Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Or the Simpsons. Just for the
record.
Ahh, my loyal and faithful readers. *crickets chirping* Darn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, we find
Link and Zelda in the Kokiri Forest, inside Link's house. Link is making a
sign, and Zelda is unpacking her… uh… "necessities".
Zelda: And I brought Bob. He can go on the desk. And I brought Pretty Pam, and
Beautiful Bella, and Glamorous Gertie, and Gorgeous Gina, and Fairsome Fran,
and Comely Connie, and-
Kokiri Girl: Wow! Look at all those dolls!
Zelda: GO GET YOUR OWN, YA MOOCHER!
The Kokiri girl runs away screaming.
Link: How's this? *holds up sign* L.A.Z.D.T.L.F.L.A.O.S.S.H.I.H!
Zelda: What does it stand for?
Link: Link And Zelda Detectives That Look For Lost And/Or Stolen Stuff Here In
Hyrule!
Zelda: That's quite an acronym. No… too long… try again.
Link: Darn!
So Link starts painting again.
Then, the mailman comes and delivers a letter.
Link: Hey look! The mailman came and delivered a letter!
Zelda: Let me see! Let me see!
Zelda rips the letter out of Link's hand and reads the mailing address.
Zelda: Oh. It's for you.
Link: Wow! I've never gotten mail before!
Zelda: Hey! Nobody has! Where did you come from, Mr. Mailman?
Mailman: I'm just a figment of your imagination.
The mailman evaporates in that wavy style, you know… and then pops back.
Mailman: But the letter is real.
He goes away again.
Link opens the envelope and reads the letter.
Zelda: Who's it from? Who's it from?
Link: Gasp! Zora's Domain! It's our first case! *reads more and groans*
Zelda: Really? Wow! We haven't officially opened yet. We could make the unlucky
Zora wait a few weeks.
Link: Yes! Yes!
Zelda: …No. We will do our duty as detectives and start this case immediately!
C'mon, Link!
Link: No! No!
Little does Zelda know that the letter was from an obsessed little Zora named
Ruto.
Anyway, so Zelda grabs Link's wrist and drags him out into Hyrule Field.
Zelda: Why do you have to make this so hard?
Link: I'm using nonviolent resistance.
Zelda: Ugh! The idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi.
Link: Who?
Finally, after much toil, Zelda calls some castle guards to drag Link the rest
of the way to Zora's Domain.
Zelda: A princess should not have to drag people around!
Guard #1: *whispers to another guard* Yeah, but she sure orders people around!
Zelda: I do not! Shut up and drag the boy!
Guard #1: … (He WAS told to shut up.)
So they reach the entrance to Zora's Domain, and the guards leave. Link finally
gets up onto his feet.
Link: Ow… Pain… The ground hurts. Especially the rocky parts.
Zelda: Duh. Now, who could want our help? Is it King Zora? It's King Zora,
isn't it? Aha! I knew it! Let's go! He'd get mad if we didn't take this case!
So they walk in.
Link: Uh... Zelda? It's not King Zora.
Zelda: Well then, who!?
Ruto comes running up.
Ruto: Oh Link! I'm so glad you-
Zelda and Ruto: What's SHE doing here?
Woman: I don't know. I'm supposed to be on a tour, but I got lost. Could you
tell me where… *looks at map*… Hyrule is?
Link, Zelda, and Ruto: O.o
Woman: Never mind.
The unfamiliar woman walks off.
Ruto: Well, at least that's taken care of. Now, what's Zelda doing here?
Link: Zelda is my partner in crime.
Zelda: No… Link is MY partner in crime.
Ruto: Aren't partners supposed to be equals?
Zelda: No!
Link: (at the same time as Zelda) Yes!
Oh. Well, I asked for LINK'S help! Not yours!
Zelda: Link and I are in this together! Deal with it!
Ruto: Fine! Link, Something happened to Link! I can't find him!
Link: I'm right here.
Ruto: Not you! My pet fish, Link! He disappeared! I think someone took him!
Zelda: A pet fish named Link. *under her breath* I think someone's a little
obsessive.
Ruto: You know what? I think ZELDA took him! She's jealous because I have a
fish named after you and she doesn't!
Zelda: If I wanted a fish, I could get one anytime I wanted! And YOU'RE jealous
because the closest thing you can get to the real Link is a fish named after
him, and you can't even handle that! I'll bet he ran away!
Ruto: Did not! My Linky would never do that! Link, if you were a fish, would
you run away from me?
Link: … I'm not going to answer that.
Ruto: No you wouldn't! You would love me and stay here!
Zelda: Listen! I'm with Link, we're in this together, so just show us to the
scene of the crime!
Ruto: Make me!
Zelda: Why you little-!
Link: Ruto, show us to the scene of the crime.
Ruto: Okay, Linky!
So Ruto takes them to her "bedroom." Actually, it's just an empty
cave-y room with a pool of water in the middle.
Ruto: *points to a far corner* There's where Link was the last time I saw him!
Link: I'm right here.
Zelda: -.-' C'mon, Link. Let's go look.
And so they go look.
Zelda: *gives Link a magnifying glass* Here.
Link: I don't see anything.
Zelda: Link, you're supposed to look through the big glass part.
Link: Oh. Now I see something.
Zelda: What?
Link: It's big, and grey, and it looks like a rock.
Zelda: … Link, it IS a rock!
Link: Oh. Hey, I'm good!
Ruto: Find anything?
Zelda: Not yet - Oh wait, here's something! Little puddles of water leading out
of the… uh… "room"!
Ruto: *nervously* … Like footprints?
Zelda: Yeah! Hey Ruto! Maybe you can help us!
Link: Or not!
Zelda: Why not? She's a natural.
Ruto: Uh, thanks.
Zelda: So we follow these footprints and…
The watery puddles ended at a wall.
Ruto: Oh yea- I mean, this is where my secret room is! Nobody knows how to get
in except me! Hmmm…
Zelda: So how do you open it?
Ruto: It's a voice-activated password. Ahem. (She makes some sort of fish
noise, which probably translates into "I love Link," or something
similar.)
The door opens.
Zelda: No kidding. Now, to see if Link is in there.
Link: I'm right here.
Zelda: THE FISH, LINK! THE FISH!
Link: Oh, yeah.
They walk into another cave-y place with paintings, portraits, sculptures, and
just about every other art form of Link.
Ruto looks at something, gasps, and runs to a door.
Link: What in the-
Ruto: I can ASSURE you that my Linky is NOT in here!
Link: Of course I'm not, I'm right-
Zelda: The fish.
Link: Right.
Zelda: Search for clues.
Link: Well, the puddles lead over to where Ruto is standing.
Ruto: …Oh really? Wow… heh heh… what a coincidence.
Zelda: Move, fish girl.
Ruto: MAKE ME!
Link: Ruto, move.
Ruto: …Uh, okay... Linky.
She moves and opens the door.
Link: Not much in here. A shrine to me, one of my hats, a sapphire, a fish in a
jar, my journal, a- Hey! A fish! Of course! *talks to fish* Ruto's looking for
something. Do you know where it is?
Zelda: Link! Link is in the jar there!
Link: No I'm not! I'm right here.
Ruto: Wow. You found Link. I mean- You found him! Oh Link!
Link: GAAAHHH!!! *cowers*
Zelda: Now that your fish is found, we must figure out who the culprit is.
Link: I like chocolate.
Zelda: No, culprit.
Link: Coconut too.
Zelda: No, CULPRIT.
Link: No, cow pies are gross!
Zelda: *sigh* Let's see, watery footprints leading into a room only Ruto knows
how to enter, and into another room with a shrine of Link that's in the secret
room only Ruto knows how to enter... Hmm. Aha! I got it!
Ruto: All right! I admit it! I hid Link so Link could come over here and find
him!
Link: You never hid me.
Ruto: It was the only way I could think of to get you to come over!
Zelda: I still had to drag him over here!
Ruto: You never come over, you never call, what am I supposed to think?! I get
worried sick over you!
Link: I get sick too.
Ruto: So, I was the one who "stole" Link.
Link: You never stole me.
Zelda: Wow! Really? I was gonna say that some Zora spied on you and found his
or her way into your secret room. I never would have thought that you yourself
did it!
Link: Case closed. Let's go.
Ruto: See? Linky would never run away from me!
Link: … No comment.
Zelda: Alright. Bye Ruto. See you later. o O (I hope not.)
Link: Hooray!
Link races across Hyrule Field into the Forest.
Zelda: And he made me practically CARRY him across?! Ooo, he is SO fired! I
mean, dead!
Zelda walks on to Kokiri Forest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yay! Second chapter done! I'll try to get the third up soon. Please review and
tell me what you think!
