'...Everything and nothing has changed since that day. Trust has dissipated: our closely knit friendships haveworn thin, and my life is the shunned, voiceless avatar of some higher being, intent on destroying everything in its path. Damn the ripple effect.'

- from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker


Liz sighed and rubbed her eyes roughly. She hadn't been getting much sleep since the horrible incident almost a month ago. Every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Max's destroyed face as he stared at her and Kyle under the sheets together from the balcony of her bedroom. Biting her lower lip and forcing a sob back down her throat, Liz pulled out the bottle of mixed vitamins and aspirin Maria had given her. 'Two Echinacea, two Vitamin C, one Iron, and two aspirin...wait, better make that four aspirin.' She swallowed them with a soda, nearly gagging by the time she made it to the last pill. She felt heavy, like she was standing in quicksand.

Liz lowered her head to rest against the cool countertop when she heard the jingle of the door being opened. Groaning inwardly, she forced herself to fully stand up as two blurry forms made their way into her section. She rubbed her eyes again in an attempt to lessen the fuzziness in her head as two more people walked in and sat at the same table as the others. She didn't need to see straight to know who they were. Liz could sense Max's presence as if he were standing right next to her. She could practically feel his hot breath on the back of her neck. The other three in the group were just a process of elimination. Maria was picking up an order from Michael, who was working the grill, so it was obvious who the other three were: Isabel, Alex, and Tess.

Tess...god she was frustrating. Liz truly believed that Tess was a good person at heart, but she was sure making it difficult for Liz. If she had to hear one more time about how important Max's destiny was, Liz was going to lose all of the restraint she had left and put Tess in the hospital.

Liz blinked suddenly, realizing time had still been moving even though she wasn't on the boat, and saw that Maria had walked over to take their order. She glanced back at Liz and gave her and understanding nod. Liz smiled back appreciatively. Thank god she had told Maria the truth. Thank god someone else knew the facts, at least. She hadn't told Maria everything though. Liz hadn't told her about the times when it wasn't about business other than that she and Max were supposed to get married. The Elvis Chapel in Vegas, the dive outside Phoenix, and their wedding song. Maria knew all that, but she didn't know about the final moments: her tears, the dance, the unending grief. Liz had explained everything as if it didn't hurt, like she was witnessing everything instead of experiencing it. But Maria didn't need to be told all of those things. She knew Liz would talk about it when she was ready. "If" was probably more the word. "If" she was ready. The sound of Maria's voice rattled her out of her thoughts.

"Hey chica, I have a date with Space boy tonight, and since there are only like five actual customers I was thinking we could close up shop early."

"Sure," Liz said faintly. "Why don't you guys just head out now? I can close up without you."

"Are you joking? You're sick as it is!" Maria harped.

"Maria, you haven't had a night off in a month. You deserve to have some fun for once; don't use me as an excuse to worry."

"Don't 'Maria' me Liz. You shouldn't have been working in the first place! You're sick; you should be in bed right now. God, just seeing you waitress this past week has been physically painful to watch and I have an ulcer to show for it."

Liz forced a fake smile to her lips in an attempt to dissuade her. "Look, I'm fine. I'm not sick; I'm just... a little off my game lately, and you're right- I'm really exhausted. I'd like to go to bed as soon as I can but arguing over this is pointless because I'm not going to budge. All you are doing is postponing the inevitable and furthermore keeping me away from an almost perfect evening of scented candles, mood music, and warm cotton bed sheets," Liz rambled.

Maria sighed dejectedly. "Alright, alright. Just promise me you'll get in bed as soon as you're done." Liz rolled her eyes.

"I promise mother."

"Don't you forget it chica!" Maria laughed.


Max lowered his gaze from Liz's retreating form as she and Maria disappeared into the back room. He knew he shouldn't still come to the Crashdown after seeing Liz and Kyle in bed together, but his feet seemed to have an alternative agenda. He lost not only the love of his life, but also his best friend in a single moment. 'God, I miss her.' Her smile, her shining eyes, her opinions, and the look he had thought she saved only for him. Max knew Liz was lying to him about something, but he wasn't sure what it was. He prayed that she was lying to him about Kyle and she hadn't really slept with him. He desperately hoped that he was wrong about himself. That he wasn't some unlovable monster, some horribly vile thing that no one should have to be around.

Max prayed Liz could prove him wrong. If only she would look him in the eyes! Her amber eyes were always so honest, they were his undoing. Max remembered how his stomach always did flips if she so much as looked in his general direction. It still did, even after everything that has happened between them. Now though, there was a slicing pain in his gut that accompanied it, a constant realization that he'd lost everything he held dear. But Max welcomed this small torture because it stood to remind him that he was still alive, and he knew that just having the ability to see Liz in this small unimportant way made him a better person. The person she always knew he could be.

Max clenched his fists as he assaulted himself with images of Liz and Kyle until that empty feeling returned. The emptiness that made him feel as though he was being ripped apart, like he was dying, like he was back in the white room. He shuddered, and forced the thought away as Liz and Maria walked back into the diner. Liz looked so pale and worn out, her feet barely leaving the ground as she trudged over to some customers and offered to refill their drinks. She took their glasses and walked toward the soda machine, her body seeming to match the gentle sway of the music flowing through the room from the radio. Max knew the song well and closed his eyes, humming a few bars to himself. He relaxed a little, only to be startled by the sound of shattering glass and Maria's broken, high pitched scream.