"Would you quit moving?" he said, tugging on the thin blanket draped over them.

Jo frowned. "I'm sorry, it's just hard to get comfortable."

"Well, it's a whole lot harder with you hogging the blanket," Hawkeye grumbled. "You know," he added, "this isn't going to help those rumours about us."

"Maybe it will end the rumours about Crazy Jo turning down R&R."

"Why did you turn it down? Most of us would give anything for some time away from this hellhole."

Jo sat up suddenly and thrust the blanket at Hawkeye. "Take it."

Hawkeye sat up too. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Forget it. This was a stupid idea. I should have known it wouldn't work. Now they're going to send me away!"

"Who is going to send you away?"

"Colonel Potter and Major Houlihan," Jo sobbed.

"Jo," Hawkeye said gently, "they're worried about you. We all are. You took Bonnie's death really hard. R&R isn't being sent away. Think of it like a vacation."

"I can't," Jo choked out. "Hawkeye, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am stuck. I'm afraid to stay, but I'm even more afraid to leave. I hate every waking moment here, but the thought of sleep fills me with dread."

"You don't have to worry," Hawkeye said lightly. "I already promised to keep my hands to myself."

Jo smiled a little. "That's not what scares me," she said. Then she became serious. "Hawkeye," Jo said, turning to him, her eyes filled with sadness. "I'm not afraid of the war when I'm asleep, I'm not even afraid of dying. I'm afraid to go to sleep because of what I might dream."

"I have nightmares," Hawkeye said softly, "we all do. If we saw what we do here and didn't we wouldn't be human."

"I've had nightmares since I got here," Jo admitted. "Dreams of boys with their arms missing or a hole where their stomachs should be. Even dreams of faceless hoards of children begging me for help I just can't give. At first I thought that nothing could top that - going from a waking nightmare to a sleeping one every day. But this is different."

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Hawkeye asked.

"I don't know if I can... Before my dreams were about patients. Boys we'd treated, but essentially strangers. But this - this... I wake up in my tent. It's dark, but I know that I am all alone. We're being shelled and the ground is shaking. That's what wakes me up, but then I hear screaming. When I get to the middle of the compound, everyone is lying there, bleeding. They're all calling to me to help them." Jo paused, swallowing hard. She had never described her dream before and with each word, images flashed through her mind. She fought wildly to control her terror. "They - they're not just strangers. It's everyone from the unit. I keep running, from person to person, friend to friend, but I always get there too late. And every time I turn around there is someone else calling my name. Then I see her. Bonnie is there and I try to make my way to her, but by the time I get there it's too late; there is nothing I can do. And then it goes quiet. No one is calling for me anymore and I turn around to see what's happened, but they're all gone and when I turn back Bonnie is too. I'm all alone."

Jo shuddered involuntarily. Hawkeye picked up the blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders. "You're not alone," he murmured. "I'm right here. Try to get some rest."

Each night that week Jo waited for the telltale signs of sleep from her tent-mates; the slow, regular breathing, the gentle snoring and soft sighs. These were her cue to sneak quietly from her bed to the darkened supply tent.

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Dear Victoria,

I feel like someone out of a spy novel and I must admit, I almost enjoy the excitement, or at least I would if my actions weren't completely necessary. I still feel as though everyone here is treating me as though I've been marked "fragile, handle with care." I suppose I have been, at least by my superiors, and if anyone were to listen to camp gossip (which we all do) they would be wary of me. "Crazy Jo," they call me, and I'm wondering if they're right. When I first got here, I would have done almost anything to get out of this place, but now I am afraid to leave. I even turned down three days in Tokyo because I'm too scared to leave the unit.

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His breathing softened and became more regular as he drifted from consciousness to sleep, and Jo felt herself relax back into the mattress. It was safe here, lying next to Hawkeye, huddled under the threadbare regulation army blanket they shared. Jo had to admit that even just feeling the warmth of another human being close by was reassuring. For the first time since her friend died, Jo knew she was not alone.

"Lieutenant, I'm afraid that you're not getting the rest you need. I thought we had an agreement."

"But sir!" Jo exclaimed, interrupting.

"Lieutenant, you haven't been showing up in post-op at all hours, but the other nurses say that you sneak out in the middle of the night, and that you sneak back into your bed in the morning."

"But sir," she exclaimed again, sputtering this time.

"Would you care to explain where you are at night?"

Jo's face turned red, which embarrassed her and only served to make it redder. Before she could stammer out her response, the Colonel stepped in.

"Lieutenant, those rumours we talked about the other day have only grown. Now I've been around a while and I'd like to think I know what's what and what's mule muffins, if you pardon my French. I believe in a person's right to keep her private life private, but you need a good night's sleep and not this... this..." he let his sentence trail off, a slight blush creeping up his own cheeks.

Jo hadn't thought she could get any redder, but from the way her face burned, she imagined she was showing up on every piece of military equipment this side of the 38th parallel.

Before she could gather herself to say anything, the Colonel spoke again. "Lieutenant, you are a good officer and a damn fine nurse. You take good care of the patients, and you've never disobeyed an order, but you need to take better care of yourself. I've never had to make this an order before, but I'm afraid I am going to have to now. Lieutenant, I'm sending you to Tokyo on three days R&R."

"But Colonel," she protested.

"No buts," he retorted. "I can't order you to enjoy it, but I can order you to take it."