Project Rivendell Part Three

(note: the event of Celebrian's death is my own invention, though I have tried to link it to the little I know of her history. She had to be out of the way for the purpose of my story!)

Rhonda was having a great tim. Unlike Will and Gwyneth, she had taken her fall into Middle Earth in her stride. She felt that she was in her natural place among the elves. Once she had persuaded them that she couldn't possibly live without her push-up bra, that is. She didn't mind the long elegant robes, but she drew the line at being completely naked beneath them. The elven women who helped to dress her had looked with interest (and some distaste) at her thong.

Rhonda had not been there long enough to worry how she would manage without her make up and manicures. Seeing the beautifully dressed and coiffured elven women, she assumed that there was some sort of elf shopping mall, with salons and boutiques somewhere in Rivendell. The concept of natural beauty was not in Rhonda's vocabulary. Neither had she realised that she did not have her anti-depressants with her. She had been taking them since her parents divorce when she was about twelve, having been prescribed them by an unscrupulous private doctor. At the moment she was too interested in everything around her to remember that she was depressed.

Naturally drawn to the most powerful man in the vicinity, Rhonda asked many questions about Elrond. He was a widower, the elves told her. His wife had sailed away to the West, but had died of grief over some dreadful events that had happened to her in a place called Mordor. Mordor, the elves assured Rhonda, no longer existed. They started telling her about some ring and little people called hobbits, but she had lost interest by then.

Only Elrond interested Rhonda, much to his mortification. The long separation between Elrond and his wife had gone some way to lessening the grief he felt at her death, but he was still in no hurry to find another wife.

That night, at dinner, Will gladly listened to the tales of the Fellowship of the Ring, whilst Rhonda did her best to interest Elrond.

"So, Elrond, what do you like to do? Can I call you El?" asked Rhonda. "Or is it Ron?"

"It is Elrond." He replied. Even the hobbits weren't this crass.

"Elrond it is. Oh, if we married, I'd be Rhonda Elrond. A bit of a mouthful don't you think?"

"Actually, you would be Rhonda Peredhil," said Legolas, who was visiting Rivendell with his friend, Gimli. Legolas was made silent by an imperious glance from Elrond. He and Gimli laughed quietly together in a corner as Rhonda did her best to attract Elrond.

"As I was saying," said Rhonda, casting Legolas an interested glance. She would deal with him later. "what is it that you like to do, Elrond?"

"Do?" Elrond was thrown by this question. What he did was rule his people and heal the sick. Sometimes he wrote poetry and songs, but he did not wish to share this fact with Rhonda. Suddenly his own life seemed empty to him. He had not fought in the battle for Middle Earth, though he had helped in anyway he could. His last battle had been at Isildur's side. He enjoyed riding his horses, and tending his garden, or reading books from his vast library. But he didn't actually 'do' anything anymore. His only life was in the service of his people, until such time as they all left for the undying lands, but he had a feeling that this strange woman from the future would not understand that. She was a reminder of all the things he had once disliked about men. Their vanity, their greed, their belief that the whole world revolved around them.

"Are you very rich?" asked Rhonda.

"I do not seek riches." Said Elrond, sternly. "My people are a simple people. We live well, we eat well, but we do not strive for gain. That is man's disease. Not ours."

"But that crown around your head must be worth a fair whack." Will cut in. He had been wandering around Rivendell since he awoke and was amazed by the riches that were left lying around on tables or on the wooden verandas. Silver and gold plates, crystal glass, swords with priceless stones, along with artefacts that looked ancient even in Elrond's time (and Will still hadn't quite worked out exactly what time they were in). There were no doors on any of the houses, so anyone could have come in and stolen them, yet no one did.

"As I said, we do not measure our worth by our belongings," Elrond told him. "You will see the same artefacts in any one of the houses belonging to my people."

Will blushed. It was almost as if Elrond had read his mind. He hadn't. He had just been told by other elves that Will was taking a special interest in the items on show. They had asked their Lord whether they should move their belongings for safety, but Elrond had said:

"No, we must trust these humans from another time until they give us reason not to." He too was waiting to confer with Gandalf as to what steps could be taken about the strangers.

"So if everyone is equal, what do you have to live for?" asked Will.

"I did not say we were all equal. We have our hierarchy and our laws, just as men do. But we live long lives, so we strive for different goals than mere gold or power. We strive for education, for a peaceful life, and for the means to heal wounds."

"What about sex?" asked Rhonda, looking at Legolas rather than Elrond, as she spoke.

"I do not understand the question." Said Elrond.

"Do elves have sexual intercourse?"

"For God's sake, Rhonda!" Will exclaimed. "You're talking to a Lord here."

"Yes, Lady Rhonda, elves have sexual intercourse." Elrond replied, almost amused, though they wouldn't have known it from his stern face. "It is how we procreate. We are built as men are built in that respect, but as we live long lives, it is not an overriding force with us as it is with men. We have plenty of time to get it right."

"Don't you just have sex for fun then?" asked Rhonda, still looking at Legolas, who was actually beginning to look very worried. "I mean, one night stands and all that?"

"One night stands?" Elrond had clearly never heard the term. A strange image flashed through his mind of people standing up all night, having sex. It sounded very uncomfortable.

"She means just having sex with a stranger once, then never seeing them again." Will informed him, wishing that Rhonda would just shut up.

"I see." Was all Elrond replied. He knew that he didn't have one night stands, but he could not speak for the rest of his people. He assumed that most of the elven maidens were virgins until they married. Then he remembered his own youth, thousands of years earlier, and the times, before marrying Celebrian, when he had taken elven maidens (one at a time of course!) to his bed after the heat of battle had made the adrenaline pump through his veins. His body was all heat then, and he had almost burned up in its flames.

Somehow, even though the couplings were fleeting, he had not thought of them as transient. Both he and the maiden in question had left the experience with their dignity and friendship intact. Some of those same elven women were among the people still with him, though married to other elves. But Rhonda had made it sound cheap and nasty.

The other elves sitting around the dinner table were looking very interested in the concept Rhonda had presented. Elrond made a silent vow to get Rhonda back to her own time before she managed to corrupt his entire race.