Author notes: Mary-Lynnette is always getting a bad rap. Lots of people seem to think she's a *itch, which I disagree with strongly, which is how this chapter came to be, to defend Mary-Lynnette. Yes this is short but chapter 5 is So- long.
Thank you everyone for the reviews
Chapter 4
~ You were never meant to belong to me... Who Am I? ~(Smashing pumpkins)
Mary-Lynnette Carter had not been able to concentrate all day. When she got home, she went straight to her dark blue room, hoping that homework would distract her. After that, it was the latest edition of `Sky And Telescope' but even that failed to help. She used to be able to lose herself in her studies, until it seemed like the only thing that mattered. Now Astronomy paled in the face of a more alluring attraction. Frustrated she hurled the magazine across the room. It could be summed up in one syllable, one name. She scrunched up her face and slapped her forehead.
"I'm so stupid." Twilight blue eyes glared at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. But what else could she have done? Even that knowledge brought no relief. Last Summer everything she had ever known about anything had been permanently altered.
Her mind tried to rationalize her actions, and feelings. She came from a messed up family, one where she had subconsciously learned that as soon as you die, you are replaced. Love was fake, or it had been until that August.
All Party guys had little to no IQ. He had proven that wrong.
Everyone is human-wrong again. Working at the Gamma Ray observatory was all she'd ever want or need. So wrong. All Vampires are evil, wrong. Jeremy Lovett was a nice guy-almost fatally wrong. And I killed him, one of the only friends I'd ever had, I Killed! I'm a murderer! They should lock me up for it. How can I call it self defense when he wasn't planning on killing me? And for a guy that probably deserved it with all that he had done in his life. All those dead because of him. She had seen that, and strangely that hadn't scared her. She didn't fear him hurting her physically not really. What was left of truth? Is anything I `know' real? Her chest hurt, she hated saying that about him. But if she was honest with her self in a purely logical way, it was true. But her heart argued, fought and screamed the entire way. How many people do you think he's killed?
At one point she had thought that she could join him, but that didn't work. And she had sent him away.
Looking over at the calender on her wall, she saw that Valentines day was only two days away, and today was ASH Wednesday. (( Sorry if this doesn't fit with 1998's calender but it's true for this year* Ash Wednesday before valentines day* and I thought It was ironic. The time line is a little messed up sorry.)) ASH, and Valentines day, it was all that stupid mushy holiday's fault! For reminding her " IF you hadn't sent him away, he would have been here with you now, no doubt smooching," and of course she would have been terribly distracted from school. Because Ash was terribly distracting. Right now there were probably a bunch of super-model types throwing themselves at him. How could she compete with that? And then there was another truth.
Love scared her, it did, she was scared of opening up to someone only to have them taken away like mom, or worse leave you. What if he had left her and found out that he preferred some inhumanly beautiful vampire who his parents would approve of? One that wouldn't fight with him, or ruin the way he saw the world? After all he had even said that " He loved her `against his will'"
It would destroy her, just as if something ever happened to him... nothing could be right, nothing would ever be okay. She knew this instinctively.
She wanted him, but she also feared him. Scared to death of what he could do to her, without even trying. The feelings he brought out. Made her need him.
Was he off making things better? His smile came to her mind. The way he looked at her. Did he remember her? When he came back in August what would she say to him? She had no experience at all with this sort of thing. He was her other half. She felt like Bunny Marten, saying that but it was true. When he came back, she would let herself think of it as an IF. She would have to find a way to get past her nervousness, that part of her that wanted to run away, or prove somehow that he didn't have her. That she was independent and didn't need him. And find a way to let him know that she DID want him.
How could she not?
Thank you everyone for the reviews
Chapter 4
~ You were never meant to belong to me... Who Am I? ~(Smashing pumpkins)
Mary-Lynnette Carter had not been able to concentrate all day. When she got home, she went straight to her dark blue room, hoping that homework would distract her. After that, it was the latest edition of `Sky And Telescope' but even that failed to help. She used to be able to lose herself in her studies, until it seemed like the only thing that mattered. Now Astronomy paled in the face of a more alluring attraction. Frustrated she hurled the magazine across the room. It could be summed up in one syllable, one name. She scrunched up her face and slapped her forehead.
"I'm so stupid." Twilight blue eyes glared at the glow in the dark stars on her ceiling. But what else could she have done? Even that knowledge brought no relief. Last Summer everything she had ever known about anything had been permanently altered.
Her mind tried to rationalize her actions, and feelings. She came from a messed up family, one where she had subconsciously learned that as soon as you die, you are replaced. Love was fake, or it had been until that August.
All Party guys had little to no IQ. He had proven that wrong.
Everyone is human-wrong again. Working at the Gamma Ray observatory was all she'd ever want or need. So wrong. All Vampires are evil, wrong. Jeremy Lovett was a nice guy-almost fatally wrong. And I killed him, one of the only friends I'd ever had, I Killed! I'm a murderer! They should lock me up for it. How can I call it self defense when he wasn't planning on killing me? And for a guy that probably deserved it with all that he had done in his life. All those dead because of him. She had seen that, and strangely that hadn't scared her. She didn't fear him hurting her physically not really. What was left of truth? Is anything I `know' real? Her chest hurt, she hated saying that about him. But if she was honest with her self in a purely logical way, it was true. But her heart argued, fought and screamed the entire way. How many people do you think he's killed?
At one point she had thought that she could join him, but that didn't work. And she had sent him away.
Looking over at the calender on her wall, she saw that Valentines day was only two days away, and today was ASH Wednesday. (( Sorry if this doesn't fit with 1998's calender but it's true for this year* Ash Wednesday before valentines day* and I thought It was ironic. The time line is a little messed up sorry.)) ASH, and Valentines day, it was all that stupid mushy holiday's fault! For reminding her " IF you hadn't sent him away, he would have been here with you now, no doubt smooching," and of course she would have been terribly distracted from school. Because Ash was terribly distracting. Right now there were probably a bunch of super-model types throwing themselves at him. How could she compete with that? And then there was another truth.
Love scared her, it did, she was scared of opening up to someone only to have them taken away like mom, or worse leave you. What if he had left her and found out that he preferred some inhumanly beautiful vampire who his parents would approve of? One that wouldn't fight with him, or ruin the way he saw the world? After all he had even said that " He loved her `against his will'"
It would destroy her, just as if something ever happened to him... nothing could be right, nothing would ever be okay. She knew this instinctively.
She wanted him, but she also feared him. Scared to death of what he could do to her, without even trying. The feelings he brought out. Made her need him.
Was he off making things better? His smile came to her mind. The way he looked at her. Did he remember her? When he came back in August what would she say to him? She had no experience at all with this sort of thing. He was her other half. She felt like Bunny Marten, saying that but it was true. When he came back, she would let herself think of it as an IF. She would have to find a way to get past her nervousness, that part of her that wanted to run away, or prove somehow that he didn't have her. That she was independent and didn't need him. And find a way to let him know that she DID want him.
How could she not?
