Disclaimer: Dunna own SC2, na na na na, I ain't Namco, na na na na. Look
out for an ending disclaimer.
Reviewers, thankee kindly. Each in turn.
Dargon: Just to satiate you, when this fic is done, I will go over the whole thing and edit grammar, spelling, etc. Until then, there will inevitably be errors. I should thank you for your help as my honorary beta reader...but I won't...Ok, fine, I will. Thank you. Sorry you don't know what I'm talking about, but you're not really supposed to. By the way...don't mean to nitpick...but one of your corrections was wrong. "Administrators" is, in fact, spelled right, unless you meant something else (in which case, feel free to hit me with a spiked mace).
RKJS – Ooh, another JRRT fan (I'm guessing). Tres interessante. Well, the religious presence is merely for laughs. I should mention that I am, in fact, a theologian as well as a writer, which is why I came up with so many colorful names for the incarnation of pure evil.
CHAPTER 7 – PICKLES AND COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
"You can do it, Talim, c'mon, believe in yourself."
"That schizophrenic thing you've got going on is very disconcerting." Muttered Siegfried, laughing quietly to himself. He was experiencing a lot of humorous feelings ever since his recent release from the jaws/claws/maws (hey, that rhymes!) of Soul Edge. Now, he simply had nothing better to do than mock the teenage girl trying and failing to kill him.
The two of them, Talim and Siegfried, were now engaged in a display of witticisms on a small plateau in the middle of nowhere....also called Serbia.
"Shut up, weird dude." snapped the teenager, whipping one elbow blade around to illustrate her firmness on the matter.
"If I were you, kid, I wouldn't call me that." growled the knight.
"Eh, you're nothing without that big-ass sword."
"Umm...I've still got a big-ass sword, girl."
"Well, it doesn't have an eye on it. At least you can't see why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!"
"Ye gods, you really are crazy."
"QUIET! HAVE AT YOU!" Talim lunged, bringing her elbow blades sailing forward.
Siegfried, yawning in a particularly bored fashion, sidestepped the teenager. She, being the energetic youth she was, recovered almost instantly and sprung back into the fray...only to be quickly and rudely halted by a bony, semi-disconnected hand.
Standing in front of her, his arms neatly crossed in front of him, each bony hand holding a short blade, was the Cyclops demon with another big ol' eyeball inside him, namely Charade.
"Charade?" mumbled the girl as she skidded to a stop. She'd seen him before (actually, the first time the two of them met was in a bar, in a giant chicken-shaped building, in a horrible, caffeine-induced nightmare, but that's another story entirely).
"What exactly are you doing here?' Siegfried grumbled more than asked.
Obviously, Charade didn't respond, because he couldn't. He didn't feel the need anyway. He simply let his mind scan that off the aforementioned grumbler and watched with his single eye as his two blades merged and swelled into a "Big-Ass Sword."
Too bad he didn't have time to fight or even show his strength. As Talim watched, Siegfried grumbled, and Charade blinked a lot, the world slowly oozed into a murky pink color, with which we are all very, very sick by now.
And thus began the speaking of....c'mon guess...YES! Another plot bunny...
"Hello, peeps, I'll make this quick, so as not to seem too sick.
Seig, you're over compensating with that sword your excavating.
So I say it will get small, as will you, your sword, and all."
"What are you talking about?" queried the teenager, feeling left out.
"Talim, Talim, teenage girl, young one, upon you I unfurl
This curse. Since you're already mad, you shan't find this wee curse so bad."
"Charade, oh demon who can't talk, can't speak, can't sing can't even squawk.
Since you must copy other's styles To speak, their phrases you'll compile."
"Buddy, none of that made ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER!" roared Talim, feeling very hyper all of a sudden. She actually mustered up some courage and made a leap at the pink, failing miserably in her course.
Unfortunately, if Talim had jumped but a moment earlier, she might've done something worthwhile. In truth, all she did was leap at nothing and land on something....hard. When she sprung to her feet, a truly horrible feeling pulsed in her veins as all the pink immediately dematerialized.
The teenager looked down at herself, realizing how very strange she felt, and noticed something that could be considered an advantage to her in some countries and/or situations.
She had six, short, pudgy arms...which were really more pickles than arms.
Of course, her incredible new weirdness was vastly dwarfed by those of Siegfried and Charade, considering. The former knight was now three feet tall, was wearing a miniature clown suit, and holding something that resembled a lollipop. Charade, on the other hand, looked perfectly normal....except for the black top had an tuxedo that had somehow been permanently attached to his body.
"OOOGISHMOOGI!" roared Talim, not realizing what she was saying in an obvious state of pure madness, "WHAT THE SCHMIGIGGLE IS GOIN' ON 'ROUND HERE, Y'ALL!?"
"Trust me, I really have no idea." Said the strangely cute, small and high- pitched voice of Siegfried Schtauffen.
"Talim, I am your father," said Charade in an extremely full and robotic voice.
"PARDONEZ-MOI, MON CAPITAN SIGNORE?! WHAT WAS THAT CHICKEN LIVER YOU JUST SAID THAR!?"
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
"He's starting to get really annoying." Shot Mini-Sieg at the demon.
"OH REALLY? WELL, LA-DEE-FRICKIN-DA, SHORTIE!"
Now, this incredibly painful dialogue could've continued, but, thankfully, it didn't.
They were interrupted by a giant yellow turtle with a beauteous aria and atonal vomiting noises coming from its yellow back, which was worming its way along the ground at and incredible pace for such a gargantuan turtle.
"FASTEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YOU DAMNED TUUUUUUUUURTLE!" said the wonderfully melodic voice of Cervantes de Leon, only slightly less supple than Cher's, from the back of the beast.
"Ok, somebody tell me that's not Cervantes singing soprano on top of a giant yellow turtle." Said Mini-Sieg.
"I'M AFRIAD 'TIS, JIMMY CRACK CORN!" bellowed Talim, waving her six pickles wildly.
"GO FLIPPER! WOOOOO!" shrieked Charade.
"Whoooooooo's down theeeeeere?" sung Cervantes, sweetly crooning from the turtle's back.
Maxi the pirate, spewing a seemingly endless supply of colorful flowers from his mouth, leapt with extreme agility down from the turtle. He didn't speak, primarily because he couldn't find the time in between bouts of flower-vomiting, and was content just to stand there. Cervantes also jumped down a pirouetted like a true ballerina as he alighted.
"Goooooood to seeeeee you all. We'll just be goooooooing now."
"Going? Why on earth are you here if you're going somewhere else." Squeaked Mini-Sieg.
"Well, actuallyyyyyyyy, we're running, you seeeeee."
"RUNNIN' FROM WHATTA EXACTLY, MISS MUFFET?"
"Thaaaaaaaaat!" said Cervantes, with trembling vibrato in his voice as he pointed over at the horizon.
Growing in the distance was a wave of pure, completely untainted and horrible pink. Astabunny, in all his malevolent glory, led the pink. Even though the motley crew couldn't really tell, the pink was actually Astabunny's ruthless army of bunny warriors. It was really quite a sight to behold.
The long, painful, awestruck silence was broken by Charade.
"We're going to need a bigger boat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for Chapter 8 – Grand Theft Otto, Coming Soon.
End Disclaimer: All Charade's quotes are from famous movies, songs, plays, poems, etc. Most will be recognizable,
Reviewers, thankee kindly. Each in turn.
Dargon: Just to satiate you, when this fic is done, I will go over the whole thing and edit grammar, spelling, etc. Until then, there will inevitably be errors. I should thank you for your help as my honorary beta reader...but I won't...Ok, fine, I will. Thank you. Sorry you don't know what I'm talking about, but you're not really supposed to. By the way...don't mean to nitpick...but one of your corrections was wrong. "Administrators" is, in fact, spelled right, unless you meant something else (in which case, feel free to hit me with a spiked mace).
RKJS – Ooh, another JRRT fan (I'm guessing). Tres interessante. Well, the religious presence is merely for laughs. I should mention that I am, in fact, a theologian as well as a writer, which is why I came up with so many colorful names for the incarnation of pure evil.
CHAPTER 7 – PICKLES AND COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT
"You can do it, Talim, c'mon, believe in yourself."
"That schizophrenic thing you've got going on is very disconcerting." Muttered Siegfried, laughing quietly to himself. He was experiencing a lot of humorous feelings ever since his recent release from the jaws/claws/maws (hey, that rhymes!) of Soul Edge. Now, he simply had nothing better to do than mock the teenage girl trying and failing to kill him.
The two of them, Talim and Siegfried, were now engaged in a display of witticisms on a small plateau in the middle of nowhere....also called Serbia.
"Shut up, weird dude." snapped the teenager, whipping one elbow blade around to illustrate her firmness on the matter.
"If I were you, kid, I wouldn't call me that." growled the knight.
"Eh, you're nothing without that big-ass sword."
"Umm...I've still got a big-ass sword, girl."
"Well, it doesn't have an eye on it. At least you can't see why kids like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!"
"Ye gods, you really are crazy."
"QUIET! HAVE AT YOU!" Talim lunged, bringing her elbow blades sailing forward.
Siegfried, yawning in a particularly bored fashion, sidestepped the teenager. She, being the energetic youth she was, recovered almost instantly and sprung back into the fray...only to be quickly and rudely halted by a bony, semi-disconnected hand.
Standing in front of her, his arms neatly crossed in front of him, each bony hand holding a short blade, was the Cyclops demon with another big ol' eyeball inside him, namely Charade.
"Charade?" mumbled the girl as she skidded to a stop. She'd seen him before (actually, the first time the two of them met was in a bar, in a giant chicken-shaped building, in a horrible, caffeine-induced nightmare, but that's another story entirely).
"What exactly are you doing here?' Siegfried grumbled more than asked.
Obviously, Charade didn't respond, because he couldn't. He didn't feel the need anyway. He simply let his mind scan that off the aforementioned grumbler and watched with his single eye as his two blades merged and swelled into a "Big-Ass Sword."
Too bad he didn't have time to fight or even show his strength. As Talim watched, Siegfried grumbled, and Charade blinked a lot, the world slowly oozed into a murky pink color, with which we are all very, very sick by now.
And thus began the speaking of....c'mon guess...YES! Another plot bunny...
"Hello, peeps, I'll make this quick, so as not to seem too sick.
Seig, you're over compensating with that sword your excavating.
So I say it will get small, as will you, your sword, and all."
"What are you talking about?" queried the teenager, feeling left out.
"Talim, Talim, teenage girl, young one, upon you I unfurl
This curse. Since you're already mad, you shan't find this wee curse so bad."
"Charade, oh demon who can't talk, can't speak, can't sing can't even squawk.
Since you must copy other's styles To speak, their phrases you'll compile."
"Buddy, none of that made ANY SENSE WHATSOEVER!" roared Talim, feeling very hyper all of a sudden. She actually mustered up some courage and made a leap at the pink, failing miserably in her course.
Unfortunately, if Talim had jumped but a moment earlier, she might've done something worthwhile. In truth, all she did was leap at nothing and land on something....hard. When she sprung to her feet, a truly horrible feeling pulsed in her veins as all the pink immediately dematerialized.
The teenager looked down at herself, realizing how very strange she felt, and noticed something that could be considered an advantage to her in some countries and/or situations.
She had six, short, pudgy arms...which were really more pickles than arms.
Of course, her incredible new weirdness was vastly dwarfed by those of Siegfried and Charade, considering. The former knight was now three feet tall, was wearing a miniature clown suit, and holding something that resembled a lollipop. Charade, on the other hand, looked perfectly normal....except for the black top had an tuxedo that had somehow been permanently attached to his body.
"OOOGISHMOOGI!" roared Talim, not realizing what she was saying in an obvious state of pure madness, "WHAT THE SCHMIGIGGLE IS GOIN' ON 'ROUND HERE, Y'ALL!?"
"Trust me, I really have no idea." Said the strangely cute, small and high- pitched voice of Siegfried Schtauffen.
"Talim, I am your father," said Charade in an extremely full and robotic voice.
"PARDONEZ-MOI, MON CAPITAN SIGNORE?! WHAT WAS THAT CHICKEN LIVER YOU JUST SAID THAR!?"
"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get."
"He's starting to get really annoying." Shot Mini-Sieg at the demon.
"OH REALLY? WELL, LA-DEE-FRICKIN-DA, SHORTIE!"
Now, this incredibly painful dialogue could've continued, but, thankfully, it didn't.
They were interrupted by a giant yellow turtle with a beauteous aria and atonal vomiting noises coming from its yellow back, which was worming its way along the ground at and incredible pace for such a gargantuan turtle.
"FASTEEEEEEEEEEEEER, YOU DAMNED TUUUUUUUUURTLE!" said the wonderfully melodic voice of Cervantes de Leon, only slightly less supple than Cher's, from the back of the beast.
"Ok, somebody tell me that's not Cervantes singing soprano on top of a giant yellow turtle." Said Mini-Sieg.
"I'M AFRIAD 'TIS, JIMMY CRACK CORN!" bellowed Talim, waving her six pickles wildly.
"GO FLIPPER! WOOOOO!" shrieked Charade.
"Whoooooooo's down theeeeeere?" sung Cervantes, sweetly crooning from the turtle's back.
Maxi the pirate, spewing a seemingly endless supply of colorful flowers from his mouth, leapt with extreme agility down from the turtle. He didn't speak, primarily because he couldn't find the time in between bouts of flower-vomiting, and was content just to stand there. Cervantes also jumped down a pirouetted like a true ballerina as he alighted.
"Goooooood to seeeeee you all. We'll just be goooooooing now."
"Going? Why on earth are you here if you're going somewhere else." Squeaked Mini-Sieg.
"Well, actuallyyyyyyyy, we're running, you seeeeee."
"RUNNIN' FROM WHATTA EXACTLY, MISS MUFFET?"
"Thaaaaaaaaat!" said Cervantes, with trembling vibrato in his voice as he pointed over at the horizon.
Growing in the distance was a wave of pure, completely untainted and horrible pink. Astabunny, in all his malevolent glory, led the pink. Even though the motley crew couldn't really tell, the pink was actually Astabunny's ruthless army of bunny warriors. It was really quite a sight to behold.
The long, painful, awestruck silence was broken by Charade.
"We're going to need a bigger boat."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stay tuned for Chapter 8 – Grand Theft Otto, Coming Soon.
End Disclaimer: All Charade's quotes are from famous movies, songs, plays, poems, etc. Most will be recognizable,
