CHAPPIE TWO SECRETS ****** Nemo stared at her. "Fellauroralisterinavetta?" he gasped, "My God, is that really you? My dear niece, we thought you had perished in the fire during the flood in the middle of the bombing in the earthquake of 1890!"

/Niece?/ Hyde muttered. /Why doesn't she look the least bit Indian?/

*Do be quiet, Edward,* Fellauroralisterinavetta mentally whispered breathily.

Hyde gasped. /You can hear me?/

*Yes. Now please don't speak anymore, because you are far too ugly to be in my story, and besides Jekkie and I have a love scene coming up.*

/You don't even know him. And he's old enough to be your father. And women are property and not as good as men./

*Do you intend to tell me what I can and cannot do, my dear Edward?* She turned to him and allowed her eyes to flash chartreuse and magenta for just a moment.

/God I want her..../

She lowered her face, and tears brimmed over her perfect lower lashes, spilling over her porcelain cheeks to run like tiny rivers down her neck. "I loved Dorian. But he abandoned me for another."

Cut to scene of Dorian and Jack Sparrow on the beach drinking rum together. Dorian looks sadly at his hand of cards, and at the large pile of gray clothing in front of Jack, who is fully clothed. Then he looks down at his last remaining garment, his underwear.

"C'mon mate, lose 'em," Jack said, holding out his grasping fingers and showing off a royal straight flush with his other hand.

With a sigh, Dorian stood, stripped off his drawers and chucked them at Sparrow.

Jack laughed, swinging the underwear over his head, and as he did, Dorian saw an ace slide out of the pirate's sleeve. He stared.

"You cheated!" he sputtered, holding his hands over his crotch.

"Pirate," Jack muttered, smiling. Taking another drink of rum, he gave Dorian a slow once-over. Then he stood, and slowly moved toward the nude, gorgeous Immortal. They reached for each other and...

(AHEM! Oh right right. Mary Sue. Not slash. Mary Sue. Bamfwriter looks longingly at naked Dorian and horny Sparrow. I'll be back later, boys. )

Fellauroralisterinavetta's gaze was far away. How could Dorian have rejected her? She was perfect. Her lovely eyes looked toward the heavens, and she raised a fist, crying out in a breathy whisper, "Damn you Oscar Wilde! Damn you and your bisexuality!"

"Don't ah I know you, Miss?" Tom asked shyly, brushing the tears from his eyes. "Dint you used ta be in th' secret service? Even though ah don't thank hahly o' women?"

Her eyes darted briefly toward him like frightened little freaky-colored ladybugs. "Yes," she said, bewildered by the thickness of his Southern accent, since he didn't have one in the movie.

"But...," Tom's brow furrowed, "But then... when did you meet with Dorian? Ah mean, the timeline is a little...."

Her eyes flashed puce and citron, "Are you calling into question my honesty, Tom? Continue to attack me thusly and I won't give you a blow... and I won't give you the time of day!" She turned her back haughtily, and gave a ladylike little huff, reaching up to pat her lovely red hair into place.

Jekall stared at her. That temper! That heaving bosom! "Mother?" he breathed.

Everyone in the room stopped and stared at Jekill.

Jekul blinked. "I mean.... Rahd'ni? Is it you? My nurse from years ago, when I first starting my practice."

She knew Mina was a vampire; the moment they had met, her telekinesis had showed her Mina's past. Likewise Sawyer, Jeckyl, Skinner, and Nemo.

"I've never told anyone this," Mina murmured, "But you are so damn gorgeous and lovable that I know you will understand." She paused.

"I really can't stand blood," Mina confessed, "I'm a vegetarian." She opened her leather trench coat to reveal a PETA t-shirt.

"I feel like I can confide in you, my dear," said Nemo in a gravelly voice. "I do not worship Kali... I am a Jehova's Witness." He reached into his shirt and pulled out a small leaflet, "And for just five dollars you can read this pamphlet, and....,"

Jekyyl came timidly forward, so awed by her beauty that he felt unworthy. "I... I... I don't know how to tell you this... but... but Hyde isn't the only alter-ego that I have." With that, he raised a vial of blue liquid to his lips, and as Rahd'ni watched, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he swallowed it.

A moment later he gagged and spit the empty vial up. As they watched, his body began to change, grow smaller, rounder, fuller. Short red hair grew out to long blonde locks. His shirt ripped in two, revealing a bare tummy. The transformed Jekkyll began to sing,

"I think I did it again... I made you believe... we were more than just friends...."

The entire League screamed in terror and began throwing things at the hideous Britney-Beast. Until with a great puff of pink fur, she transformed back in Jekyll. He smiled sheepishly at his friends.

"Oops, I did it again."

/What.... The.... Fuck..../

"My thoughts exactly, Mr. Hyde," Fellauroralisterinavetta replied demurely and telekinetically, brushing a wisp of red loveliness behind her ear.

******** End chappie 2! Read and review!