Marissa
***
I feel stupid but it's something that comes and goes
I've been changing – think it's funny how no one knows
We don't talk about – the little things that we do without
When that whole mad season comes around
***
I hate him I hate him I hate him…
God, I don't even know who I'm talking about.
My dad.
He's ruined everything. Why did he have to be so stupid? I don't want to be like Summer. I don't want a stepmom or a stepdad. I don't want a divorce. I know we weren't a perfect family, but we were close enough.
Luke.
I can't believe I slept with him. And he was happy about it. He thought I loved him. He shouldn't be so trusting. He should know better.
Ryan.
Ever since he showed up, everything has been crazy. I almost wish he would go back to Chino. That he never came to Newport in the first place. Then there wouldn't be any stupid model house and I wouldn't have found out about my dad. Living in the dark is better. And him and Seth's grandpa's girlfriend – I wouldn't have had sex with Luke. I wouldn't have…I wouldn't have…
Oh God, it's my fault.
My fault.
I don't hate Luke or Ryan or even my dad -
I hate myself.
