Old Stuff's Cool Too! Chapter 4; Gloria's Impossible Challenge and Parappa's Creative Solution

To the 70's! I had a good idea for this chapter, so I didn't ask for help! Hoorah for me!

It's me, your favorite sings-like-a-girl-and-looks-like-a-moron puppy rapper, Parappa. To make a long story short, we reached the DiscoTech. Looking back on it, isn't didn't seem as scary as it did when I first walked in, but when I first walked in...

***

It was near pitch black inside of the Disco, lit only by disco balls, strobe lights, and those things that kinda look like traffic lights but they're not. "Knock On Wood" was screaming over the stereos admists the hooting and howling of the disco-dancing crowd. Nearly everyone in the club had on a liesure suit; the colors varied. Only one place in the club had no people on it at the time; the dance floor, which had been fenced off with velvet rope, was being mopped.

"KIDDIES!"

Parappa-tachi startled and quickly huddled together, terrified of the large, hairy hulking figure before them. They could only see his sillouette, but the fact that the sillouette was bigger than the four of them combined x2 was enough to send them into shock.

"AAAAHH!"

"WWAAAAH!"

"Grizzly, wait, that's them!"

The figure turned, the light hit its face, and (yes) it was a grizzly bear. As he turned, Gloria stepped out from behind him.

"Oh... they're not trespassers?" Grizzly asked.

"No, Grizzly, now go back, okay?" Gloria coaxed the bear away from the terrified group of pre-teens. "So, you made it, huh?"

"Uh huh," Parappa nodded, his arms around Katy's shoulders and Lammy's arms over his.

"What'd Pat make you sing?"

"Um... that Eygptian song."

"Walk Like an Eygptian. She always loved that song." Gloria boredly worded as she batted a fly off of her tail. "Well, I'd tell you to get ready, get you all motivated for your song and stuff, man, but the dance floor's bein' cleaned. Can you wait about ten minutes?"

The small group of three gals and a guy let go of eachother and stared at Gloria, surprised and yet grateful that she was being so calm. "Uh, is that okay with you guys?"

"It's okay with me," Katy shrugged.

"I'm fine with it," Lammy pushed back her hair.

#It's alright for you, it's alright for you!" Ma-san began to sing. #It's alright for you! For you and you and you and you and you!#

"Okay then, we'll wait." Parappa shoved his hand in his pockets.

"Alright then, see ya on the flip side." Gloria began to walk away. She waved over her shoulder at the kids. "If you want, you can sit at a table and order a drink!"

***

"Who serves Hamburger Helper at a restaurant?!" Katy yelled in surprise, dropping a menu onto the floor in surprise.

"Who even eats Hamburger Helper?!" Lammy stuck out her tongue. "Ewh!"

#And take a look at this special! Hamburger Helper and an 18oz. Harvey Wallbanger! That is a lethal combination there!# Ma-san laughed.

"My dad makes Manwiches for lunch sometimes when I get straight As on my report card!" Parappa pointed out.

"Hey, Parappa, how do you pronounce this?" Lammy leaned over to Parappa's side of the table and pointed out one particular item on the menu.

"Um... kwIiiche. Kwiche?"

Katy looked onto Parappa menu and laughed. "That's 'quiche', Parappa! My Mom made me eat that stuff all the time when I was a baby!"

"Hey, speaking of babies, weren't you supposed to be babysitting someone?" Parappa asked.

"Yeah, I was, but then PJ showed up at my house and said you need my help. Now he's watching the kids."

***

PJ tried in vain to calm down the hyperactive tiger cubs. "NO NO NO! Put down the Oreos and find your shoes, Valiant! No- No Adult Swim! Your parent's kill me! No, don't cut the dog's hair now- gimme the Oreos! What's tha- those are his shoes! Tell him you have his shoes then find your shoes! Turn off the tv! Gimme that bag of Oreos! Get the dog out of the sink! Valiant, off the ceiling fan! Stop feeding the dog the Oreos! Gimme that bag of Oreos! No Adult Swim!"

PJ made a dash for the phone as Valiant the tiger cub tried to jam a lampshade onto his head.

***

"Lucky PJ," Parappa mused. "He's lucky he didn't get stuck in this mess."

"I think it's been okay," Lammy tried to encourage Parappa.

"Yeah, and we're learning a whole buncha new songs for our band!" Katy Kat laughed. "Lammy, did you catch the guitar tabs for 'Walk Like An Eygptian'?"

"Oh, I was supposed to get the tabs? I forgot, oops!"

"Rap boy!"

"It's Parappa!" the puppy yelled as Gloria stepped away from the Disco balls. "What do you want?"

"The floors clean, and I've booked it for your number. Your suits waiting for you in the men's room."

Parappa's face turned white. "Oh no... not that..."

***

(Music begins. Parappa and Gloria are standing on the dance floor. Parappa's in a white Disco suit that doesn't go well with his orange hat.)

(Lesson 1)

Gloria: First I was afraid, I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

But I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

I grew strong. I learned how to carry on

Parappa: And so you're back from outer space

Gloria: I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

Parappa: I should have changed my stupid lock

Gloria: I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

you'd be back to bother me

Parappa: Go on now go, walk out the door

(Parappa gets shocked by wet floor tile. He's not singing right.)

Gloria: Just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

Parappa: Aren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

You think I'd crumble?

Gloria: you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I

Parappa: I will survive

(Parappa gets zapped again. He's now at BAD rating.)

Gloria: Oh, as long as i know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

Parappa: I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

and um...

(Parappa gets zapped again; he forgot the line.)

Gloria: It took all the strength I had

Not to fall apart

Parappa: Kept trying hard to mend

The pieces of my broken heart

Gloria: And I spent oh so many nights

Just feeling sorry for myself

Parappa: (forgots line again) Um... line?

(Gets shocked again. He's now at awful, so...)

Gloria: (shakes her head) Sorry, square. You've failed the challenge.

Parappa: I-I-I.... failed? (falls onto his knees in defeat) Nooooooo.....

(Try again? Yes, no?)

Parappa: I quit.

***

"I messed up... I failed... I'm never gonna get home now...." Parappa whimpered into his Manwich. Lammy sat next to him, rubbing his shoulders and whispering words of encouragement. Katy tried Over and Over again to get Parappa to actually Eat his Manwich, but she failed as well. All he did was stare at it, his gaze never straying, his eyes never blinking...

#Uh... you look better in the Disco suit than you did in the 80s suit, Parappa!# Ma-san tried her hand at cheering up Parappa. He didn't respond, he just kept staring...

Gloria approached the table, her fingertips on her cheek in worry. "Um... there's a wreck room in the back... if you want some privacy?"

Parappa, after a few second's pause, nodded. He kept his eyes on his Manwich.

"Okay, I'll find you the key." Gloria began to rifle through her pockets. "I've got some H.R. Pufnstuf videos, if you wanna watch 'em." Getting no reaction, Gloria began spouting off more pepper-uppers that she used on her sisters. "I've also got Shields and Yarnell, and the Muppet Show, and a bunch of the Match Game. But if you wanna watch one of the Love Boat videos, one of 'em magnetized, so don't panic if you get stat- here it is." Gloria pulled a miniscule key out of her back pocket. "Let's go."

***

"I failed the test..." Parappa moaned. He rubbed the satin cloth of his disco suit autistically. "How am I supposed to get home?"

"We could stay here and wait 'til morning," Katy Kat suggested.

Lammy looked around the wreck room. Pink walls, burnt orange walls with a stained coffee table; it was a wreck room alright. One little tv sat on the floor on the other side of the room. Ma-san sat in front of the tv, mesmorized by the taped episodes of The Electric Company. Beside the tv sat a milk bottle box, filled from side-to-side with pieces of cardboard. On the tv's other side was a turntable, clean and warm from recent use.

"I don't think we could spend all night here." Lammy scratched her head. "I don't think the sofa folds out."

#What's in here?# Ma-san asked herself, looking into the milk crate. #Paul McCartney... Led Zeppelin? Queen? The Who!#

"The who?" Parappa's head snapped up, his attention wavering.

#It's all the bands from the 70s that you forget were from the 70s!#

"Like who?" Katy asked.

#Exactly!#

Parappa cocked his ear. "What?"

#The Who!#

"The who?"

#Exactly!#

"Exactly what?"

#Not what, Who!#

"Who?"

#Right!#

"What's right?"

#Not what! Who!#

"Who?"

Ma-san fell over in exhaustion.

Parappa examined the record box and pulled out one particular record. "Hey, I know this song!"

He smiled evilly. "And I can sing this one, too."

***

(It's now retry time. There is no music as of yet.)

(Lesson 1)

Gloria: Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide;

No escape from reality.

Open your eyes,

Look up to the skies, and see.

Parappa: I'm just a poor boy.

I need no sympathy.

Gloria: 'Cause I'm easy come, easy go

Little high, little low.

Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me.

Parappa: To me.

(Lesson 2)

(The music is very different; all the lights are blue. The music is very slow.)

Gloria: Mama, just killed a man.

Put a gun against his head,

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.

Parappa: Mama, life had just begun,

But now I've gone and thrown it All Away!

(Blacklight-spotlight focuses on him; he's singin' good!)

Gloria: Mama! Oo-OoOo-oo!

Didn't mean to make you cry

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow!

Parappa: Carry on, carry on!

'Cause nothin' really matters.

(Lesson 3)

Gloria: Too late, my time has come.

Parappa: Sends shivers down my spine,

Body's achin' all the time.

Good-bye, everybody.

Gloria: I've got to go.

Parappa: Gotta leave it all behind and FACE the truth!

Gloria: Mama!

Parappa and Gloria: (harmonizing!) Oo-OoOo-oo!

Gloria: I don't wanna die!

Parappa: Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!

(Lesson 4, guitar solo from Lammy. Tears are in her eyes.)

(Music tempo speeds up.)

Gloria: I see a little silhouetto of a man.

Parappa: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?

Parappa and Gloria: Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very fright'ning me!

Gloria: Galileo!!

Parappa: Galileo! Galileo!!

Gloria: Galileo! Galileo figaro!

Parappa: Magnifico! I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me.

Gloria: He's just a poor boy from a poor family,

Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

Parappa (giggling and smiling nervously): Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

Gloria (knowing what he's implying): Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!

Lammy, Katy, and Ma-san (in background): Let him go!

Gloria: Bismillah! We will not let you go!

Lammy, Katy, Ma-san, and Parappa: Let him go!

Gloria: Bismillah! We will not let you go

Parappa: Let me go!

Gloria: Will not let you go!

Parappa: Let me go!

Gloria: Will not let you go!

Parappa: Let me go!

Gloria: Will not let you goooooo!

Everyone: No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Gloria: Oh mama mia, mama mia!

Parappa: Mama mia, let me go

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meEEEEEEEEE!

(Lesson 5)

(Parappa hits the high note! His rating jumps to FANTASTIC!)

(Rockin' guitar jams from Lammy! Parappa's bangin' his head, DU-NU NU-NU NU- NU! DU-NU NU-NU- oh, sorry.)

Parappa: So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!

Gloria: Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby!

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here!

(More jammin' guitar stuff, then it slows down to the original tempo.)

Parappa: Nothing really matters, Anyone can see,

Nothing really matters,

Nothing really matters to me

***

The fellow disco dancers burst into applause, unable to contain their happiness. Parappa blushed, surprised that he had made such a quick recovery. "I... I did okay?"

Gloria jumped up and down giddily, her voice tight and her fists clenched. "THAT WAS SO BOSS, MAN! PSYCHEDELIC! You pass with flying colors!"

Parrapa's dignity and confidence rushed back into his chest. "YES! Ha ha!"

Lammy and Katy bounded to Parappa and quickly had him in a tight embrace, squealing and jumping around as girls did with him in tow.

"You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it! You did it!"

"Oh, man, Parappa, that was so cool! And you hit that high part, and the 'Bich me lach', that was so cool!"

#Awesome! Tubular! Boss! Whatever, that rocked!#

Parappa laughed in sheer ecstacy. Hearing a compliment from Ma-san was enough to make anybody's day!

***

Parappa was finally back in his old clothes, his head full of ideas, his chest full of pride, and his stomach full of Manwich. "That was fun back there with Gloria: You know, she made me feel more like I was singing with her than against her."

Lammy smiled. "And you didn't even have to disco!"

"Good thing there were some no-disco people in the 70s, or we woulda flunked that test," Katy Kat noticed.

"You're right!" Parappa agreed. "I guess not following crowd can be a good thing sometimes!"

#Hey, Parappa! I see a little silloutte of a man!# Ma-san burbled.

"Scaramouche, scaramouche," he began to sing. "Will you do the-"

"No Parappa!" Katy screamed, pointing to the wall over his shoulder. "There really is a silloutte behind you!"

Parappa turned to the huge shadow behind him. He screamed before it stepped into the light;

"Grizzly?"

Grizzly the bear shushed the puppy. "The name's Adam. Listen, I'm here to give you a warning; when you go to challenge Aretha, Gloria's older sister, you need to have the challenge outside. No matter what Aretha says, you have to do the match outside."

Parappa was startled and a little confused. "Um... why?"

"Some weird stuff went on in the 60s," Adam began to explained. "Some of the stuff is PG rated, so I can't say it here. I just don't wait a couple of good kids like you getting mixed into that kinda stuff. Don't go into Aretha's trailer; stay outside."

"Um.... okay?"

"Thanks," Lammy finished. "I think."

Oo, what kinda evil stuff is going on in Aretha's trailer? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON: OLD STUFF'S COOL TOO 4- I mean, 5; THE 60S!