Chapter 3: The Joker's Discovery
The Joker, had, in the meantime calmed down. As soon as Harley had left, a faint bubble of guilt formed in his chest, but he pushed it back down. She shouldn't have been listening! He sat down on his throne and fumed for a few more minutes, before his temper wore off. He sighed, his boredom and longing taking control of his thoughts.
The Joker got off of his throne, before he went to the exit on the other side of the room. He went down several flights of stairs, before heading outside, having decided that a brisk walk would do him well.
It had stopped raining. He walked down the street, keeping to the shadows, hoping he wouldn't be noticed by any of his peers. The air was cool and humid, with the scent of water, just the way the world always is after a heavy rainfall. The scents were rather calming, clearing his mind and making it easier to think.
He pulled his purple trench coat tighter around him, walking in the shadows of the city, not caring where he went right now. He kept walking, further, and further. Soon, he barely felt or heard his footsteps gently hit the ground or echo in the empty streets. The Joker kept walking, his mind full of boredom and yearning.
"There's something missing," the Joker said to himself. "There is just...some humor that has been overlooked. I work night and day, for weeks at a time to come up with a rather brilliant scheme...but nothing ever works. Even the plans that would work have no humor in them, no joke. What is even worse is I am often so stressed after a fight that I forget what went wrong and end up repeating myself!"
He sighed and looked up at the sky, still painted with black rain clouds.
"I need something new...something I haven't tried before...but what? What can I be missing?"
His thoughts wandered even more. He sighed again and leaned against a building. The longing inside him grew bigger, the fire of his hatred for Batman growing brighter. His mind was blank, save for the need to try something new. He scowled, then continued on his way.
~~~
The next morning, the Penguin drove up in a small, old-fashioned black limousine. He got out and went to the Joker's tower, his arms laden with blueprints, lists, and plans. He rang the doorbell, which was a recording of maniacal laughter. He gently hummed for a minute, before he rang it once more.
"Joker?" he called, knocking on the door.
There was no answer. He knocked again.
"Joker!"
There was still no answer.
"Joker! I've got some plans to rid us of Batman! Please! I'd like to go over them with you! I need you!"
There was still no answer. The Penguin went over to his limousine and pulled out his megaphone.
"Joker! Answer me---yaaaaaah!"
As he leaned back to shout, the Penguin slipped. He rolled down the Joker's tall set of porch steps, before he came to a stop at the bottom. He got up and dusted himself off.
"Hmph!"
It was then that one of the henchmen finally answered the door.
"It's about time," said the Penguin as he dusted off his hat. He placed it on his head. "Where is the Joker? I need to see him at once!"
"He's not home," said the henchman.
"What?" asked the Penguin. "Where is he?"
"He hasn't been home all night."
"Well, that's just peachy," said the Penguin, picking up the plans that he had dropped. "Looks like these will have to wait..."
~~~
The Joker's meandering led him deep inside Gotham, onto streets that were somewhat unfamiliar to him. He looked around. It was still very early in the morning, with the sun just barely starting to rise. He felt grateful for it, as no one was on the streets right now. The Joker kept walking, the dark blue sky slowly lighting up.
The Joker yawned.
"Where am I?" he asked himself, then looked around. "It's...someplace...new..." He looked around the streets. "What is this?"
Suddenly, he stopped. There, across the street, was the Batmobile.
"Holy bat-trap," he whispered, not knowing why he said it.
Behind him, without his knowing, a manhole cover quietly slid to the side. The Joker gulped, a little nervous. He took a few steps back, eyes scanning for the hero and his little sidekick. Suddenly, there was nothing under his feet. Had he had been walking forward, rather than back, he would have seen the now open manhole right behind him.
"Whooooooooooooooooa!" he exclaimed.
Only seconds after his screams died down did the manhole cover slip automatically into place, where Gotham's most notorious criminal had fallen inside.
~~~
The Joker slid down a steep but smooth spiraling slide. He slid, faster and faster, wind blowing back his hair and rushing past his ears, roaring in them.
When the ride finally stopped, the Joker landed headfirst on the hard ground. He rolled for a bit, dizzy, before his head slammed into the wall. A few shrieks and the flutter of leather wings were heard, but were gone soon.
The Joker slowly sat up, rubbing his aching head, trying to clear the dizziness away. When he did, he saw a set of stairs that had been carved into this...cavern. Down below, he saw a round platform with a long path leading into the darkness. From that platform was a ramp, and a small set of stairs that led to a giant computer.
The ceiling was high, with tall, looming arches supporting it. The hallway and dark and cavernous, with huge stone walls and moisture dripping from the ceiling. Occasionally, the shriek of a bat could be heard. The Joker grinned, for somehow, this simple yet elegant place intrigued him. He ran down the long stairs leading from the platform he was currently on down to the one with the empty round platform. From there, he climbed up the few steps to the computer.
'I've never seen a computer like this,' he thought to himself. 'I wonder how well I can hack in...'
The Joker grinned to himself. It was often mere child's play for him to be able to tap into government files. Why should this be any different? He cracked his knuckles and without a care in the world, he tapped a few keys. Suddenly, a profile came up. It was the Scarecrow's.
"Jonathon Crane," he read off the screen. He tapped a few more keys. "As a child, he was often picked on for his small size...has a fascination with fear...enjoys injecting his victims with various serums...I knew all that..."
The Joker played with a few more keys. More profiles came up: Killer Croc, Baby Doll, Ra's Al Ghul, Poison Ivy, the Riddler---only to name a few. He grinned and with a few taps, he brought up his own profile.
"And what does this guy have to say about me, eh?" he wondered. The screen soon came up. "The Joker. Real name: unknown. Old occupation: unknown. Status: the most notorious." He grinned. "This guy knows me very well..."
His hand slipped and tapped another key. This one brought up all the records of every crime committed by any of the Arkhamites. The Joker read what was on the screen, then gasped. He recognized several of these heists as his own! The laughing fish, the New Year's Eve stunt with the sonic bomb, even the one time where he had knocked Harley out the window of the old Aquacade! And only one person would have known THAT well enough to write such a detailed report---Batman. He now knew exactly where he was.
"This is the Batcave?" he whispered to himself. He attempted to delete the file, but nothing happened. Grumbling to himself, he got up and set the chair and screen exactly the way they were when he first came in. He had just barely stepped down from the platform when he heard a familiar rumbling. It was the Batmobile. Thinking fast, the Joker hid behind some tall stalagmites that were jutting from the floor. As soon as he got in a decent position, he watched as the car pulled up on the round empty platform.
Batman came out, with Robin right behind him.
"Come on, Robin," Batman said. "We need to get this analyzed."
He went up to the computer. The Joker watched him from his hiding place. He knew he could attack now, but thought better of it. He knew Batman must not know that he had stumbled upon his hideout---at least, not yet. He looked behind him. There, by chance, was a spare belt. Grinning he picked it up, but waited for the right moment to get away.
While Batman and Robin were distracted with the computer (they weren't talking; all he heard was the striking of the keys), he tiptoed back up to the platform where he came in, seeing how long the Batmobile's path was, and how in sight it was, for that matter.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he climbed up to the first platform, and into the small hideaway where the slide was. Fastening the belt to his waist, he carefully climbed back up, careful not to slip or make any noise. Sure, he could have stayed and listened, but that would also increase his chances of getting caught---not something he planned to do at this moment. Instead, he climbed back out, knowing it would take a while. In the meantime, his twisted mind was forming a plan...a plan to get Batman once and for all.
~~~
Several Arkhamites were gathered in the center of the town.
"This has never happened before!" Riddler exclaimed. "The Joker has never just disappeared like that! At least, not after a fight with Batman..."
"It's suspicious," said Catwoman. "And I don't like suspicious."
"It's peculiar," said the Mr. Freeze in agreement.
"It's scary," said the Scarecrow. "Well, maybe not in fear, but in a rather bizarre way..."
"Stand aside," said Penguin, pushing them aside. "Coming through!"
Catwoman hissed as he passed. The Penguin walked onto a small platform and pulled out his megaphone.
"We've got to find the Joker!" he exclaimed. "Without his brilliance, we can't launch a new attack on Batman! Now, is there anywhere we've forgotten to check?"
"I looked in all the allies and checked the rooftops," said Catwoman. "He isn't there."
"I checked the papers for recent crimes," said the Ventriloquist.
"Yeah," Scarface added. "We ain't seen him, got it?"
"He wasn't on last night's news," said Two Face, flipping his coin. It landed scar-side up, showing how he was going to feel about this. "Like I care, anyway..."
"We searched the entire Underworld," said Riddler. "He isn't anywhere!"
"Then it's time to send an alert!" said Penguin.
He turned to Catwoman. She nodded and leapt onto the nearby building, then rushed to deliver the message, as she was the quickest and slyest. She ran around the Underworld, giving the message to everyone she met. Down below, the crowd departed to help. They all rushed to those that were still down in their lairs and hideouts, giving them the urgent news.
~~~
Ivy was upstairs, working on a plant experiment. Catwoman was at her window. She was about to tap the glass to get Ivy's attention, but stopped. Ivy couldn't care less if the Joker was gone. She would probably cheer for his absence. Catwoman then jumped down onto the window below.
Harley was in the kitchen, making some soup for Ivy. Catwoman tapped on the glass. At first, Harley didn't hear, as she was going through the cupboards, looking for something. Catwoman waited as she found what she was looking for. She watched as Harley added something to the soup, before she tapped again.
"Huh?" Harley asked herself. She turned around, to see Catwoman. She came to the window and opened it. "Hey, Whiskers."
"I have an important message," said Catwoman. "The Joker is missing. He's been gone since last night. Have you seen him?"
Harley gasped.
"...Mistah J? Missing?"
Catwoman nodded.
"Keep an eye out, okay?"
Harley nodded as Catwoman jumped from the ledge and scampered away to finish delivering the message. Harley slowly closed the window. She sighed, knowing Ivy would refuse to let her out to look for him. There had to be a way. Harley leaned on the counter and thought. She stirred the pot, then went to the cupboard. Knowing well that any plant toxin was pointless against Ivy's immune system, she pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills.
'These should keep her down,' she thought to herself.
Harley poured a few into the herbal broth. The pills dissolved almost on contact with the steaming liquid. She went back to the cover.
"Rosemary will usually cover these."
Harley added this to the soup as well. The smoke changed and spiraled so suddenly that Harley didn't have a chance to take a proper breath. It came up into her face and caught her by surprise. Harley twirled, dizzy, in effort to regain her posture.
"Oh, bitter!" she managed to choke out, leaning against the counter for support. She reached up into the cabinet and began to pull down several vials.
"Come on," she whispered. "Sweet pea...sweet pea..."
Harley found it just as Ivy's voice rang out.
"Harley-girl?" she called sweetly. "Is everything all right down there?"
"S-sure, Red!" Harley's bubbly voice replied. "I'll---be up in a minute!"
She quickly dumped in the sweet pea. When the fumes no longer made her gag, she breathed a sigh of relief. She then ladled some up and carried it to Ivy.
~~~
Ivy was examining some plant cells in her microscope as Harley came up.
"Lunch," Harley said, cheerfully setting the bowl in front of Ivy.
"Thanks, Harl," said Ivy, breathing it in. "Mmm, sweet pea. I think you outdid yourself this time."
"I know you love it," Harley said, smiling.
Ivy sniffed it again.
"...And rosemary?"
Her gaze looked suspicious.
"What?" Harley asked. "What's wrong? I thought you liked rosemary!"
"Nothing is more suspicious than rosemary, Harl," Ivy replied coolly. "I would be more comfortable if you tasted it first."
Inside, Harley quailed, but on the outside, she smiled, keeping her mask of her cute, bubbly nature.
"I'm not hungry," she said, closing her eyes and shrugging her shoulders, knocking the spoon away. She looked down as soon as the spoon hit. "Oops."
"Hmm..." said Ivy, as Harley bent down to pick it up. "Here I took you in and kept you safe...and you act so strangely!"
While Ivy was talking, Harley bent down to pick up the spoon. She pushed the real spoon away then reached into her shoe, pulling out a slotted spoon instead. She then stood up and took the bowl.
"Oh, don't be silly," said Harley, smiling. She dipped the spoon into the soup. The soup leaked right through, but Ivy didn't see it. She then took a sip---or so Ivy thought. "Mmm, see? Scrumptious!"
Ivy took the bowl back and began to drink from it. As soon as she tasted it, greed seemed to run through her, all manners gone. Harley watched her wolf it down, a hopeful smile creeping over her dark red lips.
The Joker, had, in the meantime calmed down. As soon as Harley had left, a faint bubble of guilt formed in his chest, but he pushed it back down. She shouldn't have been listening! He sat down on his throne and fumed for a few more minutes, before his temper wore off. He sighed, his boredom and longing taking control of his thoughts.
The Joker got off of his throne, before he went to the exit on the other side of the room. He went down several flights of stairs, before heading outside, having decided that a brisk walk would do him well.
It had stopped raining. He walked down the street, keeping to the shadows, hoping he wouldn't be noticed by any of his peers. The air was cool and humid, with the scent of water, just the way the world always is after a heavy rainfall. The scents were rather calming, clearing his mind and making it easier to think.
He pulled his purple trench coat tighter around him, walking in the shadows of the city, not caring where he went right now. He kept walking, further, and further. Soon, he barely felt or heard his footsteps gently hit the ground or echo in the empty streets. The Joker kept walking, his mind full of boredom and yearning.
"There's something missing," the Joker said to himself. "There is just...some humor that has been overlooked. I work night and day, for weeks at a time to come up with a rather brilliant scheme...but nothing ever works. Even the plans that would work have no humor in them, no joke. What is even worse is I am often so stressed after a fight that I forget what went wrong and end up repeating myself!"
He sighed and looked up at the sky, still painted with black rain clouds.
"I need something new...something I haven't tried before...but what? What can I be missing?"
His thoughts wandered even more. He sighed again and leaned against a building. The longing inside him grew bigger, the fire of his hatred for Batman growing brighter. His mind was blank, save for the need to try something new. He scowled, then continued on his way.
~~~
The next morning, the Penguin drove up in a small, old-fashioned black limousine. He got out and went to the Joker's tower, his arms laden with blueprints, lists, and plans. He rang the doorbell, which was a recording of maniacal laughter. He gently hummed for a minute, before he rang it once more.
"Joker?" he called, knocking on the door.
There was no answer. He knocked again.
"Joker!"
There was still no answer.
"Joker! I've got some plans to rid us of Batman! Please! I'd like to go over them with you! I need you!"
There was still no answer. The Penguin went over to his limousine and pulled out his megaphone.
"Joker! Answer me---yaaaaaah!"
As he leaned back to shout, the Penguin slipped. He rolled down the Joker's tall set of porch steps, before he came to a stop at the bottom. He got up and dusted himself off.
"Hmph!"
It was then that one of the henchmen finally answered the door.
"It's about time," said the Penguin as he dusted off his hat. He placed it on his head. "Where is the Joker? I need to see him at once!"
"He's not home," said the henchman.
"What?" asked the Penguin. "Where is he?"
"He hasn't been home all night."
"Well, that's just peachy," said the Penguin, picking up the plans that he had dropped. "Looks like these will have to wait..."
~~~
The Joker's meandering led him deep inside Gotham, onto streets that were somewhat unfamiliar to him. He looked around. It was still very early in the morning, with the sun just barely starting to rise. He felt grateful for it, as no one was on the streets right now. The Joker kept walking, the dark blue sky slowly lighting up.
The Joker yawned.
"Where am I?" he asked himself, then looked around. "It's...someplace...new..." He looked around the streets. "What is this?"
Suddenly, he stopped. There, across the street, was the Batmobile.
"Holy bat-trap," he whispered, not knowing why he said it.
Behind him, without his knowing, a manhole cover quietly slid to the side. The Joker gulped, a little nervous. He took a few steps back, eyes scanning for the hero and his little sidekick. Suddenly, there was nothing under his feet. Had he had been walking forward, rather than back, he would have seen the now open manhole right behind him.
"Whooooooooooooooooa!" he exclaimed.
Only seconds after his screams died down did the manhole cover slip automatically into place, where Gotham's most notorious criminal had fallen inside.
~~~
The Joker slid down a steep but smooth spiraling slide. He slid, faster and faster, wind blowing back his hair and rushing past his ears, roaring in them.
When the ride finally stopped, the Joker landed headfirst on the hard ground. He rolled for a bit, dizzy, before his head slammed into the wall. A few shrieks and the flutter of leather wings were heard, but were gone soon.
The Joker slowly sat up, rubbing his aching head, trying to clear the dizziness away. When he did, he saw a set of stairs that had been carved into this...cavern. Down below, he saw a round platform with a long path leading into the darkness. From that platform was a ramp, and a small set of stairs that led to a giant computer.
The ceiling was high, with tall, looming arches supporting it. The hallway and dark and cavernous, with huge stone walls and moisture dripping from the ceiling. Occasionally, the shriek of a bat could be heard. The Joker grinned, for somehow, this simple yet elegant place intrigued him. He ran down the long stairs leading from the platform he was currently on down to the one with the empty round platform. From there, he climbed up the few steps to the computer.
'I've never seen a computer like this,' he thought to himself. 'I wonder how well I can hack in...'
The Joker grinned to himself. It was often mere child's play for him to be able to tap into government files. Why should this be any different? He cracked his knuckles and without a care in the world, he tapped a few keys. Suddenly, a profile came up. It was the Scarecrow's.
"Jonathon Crane," he read off the screen. He tapped a few more keys. "As a child, he was often picked on for his small size...has a fascination with fear...enjoys injecting his victims with various serums...I knew all that..."
The Joker played with a few more keys. More profiles came up: Killer Croc, Baby Doll, Ra's Al Ghul, Poison Ivy, the Riddler---only to name a few. He grinned and with a few taps, he brought up his own profile.
"And what does this guy have to say about me, eh?" he wondered. The screen soon came up. "The Joker. Real name: unknown. Old occupation: unknown. Status: the most notorious." He grinned. "This guy knows me very well..."
His hand slipped and tapped another key. This one brought up all the records of every crime committed by any of the Arkhamites. The Joker read what was on the screen, then gasped. He recognized several of these heists as his own! The laughing fish, the New Year's Eve stunt with the sonic bomb, even the one time where he had knocked Harley out the window of the old Aquacade! And only one person would have known THAT well enough to write such a detailed report---Batman. He now knew exactly where he was.
"This is the Batcave?" he whispered to himself. He attempted to delete the file, but nothing happened. Grumbling to himself, he got up and set the chair and screen exactly the way they were when he first came in. He had just barely stepped down from the platform when he heard a familiar rumbling. It was the Batmobile. Thinking fast, the Joker hid behind some tall stalagmites that were jutting from the floor. As soon as he got in a decent position, he watched as the car pulled up on the round empty platform.
Batman came out, with Robin right behind him.
"Come on, Robin," Batman said. "We need to get this analyzed."
He went up to the computer. The Joker watched him from his hiding place. He knew he could attack now, but thought better of it. He knew Batman must not know that he had stumbled upon his hideout---at least, not yet. He looked behind him. There, by chance, was a spare belt. Grinning he picked it up, but waited for the right moment to get away.
While Batman and Robin were distracted with the computer (they weren't talking; all he heard was the striking of the keys), he tiptoed back up to the platform where he came in, seeing how long the Batmobile's path was, and how in sight it was, for that matter.
Slowly, ever so slowly, he climbed up to the first platform, and into the small hideaway where the slide was. Fastening the belt to his waist, he carefully climbed back up, careful not to slip or make any noise. Sure, he could have stayed and listened, but that would also increase his chances of getting caught---not something he planned to do at this moment. Instead, he climbed back out, knowing it would take a while. In the meantime, his twisted mind was forming a plan...a plan to get Batman once and for all.
~~~
Several Arkhamites were gathered in the center of the town.
"This has never happened before!" Riddler exclaimed. "The Joker has never just disappeared like that! At least, not after a fight with Batman..."
"It's suspicious," said Catwoman. "And I don't like suspicious."
"It's peculiar," said the Mr. Freeze in agreement.
"It's scary," said the Scarecrow. "Well, maybe not in fear, but in a rather bizarre way..."
"Stand aside," said Penguin, pushing them aside. "Coming through!"
Catwoman hissed as he passed. The Penguin walked onto a small platform and pulled out his megaphone.
"We've got to find the Joker!" he exclaimed. "Without his brilliance, we can't launch a new attack on Batman! Now, is there anywhere we've forgotten to check?"
"I looked in all the allies and checked the rooftops," said Catwoman. "He isn't there."
"I checked the papers for recent crimes," said the Ventriloquist.
"Yeah," Scarface added. "We ain't seen him, got it?"
"He wasn't on last night's news," said Two Face, flipping his coin. It landed scar-side up, showing how he was going to feel about this. "Like I care, anyway..."
"We searched the entire Underworld," said Riddler. "He isn't anywhere!"
"Then it's time to send an alert!" said Penguin.
He turned to Catwoman. She nodded and leapt onto the nearby building, then rushed to deliver the message, as she was the quickest and slyest. She ran around the Underworld, giving the message to everyone she met. Down below, the crowd departed to help. They all rushed to those that were still down in their lairs and hideouts, giving them the urgent news.
~~~
Ivy was upstairs, working on a plant experiment. Catwoman was at her window. She was about to tap the glass to get Ivy's attention, but stopped. Ivy couldn't care less if the Joker was gone. She would probably cheer for his absence. Catwoman then jumped down onto the window below.
Harley was in the kitchen, making some soup for Ivy. Catwoman tapped on the glass. At first, Harley didn't hear, as she was going through the cupboards, looking for something. Catwoman waited as she found what she was looking for. She watched as Harley added something to the soup, before she tapped again.
"Huh?" Harley asked herself. She turned around, to see Catwoman. She came to the window and opened it. "Hey, Whiskers."
"I have an important message," said Catwoman. "The Joker is missing. He's been gone since last night. Have you seen him?"
Harley gasped.
"...Mistah J? Missing?"
Catwoman nodded.
"Keep an eye out, okay?"
Harley nodded as Catwoman jumped from the ledge and scampered away to finish delivering the message. Harley slowly closed the window. She sighed, knowing Ivy would refuse to let her out to look for him. There had to be a way. Harley leaned on the counter and thought. She stirred the pot, then went to the cupboard. Knowing well that any plant toxin was pointless against Ivy's immune system, she pulled out a bottle of sleeping pills.
'These should keep her down,' she thought to herself.
Harley poured a few into the herbal broth. The pills dissolved almost on contact with the steaming liquid. She went back to the cover.
"Rosemary will usually cover these."
Harley added this to the soup as well. The smoke changed and spiraled so suddenly that Harley didn't have a chance to take a proper breath. It came up into her face and caught her by surprise. Harley twirled, dizzy, in effort to regain her posture.
"Oh, bitter!" she managed to choke out, leaning against the counter for support. She reached up into the cabinet and began to pull down several vials.
"Come on," she whispered. "Sweet pea...sweet pea..."
Harley found it just as Ivy's voice rang out.
"Harley-girl?" she called sweetly. "Is everything all right down there?"
"S-sure, Red!" Harley's bubbly voice replied. "I'll---be up in a minute!"
She quickly dumped in the sweet pea. When the fumes no longer made her gag, she breathed a sigh of relief. She then ladled some up and carried it to Ivy.
~~~
Ivy was examining some plant cells in her microscope as Harley came up.
"Lunch," Harley said, cheerfully setting the bowl in front of Ivy.
"Thanks, Harl," said Ivy, breathing it in. "Mmm, sweet pea. I think you outdid yourself this time."
"I know you love it," Harley said, smiling.
Ivy sniffed it again.
"...And rosemary?"
Her gaze looked suspicious.
"What?" Harley asked. "What's wrong? I thought you liked rosemary!"
"Nothing is more suspicious than rosemary, Harl," Ivy replied coolly. "I would be more comfortable if you tasted it first."
Inside, Harley quailed, but on the outside, she smiled, keeping her mask of her cute, bubbly nature.
"I'm not hungry," she said, closing her eyes and shrugging her shoulders, knocking the spoon away. She looked down as soon as the spoon hit. "Oops."
"Hmm..." said Ivy, as Harley bent down to pick it up. "Here I took you in and kept you safe...and you act so strangely!"
While Ivy was talking, Harley bent down to pick up the spoon. She pushed the real spoon away then reached into her shoe, pulling out a slotted spoon instead. She then stood up and took the bowl.
"Oh, don't be silly," said Harley, smiling. She dipped the spoon into the soup. The soup leaked right through, but Ivy didn't see it. She then took a sip---or so Ivy thought. "Mmm, see? Scrumptious!"
Ivy took the bowl back and began to drink from it. As soon as she tasted it, greed seemed to run through her, all manners gone. Harley watched her wolf it down, a hopeful smile creeping over her dark red lips.
