So here's the story.  It's still not actual school term yet, so I don't really know what day it is.  I just know if I have to work or not and then promptly forget the rest.  So this morning, when I saw that it was Thursday, I realized that I had two choices:  Get on the ball and try to finish my updates by that night, or laze off all day and say "screw that, I'll just do it next week."  Now, this is only the first of two updates that needs writing, but since Jade insisted that she needed her "Scarletto," here I am, totally subservient sister that I am.  It's nice to see how much she loves it, considering I'm writing it for her.  I rule at making her happy.

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Scarlet

Part 5

*****

"Are you sure about this?"

"Of course."

"You seem attached.  You cried, I saw you."

"You don't know what you saw."

"Just don't forget the plan."

"I won't."

"You can't just back out.  You swore."

"I know."

"It's not your choice anymore."

"I know."

"Shh, he's moving."

"Kagura?" I woke, groggy and confused as her brilliant eyes darted to me from where she'd been standing at the cave entrance.  She seemed troubled, but a smile overtook her face after a moment.

"You're up, finally." She walked over gracefully enough to appear as though she were floating over the dirt floor.  Maybe she was.  Maybe this was all just a dream, and she was an angel come down to give me everything I'd ever wanted.  But then something struck my still sleep-dazed mind and I frowned as she knelt to stir at the rice she had prepared for breakfast.  "Slept straight through dinner and on into daylight, like you were exhausted.  Just exhausted."

"I was, I think." This distracted me momentarily before I remembered what it was that had woken me.  Kagura had been talking to someone.  I was sure I'd heard a conversation.  Something about planning…somebody's choice or something like that.  But no one was in the cave except the two of us.  "Were you…talking to someone just now?"  Her smile cracked, as though it had been a mask that had been shattered momentarily before the pieces came back together.  Only an instant, but she had looked scared.

"No…of course not." She giggled nervously, as though she were worried about why I would be asking something so strange.  "Who would I talk to?  There's no one here."

"Not now…I guess." I felt foolish.  I had been dreaming about something, and the conversation must have been some left over piece of the dream.  It's one of those confusing states between waking and asleep, where dreams and reality blend and you can't see what is true and what's in your mind.  But maybe that's just me.  "Sorry, I was just dreaming, I guess."

"I was in your dream?" She looked so impossibly pleased at that, I couldn't disappoint her.  I didn't honestly remember the dream.  Even now, I was struggling to recall what that conversation had been about, and what it had meant in my dream.  Apparently nothing important.

"Yeah." I shrugged, not wanting to make a big deal of it.

"Was it a good dream?" she wanted to know, utterly fascinated at the idea that I should dream of her.  She was watching me raptly as she sat down at the same moment I sat up, accepting the bowl of rice she handed me, and frowning at the chopsticks that she was so insistent upon.  She thought they were impossibly elegant, wonderfully civilized, and she did not seem to understand that I thought sticks were for burning, not for eating things with.

"I'm not sure, I don't remember it very well." I admitted, making a passable attempt with the frustrating implements, "But I guess if you were in it, it couldn't have been anything bad."

"Dreams can always be bad." Kagura's voice went flat suddenly.  "Maybe in your dream, I was bad."

"That's stupid." I immediately regretted my words as she looked up, her face stricken at my reaction.  "I mean, if it was a bad dream, I would have woken up because of it."

"But you did wake up." She reminded me.  Damn, she was good.

"Yeah.  But I didn't feel like it was a bad dream." I surmised.  "That means it was a good one."

"I wish…" she sighed softly, and I focused my attention on her instead of on those stupid grains of rice that refused to stay between the chopsticks on the trip to my mouth.  "I wish I had nice dreams like that."

"I don't even remember it." I told her.  "It's no big deal.  I'm sure your dreams are just as good."  There was a long silence, and she smiled at me, but it was that weird smile, that smile I wasn't sure of.  It wasn't the one I had seen before, so many times I had it memorized.  She wasn't happy, and I knew it.  I had obviously said something wrong, but she didn't want to upset me, so she just smiled like she meant it, like she thought I would be convinced she was fine and everything was all right.  I didn't remember there being so much trouble before I confessed to her.  It seemed like a lot of trouble to me, being in love.  It had never ended well before.  But I guess, before…Kagome hadn't loved me back.  It wasn't the same.

"So." She spoke after I finished my rice and she took my bowl and the sticks I so despised to wash.  "Do you think Ayame's worried?"

"What?" Okay, maybe I was just having a weird morning, but that seemed odd to me.  She never brought Ayame up first.  She got upset when I talked about her at all.  It was silly, but still…

"Well, the last time you saw her, she told you she was pregnant, and you ran off.  And you've been gone nearly a day.  I just thought…" Kagura drifted off, drying the bowl more thoroughly than what was necessary.

"I want to be with you." I told her, feeling a strange something in my gut.  I was too absorbed in the conversation to pay it any mind.  "So what do I care if she's waiting for me?"

"Kouga…she loves you." Kagura's voice was soft, but sharp.  A bit like linen pulled over a dagger.  "She's carrying your baby."

"She's still not you." I could not understand what Kagura was trying to do, but really all she was succeeding in was confusing me and making me think that she was mad at me for something stupid.  Maybe she was just trying to start an argument.  Did she want me to go to back, or to tell her that I loved her best and always would?

"Kouga…she's pregnant now." Kagura turned to me then, her face unreadable, but I could tell that whatever she was going to say was something that I had better listen to.  "I'm your consort.  I'm only here so that you two can have a child.  You don't need me anymore.  What would she think if you kept coming here?"

Okay, maybe now is the time for me to explain that while Ayame didn't technically know about Kagura, I had kind of let Kagura assume that I had told Ayame I had found a consort and everything, that she was utterly fine with all of this, and that she knew that was where I kept going for nights and days at a time.  So maybe Ayame didn't really know all that, but I had never actually said she did.  I just didn't bother to tell Kagura she didn't.  That wasn't lying, I figure.  That was censoring the truth.  It's not like it really should matter if Ayame knew.  It was a stupid thing to hide, really.  But I kind of got the feeling that Kagura found it important.  It was funny that someone I had once thought of as a deceptive witch was really so honest and forward with everyone.  Odd, how people change

"I told you we need two children." I answered after a while.  It wasn't a lie.  I just didn't bother to correct anything she'd said that wasn't true, and didn't bother to clarify and make sure she didn't assume any other things that were lies.  Or exaggerations.  Whatever.  "And like I said before, I know she must be with another guy.  We should keep trying.  I want my heir to be mine.  Not just hers."

"Oh." She seemed small when she said that.  "Kouga?"

"Yeah?" I really did not like this conversation.

"After you have two…"

"I couldn't leave you, Kagura.  Ayame will just have to learn to deal with it."  It seemed a horrible thing to say, but wonderful when I said it to Kagura.  Ayame would be heartbroken if she knew.  If she really was still faithful.  Which I doubted highly.  "And anyway, if she's fooling around, I don't see why I should be miserably faithful to her."

"I thought wolves mated for life." Kagura's voice sounded innocent, but it was deceptive.  She wanted me to say something, I just had to figure out what it was.  "But look at you two.  You're just like humans."

"Back when blood was pure, yeah." I admitted.  She could know this.  She could know anything she asked of me.  "There was this bond with your mate.  You never looked at anyone else that way.  That was it.  But then we brought in other youkai, by accident, on purpose, secretly." I smiled at her there, but she did not seem to think this was funny.  "And it's still there, sort of.  But it can be broken if you don't love your mate.  And I don't.  You know that.  I told you I love you."

"So you're saying that you can only love one person?" she blinked at me so disarmingly, I didn't think before I answered.

"Of course." It seemed a silly thing to ask.  But Kagura had a hard time understanding a lot of things.  I guess that was what happened when your only parental figure was Naraku.  Life was not something that explained itself for you.

"But you love Kagome." She reminded me.  I felt my stomach drop so hard it felt like I'd be sick.  "Don't you?"

"That…is stupid." I didn't know what else to say.  She had me in the corner and I had nothing to tell her, nothing to satisfy what she was looking for, whatever the hell that was.  It was too early and she was too curious.

"Don't you?" she was very insistent when she wanted something.  Now was apparently one of those times.

"I did." I admitted.  "But it was different."

"So you don't love her anymore?" Kagura wanted to know.  "If she came in here, into this cave, right now, and she said she was madly in love with you and wanted to have billions of your babies, would you tell her no, that you weren't interested anymore?  Or would you go with her?"

"I'm with you." I somehow felt this should be an answer that would end the conversation.  I really hated this stupid conversation.

"If it was between us, who would you pick?" she asked, perfectly serious, paying me perfect attention, looking as though she needed my answer more than anything else at that moment.  I had a sudden stroke of brilliance then.  I stood and strode over to where she was standing next to her little cupboard, and I hugged her tightly.  I was horrible with words.  I knew this well enough to know that I would never solve this problem if I relied on them.  So I acted.

"I love you now." I told her.  "Not her." And I kissed her.  That had to make it sure, that had to make her see that she was the most important thing I had in my life.  Because she was, and the thought that she wasn't hurt.  It took so long to find someone I could love who could love me back.  I couldn't go through that ever again, I was sure.  This was one of those things that don't happen twice.

"Will you love someone else, five years from now?" she wanted to know, her voice soft and breathless as it was after the best kisses.

"Why would I want to love someone other than you?" I asked her back.  She blinked at that.  Apparently she hadn't expected something like that for an answer.  As she stared at me, her features melted from that innocent curiosity to a warm smile, something so true and so bright that I felt like melting.  And then she started to cry.  "Kagura?"

"I'm…sorry." She sniffled, smiling and wiping her eyes, "I've just been so off lately.  Stupid, really.  I just start crying for practically no reason.  I didn't mean to worry you."

"It's okay." I kissed her between both her dark, perfectly arched eyebrows. "Just stop with the questions, okay?"

"Okay." She smiled, wiping up the last of her tears and smiling brilliantly.  "It's a deal."

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I did go back to the cave, but I waited out the rest of that day and didn't leave Kagura until halfway through the day after that.  I figured that, after all, I should keep up appearances for now.  It was clear to me that Ayame must have found someone else, and as soon as I could prove it, I could stop trying to hide Kagura from her.  Because really, if she was cheating on me, it wasn't wrong for me to be with someone else as well.  At least, it seemed that way to me.

"Kouga!" she was standing on the overhang just outside the cliff when I approached, not overly eager to reach her.  "Kouga!  Oh, I was so worried!"

"You're back!" Ginta popped out of nowhere, and his face was flushed as if he'd been running.  "We were looking everywhere."

"Why?" I asked, feeling like the idea of people out looking for me when I was perfectly fine was utterly foolish.

"We were scared something had happened." Ayame explained, her lower lip sticking out in that petulant way that always got on my nerves.  "I was so worried…Kouga, and I just…" and then she fainted dead away.  It occurred to me a little too late that I should have caught her.  She was pregnant, after all.  She didn't need to be falling all over the place like that, but before anything could happen to her, Ginta had caught her, and he scooped her up as easily as if she weighed nothing at all.

"Man, look at how bad she's gotten." His voice was gentle, like he was too worn out to be rough with me or her or anyone else.  "She's been worried sick, really.  And you know that she's…"

"Yeah, she told me." I sighed deeply.  "I shouldn't have been so long, but I had things to think about."

"It's okay," Ginta turned to carry her in as I moved to follow.  "We took care of her, I guess.  We try, but you know, she really needs you, Kouga.  She misses you so much when you're gone."

"Yeah, I know." I answered.  "But sometimes…it's better for me to leave."

"I don't get you." Ginta said finally after setting Ayame's form down on our furs.  She was still utterly quiet, but obviously asleep.  "Look how exhausted she is.  She's your mate.  I mean, I know you're leader and everything, but I just…don't think it's right."

"What?" I blinked, trying not to look as worried about what Ginta was saying as I felt.

"There's someone else, isn't there?" his voice was a whisper, harsh and low and accusing.  "I know there must be."

"You don't know anything." I snorted incredulously.

"She told me you were looking." He told me then.  "For a consort."

"Why…would she tell you that?" And then, suddenly, everything made sense.  He was so careful when he held her, so angry when he accused me, and he was there all the time, always next to me, next to her.  "You…and her…"

"I love her." Ginta told me, blushing enough for me to know that he wasn't utterly shameless.  "I love her more than you ever will."

"But she loves me." Somehow that was the most clever thing I could come up with at that moment, and it made Ginta snort at me in ridicule, almost like we were equals and I had just said something exceptionally foolish.

"She did.  But you broke her heart so bad…she can't love you anymore.  She can't.  She needs me to fix it." He puffed up proudly, and I was struck momentarily speechless.

"If I told, you'd be…killed.  The tribe would kill you." I finally spoke.

"What about if they knew?  About the wind user?" Ginta wanted to know, and that was when I felt as if I might faint.  What the hell was going on here?  "They'd kill her a hell of a lot faster than they would me.  At least I'm one of them.  One of the tribe."  I was still at a loss.  Should I deny?  Should I ask him how the hell he knew all that?  Should I just run out of the cave and never come back?  I had no idea right then.

"What…do you want?"  I had always thought of Ginta as a close friend.  And now he was threatening Kagura and sleeping with Ayame behind my back.  What the hell kind of a world was I living in, after all?

"I want you to leave." He said.  "But not right now."

"Why not?" I was too numb to really question his motives here.  This was all too much for me to ask more than one question at a time, and even that took a lot of work.

"Because, in the end, all that matters is one thing." He told me, and his face softened, and he seemed like such a good person, I thought that maybe it had all been a joke.  "Ayame's happiness."

*****

The End (Of Part 5, That Is)