~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~
Shaoran x Tomoyo fic ^^ It's sappy, so if you can't stand that (which is most understandable) you may not want to read it.
Thanks to Serenity Blossom and D a r k n e s s in H e a r t for reviewing... you guys rock ^^!!!!!!
Hope everyone likes this chapter!
~~~~~Chapter 3: Butterfly Orchids~~~~~
Shaoran's POV
Just what the hell is wrong with her lately? Suddenly spacing out like that and all. Gods, Tomoyo's been acting weird lately. I mean, I know that it happens to everyone sometimes, but she's been doing that an awful lot lately... and the look on her face is so distant, so sad... I feel like she's falling deeper and deeper into an endless abyss, and I can't do anything to stop her, all I can do is watch. It hurts to see her like this... and I don't believe her excuses at all. 'Kero's game is so interesting'? Yeah, sure. I've watched that stuffed animal play before; it's coma-inducing! Right up there with watching paint dry. There's something on her mind.
I wish she would open up to me, damnit!
Not that she has any reason to, of course. I'm a little reticent myself. Okay, maybe a lot. And I never really said or did anything to make her know how much I care.
That might be because I care a little too much for my own good.
Sure, there's nothing abnormal about falling for a girl I've known half my life, especially when said girl is charming and absolutely beautiful. Long, dark hair and creamy, pale skin, not to mention the seemingly effortless grace in everything she does... okay. If I wasn't so infatuated, I'm sure I'd be making myself sick, not to mention the fact that I'm straying from the point. That point being, things are a little more complicated than I'd like them to be.
I never asked to be the future head of the Li clan. It's not that I'm ashamed, on the contrary; that's an honor I'm grateful to have been granted. But, when I become head, I will need to produce an heir. Preferably an heir with magic. Okay, more like definitely an heir with magic. Considering the fact that Sakura has converted the Clow cards into Sakura cards, my mother couldn't have been happier when Sakura and I started dating years ago. It was the seemingly perfect solution to the family's problem. The magic had been thinning out as it is; if I married Sakura, not only would we have a new, strong infusion of magic into the line; the cards would be back in the family. Everything would have been just peachy.
But, no, my damn emotions just had to get in the way and screw everything up.
Sakura's wonderful and all; a bit of an airhead, but she always means well and she tries her hardest at everything she does. I did love her once; I still do, but now as more of a sister and a best friend. I know she feels the same way towards me. It's been years since I've looked at her as a girlfriend. We've just grown apart, that's all. I mean, we were freaking *preteens* when we got together! How the hell were we supposed to know what love was, let alone decide whom we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with?!
15 years and we're still 'together'. Together in the sense that, if neither of us falls in love with someone else, we'll inevitably marry one day. Sort of like my relationship with Meilin, prior to my confession to Sakura. Except Meilin actually loved me. I still feel kinda bad for doing that to her...
What is it with me and my bad luck with women? Why do I keep finding myself stuck engaged to people I don't love?
I can't help but feel bad for Sakura; that's not really fair to her, having to marry someone she only cares for as a brother for the sake of his family. But, although I protested, she insisted. If neither of us finds someone else...
Yeah, I've found someone else, all right. Someone that can get anything she could ever want- and I'm not on her wish list. I'm too short tempered, too, too... me. She's been nothing but kind to me, overly so at times, going out of her way to help me with things. After all, she was the one trying so hard to set me up with Sakura all those years ago. I don't deserve her.
I remember admiring her for that, for being so strong all those years ago. She cared so much about Sakura... did she love her? Did I break Tomoyo's heart by taking Sakura away from her? Gods, I hope not... but what if I did? I am so freaking selfish sometimes! Ugh, how could I do something like that to Tomoyo? And can I ever make it up to her if I did?
If I told her how I felt, is there any chance at all that she would feel the same way? And, could I do that to my family?
Even when we were kids, I respected her, and I admit that I cared much more than I let on. But did I let her facade fool me? I know now that she always shields her emotions, hiding every sign of weakness from the outside world. That's another thing I respect her for- it takes a good deal of willpower and a nearly unbreakable spirit to maintain a facade like hers- but it's also something that's always worried me. How can she care so little about herself? How can she completely ignore her emotions? Doesn't it hurt? I know that the optimistic front she puts up fools most people, but I'm not most people. For a while now, I've paid a lot of attention to her, to her reactions especially. I think I'm beginning tell when her emotions are genuine and when they aren't. And when they aren't, when she's hiding tears with a flawless smile, it makes me want to hold her tight, to tell her that everything is okay. Ack, when did I get so mushy? I don't think I've ever gotten this sappy over Sakura!
But that might be because Sakura is a lot less complicated than Tomoyo. And, frustrating as it may be, the fact that she is so intricate makes me love Tomoyo all the more.
"Hey, Tomoyo..."
"Yes, Li-kun?"
"Ah, call me Shaoran. U-unless you'd rather..."
"No! Um, I mean, no. And thank you, L-Shaoran-kun, for calling me Tomoyo..."
Her voice trailed off. I wonder why she seems so nervous? Maybe I'm making her uncomfortable... It was kind of sudden, calling her Tomoyo for the first time after all these years and all. I couldn't help it... when I was worried before, it just slipped out... I wasn't thinking of formalities, I guess. And, hey, she thanked me, right? I guess she doesn't mind! Which is damn good for me, maybe she considers me a true friend after all...
"Tomoyo, I can't help but feel that something's wrong... something other than work..."
"..."
"I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk to me. I don't know how helpful that is, seeing you have Sakura and all, and I might not seem like the best person to talk to, but..."
"No, it means a lot to me... thank you so much, Shaoran."
"Hey, what are friends for? You can always depend on me!"
...So let me see that pretty smile again, please? I wonder, will you actually open up to me or are you always just being polite, Tomoyo... don't you see that I care? I wish I could read you better... it's so hard to tell what you're thinking, and it hurts to think that, after over ten years of friendship, I can't even be sure if you trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind. Do you even tell *anyone*?
"Thanks."
Well, at least she smiled... and it seemed genuine enough, although I didn't miss the sadness behind her eyes. I want- no, I *have* to make her happy... melancholy doesn't suit her.
"So... we're going out for coffee tomorrow, right? Anything else you feel like doing? We can go anywhere you want!"
Okay, I bet that sounded a little cheesy. But, hey! I'm getting a little desperate, trying to cheer up Ms. 'randomly-catatonic-without-explanation' over here! I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, fine, but at least *try* to cheer up!
Because I hate seeing you like this... it's breaking my heart.
"Anything, hm?" Another smile. This one's definitely genuine, with a mischievous glint in her eyes... Damn, she's gorgeous.
"Anything at all!"
"Then, how about going to the amusement park? It's been ages since the three of us have gone there!"
"Sure! I'm sure Sakura will agree, too! I know she has nothing else to do tomorrow, we were this morning about how little there was to do this weekend."
The three of us. Damn. I know I shouldn't, but I kinda wish Sakura had something else to do... I wouldn't mind going alone with Tomoyo. It's not that Sakura would mind, I know she wouldn't. I can tell her anything and everything, and, anyway, we're just not like that anymore. But I still feel weird about it... like I don't know if I can tell either of them... I have to think of the family...
I wonder if Tomoyo would mind going alone with me? Not that it matters, of course. But I hope she wouldn't mind. In a perfect world, she'd fall for me, too, and we would live happily ever after with Sakura as our next door neighbor, married to the man of *her* dreams. A white picket fence, 9-5 job, 3.2 kids or whatever that damn average is, a puppy, and a minivan. And I wouldn't have to worry about the family ever again. Ha. Right. Sure. I think a perfect world would make me sick to my stomach. But I still wish she would love me too... and that worries for the future of the family wouldn't be looming over my head like this.
We've reached her house... damn, that walk was much too short.
"Thank you for walking me home, Shaoran-kun. And thanks for brightening my mood! I don't feel quite as tired now; would you like to come in for some tea?"
"Um, are you sure it's all right? I don't want to impose..."
"You're always welcome here! But, if you're in a hurry to get home..."
"No, not at all! Thanks, Tomoyo. I'd love to have tea with you."
I can't help but smile; she's seemed to have cheered up a bit, and I get to stay with her... if just for a little longer. I wonder what she'd think if she knew what kind of affect she has on me?
~~~~~butterfly orchids mean 'you are always on my mind'.
Review~ please!
Shaoran x Tomoyo fic ^^ It's sappy, so if you can't stand that (which is most understandable) you may not want to read it.
Thanks to Serenity Blossom and D a r k n e s s in H e a r t for reviewing... you guys rock ^^!!!!!!
Hope everyone likes this chapter!
~~~~~Chapter 3: Butterfly Orchids~~~~~
Shaoran's POV
Just what the hell is wrong with her lately? Suddenly spacing out like that and all. Gods, Tomoyo's been acting weird lately. I mean, I know that it happens to everyone sometimes, but she's been doing that an awful lot lately... and the look on her face is so distant, so sad... I feel like she's falling deeper and deeper into an endless abyss, and I can't do anything to stop her, all I can do is watch. It hurts to see her like this... and I don't believe her excuses at all. 'Kero's game is so interesting'? Yeah, sure. I've watched that stuffed animal play before; it's coma-inducing! Right up there with watching paint dry. There's something on her mind.
I wish she would open up to me, damnit!
Not that she has any reason to, of course. I'm a little reticent myself. Okay, maybe a lot. And I never really said or did anything to make her know how much I care.
That might be because I care a little too much for my own good.
Sure, there's nothing abnormal about falling for a girl I've known half my life, especially when said girl is charming and absolutely beautiful. Long, dark hair and creamy, pale skin, not to mention the seemingly effortless grace in everything she does... okay. If I wasn't so infatuated, I'm sure I'd be making myself sick, not to mention the fact that I'm straying from the point. That point being, things are a little more complicated than I'd like them to be.
I never asked to be the future head of the Li clan. It's not that I'm ashamed, on the contrary; that's an honor I'm grateful to have been granted. But, when I become head, I will need to produce an heir. Preferably an heir with magic. Okay, more like definitely an heir with magic. Considering the fact that Sakura has converted the Clow cards into Sakura cards, my mother couldn't have been happier when Sakura and I started dating years ago. It was the seemingly perfect solution to the family's problem. The magic had been thinning out as it is; if I married Sakura, not only would we have a new, strong infusion of magic into the line; the cards would be back in the family. Everything would have been just peachy.
But, no, my damn emotions just had to get in the way and screw everything up.
Sakura's wonderful and all; a bit of an airhead, but she always means well and she tries her hardest at everything she does. I did love her once; I still do, but now as more of a sister and a best friend. I know she feels the same way towards me. It's been years since I've looked at her as a girlfriend. We've just grown apart, that's all. I mean, we were freaking *preteens* when we got together! How the hell were we supposed to know what love was, let alone decide whom we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with?!
15 years and we're still 'together'. Together in the sense that, if neither of us falls in love with someone else, we'll inevitably marry one day. Sort of like my relationship with Meilin, prior to my confession to Sakura. Except Meilin actually loved me. I still feel kinda bad for doing that to her...
What is it with me and my bad luck with women? Why do I keep finding myself stuck engaged to people I don't love?
I can't help but feel bad for Sakura; that's not really fair to her, having to marry someone she only cares for as a brother for the sake of his family. But, although I protested, she insisted. If neither of us finds someone else...
Yeah, I've found someone else, all right. Someone that can get anything she could ever want- and I'm not on her wish list. I'm too short tempered, too, too... me. She's been nothing but kind to me, overly so at times, going out of her way to help me with things. After all, she was the one trying so hard to set me up with Sakura all those years ago. I don't deserve her.
I remember admiring her for that, for being so strong all those years ago. She cared so much about Sakura... did she love her? Did I break Tomoyo's heart by taking Sakura away from her? Gods, I hope not... but what if I did? I am so freaking selfish sometimes! Ugh, how could I do something like that to Tomoyo? And can I ever make it up to her if I did?
If I told her how I felt, is there any chance at all that she would feel the same way? And, could I do that to my family?
Even when we were kids, I respected her, and I admit that I cared much more than I let on. But did I let her facade fool me? I know now that she always shields her emotions, hiding every sign of weakness from the outside world. That's another thing I respect her for- it takes a good deal of willpower and a nearly unbreakable spirit to maintain a facade like hers- but it's also something that's always worried me. How can she care so little about herself? How can she completely ignore her emotions? Doesn't it hurt? I know that the optimistic front she puts up fools most people, but I'm not most people. For a while now, I've paid a lot of attention to her, to her reactions especially. I think I'm beginning tell when her emotions are genuine and when they aren't. And when they aren't, when she's hiding tears with a flawless smile, it makes me want to hold her tight, to tell her that everything is okay. Ack, when did I get so mushy? I don't think I've ever gotten this sappy over Sakura!
But that might be because Sakura is a lot less complicated than Tomoyo. And, frustrating as it may be, the fact that she is so intricate makes me love Tomoyo all the more.
"Hey, Tomoyo..."
"Yes, Li-kun?"
"Ah, call me Shaoran. U-unless you'd rather..."
"No! Um, I mean, no. And thank you, L-Shaoran-kun, for calling me Tomoyo..."
Her voice trailed off. I wonder why she seems so nervous? Maybe I'm making her uncomfortable... It was kind of sudden, calling her Tomoyo for the first time after all these years and all. I couldn't help it... when I was worried before, it just slipped out... I wasn't thinking of formalities, I guess. And, hey, she thanked me, right? I guess she doesn't mind! Which is damn good for me, maybe she considers me a true friend after all...
"Tomoyo, I can't help but feel that something's wrong... something other than work..."
"..."
"I just want you to know that I'm here for you, if you want to talk to me. I don't know how helpful that is, seeing you have Sakura and all, and I might not seem like the best person to talk to, but..."
"No, it means a lot to me... thank you so much, Shaoran."
"Hey, what are friends for? You can always depend on me!"
...So let me see that pretty smile again, please? I wonder, will you actually open up to me or are you always just being polite, Tomoyo... don't you see that I care? I wish I could read you better... it's so hard to tell what you're thinking, and it hurts to think that, after over ten years of friendship, I can't even be sure if you trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind. Do you even tell *anyone*?
"Thanks."
Well, at least she smiled... and it seemed genuine enough, although I didn't miss the sadness behind her eyes. I want- no, I *have* to make her happy... melancholy doesn't suit her.
"So... we're going out for coffee tomorrow, right? Anything else you feel like doing? We can go anywhere you want!"
Okay, I bet that sounded a little cheesy. But, hey! I'm getting a little desperate, trying to cheer up Ms. 'randomly-catatonic-without-explanation' over here! I mean, if you don't want to talk about it, fine, but at least *try* to cheer up!
Because I hate seeing you like this... it's breaking my heart.
"Anything, hm?" Another smile. This one's definitely genuine, with a mischievous glint in her eyes... Damn, she's gorgeous.
"Anything at all!"
"Then, how about going to the amusement park? It's been ages since the three of us have gone there!"
"Sure! I'm sure Sakura will agree, too! I know she has nothing else to do tomorrow, we were this morning about how little there was to do this weekend."
The three of us. Damn. I know I shouldn't, but I kinda wish Sakura had something else to do... I wouldn't mind going alone with Tomoyo. It's not that Sakura would mind, I know she wouldn't. I can tell her anything and everything, and, anyway, we're just not like that anymore. But I still feel weird about it... like I don't know if I can tell either of them... I have to think of the family...
I wonder if Tomoyo would mind going alone with me? Not that it matters, of course. But I hope she wouldn't mind. In a perfect world, she'd fall for me, too, and we would live happily ever after with Sakura as our next door neighbor, married to the man of *her* dreams. A white picket fence, 9-5 job, 3.2 kids or whatever that damn average is, a puppy, and a minivan. And I wouldn't have to worry about the family ever again. Ha. Right. Sure. I think a perfect world would make me sick to my stomach. But I still wish she would love me too... and that worries for the future of the family wouldn't be looming over my head like this.
We've reached her house... damn, that walk was much too short.
"Thank you for walking me home, Shaoran-kun. And thanks for brightening my mood! I don't feel quite as tired now; would you like to come in for some tea?"
"Um, are you sure it's all right? I don't want to impose..."
"You're always welcome here! But, if you're in a hurry to get home..."
"No, not at all! Thanks, Tomoyo. I'd love to have tea with you."
I can't help but smile; she's seemed to have cheered up a bit, and I get to stay with her... if just for a little longer. I wonder what she'd think if she knew what kind of affect she has on me?
~~~~~butterfly orchids mean 'you are always on my mind'.
Review~ please!
