A/N:  Now that I can finally access my reviews, I'm stunned.  So many nice things!  I'm afraid the pressure may be too much, though.  I don't do pressure well.  I'm like the basketball player who steps up to the free throw line with his team down by one point and no time left on the clock—brick! LOL.  Can you say "choke"?

Spoilers:  Throwing in You've Got Male, Burden of Proof, Primum Non Nocere, The Accused is Entitled and One Hit Wonder.  By the time this is over, will there be an episode I haven't mentioned?

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The windshield wipers moved with a tempo that almost, but not quite, matched the beat of the song on the radio as Sara sat wordlessly in the passenger seat of the Denali.  For the life of her, she couldn't begin to fathom why Grissom had chosen to assign her to his case tonight.  He'd been avoiding her for a week since learning of her impending departure.  At times, it had seemed to Sara as if he wanted to say something to her, but true to form, he had retreated.  Rain.  More rain.  It had been raining for two days straight, causing a series of accidents all over town.  The CSIs had been kept very busy, but Sara found it oddly appropriate.  The rain suited her mood, and working hard helped to pass the awkward hours.

Grissom reached over and switched off the radio. "We really need to talk."

"Now?"

"Why not?"

"I've been trying to talk to you for years," Sara answered candidly. "You've never been interested before. Why now?"

"You're right," Grissom conceded. "You're right.  But, uh, I'm ready now."

Sara looked away, her sarcasm unmistakable, "Great."

Grissom struggled to refrain himself from becoming angry or defensive.  He pulled the Denali over to the side of the road, next to a park the CSIs had "visited" all too often over the years.  "So does my hesitance to…explore… these issues in the past mean that I should now never do so?"

"It might," she said after a thoughtful pause. "It, um, it might."

"Sara…"

"Grissom…I've been fighting this battle all by myself for far too long," she turned to him, enabling him to see the honest pain in her red-rimmed eyes. "I can't do it any more. I don't have any strength left.  I'm giving you exactly what you've wanted—I'm giving up.  You win."

"That's not want I wanted!"  Grissom failed in his attempt to hide his frustration.

Without another word, Sara opened the car door and disappeared into the darkness.

"Sara! Wait, it's raining," Grissom jumped out to follow, catching her under the light of a security lamp.

"Why are you following me?"  Sara sputtered.

"I'm not going to let you go off by yourself in the dark, in the rain, in one of the worst neighborhoods in the city."

"Oh, now you care?"

"That's not fair, Sara. I've always cared. You know that."

Sara ran her hands through her wet hair. "I know.  I'm sorry," she began softly. "I'm sorry for everything."

"You're sorry?" Grissom searched his memory for a clue as to why she might possibly feel the need to apologize.

"I'm sorry, okay?  I'm sorry I had the gall to fall in love with you. And I'm sorry I had the nerve to try to do something about it.  Believe me, I'm sorry.  You can stop punishing me now."

"I never meant to punish you, Sara.  I didn't know how to deal with it."

"Yeah, you said that.  You couldn't risk everything you'd worked for in order to have me.  I heard that."

"You heard that?"  Grissom's mind reeled. How could she have heard that?

Her tears flowed freely now.  She was grateful that the rain was there to wash them away. "That's the difference between us, isn't it?  It, um, it tells me everything I need to know."

"I don't understand."

"I would have given you anything, risked everything I have—everything I am, but it wasn't enough for you.  I'm not enough for you."

He couldn't believe what he was hearing, "You're more than enough for me."

"I wasn't important enough to you for you to risk anything," she shook her head wistfully. "It's not your fault.  You can't force yourself to feel something that you don't."  She turned her back to him and stepped a few feet away.

Grissom closed the distance between them, coming to a stop behind her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.  She quickly rebuffed him.

"Don't touch me. Don't…touch me."  She paused briefly, then gathered her thoughts and continued with determination, "I, I can't make myself stop loving you, but I can move on.  Cut my losses.  Accept that I'm not going to be the one you give your heart to.  You've made it clear that you don't need or want that—or me—in your life."

Grissom retreated to a bench and slumped onto it.  After several minutes had passed, he became aware that the rain had stopped.  "You want to hear something funny?"

Sara turned to face him.  She had never seen him appear so fragile, so vulnerable, as he propped up his chin with his fist, elbow resting on his knee. He gazed at her a moment before continuing.

"Do you remember when Phillip Gerrard dropped that bombshell about you and the paramedic?"

"How could I forget?" 

"I came to work that night with the intention of asking you out," he smiled ruefully. "I'd finally worked up the nerve.  And then in the blink of an eye, my world crumbled."

Sara flashed him a rueful smile of her own, recognizing the bitter irony of his admission. "The best intentions are fraught with disappointment, right?"

"Right," he whispered, looking at the ground.

"I wanted to be with you.  I only went out with him because I was lonely.  I didn't want to end up like Donna Marks, all alone, picking up inmates on the internet.  He asked, I agreed," she shrugged. "If you had asked, no one else would have stood a chance.  You know that, right?"

"I do now.  You don't have to go."

"Yeah, I do.  My life sucks.  My career is tanking.  There's nothing here for me but a dead-end. It's time to move on and pull myself back up by my bootstraps."

"We can fix this," he rose, approaching her. "It's not too late.  I didn't know what to do before, but I know what to do now."

"I, uh," Sara swallowed. "I think it is too late.  Too much water under the bridge."

"I'm ready to give this a try, Sara," Grissom implored. "Please, I know I don't deserve it, but please give me one more chance."

"And what happens tomorrow?"

Grissom shook his head, not sure what she meant.

"What happens tomorrow when the panic returns?  This is the pattern.  You did it last time I tried to leave.  You said and did just enough to convince me that there was still hope, but then once you knew you'd reeled me back in, you cut me loose.  Pushed me away."

She looked into his eyes, searching for understanding.  She continued without rancor or animosity, "I want to believe, I really do.  But I can't let myself.  It's too hard.  I can't do it any more." She broke off the eye contact, looking past him, "It's too late."

Sara walked slowly back to the Denali, Grissom following.  No words were spoken as they entered, buckled their seatbelts and drove away.  They had work to do, and the lab was beckoning.

TBC