I'm shocked at how many people seem to like and show interest in this story. Jade and I have long held the belief that if it isn't a main couple, no one cares, and the fact that this is non-canon secondary focus…yeah, but it's for my sweet Jade-chan, and so…and so I don't really care about getting a ton of reviews. I just care that she likes it. And she does, so mission accomplished!
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Scarlet
Part 3
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Something was wrong. I could tell it was. So many things were changing. The way she moved, the way her eyes burned into mine. And yet…she never said no. She never told me she wasn't in the mood or that she was mad at me. I know it's a stupid excuse when I could tell perfectly well she wasn't happy. But why do women do that, anyway? If she'd just tell me what was wrong, we could fix it and then go back to the way things were before. I missed the way she said my name when I touched her. I missed the way she smiled when she saw me come to visit. She never offered tea anymore. She didn't want to cuddle with me, and she didn't even object if I left right after we were done. Why did it bother me that she wasn't kissing me?
I had to remember that this was how it was supposed to be from the start. Obviously, we had gotten confused, mistaking intimacy for something more, and now she was only trying to rectify that mistake. We weren't supposed to care about each other in…that way. She was doing me a favor, just providing herself as a means of producing an heir. And there was no emotion in it. Of course not. There shouldn't be.
Then why did it hurt when I was on top of her and she looked away from me? Why did I want to slap her and tell her to just love me and stop fooling around about it? Why should it matter to me?
Unless…
No, that was silly.
She was an acquaintance. A friend of sorts. It didn't matter to me what she thought about while we were…together. I just thought it was awfully rude, you know. Making tea and not offering me any. What kind of hospitality is that?
I thought maybe she wanted something, and she was preoccupied because she hated asking me for things. She had told me that once. Back when things were more…normal. In a weird way. But seriously, I thought that might be the problem. So I brought her things. All kinds of things. Anything I would think that maybe she might want, and I got it for her.
She now had an extensive collection of teas, a small herb garden, about twenty kimonos, six sleeping yukata, an expensive tea set or three, and various other implements.
She was still upset. I was really confused. And so I made a mistake that most men make at least once in their lives. I decided to ask her after we had just finished, when I was still on top of her, wondering why she didn't make that noise…that little purring noise. I liked that noise. I missed that noise. And she wasn't holding me. She was just laying there, like a broken doll.
"Is something wrong?" I asked her. Let me tell you something right now. Asking women if something is wrong when something is obviously wrong…that's the wrong thing to do.
"What? Was that not good enough for you?" she rocked her hips up against me and I had to bite back a surprised gasp.
"That's not what I mean, and you know it." I told her, disentangling myself from her and rolling over onto my back. I still wasn't quite ready for standing. "Kagura…seriously, if something's wrong, why don't you tell me?"
"Why would you care?" she asked, her tone bitter. It was always bitter these days. I wanted it to be soft again. Content. Warm. Kagura.
"What makes you think I wouldn't?" I asked her, defensive and apparently not going down the right path, because she stood up and snatched up a yukata, wrapping it tightly around herself. "Do you hate me?"
"That's a stupid question." She snorted, settling down to make her tea with as much noise as possible to convey how she felt about this discussion.
"Is it really?" I wanted to know. "You act like it."
"Maybe I don't hate you." She answered after a pause, her voice softer, and her movements slower. "Maybe I hate what I am."
"Kagura, it's not your fault what happened." I assured her. She was always stuck on the past, and it was sad to think how it must make her feel even now.
"Not that." She shook her head and set the pot on the coals. "Look at me. What do you see?"
"I…" I didn't know how to answer that question.
"A whore. I'm your whore. You don't really care about me or anything. I'm just here to supply you with a child." Kagura's voice sounded very brittle, like it could snap any moment. "And I can't even do it."
"You aren't…Kagura, it's not like that." I told her, but my mind taunted me. Isn't that how it is? That's what you keep telling yourself, and now you're telling her it's different. What is it, really?
"I sleep with you and you buy me things. It sounds a lot like I'm a whore." She told me, her hands fisting in her lap, knuckles slowly turning white from the tension of her grip.
"Kagura…" I didn't know what to say. I guess I never do.
"You keep me here, and it's all for you. I told myself…I owed you this. After what happened." Her voice was so soft that I moved closer to hear her. "I told myself it wouldn't matter. No one would know except you, and me…but it's driving me insane." There was a long silence, and I was terrified to see her whole body shudder in a long, drawn out sob. She was staring at her lap, and I couldn't see her expression, but I had an idea that she must be very upset. She sounded that way. I felt that way. "I can't do this anymore, Kouga. I'm sorry, I just can't. It's not worth it."
"Is it…really that bad?" I didn't know what it was that was hurting her so much. "I thought…I tried to be…kind to you. Is it bad?"
"Kouga…you're so male." Kagura shook her head and sniffled. So, she was still crying. I didn't know why that hurt so much, but it did. "Always worried about that. The sex is fine. You're very good about it. You don't push too far or ask too much. If…if my heart were stronger…" she collapsed then, and I got up, going to her side immediately, not caring that I was still stark bare.
"Kagura…please, I just don't understand." I told her, pulling her to me and gasping in surprise when after a brief show of resistance, she flung herself at me and hugged me tightly, her nails digging into my back as she cried on my shoulder. "Why is this so painful?"
"Because…I…I'm stupid." She told me, her voice broken and soft and thick with tears. "I didn't…want to."
"You didn't want…to be like this? To be my…consort?" I liked that word better, but it still didn't feel right. It bothered me, and I don't think she liked it either from the vehement shaking of her head against my chest.
"It's not…I just didn't expect things to get so…like they are." Kagura's words were too vague, and I was too frustrated. I grabbed her chin and made her look at me.
"Tell me something or don't talk." I told her, my voice coming out harsher than I'd intended. The minute I said it, I expected her to break down in tears worse than before, and I felt like an idiot, but instead of that, she straightened and pulled away, wiping her eyes.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't…be like that." She stood and went to brew her tea as I remained where I was, naked, confused, and totally without a clue as to what she was thinking or wanting or needing from me.
Funny…it used to bother me. The idea of her wanting something from me. Now I just want her to be happy. I want to do whatever it is that she's hoping for. So why won't she just tell me?
"Kagura?" I felt like there was a weight on my chest, and I blamed her. Kagura had put it there, and I knew it. "I'm going to go now." I was so sick of everything. She wouldn't talk to me. She wouldn't listen to me. She wouldn't do anything but drive me insane. I began to gather my things as she remained where she was, sipping her tea and staring at her lap as though I had never been there to begin with. It stung, being ignored by her. I wondered if this was how I made Ayame feel. I didn't pay enough attention to her…it wouldn't hurt me to be nice.
It might hurt Kagura.
But since when did she get higher consideration than Ayame? Ayame was my mate. She was supposed to be more important to me than anything else. But somehow…somewhere along the line, Kagura had taken over that number one spot, and it was something that confused me too much.
"Are you coming back?" Her question struck me as silly. Why would she ask that? I always came back.
"Of course." I pulled on my boots harshly, and was irritated to see that even when she had spoken to me, she hadn't looked up. I stood, pulling on my chest-plate and attaching the straps with the practiced ease that allowed my thoughts to wander as I dressed. And then, I felt a slight pull behind me.
Kagura…was pulling my tail?
"Do you want something?" I asked her, not wanting to turn and cause myself pain. Tails are delicate, and she knew it. Why would she grab it like that? It could hurt me, is that what she wanted?
"Don't go." Her voice was so soft…so quiet, I could barely hear it, but it was enough to make my heart leap to my throat.
"What?" I had to be sure. I had to know what she had said.
"Please. I don't…want you to go." She let go of my tail and her arms were suddenly around my chest. It was amazing how slender they were, and yet they still held me as surely as iron bars. "I'll be…I'll do anything. I hate when you go…when you look so angry."
"Tell me, then." I covered both her hands with one of mine. "What's bothering you? I really want to know." There was a silence. She went stiff, and her arms dropped. I thought that she was giving up and that it wasn't worth it, whatever it was. In her mind, it hurt less to let me go than to tell me what hurt her so much. And that hurt. So I moved toward the exit again, and then I heard it.
"I love you."
"You…what?" I was sure my ears were playing tricks on me. And why did I feel like smiling and crying and kissing her and hugging her all at once?
"I love you." She admitted it again, slightly louder this time. "That's…why. I fell in love with you and now…it's stupid, I know I can't have you. You have a mate."
"Kagura…" I turned, my arms open, and she came to me willingly as always. I stroked her hair and then kissed her forehead, offering a shaky smile. "You already have me whenever you want."
"I want you all the time." She told me, her eyes glittering and crimson and so deep and fascinating I couldn't pull away if I wanted.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked her, avoiding the subject. We both knew that I couldn't do that. Not anymore. Things were expected of me. I had a mate and my responsibilities to the tribe as well. It was the worst…but that was my life.
"I couldn't." she had her arms around my neck now, and I wanted to feel her against me…more than she was. My armor…my clothes were in the way. I pulled at the straps, and she moved her hands to help me. "I thought you'd leave if you knew."
"I thought you hated me." I told her, pulling my armor up and off as she worked on fur. "It really hurt…thinking you hated me. I thought I'd destroyed you without even knowing it. It was driving me crazy trying to think of how I'd hurt you so much."
"I'm sorry." She offered a small, apologetic smile and a soft kiss. "If it makes you feel better, it was driving me crazy too."
"Next time, just tell me." I brushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek tenderly. "I won't leave you. You should know that by now."
"Thanks." She blushed and pulled at the tie on her yukata. "You want…some tea or something?"
I laughed. It felt so good to have her back, to have her feelings out in the open, to have things so much more honest than they had been when I first arrived that evening, handing her a yukata that she thanked me for with no feeling before stripping as though it was a chore and waiting for me on the furs. Things were better now. This was the way it had to be, this was the way I wanted it.
"No thanks." I told her, kissing her again and brushing my hand under the open yukata. It was like I was touching her for the first time, and it felt so sweet…so warm, so right. "Maybe later."
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"You were gone longer than usual." Ayame was there as soon as I entered the den, her hands on her hips and her face flushed. "Did you bring me anything?"
"You didn't ask for anything." I reminded her. She was annoying sometimes. I was trying to enjoy my afterglow, and she was definitely getting in the way of my silent enjoyment.
"Kouga, we need to talk." Her face went serious, but the smile twitching at the edge of her lips was nervous, as though she thought that maybe I wouldn't listen to her or something.
"What is it?" I assumed immediately that someone was mating someone else or somebody had gotten into trouble. She always insisted on giving me the gossip that I would learn in no time anyway, as though it was an important issue. It wasn't like she didn't include important stuff in there as well, but it was just…
"Come on, come in here and I'll tell you." She winked, smiling brightly as she pulled on my hand, dragging me into our private den. At least whatever it was couldn't be bad news, since she was grinning so much. "Okay, you ready?"
"Ready." I nodded, ready for any sort of inane babble she had prepared for me.
"I'm pregnant."
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The End (Of Part 3, That Is)
