Disclaimer: No, sorry, I don't own Harry Potter.
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Have you ever thought about what it's like to have a double life? I mean, I love Hogwarts, the second I enter its ground and breathe in the air and see the buildings and people…all I want is stay here forever and never leave again.
And then, when I receive a letter from my parents I start thinking and wish I was back at home with them.
They don't understand me. Or what I am and where I am. I know that they are happy for me and that they wish me all the best and support me, but things are too different.
The second we entered Diagon Alley the summer before my first year here…well, I think they were intimidated by all the strange things they saw. I, however, seemed to have finally found a place amongst the people to which I truly belong. I hated going to prep school when I was a child. Not because I hated school itself…it was the other pupils I didn't like because, to be honest, they didn't like me very much. I was just a strange and weird classmate. Another person they could pick on.
I was glad when I received my Hogwarts Letter and since then things have improved a lot for me. But other things…like the relationship between me and my family…other things have suffered.
When I went back home during Christmas break in my first year, I brought all kinds of food and magic stuff with me. Things my parents had never seen before and I brought them home to try. My father refused to, said he didn't like it. My mother tried some things. She was really enthusiastic. Even now I must smile when I remember how she tried one of Berti Bott's every flavour beans and happened to come across one that tasted like smelly feet. Well, that's life.
I sent a lot of letters home, trying to explain to them what Hogwarts is like…but everything is so difficult to explain and after a while you simply get tired and don't want to repeat yourself over and over again. I mean, Potions and Transfiguration. How do you explain these subjects to Muggles? My parents tried to understand, they really did, but everything is so different to what they are used to. O.W.L.s and N.E.W.T.s, that's not easy to explain when all you know are GCSEs and A-Levels.
When I was a fifth year and Dumbledore made me a Prefect. Gosh, I simply had to go off and borrow Hedwig to tell them something they would finally understand without me explaining it to them for ages. I was so happy.
Owls and letters, that's another thing. My parents don't own an owl and neither do I. Oh, sure I can borrow Pig from Ron or use one of the school owl's or Hedwig to send a letter to my parents and they'd reply instantly to it. Otherwise they wouldn't get hold of another owl till my next letter. But I can't very well send a letter to my grandmother or my aunt. They now I'm going to this fancy school in the North, but everything else? They wouldn't understand even if I tried to explain it. It's better this way for me and for them. Yet, I often wonder what it would be like if I had gone to a normal school. Maybe, my parents and I wouldn't have drifted apart that much.
During the last few years I have hardly spend a week at home. I stay in Hogwarts during Christmas and Easter and the 8 weeks of Summer Holidays…well, most of it I spent with Ron at the Burrow or in London.
Ron. He draws me even more into the magical world. I'm a part of his family, but he's not one of mine. My parents have seen him, well, let me think, they've seen him three or four times so far. All they know about him is what I tell them. And I don't tell them much. I don't feel very comfortable telling other people about my feelings. I can sort things out on my own.
I think that writing down what you feel is a great idea. Who else could I tell that I passed by Draco Malfoy today and that my arm brushed against his robes?
It shot a tingly feeling trough my entire body and I felt light-hearted and happy all afternoon. He probably sent his robes straight to the cleaners to get the mudblood filth of them. Well, that is, if he noticed we touched. I don't think he did.
Now when I look back at what I wrote a few days ago, I feel silly. How could I write something like that? Usually I'm not that emotionally…and things brightened up today and I feel so good…
