Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda. Or the Simpsons. Just for the record.

Ahh, my loyal and faithful readers. *crickets chirping* Darn.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Now, we find Link and Zelda in the Kokiri Forest, inside Link's house. Link is making a sign, and Zelda is unpacking her… uh… "necessities".

Zelda: And I brought Bob. He can go on the desk. And I brought Pretty Pam, and Beautiful Bella, and Glamorous Gertie, and Gorgeous Gina, and Fairsome Fran, and Comely Connie, and-

Kokiri Girl: Wow! Look at all those dolls!

Zelda: GO GET YOUR OWN, YA MOOCHER!

The Kokiri girl runs away screaming.

Link: How's this? *holds up sign* L.A.Z.D.T.L.F.L.A.O.S.S.H.I.H!

Zelda: What does it stand for?

Link: Link And Zelda Detectives That Look For Lost And/Or Stolen Stuff Here In Hyrule!

Zelda: That's quite an acronym. No… too long… try again.

Link: Darn!

So Link starts painting again.

Then, the mailman comes and delivers a letter.

Link: Hey look! The mailman came and delivered a letter!

Zelda: Let me see! Let me see!

Zelda rips the letter out of Link's hand and reads the mailing address.

Zelda: Oh. It's for you.

Link: Wow! I've never gotten mail before!

Zelda: Hey! Nobody has! Where did you come from, Mr. Mailman?

Mailman: I'm just a figment of your imagination.

The mailman evaporates in that wavy style, you know… and then pops back.

Mailman: But the letter is real.

He goes away again.

Link opens the envelope and reads the letter.

Zelda: Who's it from? Who's it from?

Link: Gasp! Zora's Domain! It's our first case! *reads more and groans*

Zelda: Really? Wow! We haven't officially opened yet. We could make the unlucky Zora wait a few weeks.

Link: Yes! Yes!

Zelda: …No. We will do our duty as detectives and start this case immediately! C'mon, Link!

Link: No! No!

Little does Zelda know that the letter was from an obsessed little Zora named Ruto.

Anyway, so Zelda grabs Link's wrist and drags him out into Hyrule Field.

Zelda: Why do you have to make this so hard?

Link: I'm using nonviolent resistance.

Zelda: Ugh! The idea that you would compare yourself to Mahatma Gandhi.

Link: Who?

Finally, after much toil, Zelda calls some castle guards to drag Link the rest of the way to Zora's Domain.

Zelda: A princess should not have to drag people around!

Guard #1: *whispers to another guard* Yeah, but she sure orders people around!

Zelda: I do not! Shut up and drag the boy!

Guard #1: … (He WAS told to shut up.)

So they reach the entrance to Zora's Domain, and the guards leave. Link finally gets up onto his feet.

Link: Ow… Pain… The ground hurts. Especially the rocky parts.

Zelda: Duh. Now, who could want our help? Is it King Zora? It's King Zora, isn't it? Aha! I knew it! Let's go! He'd get mad if we didn't take this case!

So they walk in.

Link: Uh... Zelda? It's not King Zora.

Zelda: Well then, who!?

Ruto comes running up.

Ruto: Oh Link! I'm so glad you-

Zelda and Ruto: What's SHE doing here?

Woman: I don't know. I'm supposed to be on a tour, but I got lost. Could you tell me where… *looks at map*… Hyrule is?

Link, Zelda, and Ruto: O.o

Woman: Never mind.

The unfamiliar woman walks off.

Ruto: Well, at least that's taken care of. Now, what's Zelda doing here?

Link: Zelda is my partner in crime.

Zelda: No… Link is MY partner in crime.

Ruto: Aren't partners supposed to be equals?

Zelda: No!       

Link: (at the same time as Zelda) Yes!     

Oh. Well, I asked for LINK'S help! Not yours!

Zelda: Link and I are in this together! Deal with it!

Ruto: Fine! Link, Something happened to Link! I can't find him!

Link: I'm right here.

Ruto: Not you! My pet fish, Link! He disappeared! I think someone took him!

Zelda: A pet fish named Link. *under her breath* I think someone's a little obsessive.

Ruto: You know what? I think ZELDA took him! She's jealous because I have a fish named after you and she doesn't!

Zelda: If I wanted a fish, I could get one anytime I wanted! And YOU'RE jealous because the closest thing you can get to the real Link is a fish named after him, and you can't even handle that! I'll bet he ran away!

Ruto: Did not! My Linky would never do that! Link, if you were a fish, would you run away from me?

Link: … I'm not going to answer that.

Ruto: No you wouldn't! You would love me and stay here!

Zelda: Listen! I'm with Link, we're in this together, so just show us to the scene of the crime!

Ruto: Make me!

Zelda: Why you little-!

Link: Ruto, show us to the scene of the crime.

Ruto: Okay, Linky!

So Ruto takes them to her "bedroom." Actually, it's just an empty cave-y room with a pool of water in the middle.

Ruto: *points to a far corner* There's where Link was the last time I saw him!

Link: I'm right here.

Zelda: -.-' C'mon, Link. Let's go look.

And so they go look.

Zelda: *gives Link a magnifying glass* Here.

Link: I don't see anything.

Zelda: Link, you're supposed to look through the big glass part.

Link: Oh. Now I see something.

Zelda: What?

Link: It's big, and grey, and it looks like a rock.

Zelda: … Link, it IS a rock!

Link: Oh. Hey, I'm good!

Ruto: Find anything?

Zelda: Not yet - Oh wait, here's something! Little puddles of water leading out of the… uh… "room"!

Ruto: *nervously* … Like footprints?

Zelda: Yeah! Hey Ruto! Maybe you can help us!

Link: Or not!

Zelda: Why not? She's a natural.

Ruto: Uh, thanks.

Zelda: So we follow these footprints and…

The watery puddles ended at a wall.

Ruto: Oh yea- I mean, this is where my secret room is! Nobody knows how to get in except me! Hmmm…

Zelda: So how do you open it?

Ruto: It's a voice-activated password. Ahem. (She makes some sort of fish noise, which probably translates into "I love Link," or something similar.)

The door opens.

Zelda: No kidding. Now, to see if Link is in there.

Link: I'm right here.

Zelda: THE FISH, LINK! THE FISH!

Link: Oh, yeah.

They walk into another cave-y place with paintings, portraits, sculptures, and just about every other art form of Link.

Ruto looks at something, gasps, and runs to a door.

Link: What in the-

Ruto: I can ASSURE you that my Linky is NOT in here!

Link: Of course I'm not, I'm right-

Zelda: The fish.

Link: Right.

Zelda: Search for clues.

Link: Well, the puddles lead over to where Ruto is standing.

Ruto: …Oh really? Wow… heh heh… what a coincidence.

Zelda: Move, fish girl.

Ruto: MAKE ME!

Link: Ruto, move.

Ruto: …Uh, okay... Linky.

She moves and opens the door.

Link: Not much in here. A shrine to me, one of my hats, a sapphire, a fish in a jar, my journal, a- Hey! A fish! Of course! *talks to fish* Ruto's looking for something. Do you know where it is?

Zelda: Link! Link is in the jar there!

Link: No I'm not! I'm right here.

Ruto: Wow. You found Link. I mean- You found him! Oh Link!

Link: GAAAHHH!!! *cowers*

Zelda: Now that your fish is found, we must figure out who the culprit is.

Link: I like chocolate.

Zelda: No, culprit.

Link: Coconut too.

Zelda: No, CULPRIT.

Link: No, cow pies are gross!

Zelda: *sigh* Let's see, watery footprints leading into a room only Ruto knows how to enter, and into another room with a shrine of Link that's in the secret room only Ruto knows how to enter... Hmm. Aha! I got it!

Ruto: All right! I admit it! I hid Link so Link could come over here and find him!

Link: You never hid me.

Ruto: It was the only way I could think of to get you to come over!

Zelda: I still had to drag him over here!

Ruto: You never come over, you never call, what am I supposed to think?! I get worried sick over you!

Link: I get sick too.

Ruto: So, I was the one who "stole" Link.

Link: You never stole me.

Zelda: Wow! Really? I was gonna say that some Zora spied on you and found his or her way into your secret room. I never would have thought that you yourself did it!

Link: Case closed. Let's go.

Ruto: See? Linky would never run away from me!

Link: … No comment.

Zelda: Alright. Bye Ruto. See you later. o O (I hope not.)

Link: Hooray!

Link races across Hyrule Field into the Forest.

Zelda: And he made me practically CARRY him across?! Ooo, he is SO fired! I mean, dead!

Zelda walks on to Kokiri Forest. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yay! Second chapter done! I'll try to get the third up soon. Please review and tell me what you think!