~I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura~

Shaoran x Tomoyo

unexpectedly strange chapter... just warning you. ^_^

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thank you lots and lots to my reviewers~

Simplicity~ of course! who else? although I'm not crazy about the idea of pairing them up by default... they *are* cute together, and the fact remains that there really isn't anyone else, anyway. glad you liked the waffy chapter ^_^

Dark_Syaoran~ so happy you liked it. ^_^

Ellie~ I think I emailed you about it, but, for anyone that doesn't know, oyasumi means good night. ^_^ sorry bout that. i get a little forgetful when im writing late at night. sorry theres no japanese in this chapter though... *sniff* couldnt find a place to put it without it seeming out of place. . so sad i know.

Serenity Blossom~ yes i know! sooo many reviews~! *bows graciously to all my lovely reviewers* and especially thanks to you! youve been my most faithful reader ^_^ reading since i started putting it up! yayyy ^_^ thanks so much!

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~~~~~Chapter 22: Poppy~~~~~

Tomoyo's POV

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I... where am I? What's going on...

It's so loud...

What made everyone so angry? Why are they yelling?

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They're... they're yelling at... at me?

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"Stupid bitch... how could you even *think* such a thing?! No way in hell are you ever going to marry my son!"

"Ch! Like I would want to marry *that*?"

"Tomoyo-chan! What were you *thinking*!?"

"No... I, I..."

"You *what*? How could you want such a thing?! I thought we were *friends* Tomoyo! I thought you cared about my happiness, too! I thought I mattered!"

"I-I didn't say anyt..."

"But, that's just it. You *did*! You told me you wished Shaoran would marry you, knowing full well *I'm* marrying him! ...But, anyway, why *would* he? He doesn't love you! He never will!"

"Hn. Why the hell would I love her? I love you, Sakura. Only you."

"B-but... Sakura-chan... you told me..."

"Yeah, I told you I didn't love Shaoran. Hah, it's true, I don't! Even he knows it. I'm only marrying him because of his family. I've got the cards... that little fact makes them ver~y accomodating. If I married him, I'd never have to do anything again! No cleaning, no cooking... I wouldn't even have to work!"

"Yes... you know how much we love you, Sakura-san. And *you*! Just what were you thinking, anyway?! Even if my son loved a slut like you, there's no way in hell I'd allow someone like you into the family! Tch, you don't even have any magic, let alone the cards!"

"But... I... Shaoran... you..."

"I what? I don't love you. I never have. Sure, I may have entertained the possibility at one point... maybe even led you on a bit. But, why bother loving someone as inadequate as you? Just the fact that I said something doesn't mean I meant it. You're an easy one to con, you know that? Do you even realize the problems you'd cause for me if we were in a relationship? How could you want such a thing? And, besides, you *know* I'm marrying Sakura. You've known it for years. And I *love* Sakura. She may not love me... that's why I led you on. Yeah, I'll admit you're beautiful. I had my fun. But there's no way in hell I'd *marry* you. And Sakura's your *best friend*! What kind of a bitch would want to steal her best friend's fiancee?! Ch, you make me sick. I never want to see your face again."

"O -okay... I...I'm sorry..."

"Damn right you are!"

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W-why...?

What's happened to everyone?

Do they... do they really feel this way about me?

Does Shaoran...?

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I can't take it.

I... I can't listen to anymore of this.

I have to get out of here.

It's so bright...

I can't even tell where the walls are... everything's so seamless, so white.

It's *too bright*!

Why isn't there a door?

I have to get out of here!

Let me out!

Please! Someone!

Anyone!

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"/::Tomoyo...Tomoyo. Look in your hand. Your hand, Tomoyo...::/"

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That voice, it sounds vaguely... familiar. Who... who is it? And where is it coming from?

Why is it talking to me, telling me to look... in my hand?

Gleaming metal...

A razor.

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"/::It's the only way out, Tomoyo. It'll all go away, Tomoyo. Don't be afraid. It doesn't hurt as much as everything else does. It won't hurt as much as it hurts to breathe.::/"

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It'll all... go away?

Everything? Everyone?

...Shaoran?

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~"I love you, Sakura. Only you."~

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It hurt so much to hear him say that...

Like my heart being ripped out, both physically and psychologically.

Like my world shattering around me, and the pieces tearing through my skin.

Only six words, but they make the wounds burn.

The pain is almost more than I can bear...

Even if he doesn't love me, even if he hates me... I still love him.

Does he want me here? Does he care if I die?

Does he want me dead?

He said he never wanted to see me again...

Okay then...

Shaoran, you'll get your wish. You'll never see me again. I'll gladly die.

I'll die for you.

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"/::Go along the vein. Deep... that way you won't make a mistake.::/"

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I- I'm a little afraid.

I don't want to die.

But, I...

I can't live like this, either.

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The first drop of blood hits the floor, and the walls turn to red.

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The blood is coming fast now, glistening as it pours out of my arm. I had thought I would be afraid... but I'm not. It doesn't hurt. You know, I never realized what a beautiful color blood is. And so warm...

I feel myself going lightheaded. There's no doubt about it... I'm dying.

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And I feel... relieved.

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"/::See, Tomoyo? It'll all be better soon. It's almost time.::/"

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Time? Time for what?

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"/::Your suicide was a rash act, performed in a fit of despondency. Because of this, you will remain, caught between life and death... An ectoplasmic manifestation of the soul.::/"

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Ectoplasmic...

A ghost?

That's...

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Shaoran, now...

Even if you don't love me...

Even if I can't have you, touch you, kiss you...

I will always watch over you.

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"Gomen, Tomoyo... I got caught up at work, didn't mean to be late..."

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Shaoran?

But... why isn't he acting the way he did before? Why doesn't he sound angry?

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"::Sha...o...ran...::"

"Tomoyo? Where are you? Why do you sound... *God!* Tomoyo! What... what happened?! Wait, don't move, don't speak, let me call for help..."

"::Why...::"

"Why? Why what? Wait, don't answer that. Gods, Tomoyo, please don't speak now... please... I need you, I can't lose you... I love you, I love you so much, Tomoyo..."

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He's crying now, big, salty tears rolling down his cheeks. I-I thought he said he didn't love me? That he couldn't stand me?

I... I don't understand.

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"/::Now you're unsure? You slit your wrists believing he hated you... that he wanted you to die. He said so himself, did he not? What is there not to understand, Tomoyo? Which do you believe? The Shaoran of now? Or the one of before?::/"

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"::Shao...ran... It's too... late... I'm...dy...ing...::"

"Please, Tomoyo, please, please... don't leave me, don't leave me... I love you... only you... I'll die without you..."

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Only me?

Wasn't he telling me he loved Sakura just minutes ago? That I was nothing to him?

Was it...?

I...

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"/::Yes, Tomoyo. It was a test. You've failed. And now it's too late. Tomoyo... to doubt love is to make a grave mistake. In circumstances such as this, the damage is irreparable, in more ways than one. ...Look at him. Look at what you've done to him, Tomoyo...::/"

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*I* did this?

How could I do this to Shaoran?

How could I hurt him this much?

He's everything to me...

I destroyed myself for him! So he could be happy!

How could that destroy him, too?

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"/::You mean you haven't realized it yet? That wasn't him, Tomoyo... that was a materialization of your uncertainties...::/"

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...My...

My uncertainties?

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"::...Shaoran... I... I love... you... and...::"

"Tomoyo... please... no..."

"::...and...I'm...sor...ry...::"

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I feel my spirit leaving my body, now...

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I know that I made it with a different context in mind, but...

I will keep my promise.

I will always watch over you, Shaoran...

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~~~~~poppies mean both death and sleep.

aaah dont hate me for this chapter just yet! yes, i know, you may be going 'what the hell was that?' (or maybe you got it, i dont know... i mean, its obvious to me, but, i would hope so... i wrote it.) but if you didnt get it, (which i kinda hope is the case~ makes it more suspenseful~! not that im trying to be mean or anything) the explanations in the next chapter~ so, please, keep reading~! (dont give up on me yet!)