill in the air, no matter how warm it is, that's me. Everytime you feel eyes on you, that's me. Everytime you feel a touch of someone, that's me. You have me. You never lost me," he whispered.
"I love you so much Jeff."
"I know. And that's why I'm still here. I'm the ghost that stays with you," he said. "I have to go. But you'll always be able to talk to me when you need someone. I'm always gonna be your rock." He winked at me. He pulled my face closer to his and placed a soft kiss on my lips. "I believe in you. And believe in me you should. I love you Casey." And with that he disappeared as quickly as he appeared. I took a deep breath, smiled slightly, and left for home.
*********************
"Casey, it's great to hear from you," Vince said as we spoke on the phone. "I'm so sorry about what happened with Jeff."
"It's alright. I've moved on," I smiled. "I'm going to be alright. But um, I won't do anymore ladder matches, TLC matches, or anything like that. I just can't."
"I understand that. We've banned the use of ladders. There have been too many injuries that have been caused from them. We can't risk losing anymore of our roster."
"Vince, I have a baby. Nero means more to me than anything in this world. And as much as it kills me, I can't be wrestling like I am anymore. There's just too many risks involved. I can't leave Nero. I just can't do it."
"I thought this might come up. I think the best thing you could do right now, is to take some time off. Come back when you're ready. No rush. And when you come back, we'll have a brand new story line for you. Though it'll be a complete 360 from what you're used to."
"Alright, I think that's a good idea. Thank Vince."
"No problem. You'll always have a place in my business," Vince said before we hung up.
I sighed and walked into Nero's room. He was standing in his crib, a large smile on his face. "Jeff!" he exclaimed happily. I laughed as I picked him up. I looked around the room at all of the posters. Jeff was in every single one. Whether it be a Hardy Boyz poster, or a Bad Religion poster, or a Team Extreme old poster, a new Team Extreme poster, just him and me, or just him, he was there. And framed pictures of Jeff holding Nero were scattered around the room. Just a constant reminder to Nero that his Godfather was there and loved every minute he was with him.
"Yeah, Jeff," I said. "You want Jeff?" Nero nodded at me and I carried him downstairs. I placed him on his play mat in front of the TV and pushed play on the VCR. The TV came alive with a classic Jeff match and Nero squealed happily. I kissed the top of Nero's head and walked away. "You wanted him to remember you? Well, how could he not?" I laughed as I looked up.
