Epilogue
Shuichi sighed deeply, leaning heavily against the back of his chair and sucking on the eraser of a half-chewed pencil. He was supposed to be writing lyrics, he knew, to at least make up for the weeks he had off in forced vacation. It wouldn't have been so bad, considering he had only taken off about a week when Seguchi had suspended him, but things had actually come to a halt when Seguchi had decided to fly back to Japan without him and Yuki had practically convinced him that his books weren't selling and he couldn't afford to purchase a plane ticket for him. Of course, this so-called poverty hadn't prevented Yuki from taking him out to expensive dinners and buying him nice gifts (though none of which consisted of a plane ticket). Only later did he learn that Yuki was actually just as, if not more, popular as in Japan, but Shuichi hardly complained. He rather enjoyed Yuki's sudden caring nature, and he wasn't sure if it would last, so he figured he might as well savor it while he had it. That, however, didn't change the fact that he was behind in his work, and now that Yuki had finally relented and returned him to Japan, he had a lot to do to catch up.
But Shuichi couldn't work. It was too damned hot to do anything; not only was it the middle of summer, but he had also heard some news about there being a drought, or something. Not that that made much sense, since when Shuichi looked out the window, all the plants were blooming with green, but nothing else made sense either. For example, he was thirstier than he had ever been in his entire life, which was strange since one would think he would rather be thirsty after singing for hours on end, but no, not today. Today the sun was burning hotter than ever, and Shuichi hoped that he would just melt soon so that perhaps he could drink himself. But that didn't make much sense either. What was worse was that the floor around his desk, where he currently sat in his attempt to get some work done, was littered with countless water bottles, all of which were so inconveniently empty. Of course, even if they weren't empty, Shuichi doubted he would have drunk from them anyway, considering that they had been there on the floor since last time he had cleaned, and he couldn't even remember when that was; not that water really ever went bad, mind you; it was just that there were very weird bacteria out there that perhaps could manage to get into sealed plastics. Besides, once a long time ago Shuichi had heard that the plastic of water bottles broke down into the water and caused cancer.
But who ever heard of that, plastic-induced cancer? He decided maybe he was just a little paranoid.
And hot too. How he wanted to creep into the dark study that was only a few steps down the hallway and make sweaty, passionate love to the one who practically resided in there. Not that that would resolve his problem of being too hot, but at least it would make it bearable, if not enjoyable.
That was beside the point though. The point was that Shuichi could not bring himself to write lyrics. He was, as ever, too distracted. Hiro had once said that he had ADD, and only later did Shuichi figure out what that stood for. Apparently it was an acronym for a medical condition, and although Shuichi couldn't remember the exact words, he at least knew that the A stood for attention and one of the D's stood for disorder, and that was all he really needed to know. Anyway, he had decided that he in fact didn't have ADD, because his attention didn't waver, but instead just focused on one thing, which never was what he was supposed to be paying attention to because that one thing invariably happened to be Yuki Eiri.
And that was precisely what he was doing at this point in time, instead of concentrating on writing lyrics. But he couldn't help it, really, and besides, he reasoned that he deserved more time than he had been allowed to dote over his newly reacquainted lover. That old saying had been right after all, that distance made relationships stronger. In fact, Shuichi was so enjoying himself that he sometimes thought that he might take time off from Yuki more often, if it got Yuki to act like a normal, functional person; though, upon those thoughts Shuichi usually managed to reason that the whole breaking down in depression thing certainly wasn't worth it. After all, he'd be satisfied if Yuki just stayed as he was acting now forever; it was actually more than he had ever hoped for.
Considering such, Shuichi couldn't figure out why he didn't just creep into the study and attempt at making love like he had just been thinking about moments beforehand. After all, the only way that Shuichi could fail to get what he wanted would be if Yuki suddenly reverted back to his old self, which at that time seemed highly unlikely. Perhaps it was an old habit that Shuichi had developed of trying to bother his lover as little as possible, or maybe it was a fear that Yuki would in fact return to his old self and be mean. Whatever the reason, though, it succeeded in preventing Shuichi from doing such, and because of that, Shuichi found himself in a thickly hot, inescapable boredom in which his laziness was even preventing him from going to the kitchen for a simple glass of water.
Still, it was something that had to be dealt with, and taking a determined initiative, Shuichi resolutely picked up the phone and began to dial Hiro's number. After all, what better to do when one is bored than talk with one's best friend? However, Shuichi's resolve quickly faded about halfway through dialing when he decided that maybe that wasn't the best idea in the world, since he had been given today off specifically to write new lyrics, and if he were to call Hiro, he knew Hiro would chastise him for wasting time.
Though, there was someone who he did need to talk to, but he had been dreading the moment of confrontation ever since he had resolved his problems with Yuki. But he couldn't say it over the phone; it had to be in person, and yet, Shuichi had the strange notion that it had to be done right at that moment. In fact, the feeling was so strong that he slammed the phone, which still displayed half of Hiro's number on it's digital screen, down onto the receiver and stood up with a determined air hovering about him.
After organizing his few blank sheets of paper on the desk, Shuichi marched towards the door and slipped on his shoes. He paused briefly to call out, "I'm leaving now. Be back soon," but did not wait for a response before hurrying out of the door.
The trip to NG Studios was quicker than usual, it seemed, especially considering that Shuichi couldn't even remember more than half of it, being so distracted by his thoughts. He entered the clear glass doors quickly and moved up the building to his studio. He wasn't even sure that his target was even located at his current destination, but he decided that the studio was the best place to start.
Before he could make it completely to the soundproof door, however, his pursuit was marred when he crashed into something very hard and tall that collapsed to the floor along with him. Shuichi sat up on his knees, perching in a somewhat uncomfortable stance, as he looked down with wide eyes at what he had just collided into; to his surprise, and partially to his dismay as well, he found it to be the very person he had been searching for.
"Fujisaki-kun," Shuichi breathed, gaping at the younger boy as the latter pushed himself to his feet and patted the non-existent dust from his clothing.
"Clumsy as ever, I see, Shindou-san," Suguru replied in his usual cool tone. "And what are you doing back here anyway? Did you finish the lyrics?"
"No," Shuichi muttered guiltily as he too rose to his feet.
"Then why are you here?" Suguru repeated.
"I needed to see you," Shuichi answered, forcing himself not to smile when he noticed Suguru's face darkened considerably to a deep shade of crimson at his response.
"Me?" Suguru asked, his voice quite a bit weaker than it had been before.
"Yeah, you see…" Shuichi said, his voice practically dying completely before he managed to revive it once more. "I-I needed to thank you, for what you did for me before…" Shuichi knew his face had probably turned even redder than Suguru's, but he decided that the current situation was embarrassing enough that he didn't need to worry about just a little extra thing like that.
"What do you mean?" Suguru asked. "I didn't do anything."
"Yes, you did!" Shuichi reassured, glaring strongly at Suguru. "What you said… Without you, I don't think things would have ever worked out for me."
"But I didn't say anything," Suguru insisted politely, breaking eye contact and making it obvious that Shuichi's glare was making him uncomfortable, but Shuichi didn't move to change it.
A grin crept onto Shuichi's features, something that looked mischievous and cynical at the same time. "You said enough, and for that, I just wanted to thank you. I needed to." A short, stiff pause followed. "So, thank you."
With that he turned and began making his way towards the exit, though Suguru's renewed voice summoned him back.
"Shindou-san," he said, his frown being replaced by a grin similar to Shuichi's, "you're welcome. After all, what are friends for?"
Shuichi knew that Suguru thought himself going out on a limb to call them friends, but it wasn't necessary anyway. Shuichi acknowledged it as the truth, because they weren't just band mates anymore. To be great, they had to be more than that.
Shuichi donned an accepting smile and turned again, proceeding down the hallway and leaving with a light, energetic feeling of satisfaction. As he exited the tall, spotless, attractive building and danced his way down the sidewalk towards the apartment where his lover awaited, he knew that everything had fallen back into place and fit more snugly than before. Things would never be the same as they were, but that didn't mean that they couldn't be better.
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After an hour of sitting in an inhumanly still silence, staring at a blank piece of paper and the pencil that was so chewed up that it hardly retained any of its original yellow paint as his mind inadvertently settled on Yuki again and again without fail, Shuichi decided to give up on writing the lyrics. Besides, it was late and he knew for a fact that Yuki was still locked up in that dark study of his, probably planning to stress himself out by pulling an all-nighter. Because worry about his lover's health made his inattention to his lyrics so strong, Shuichi decided there was no use in even bothering to try anymore. He figured he would be more useful if he made sure his lover got to bed on time.
Standing up with a mischievous giggle, Shuichi began tiptoeing silently towards the study with the idea of surprising Yuki; however, when he reached the study and opened the door painfully slowly so as not to make even a squeak, he found himself somewhat surprised to see the study completely empty, and the laptop removed from its usual place on the desk. Shuichi stared at it wide-eyed for what seemed like forever, unwilling to move other than the pounding heartbeat the made his body shake. Yuki rarely ever removed his laptop from the desk.
Shuichi softly closed the door again as he desperately tried to put a halt to his racing thoughts because all of them were lies and worries, but not a single one of them was true. They couldn't be true.
"Yu—" Shuichi started, though his voice caught in his throat, and he managed to successfully suppress a gasp before trying again. "Yuki? Are you here? Yuki?" Despite that he was calling it, his voice was tight, making it somewhat quiet. He felt as though he was in some sort of slasher movie, and after just hearing a strange noise, was calling out cautiously to make sure it was someone he knew. It was practically the same thing, he reasoned, because he knew he would die if the thoughts inside his head right now proved to be true.
He stood in the hallway, shaking slightly, until the tremors took hold of his body and he collapsed to the floor, sobbing loudly. He couldn't have known how long he had sat there, allowing the closed door of the study to support his full weight, weeping and wondering how long it would take before he ran out of tears. He didn't even bother to bring his hands up to wipe his eyes, but instead closed them and allowed the salty tears to stain his cheeks and pollute his mouth with their bitter taste. He was thinking that it was the end of all things good and beautiful, when suddenly his thoughts came to a halt as a strong hand gripped his shoulders.
"Shuichi, what's wrong?" asked the voice, flooded with worry. Shuichi's breath stopped in his lungs and he blinked his eyes open, his vision taking a few moments to clear and focus on the handsome face in front of him.
"Yuki?" Shuichi asked, sniffing loudly and finally bringing his hand up to wipe away the wetness on his cheeks. "Where were you? I thought, I thought that, that, that—"
"That I left you again?" Yuki finished, his voice a little more irritated than before. "I told you I was going out to get my laptop fixed. Remember?"
Shuichi sniffed again, thinking back to the time earlier that afternoon when Yuki had indeed come into the room where he sat, desperately trying to write lyrics, and telling him something, but Shuichi could also remember having not listened to Yuki, as he was so surprised by the novelist's sudden appearance in his daze of boredom. Shuichi smiled sheepishly, gaining him an irritated sigh from his lover.
"Idiot," Yuki muttered, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a thin white cigarette. He gently placed it in between his lips but didn't continue to take out his lighter and instead fell from his knees to join Shuichi completely on the floor. He scooted to the door and, placing a strong arm around Shuichi's shoulders, removed the cigarette from his mouth again before pulling Shuichi closer to him and leaning in so that his mouth was resting on inches away from Shuichi's cheek. "I promise, Shuichi," he whispered, his breath fast and tight. "I won't abandon you ever again. I promise."
Shuichi frowned, unwilling to look at his lover despite the blissful effect that his last statement had on him. "I shouldn't have doubted you, Yuki. I'm sorry."
"Shut up," Yuki muttered. "Don't say that because you're not the one who should be apologizing." A silent pause followed, broken when Yuki leaned the rest of the way over and, pulling Shuichi's head to face him, placed and tender kiss on his lips. "I'm sorry, Shuichi."
"Yuki!" Shuichi squealed, an impossibly large grin spreading across his face. He giggled happily like a child and crawled forward onto Yuki's lap, running his fingers through the thick blond hair the cascaded down from his lover's head in sheets of glistening yellow. "I'll always forgive you, Yuki, for anything that you do because I love you more than I can describe. And besides, now everything is how I've always wanted it because now I know that you love me as much as I love you."
Shuichi watched as a thin smile crept up onto Yuki's face, a thankful smile that reached deep inside of him. Shuichi knew the smile had more meaning than it looked; he knew precisely what it meant, thanking him for what he had just said, for his love, and for understanding the things Yuki could not bring himself to ever say.
And Shuichi knew that the words, "I love you," were only a beginning.
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The end.
Cassiopeia.
