"There are songs out there that pull a reaction out of you. You hear them, and you want to dance, or laugh, or cry, and your heart aches in understanding. Somehow, everything just fits right with how you're feeling - the chords, the beat, the words. The song is directing your emotions, and it seems like it was created for you, and you alone. That the person singing is playing a melody using your soul as their heart's strings - to do with as they wish. But the more you hear it, the less you feel that ache welling up in your throat, the less you feel the notes reverberating through your blood. You become numb to it, and forget everything it stands for. I don't want to forget.
I'll never forget. Ever."
-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker
"Can I get you guys a refill?" Liz asked politely. She fought off the urge to vomit and forced a faint smile at the nice family, swallowing the bile that rose in her throat. Liz turned away with their empty glasses and felt like something was wrong but she couldn't put her finger on it. Not that her finger had enough energy to be placed on anything. Maria was putting on her coat, Michael was turning off the burners in the back, and Alex, Isabel, Max, and Tess were sitting in their usual booth. Liz shrugged. It must have been her imagination. She walked toward the soda machine and realization hit her like a ton of bricks as the soft music in the background added a vocalist.
'Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe...'
'Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me but you
And I shall believe...'
It was Sheryl Crow's "I Shall Believe". Liz's wedding song. From the wedding she was never going to have. "Oh crap, this is bad," Maria said to no one in particular. "Michael! Get that song off now!"
Michael's look of horror and concern turned into determination as he bolted through the back door to do as Maria instructed. Alex quickly shoved the last of the customers out and Isabel did the only thing she could think of and ran to the sink to get a wet washcloth. Max was on his feet and in a run towards Liz when Maria's voice stopped him in his tracks.
"Liz, look at me! Look at me! It's just a song. He's gone now. He's gone and he's never coming back to do anything to make you hurt ever again. You did the right thing," Maria said emotionally. Liz was breathing too heavily and she knew she should try to calm down but she couldn't. She felt like she was drowning and couldn't come up for air.
Max was confused. None of this made any sense. Who's gone? Maria forced Liz to look at her. "Liz, you've got to hang on ok? It's time for you to be the Teflon babe. You shouldn't have to, but you know what's at stake. You know what lies down that other road, and I know that the end of it is not where you want to be. You've got me to help you, and I promise I won't let you go through this on your own." Maria sensed Max was about to interrupt her and she put a hand up to prevent shit from really hitting the fan. "I love you Liz, and no matter what I'll be there for you... but you have to keep fighting ok?"
Tess wiped at her eyes, confused. She didn't understand what was going on at all, but she could feel Liz's pain and anguish. Her sadness seemed to seep out of her bones and slither into the very core of Tess' being, leaving no corner untouched, and no space unaffected by her endless pain. Max was standing next to Maria who was kneeling in front of Liz. Liz raised her eyes to meet his and right before her, his hair grew to his chin and the casual clothing he had been wearing seemed to shimmer, rippling and morphing into black leather. His face had become hard, callused after years of fighting a seemingly endless war. His eyes no longer held the innocence and naivety that comes with youth. She found herself face to face with the 31 year old Max. The one that should not exist.
"No! You're... you're not real!" Liz screamed as Max reached his hand out to run his fingers along her skin. She slid her body backwards along the floor and away from him. Max was normally pretty reserved with his emotions, but the hurt he felt was displayed openly across his face. She was afraid of him? He would never hurt her. He would die before he ever let anything happen to her. Realization dawned on Maria.
"No Liz, that's not him. That's OUR Max." Liz shook her head in an attempt to clear her mind. When she looked back at Max, he was his normal old self again. Liz turned to Maria.
"I keep seeing him Maria... I don't feel like I did the right thing. I feel like a liar." Tears coursed down her cheeks.
"You did do the right thing chica, you did." The group was circled around the two friends and Alex stepped into it to embrace them both tightly. God he wished he could cure the ache in Liz's fractured heart somehow. If he only knew why she was hurting. Liz shoved her friends away and skidded against the bottom of the countertop.
"Did I!" Liz screamed at them as she yanked her hands back from the ground quickly. She had felt her skin splitting sharply as the glass covering the floor pierced her wrists and palms, like adding kerosene to a fire.
"Yes, you did," Maria told her fiercely. "We all need you here. Isabel needs you to break through her Ice-Queen attitude; Michael needs the sister he never knew he had, and Alex needs his closest confidant. Even Tess needs you, though she's too far into denial to realize it. Max needs you Liz. He needs the woman he can talk to about anything; he needs the other half of his soul. They're all just too stubborn and pig-headed to admit it." Liz closed her eyes and sucked in a hard breath, burning her lungs as she nodded slowly. Maria ran a hand through Liz's hair and wiped away at her own tear stained cheeks. Alex scooted forward.
"I'm not stubborn. I need you Liz. More than you will ever know," his voice cracked as he finished.
Maria smiled. "I know." She looked at Liz, seeing the reserved and empty look now occupying her face. She had been able to suppress the anguish again, which was all that Maria could ask for.
"That's my Teflon girl," she said quietly as she hugged Liz to her. She then tried to push away the thought of just why Liz had lost her composure so badly.
Max ran a hand through his disheveled hair and let out a ragged breath. She wasn't afraid of him! He thought back to earlier. 'Prove me wrong, Liz. Proved that I'm not what I fear myself to be.' But she couldn't hear his silent pleas because of whatever it was that was going on with her. He didn't need to touch her to know what she was feeling. Liz had been broadcasting her emotions so strongly it had nearly made him double over in pain. Max could feel her guilt like a black hole sucking him in, nearly engulfing him. He had felt her distressing agony she was in, and it seemed to mirror his own before it swiftly began to grow, becoming what felt like a thousand times more powerful. Max had clutched himself into a fetal position and tried to sift through all the emotions which were gliding along his nerves. So much pain. But beneath all of her sorrow and heartbreak was her love for her friends, including Max. The last thing he felt from her before she started to calm down was the strongest, the most insistent at being heard. Her constant need to protect Michael and Isabel's lives. And somehow as if doing so, she protected everyone else's lives as well.
"It's just a song, right?" Maria asked. Liz closed her eyes then nodded, and Maria turned to face Michael. "Space boy, help me take her upstairs?" He nodded, but kept his eyes on the floor. "Max, please take Isabel and Alex home. Michael and I can clean up the damage." Maria shot a 'don't-let-him-come-back-tonight' glance over to Isabel who got her drift. She'd just hide his keys and glue him to the floor...again. It was the least she could do. Michael scooped Liz into his broad arms and followed Maria up the stairs before Max had a chance to protest.
Michael was secretly glad he was the one assigned to the job of carrying Liz upstairs. Maria was right that he would never admit how much he needed Liz. She was like Max in always trying to keep him out of trouble, but she was also the one person he could turn and spill his guts to without being judged or held in contempt. She accepted him as he was. This was why this whole think with Kyle didn't make any sense. Michael hugged her closer to his chest and sighed. He'd think about that tomorrow, now wasn't the time. Right now he just needed to protect her. He needed her as much as he needed Maria. Michael smiled at this. He'd never admit to that either. Liz's eyes were drooping by the time he reached her bathroom. Michael laid her on the floor and pulled off her shoes and socks while Maria pulled out the first aid kit. She instructed him towards Liz's dresser where he found a white tank top and a pair of fuzzy blue pajama pants with penguins printed on them. Liz's "Sigmund" pants, Maria had called them. She had explained that Liz had nicknamed them that after Freud so she'd always have something to wear while needing to talk about her problems. Michael walked back down into the cafe after Maria began taking off Liz's uniform. She pulled a large chunk of glass out of Liz's arm and wiped at the fresh blood coursing from the cut. Liz opened her eyes a little.
"You really gave us a scare today you know," Maria whispered soothingly in Liz's ear.
"I'm sorry" was Liz's faint reply as she winced. Maria smiled and hugged her best friend to her, rocking her back and forth.
"I know babe, I know" she said. Maria finished bandaging Liz's arms and tucked Liz into bed, then went back down to the café to help Michael clean up the mess. He was scrubbing Liz's blood off the floor as he looked up to see Maria walk through the back door, wiping at her puffy red eyes. Standing up, Michael walked over to her and kissed her forehead. She sighed and hugged him, then pulled away and began to put the pile of glass in one of the trash bins.
"Her blood was all over the floor. Are her cuts pretty bad?" Michael asked, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer. Maria rubbed her forehead.
"I think so, but I'm not a doctor. I bandaged her up as best I could for now until I can figure out what to do. I'll spend the night here to keep an eye on her and take her to the hospital in the morning to have her looked over." Maria sighed as
Michael scrunched up his eyes and scratched the back of his head in thought.
"Figure out what to do? The hospital? Jesus Maria, I'll just have Max come by tomorrow and heal her. Lord knows he probably wants to be here anyways-"
Maria cut him off. "No, he can't heal her! I mean, uh wouldn't that like... put you guys in even more danger?"
Michael raised an eyebrow. "No more in danger than usual. What's with you Maria? Max will just come over tomorrow and everything will be-"
"But if he does that he'll connect..." Oh no, Maria thought. 'You've done it now. Twice in one day, god PEOPLE'S LIVES ARE AT STAKE!' Maria screamed in her head. "...with her..." she finished quietly. She wasn't prepared for the smirk that played across Michael's face.
"The jealous beast rears its head. It's none of your business if Max and Liz connect, Maria. It's their personal life."
"I'm not jealous," Maria retorted. "And you're one to talk. I distinctly remember you getting up in Max's personal life and telling him he couldn't fall for Liz. Besides, I'm just doing my friend a favor."
Michael laughed. "It's not like she asked you to make sure Max didn't connect with her." Michael rolled his eyes as he finished wiping up the floor. But a lump formed in his throat as he saw the look on Maria's face. "Oh no, tell me she didn't..."
"Alright, you need to leave now."
"But-"
"No, you need to go right now. Don't bring this up to the others. Please, Michael. It would destroy Max, and it's not for the reasons you think."
"Oh yeah? Then what is her reason, Maria?" Michael argued. Maria's lowered eyes slowly raised up to meet his. They looked so tired.
"She's protecting him, Michael." He stared at her a short while and then nodded, incorrectly thinking he understood. 'Max wouldn't want to see images of Liz and Kyle together,' Michael thought as he walked out of the Crashdown and headed home. He decided to go talk to Max and Isabel in the morning anyways. He turned the key in the lock and opened the door. It creaked and groaned as he shut it. Tossing his keys in a change dish and massaging the back of his neck with one hand, Michael plopped on the sofa and yawned. 'Sleep... need sleep.' But he wouldn't get what he asked for that night. No one in the group did. No one that is, except Liz.
