'I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation back then. I guess I still don't, even now. About how much Max and I could hurt each other- I mean REALLY hurt each other: just a few simple words, an unintelligible sentence, a look, a tightening grip... I just didn't understand.

The worst part was... I don't think he did either.'

-from the later journals of Elizabeth Parker


The steady beep of the heart monitor slowly pulled Liz away from sleep's outstretched arms. The room's walls were eggshell white, and everything but the chrome railing of her bed seemed to accentuate it. A white vase with white roses, white chairs, even the suspended television in the corner was white. Liz made a face as she looked at her surroundings. 'They probably thought white was the safest color to go with. No one really hates white.' The door opened and she saw her parents walking in with some Styrofoam cups and a pot of water to make coffee. Jeff was saying something to Nancy when she suddenly tossed the cups she'd been carrying at him and gave her daughter a strong hug. Jeff's smile was relieved as he put the coffee on and sat next to Liz on the edge of her bed.

"Thank god you're finally awake," he said, taking her small hand and resting it in his larger one. "The doctor ran some tests while you were unconscious."

"Do they know what's wrong with me?" Nancy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "Not yet sweetie. We're still waiting on the results. I'm sure you're going to be just fine though." Nancy smiled, trying to put on a brave face for her daughter. Liz nodded and accepted her mother's statement as a truth.

"How long have I been out?"

"Quite a while," Jeff laughed. "It's still Friday though. About four thirty. All of your friends are waiting outside. I told them they could come in once you woke up." The door opened again and a doctor walked in.

"It's good to see you're finally awake," he said to Liz, his eyes gentle and oddly soothing. "Okay, we've gotten some of the results back and they all came back clear. By all accounts you are at the peak of physical health." Jeff got up and poked his head out of the door for a moment before opening it fully and allowing Maria, Alex, Max, Michael, Isabel, and Tess to come in. The doctor smiled and shook his head, continuing. "We're still waiting for a few more tests to come back later this evening."

"Um, I'm sorry to interrupt you doctor," Liz said calmly, "but I was wondering if I could go home. You could always call us and if there's something you find we'll come back but - it's just... I really hate hospitals and I'd rather not stay here when I could just as easily stay at home." This wasn't really the case, Liz knew, but it's a lot easier to sneak out of her house to drive to Phoenix than to sneak out of a hospital. Surprisingly enough, Michael was first to speak up in agreement. Michael turned to Max and whispered something in his ear, and Max also gave his approval. Liz didn't know about the discussion her friends had during the time when she was unconscious. The group knew that their nosebleeds were connected to Liz, and they also knew the real reason why she wanted to leave: Phoenix. The doctor checked her vitals and asked her a number of redundant questions before he was satisfied enough to allow her to check out of the hospital.

"Right now she can do regular teenage stuff, just as long as she doesn't overtire herself. Liz seems to know when these blackouts are about to occur, so as long as she keeps herself in check, she should be alright. Make sure she takes the prescription I gave her if the headaches return," the doctor told Jeff and Nancy while Liz was getting her things.


Liz was sliding on her jacket and talking to Alex when she was suddenly struck with inspiration. She paused in mid-sentence and said suddenly, "Alex, I need a piece of paper and a pencil. Quick." He dug in his pockets and pulled out a pen, but they had no luck finding any paper so Liz grabbed a couple napkins and began writing vigorously as words seemed to pour right out of her soul. She was hunched over, her face practically kissing the table and the muscles of her hand screamed to be released from servitude.

"Liz, what is it?" Alex asked curiously.

"Oh, um nothing," she said, her voice muffled. "Just something I want to remember for my journal." He knew she wasn't "lying" but there seemed to be more to it than that. He accepted her answer a nod, however, and offered her his arm gentlemanly once she'd finished scribbling on the napkins. She smiled and laced her arm in his, shoving the napkin in her pocket as they walked out the door to meet her friends.


Max had persuaded Liz's parents to allow him to take her home. She put up a fight until Max said he had to talk to her about something alien related, at which point she immediately stopped arguing and climbed into the passenger side of the jeep. He took her down the old highway road they had gotten in an accident on, hoping to get her to loosen up enough to talk to him. He made a mental note of the way her hair fell across her face and the way she bit her lower lip as she thought about some song she was humming to herself. It was almost like she was trying to figure out each note as she went along, and once she did, she made a small smile of triumph and wrote something on her hand with a pen.

Max's eyebrows arched and he said, "Where's that song from? It sounds kind of catchy."

"I don't remember," Liz said as she looked him square in the face. "Max, you've got the look of a liar on your face. What is this really about?"

"And I'm sure you'd know all about how to look like a liar," Max snapped back defensively, instantly feeling guilty as he saw the pained look she gave him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for," she replied bitterly. "I've lost interest in whatever it is you wanted to tell me so I think you better take me home." She pulled her legs up to her chest and rested her head against her knees as Max turned off the side road and headed back towards Roswell. On the ride back neither Max nor Liz said anything let alone looked at each other. He pulled up in front of the Crashdown and took the keys out of the ignition. Liz unbuckled her seatbelt and began to climb out when she felt Max's hand on her arm.

"Liz, you're a lot sicker than you're letting on. Look, I know you don't want me to connect with you, but isn't your life more important than that?" Liz paled.

"How do you know I don't want you to connect with me?"

"Maria accidentally told Michael when he mentioned the idea of my coming over to heal your cuts from... before."

Liz sighed and shrugged. "It doesn't matter now anyways because I'm going to be fine. The tests came back clear and-"

"Liz, just please let me check and make sure you're okay. Whatever it is that you don't want me to know, we'll get through it, but forcing yourself to go through this pain in order to keep a secret is just ludicrous."

"This pain," Liz spoke through clenched teeth, "is nothing compared to what you would force me to relive if you connected with me." Max pulled back, shocked. He clearly misunderstood, so she quickly clarified. "My unwillingness to let you sift through my personal thoughts and feelings isn't to hurt you. It's to spare myself from having to relive every horrible thing I have done to the people I care about. So excuse me for not wanting to be reminded of every wonderful thing I've had to give up. I feel regret and pain every moment of every day for what I did to you. The remorse never stops. I just don't want to add to it by watching a movie of all my wrongdoings in full Technicolor. For once in my life Max, this is about ME, not you." She ran to the safety of the diner, but Max beat her to the door. As he reached for the door handle, he spoke, pleadingly.

"I might have known that it was about you if you would talk to me." Liz's shoulders slumped as he said this. "Please Liz. Just talk to me. I miss you."

"I... I miss you too, Max."

"Then why are you closing yourself off from me? Why is this secret so important that you'd be willing to do this to yourself? Let me help you... please." Liz finally looked up at him and shook her head slowly as she reached up and brushed her hand along his cheek in an attempt to soothe him. He closed his eyes and they stood there like that for a moment before she finally answered him.

"I'm keeping a promise Max, not a secret." She sighed and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I lied to you. When I said I didn't want to die for you: I lied. I'd happily die for you any day of the week." She kissed his forehead gently and reluctantly pulled herself from his arms.

"Don't say that. I'd never allow you to get into that type of position. I need you too much."

"But it's not your decision to make," Liz said softly, repeating the words she had spoken to him nearly a year before. "As much as you want to help me Max, the only person who can get me through this is ME. Besides, I've done everything I can to help you. You don't n-need me anymore." She let out a sob as she said this and jerked open the door, walking inside.

"I'll always need you Liz," he said aloud, but she had been too far away to hear him.