'When something happens to make you question things, to make you question who you are and what you thought to be true, to test your endurance and your belief in the things around you, people forget how important hope is. We all need to remember, not that things could be worse, but that we have the power to make them better. I am the first to admit that when things get tough, when I think that it can't get any worse, that my heart can't hurt any more than it already does, I forget that there's always hope. Where conscious thought is possible, belief in yourself and what you are capable of is within your grasp. We are the ones who control our own destinies - someone I knew once said that. And though that line only goes so far - though our control is not ever-reaching, we have the power to decide when to follow it and when to slap fate in the face. We decide when and how.

I decide.

Therein lies my hope, my means of escape.'

-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker


Liz had woken up feeling like the weight of the world had been lifted off her shoulders. She was a little confused and disoriented, unable to recall why there was a voice in the back of her mind screaming something she couldn't quite grasp at. Now, as she sat in the hospital room, she could recall with perfect clarity what was bugging her: it was what had happened the evening before. She'd rather have no Novocain right now as the nurse stitched the worst of her wounds closed than the feelings of despair and emptiness that continued to envelope her. Anything was better than this... almost. Anything except Michael and Isabel's deaths. Protecting them was the one thing that kept her going, kept her grounded. The solitary thing stopping her from running to Max and telling him everything and begging his forgiveness. She might decide to do that anyways, even if he found out. The real question was: would he forgive her for everything she put him through? Liz didn't think she wanted to find out. What if he couldn't? She could deny it all she wanted, but a part of Liz was glad he didn't know. That part of her was afraid he would reject all of her reasons and apologies. Liz really couldn't be sure if she was being paranoid or not, and that's what scared her.

The nurse finished bandaging Liz's arm and smiled. "You're all set hun. Is there someone here who can take you home?"

"No, I can call a friend though. My parents aren't in town right now or they'd be here."

The nurse smiled at her again. "Well that's just fine darling. Why don't you call your friend and while you're waiting, you can finish filling out those billing forms and then we'll be all finished here."

"Yeah, okay. Thank you." Liz said gratefully. Liz began filling out the forms after she called Alex, but she couldn't stop thinking about what she should do. She loved Max with all her heart, but she knew she couldn't bear it if he rejected her once she'd opened herself to him completely. Once she'd told him she never had sex with Kyle. Liz shook her head and sighed as she walked out of the hospital's door. She couldn't tell Max the truth anyways, so what did it matter? The consequences were too great. She walked over to Alex who was standing in the parking lot waiting for her. His eyes sparkled as he opened her door for her, and Liz knew that even though she had lost Max, she still had so much left to live for. The thought made her smile.