Chapter 9: Two Face

Harley and Robin each had their ankles bound and their hands behind their backs. What was worse was they were tied back-to-back against each other. It was hard to tell who hated it more, as each desperately struggled to get away from the other. Two Face snickered.

"Having fun?"

"If this is what you call fun," Harley replied.

She squirmed, trying to get her hands free.

"Ouch!" Robin exclaimed. "Quit poking my back!"

"I'm not trying to!" Harley snapped.

"Grr," said Robin.

"You two make just the perfect couple," said Two Face.

Harley and Robin each looked disgusted.

"Eeeew," they both said aloud.

"And yet so perfect." Two Face took a step towards them. "Both sidekicks...both small..." He placed two fingers under Harley's chin and made her look at him. "And both completely useless. I think you were made for each other."

Harley moved to bite him, but Two Face pulled his hand back just in time.

"Such a wicked little snake, aren't we?"

"This wasn't in the plan!"

"The plan matters not to me."

"Why? We could be rid of Bats forever!"

"Yes...and I can also give the Joker the perfect revenge. He's been Number One for too long. It's time for someone else to hold the title of Gotham's most notorious criminal...and what better way to break that false smile of his than by getting rid of his dearly devoted Harley Quinn?"

"No!"

"Oh, yes. It's perfect!"

"You-you wait 'til Mistah J finds out about this! By the time he's through with you, you'll be lucky if you---"

She was interrupted by the Penguin's solemn voice.

"The Ace of Knaves is gone. Our beloved Joker has been killed."

Harley gasped upon hearing this. Slowly, she began to cry. Robin, as much he disliked her and the Joker, couldn't help but feel just a small amount of pity. He felt her tremble as tears slipped down her cheeks. Two Face smiled triumphantly.

"This is even better!" Two Face exclaimed. "He's dead! Now I will be Gotham's most notorious!"

Small whimpers escaped Harley's lovely red lips. She stopped struggling, crying softly for the loss of her love.

~~~

The Joker had just entered Two Face's lair. As the henchmen had never closed the door, he heard Two Face talking inside, something about being Gotham's most notorious. He growled. That was HIS title, and his alone.

"Sounds like someone needs a bit of an education..."

Cautiously, he slipped inside.

~~~

"And now, what shall I do with you?" Two Face asked aloud. "The Joker's gone, so I have no use for you." He reached into his coat. "If fate is good to you I'll set you both free, seeing we need Batman, not Robin. If not, you both shall perish. Don't worry, Harley. If fate isn't so good, at least you'll be with Joker."

Harley looked up, her face streamed with tears, a half-scared, half- confused look on her face. Robin was anxious. There was a cling as the silver coin flipped into the air. Robin and Harley both watched as it fell, each hoping that the non-scarred side would come up.

All time seemed to freeze as it flipped through the air. The coin seemed to move in slow motion as it fell to the ground. There was a clang. It landed close enough to them that they saw what it was. Both gasped. The face was scarred.

"I think fate has decided what to do with you," said Two Face.

He cut the ropes that bound them together, though Harley and Robin still had their hands tied behind their backs. He held each by the shoulder and made them walk into another room of his lair. Two Face then used some special clamps that bound them together at the arms and legs, before he pushed them onto a lab table.

~~~

The Joker watched as Two Face herded Harley and Robin into another room. He sneered. Harley was his, and his alone. He continued to follow, keeping well out of Two Face's earshot and view.

~~~

Harley and Robin were lying side by side; both tied up with ropes, the clamps at their arms, wrists, legs, and ankles making it nearly impossible to get off. Two Face pulled out the coin again.

"Now let's see...should I make it quick and painless and behead you both---" he motioned to the guillotine right above them, big enough to behead the two of them together "---or shall I dump you into a pit of the strongest acid available?"

He pushed a button. Suddenly, a circular area of the floor opened like the iris of your eye. Inside was one of the strongest acids known to man. Harley was terrified. She had seen Joker use it countless times---and now it was about to be used on her!

"You copycat!" Harley screamed. "That MO belongs to Puddin'!"

"Belonged to him, you mean," Two Face corrected.

He flipped the coin again. Its edge landed in a crack on the ground so it stuck up straight, both sides showing. Two Face then "accidentally" knocked it over. Once again, then side was scarred.

"Well, that settles it," said Two Face. He turned to Harley. "Thank your 'Puddin'' for your death when you go."

He cranked a lever, slowly tipping the table towards the acid. The fear in Harley and Robin's eyes were greater than any fear either one had ever shown before.

"Bye-bye, Clown Girl and Boy Blunder."

Harley and Robin screamed as the table tipped completely. Two Face was watching the bottom of the table from behind, to see Harley and Robin slip into the acid. But there was nothing. Just silence. Their terrified screams just...stopped.

"What the---"said Two Face, pulling the table back.

Harley and Robin weren't there. In their place was the Joker.

"Hello, Twofers," he said in a calm, playful voice.

"What?!" Two Face exclaimed. "They said you were dead!"

The Joker looked at his hands, almost mockingly.

"I wasn't dead the last time I checked..."

"Then you must be double dead!"

He pressed a button and ran. Joker started to run after him, when the floor began to spin, throwing him off balance. Several metal boards, all in the shape of a life-sized Two Face, popped up. Sword blades shot out of each one, then began to twirl. On the other half of the giant spinning ring, Two Face was casually laying against two of the boards, on the two- inch gap that separated each one.

"If you want me, come and get me, clown!"

From the edge of the ring, Harley and Robin, who were still bound together, were watching. Both were shocked. Harley's face looked relieved as soon as she saw the Joker alive, but her eyes went wide as she looked on in horror. Robin, though he didn't care for the Joker, was horrorstruck as well, seeing the obstacle that Two Face had just thrown out.

The Joker growled. He watched the blades spin for a few seconds, quickly calculating their rotations in his head. He pulled out his trick sword and lengthened it. He slid under one of the blades, his sword clanging against it, stopping it just long enough to give him room to maneuver. He then flipped over another one, then did a few very quick handsprings to avoid two more. Now he was just two figures away from Two Face. He prepared to move again, when Two Face grabbed a chain nearby.

"Impressive," said Two Face, pulling the chain, "but not impressive enough."

The metal figures retracted, but now three life-sized statues of Two Face, each with an extended arm holding a gun, rolled forward.

"Fire!" Two Face ordered.

As he issued the command, Joker jumped on top of the middle one. He then began to step on each of the statues' arms in a kind pattern, laughing as he did.

"Shame you don't have any background music, Harv. HAHAHA!"

The wheel that Two Face was standing on was spinning towards the shooting statues.

"Looks like it will be YOU who's 'double dead,'" the Joker mocked. "HAHAHAHAHA! Come on and join the fun! We'll have a wonderful time...or at least, I will..."

Two Face ran, then jumped, hitting another button. The wheel didn't stop, but it began to slow down. Behind the Joker, a spinning blade was coming up behind him.

"Mistah J, watch out!" Harley screamed.

The Joker looked behind him. He quickly jumped out the way, allowing the spinning saw blade to slice off the shooting arms. He did a somersault as he hit the floor, then sprang onto his feet. Two Face was right in front of him. Now they could have a fair fight.

Suddenly, Two Face stepped back, stomping on a button. He catapulted himself onto a chain that was right above the acid pit.

"So long, Joker!" he exclaimed as the chain pulled him up.

The Joker was furious. Almost out of nowhere, he pulled out Harley's boxing glove.

"How dare you treat my Harls like this! No one threatens her except ME, you hear?"

He aimed at Two Face and fired. Two Face let go, but hastily grabbed the chain again. His two-faced coin slipped from his coat.

"No! My coin!"

It fell into the acid. A sickening hissing noise was made as the acid ate at the metal.

"Now look what you've done!" Two Face shrieked. "My coin! My coin!"

"You're lucky that's all that fell!" Joker exclaimed.

Two Face clung to the chain, holding it for dear life. The Joker then ran over to where Harley and Robin were sitting.

"Mistah J!" Harley said.

The Joker was quick to untie her, though he couldn't seem to get the clamps that bound her to Robin.

"Everything's fine, now, Harls," he said.

Harley hugged him as best she could with her one free arm. He hugged her back, then placed two fingers under chin, having her look at him.

"Harley, I can't believe that, until now, I've never realized that you---"

He cut off as Two Face, who could no longer hold on, let go of the chain. Suddenly, a thin black rope attached to a metal black object wrapped around his legs. He hung, five feet above the acid, two feet away from the pit. Should the rope break, he would just barely miss falling inside. The Joker soon realized the black object was a thin metal bat.

Batman and Batgirl jumped down. The Joker looked on in horror and quickly ran off. Batman and Batgirl each threw a Bat-A-Rang, but both missed. Batgirl then ran over to Harley and Robin. She quickly untied Robin, before she realized both were clamped to one another.

Batman started to run after the Joker, but he had gotten a good head start. He then turned to Two Face, who was still hanging upside down. He threw a Bat-A-Rang and cut the rope. Batman caught Two Face when he fell and quickly Bat-cuffed him. He then stole the key to the clamps and threw it to Batgirl.

"Take care of him for me," said Batman. "I need to go find the Joker."

With that, he ran off.

"Why did he attach you both, anyway?" asked Batgirl, unlocking the cuffs.

"Several reasons," said Robin. "Humiliation, mockery, disability to escape..."

"He said we belonged together," added Harley, "but we don't. I belong with Mistah J; he belongs with you."

Batgirl was slightly taken aback by her remark, and she and Robin looked at each other. Both shook their heads. Harley didn't notice. She sighed dreamily, thinking of Joker.

"But he deserted you," said Robin. "The second he saw Batman, he broke off in mid-sentence and ran away!"

"He'll be back," said Harley. "He always comes back."

As soon as they were free, Batgirl Bat-cuffed Harley. For once, she didn't resist.

"He saved us," she said.

"More like he saved you," said Robin. "He only saved me because we were connected to each other. I was only a bonus"

"He still saved us both."

"Come on," said Batgirl, gently pushing her in front. "Arkham is waiting."

Harley sighed.

"Yeah..."

~~~

The Joker was several blocks away from Two Face's lair. He sighed, feeling empty again. He thought of his plans going up in smoke, and how nothing had turned out right. He thought of his attempted ally with Ivy, which didn't work out. He thought of Two Face and how he tried to kill Harley along with Robin.

He sighed. Harley. She was the only key to filling his emptiness. Without her, he was nothing. Had he not arrived in the nick of time, she would have been gone, and the emptiness inside of his heart would have remained forever.

The Joker stopped and looked back. Arkham Asylum. That's where they'd be keeping her now. He stopped to think for a minute, then made up his mind. He ran towards the institute for the criminally insane. It was there where he would find his happiness, the filling to the emptiness inside him.

As he was running, a dark figure stepped in front of him. It was Batman.

"Hello, Bats," he said cheerfully. "Come to take me away?"

"That is exactly what I intend to do."

The Joker smiled at him.

"Then carry on!"

Batman looked a bit puzzled. At first, he expected this to be some kind of trick, but after a minute, he decided that the Joker was serious. He Bat- cuffed him and led him away. The Joker went along willingly, as though Arkham were the greatest place on earth.