Chapter 6: The Joker's Plan

The sun slowly began to rise. Night was usually when most of the Underworld was active, but today was different. Everyone was pondering on what the Joker was doing; what was going on up in his tower. Whispers and rumors spread.

"I hear he is going sane," the Penguin said to the Ventriloquist. "He has been...different since his encounter with the Batcave."

"No," Catwoman interrupted. "He is very busy. There was a light in his room last night. I bet he was up planning yet another scheme."

Poison Ivy came up, her hair barely combed, and dark circles under her eyes. A dark green trench coat covered her body. She seemed upset, worried, tired, and angry all at once.

"Has anyone seen Harley?" she asked.

"No," said Catwoman. "I thought she was with the Joker."

Ivy forced herself not to react on hearing that name.

"No, Harley was with me---but I do not doubt the Joker is part of the reason why she ran off. I have been looking all night."

"The Joker has been up all night," said the Riddler. "No one has been to his door, so far as I know..."

"She is somewhere in this Underworld," said Ivy, her anger flared up again, "and I am going to find her."

The group watched her go, then began discussing the Joker and his business almost as if Ivy had not shown up at all.

~~~

Harley woke up. She had unknowingly fallen asleep again, and found herself by the steps. She looked up, then turned the corner. Through the window, she could barely make out the Joker's figure pacing, one hand behind his back, the other rubbing his temples.

She looked at him sadly. In her mind, her vision played over and over. Batman's chilling laughter rang through her ears, and her heart beat uncomfortably as she watched her lover lost in his thoughts.

~~~

The Joker was still pacing in his tower, trying to think. His room was even messier than it was last night. Plans littered the floor so much that there was hardly a floor to see. Paper covered his desk and bed, and what little clear areas there were housed the lab equipment. The chalkboard was loaded with thoughts, plans, and minor equations. He felt no closer to an answer now than when he had started.

"What does it mean?" he said aloud to no one. "The answer is right in front of me, but I can't seem to put my finger on it!"

He looked around. Buried under lists and plans were some of his weapons. He looked at them and scowled.

"They've all been used! I need something new! New! NEW!"

It was all driving him sane. The answer, he knew, was close by, but it seemed so far in the distance, too far to reach! It seemed there on instant, gone the next, leaving him in a web of confusion. Suddenly, it seemed to hit him! He looked back at the equation he had been writing before Harley interrupted him.

"Batman + Robin = double trouble – Robin = success?"

"That's it!" the Joker exclaimed. "I was right! Robin is the key! Batman might be the hero, but the sidekick makes him his succeed!"

He ran to the window and threw it open, then grinned to the small crowd below.

"Eureka!" he exclaimed. "I've got it! And this time, Batman will be ours! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

A wild cheer spread through the crowd. Harley looked up at him sadly, knowing he couldn't see her while she was in the crowd.

"Oh, Mistah J!" she whispered. "It will never work!"

~~~

The entire Underworld headed for the old school. The Joker promised he had a special assignment for everyone. The line filled quickly. Harley was toward the end. She stood, knowing it was going to be a while before she could see the Joker and tell him of her dream.

The Mad Hatter was walking down the line.

"Poison I-vy," he said. "Poison I-vy, your assignment is ready! Poison I- vy, to the front of the li-ine..."

Ivy was walking up. Her eyes were scanning the line for Harley as she walked. Harley saw her, and quickly ducked out of line, hiding in a nearby alley. Ivy saw the newly opened gap and was about to go to it, when the Mad Hatter saw her.

"Oh, there you are!" he said. "The Joker would like to see you now."

Ivy growled, but went along anyway.

"Maybe I'll find Harley there with him."

~~~

The Joker was talking to the Ventriloquist.

"With your gift, I need you to imitate a screaming woman," said the Joker, "and make the screams come from different places. You will be part of the group that will be keeping Batman distracted."

"I most certainly will," said the Ventriloquist.

Scarface, his little gangster dummy, seemed to have other opinions.

"Why can't we just hire a gang of hoodlums to keep da glasted Gatman distracted?"

"Oh, you can do that too. Use the scream to lure him, then have a gang of thugs ready," said the Joker, smiling. "But do not kill him! You only need to distract him long enough for me to frame him. Once he's in the spotlight, I, personally, shall bump him off."

"But why you'se?" asked Scarface.

"Because," the Joker growled, getting a deadly look in his eyes, "Batman is MINE!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh!" said Scarface. "Come on, dummy. Let's go!"

"Yes, Mister Scarface, sir," said the Ventriloquist, walking away.

It was then that Ivy came up.

"Ah, Pammy!" the Joker said, smiling at her. "Glad you could come."

The Penguin was up on a nearby stand, writing down names and assignments. He looked down at Ivy.

'Oh, please,' he thought. 'These two never get along.'

"Where is Harley?" Ivy asked him.

"I barely caught a glimpse of her last night," the Joker replied calmly.

He smiled. As much as Ivy despised him, she somehow knew he was telling the truth.

"What do you need?" Ivy asked. "And when do I get my equipment back?"

"Soon, Pam," said the Joker. "What I need from you...is a seed or two. Nothing special; the plan is to confuse Batman by using a trick from each of his enemies, and framing him by making it appear that HE did it. That way, it will seem that all this time, he has been setting us up to make him look good. I know this will get him back for sure."

Ivy actually smiled.

"I'll see what I can do."

The Joker smiled, but Ivy grabbed his collar and pulled him down to her level.

"I want my stuff back. And I want it soon."

"And you shall have it," said the Joker, pulling her hand away, "when I finish up here."

"You had better."

That said, Ivy left.

"Well, nice to know nothing has changed," said the Joker.

The Penguin wrote this down.

"Nice to know she didn't kill you...Next!"

The Joker looked at the line. He saw Scarecrow, Catwoman, and the Riddler standing side by side, waiting for their assignments. Quickly thinking, he got an idea.

"You three!" he exclaimed while pointing to them. "Come here!"

Scarecrow, Catwoman, and Riddler did as they were told. The Penguin looked down. He shuddered a little bit, knowing that these three were among the smartest and sneakiest of all the Gotham villains.

"Oh, do I have a job for you," he said. "It is top secret! It requires craft, cunning, mischief---"

"And here we were thinking you didn't like us," said Catwoman.

"Absolutely no one is to know about it," he said. "Not a soul!"

The Joker then pulled them into a huddle and whispered very fast, telling them of his idea. The Penguin listened intently, using the megaphone to hopefully catch some of what they were saying. All he caught were "together" and "cave."

"I do not care how you three do it," said the Joker. "Just so long as it gets done. Oh, and one more thing---bring him to Harvey."

"Dent?" asked the Scarecrow.

"Yes," said the Joker. "I already talked to him last night, and he says he can handle it."

"We're on it," said the Riddler.

With that, the trio left.

~~~

"He wants the three of us to kidnap Robin?" asked the Scarecrow.

"That's what he said," replied Catwoman. "And he'll give us two grand each if we succeed."

"But how do we do it?" asked the Riddler.

"How should I know?" snapped Catwoman. "You're the genius!"

They continued to walk, discussing the plan.

"I want to scare him," said the Scarecrow.

"You're always wanting to scare people."

"All right, Whiskers, you think of something!"

"Maybe I will! Since I work best alone, I'll go get him myself!"

"We have to work together!" the Scarecrow protested. "Why, I will never know..."

"Oh, shush!" said the Riddler. "The best way is to lure him with a riddle!"

"Oh, right, genius," said Catwoman. "Give him a riddle to solve so he'll come expecting some kind of trap..."

"That's the point!"

"I say we sneak up on him," said Catwoman. "Quiet is the best way."

"And where to you propose we find him?" asked the Scarecrow.

"With Batman."

"And where would Batman be?"

"Who knows? But all we need to do is commit a crime, and he'll be sure to come!"

"And then we get caught and taken back to Arkham," said the Riddler. "Smooth move, Kit-Kat."

"All right, I think we can make a compromise," said the Scarecrow. "We'll use Edward's riddle to lure him to some out of the way place. Once he arrives, we can sneak up on him. I'll scare him, and we'll bring him back. Got it?"

"I guess it works," said Catwoman.

"Are we all for it?" Scarecrow asked.

"Yes," said the Riddler.

"I guess," said Catwoman.

"Good. Edward, start writing."

~~~

Harley, by now, was the next person in line to see the Joker. Right now, he was talking to the Mad Hatter about a few trick hats. The Hatter seemed to be agreeing. Harley waited, her head replaying her dream, and her heart filled with dread. She was almost taken by surprise when the Penguin called, "Next!"

The Joker turned to her, and smiled.

"Harls," he said cheerfully. "Come here."

Harley did out of instinct.

"Harley, listen to me. I need your help more than anyone's!"

"Oh, Mistah J, you do! I---I had the most terrible dream!"

The Joker, who was too busy looking through a few papers for Harley's name, was obviously not paying any attention.

"That's splendid"

"No!" Harley exclaimed. "It was about your plan! There-there was Batman--- and-and you! Dead!"

The Joker looked up.

"That isn't the plan, Harls," he said, finding her name. "I'm not gonna die, he is. Anyway, here is what I want you to do." He handed her a slip of paper. "I want you to go to the Batcave and bring me one of his suits. I know I passed a room full of them on my way out."

"Puddin', listen to me! It's going to be a disaster!"

The Joker glowered upon her referring to him as "Puddin'." He turned and glared, then smiled sweetly.

"Don't worry, Harley," he said in a sweet, caring voice. "You're the only one I can trust well enough to do this for me."

Harley sighed, taking the paper, knowing he was never going to listen.

"All right," she said, her voice full of despair, "I'll do it."

The Joker didn't even hear the hint in her voice.

"That's my Harls!" He pushed her towards the exit. "I have every confidence in you!"

"Next!" called the Penguin.

"But it seems wrong to me, Mistah J," said Harley, looking down at the paper. She remembered seeing him dressed as Batman, only dead. "Very, very wrong..."

~~~

The Riddler was writing frantically while the Scarecrow was deciding which of his serums to use. Catwoman, on the other hand, was sitting in the windowsill, looking out the window.

"Are you finished yet?" she asked impatiently.

"Give me a break," said the Riddler. "These take time!"

"And our time is running short. We need Robin by sunset, and at this rate, we'll only have a few hours to do it."

"Just about done," said the Riddler.

He cut and glued magazine letters onto a piece of computer paper, so his handwriting could not be traced.

"To Robin:

Think of where a child plays
Especially on sunny days
Come alone tonight an hour 'til dark
The meeting place will be ______

Come alone. If you bring the Batman or any others, a special doom will take them away."

"Well, it's obvious where to come," said Catwoman. "I've already figured it out."

"Well, you wanted him quickly! Just let me fax it."

The Riddler faxed the message to the Gotham City Police Department.

"They'll deliver it. They always do. Now we need to put on our disguises and wait..."

~~~

Ivy was through with looking for Harley.

"Fine. If she wants to get herself killed, so be it!"

She stopped, realizing what she was saying.

"No...I can't do that. But at least I know the Joker's too into his plans to care about her right now. I guess she is safe...for now..."

Ivy sighed.

"Might as well get those seeds...and boy, had he better get me my equipment!"

~~~

In town, everyone was busy. The distraction group, which consisted of the Ventriloquist, Scarface, Killer Croc, and Clayface, was reviewing the plan.

"All right," said Scarface. "Da dummy and I is gonna imitate a screamin' doll, wit a gang of hoodlums nearby. You'se guys will each be waiting fer da signal. T'ree shots wit one second in between will mean da Croc will come."

"And we'll wrestle," said the Croc. "And I shall kill him!"

"No!" Scarface exclaimed. "Da Joker said to keep 'im alive! Anyways, should Gatman defeat Croc, dis mud bag will get 'im!"

"Shut up," said Clayface.

"Good!" said Scarface. "We all understand!"

The Joker came up.

"How's it coming, boys?"

"We just reviewed," said the Ventriloquist.

The Joker turned to the Mad Hatter, who was working nearby.

"You got the hats, Jervis?"

The Mad Hatter pointed to a small box.

"Right there."

"Good."

The Joker picked it up and walked away.

~~~

The Joker brought the box back to his lair, where he put the weapons he gathered from his fellow Arkhamites: several of his own tricks, Jervis's hats, the Riddler's cane, Catwoman's whip, and several other items. All he needed now were Ivy's seeds.

"I really hope she comes through with this..."

He looked down at his purple suit.

"Harley, you need to hurry..."

~~~

Harley Quinn had now arrived at the Batcave. She had slid down the slide and was sneaking down the steps of the platform. Luckily, Batman was out. She pulled out the paper and read it

"Now, you go down these steps, and then take a left by the computer..."

Harley ran into the room. Several Batman suits hung there, with about an equal number of Robin ones. She pulled one down. The thing was a little heavier than she expected, but it was light enough for her to put on her back to climb up the slide.

"I really wish Mistah J wouldn't do this..."

~~~

Ivy was in her lab, looking through her seed spores, trying to find the simplest of her formulas. It did not take long for her to find what she was looking for. Putting the spores into a small plastic bag, she headed towards the "square."

~~~

Batman and Robin had by now arrived at the Gotham City Police Department. Commissioner Gordon was there, the fax in his hand.

"You called?" asked Robin.

"Yes," said Gordon, handing the paper to Robin. "I will assume this is from the Riddler."

Robin took the note and read through it.

"Where children play---the park? Come alone or else," he said. "Batman?"

Batman was about to reply, but at that moment, Bullock rushed in.

"Jewelry store robbery," he said.

"I'm on it," said Batman, rushing off.

"Like we can't do it ourselves," muttered Bullock, running after him.

Robin looked back at the note. Without another word, he ran out of the building. Already, he was formulating a plan...and he had a chance to take a crime on his own.

~~~

(A/N: I did pull a little twist in the story line. In NMBC, Jack told Lock, Shock, and Barrel to leave Oogie Boogie out of the plans, but in this version, J wants Scarecrow, Catwoman, and Riddler to take then to Two Face. I did this because it was the only way this would work out for me.

And for any confusion concerning J's plans: Why get Robin and not just get Batman? It will be explained in future chapters, not to mention when I started this out, I already had Robin staged as "Santa". Why, I may never know myself. Moving on...)